93 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
93 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||| |||||| ||||||||
|
|
|| || || ||
|
|
|| || || ||
|
|
|| || || |||||| ||||| ||||||||||
|
|
|| || || || || || || ||
|
|
|| || || || ||||| || ||
|
|
|||||||| |||||| || || || |||||| ||||||
|
|
|
|
Underground Legion of Terroristic Research Activists
|
|
|
|
Sinister X --- Agent Cyclone --- Drug Lord
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Making U.S. Mail Monopoly Work for You
|
|
--------------------------------------
|
|
Agent Cyclone
|
|
I. Editorial
|
|
|
|
The U.S. Postal Service is one of the biggest monopolies in the U.S. It, like
|
|
Ma Bell, has gone unchecked for years. As you have noticed, the prices have
|
|
increased far faster than the rate of inflation. Now you are wondering, "Gee,
|
|
how the fuck do they get away with this?" Easy, like any federal agency,
|
|
effiency in not important. They know they have the market to themselves and can
|
|
run it however they please. Who is to stop them? The only ones that can stop
|
|
them are the U.S. citizens themselves. So far, that's not happening. So, since
|
|
the dorks with white socks and fat bags have raised the price on us again, we
|
|
might as well make the system work for us. That's what this file is all about.
|
|
Making U.S. Mail Monopoly work for you.
|
|
|
|
II. Action
|
|
|
|
First, there is the obvious stuff. You can always club a mail-queer and pin
|
|
a note to him saying "THE MONOPOPLY MUST END" or "THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE CAN
|
|
SUCK MY BIG DICK AND LICK SOME STAMPS". Whatever does it for you. You can also
|
|
steal mail jeeps and all the goodies inside. But you better be sly. This is a
|
|
major-league federal offense, and if you are found guilty, you will be in a cell
|
|
with Spike who likes fresh boys.
|
|
|
|
There are other things to do to overthrow the Mail Monopoly. One of the most
|
|
fun, and easy, is to intercept other peoples mail. There are so many ways to do
|
|
this. First, since your local mail carrier can't outwit a dog, he usually can be
|
|
scammed by you. If you want someone else's mail, go to their street. Wait for
|
|
the dumb-shit to come. Say you want Joe Blow's mail. Walk up to him and say,
|
|
"Can I have the mail for the Blow residence?" Most of the time, he will say yes.
|
|
It will save him a trip from moving his fat-ass up the drive. This will work
|
|
most of the time. Nowadays it is so rare that the Postal dork knows everyone on
|
|
the street, that you can normally pull this off.
|
|
|
|
Another fun thing to do, is to get free mag subscriptions. If you know
|
|
someone gets a mag. Write to the mag, tell them you are that person. Say you are
|
|
changing your address because you are moving. Tell them the new address. Now you
|
|
got a free subscription. That's not hard to do.
|
|
|
|
One of the more daring things to do is to steal packages out of the jeeps.
|
|
You never know what you'll get. It's kind of like a Mystery Prize, and you will
|
|
be amazed at what the people trust this monoply to ship. Just be careful and
|
|
make sure when you take it, that the carrier is at the furthest point away from
|
|
his jeep. An especially good time to do this is around Christmas, when the
|
|
carrier has an extra shit-load of stuff to lug around.
|
|
|
|
Another thing to think about is the mail you get that isn't addressed to
|
|
you. Why return it? It was put in a Mailbox YOU BOUGHT, or put in a door-slot in
|
|
YOUR HOUSE. Whatever, its on your property, and now its yours.
|
|
|
|
III. Conclusion
|
|
|
|
There are hundreds of ways to beat the system. The more people abuse it,
|
|
the closer we will come to a privatized mail system. Wouldn't be amazing if we
|
|
got better service for paying extra money? Instead, we crank out more dough and
|
|
the delivery time increases. Only through private ownership will this problem
|
|
ever be rectified.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
MAY THE U.S. MAIL RIP
|
|
GO OUT AND TORCH YOUR LOCAL BRANCH TODAY!
|
|
Disclaimer: This is for educational purposes only. The author cannot be held
|
|
responsible for actions taken relating to this material.
|
|
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
ULTRA can be found on: Blitzkrieg (502) 499-8933
|
|
Hall of Injustice (502) 241-9304
|
|
|
|
(c) Copyright Agent Cyclone / ULTRA 1991
|