213 lines
8.3 KiB
Plaintext
213 lines
8.3 KiB
Plaintext
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.:::::. .::::::::.
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.::: ::::::: :::. :::::. :
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:: ::::: :: :::::::.
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: ::: : :::::::::.
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::: ::::::::
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::: :::::
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::::: oxic :::......:::: hock
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.:::::::. :::::::::::
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presents
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Tele-Anarchy
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by
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Bloody Afterbirth, Tasty Abortion, Fetal Juice
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Toxic File #8
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!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%!@#*&^$%
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(Ever notice how BA always uses the SAME characters to make that line?)
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A few nights ago, we were all jammin along in a conference of sorts (mass
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3-way calling, not Alliance), harrassing people at random via the telephone...
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Well, we fucked up several nights and several lives, as all of this went down
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between 1am and 3:30am, not exactly the time that most people are ready to be
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fucked with, heh heh heh!
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Here goes the best recollection of what we did that I can come up with.
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*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$*&^#@!%$
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For convenience, I am using US and THEM (U & T), regardless of how many people
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were involved...
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We know a guy whose phone num spells COCK... Well, Tasty got an idea so we
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called someone up...
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T:ummm...hello?
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U:Hello. Are you aware that the last four digits of your number correspond to
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the word COCK?
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T:What the hell are you talking about?
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U:Look at your phone...See how the last four digits spell out--
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T:<CLICK>
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T:Hello?
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U:Hello, is Jim there?
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T:You've got the wrong number.
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U:No, this is the number I was given.
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T:Look, this is a private residential phone, I've had the number for FIVE YEARS,
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you've got the WRONG number! <CLICK>
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--a little later, a different one of us, same them--
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T:HELLO?
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U:Hi. Is Jim there?
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T:NO he IS NOT. You have the WRONG NUMBER!
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U:Well, can you take a message, in case he calls?
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T:I'm telling you you've got the wrong number, he isn't going to call! I've had
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this number for years, I KNOW he isn't going to call!
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U:Could you just tell him that Scott called, please?
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T:OK...WHATEVER....<CLICK>
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--and later...--
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T:HELLO?!?!?
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U:Hi, this is Jim, any messages?
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and you can imagine what happened then!
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There's this one place that is known to have meetings for a local satanic
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'cult' around here... Wellllll, we called up and got an answering machine so I
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took advantage of the situation...
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T:...and if you'll leave a message at the tone, we'll get back with you.
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U:Yo. My name's Frank O'Toole, call me Algoroth. My number is 123-553-2510, I
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want to get in on the Satan meetings, call me up. <CLICK>
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Maybe we need to call them up and tell them how bad satan worship is!
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We decided that we should take a survey of all our callers...
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T:arrrrggggrrrruuuhhhhhmmmmmuhhhhhhhhello?
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U:Hello, this is Richard Lynch from the local Jaycees, and we're taking a
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survey. Are you normally awake or alseep at this hour?
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Heh heh! The results:
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Asleep Awake Undecided
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15 3 4
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And yet another survey that we didn't do too much-
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T:ditto...Hello?
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U:Hello, this is Richard Lynch from the local Jaycees, and we're taking a
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survey. At this hour, are you normally Asleep, or having Sex?
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Asleep Having Sex Didn't Answer
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1 1
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The one that said Sex goes "I'm usually having sex! With your WIFE!"
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Then we got a little devious...The original plan was to find someone with
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children, call them up, and inform them that their kids were dead! Yes! But,
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seeing as there is this bitch I truly hate, we modified the plan a little, and
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this is how it went...
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T:blahello?
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U:May I speak with Ms. Loose Pussy?
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T:Speaking. (sounding worried)
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U:Ma'am, this is Dr. Lynch from the Memorial Hospital. Do you know a Mr. Sheep
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Fucker?
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T:(REALLY worried) Is something wrong with Sheep?
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U:Ma'am, I have some bad news. Sheep was killed in a hit and run accident.
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The bitch started CRYING and FREAKING OUT and shit! It was WILD as HELL! That
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bitch was losing her fucking MIND! Even asked her to come in and identify the
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body, to make sure that it was indeed Sheep Fucker... HA!
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T:Hewwo?
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U:Hi! This is Rick Johnson from WFUK Late Night, and you have been picked
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randomly from the phone book to be given a chance at five THOUSAND dollars! All
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you have to do is answer the following question correctly. Are you ready?
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T:Sure, whatever.
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U:In what country is Bufu in? That's B-U-F-U, you have 1 minute.
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Haha! 3 people didn't give a shit and didn't care to win 5000 bucks at 2am, but
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one dude said Africa... That dude musta been wasted or drunk off his ass, cuz
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when we told him Egypt he started laughing his ass off...
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T:Helloooooo?
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U:Hi! I'm dialing numbers at random from the phone book and I just called to
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wish you a Merry Christmas and a very good night!
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T:In the MIDDLE of the NIGHT you're calling people at random? <CLICK>
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T:Hello?
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U:This is Dominoe's Pizza. Did you order a pizza?
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T:Hello?
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U1:Hello?
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T:What do you want?
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U1:You called me, what do YOU want?
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T:I didn't call you.
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U2:Hey, who's on my line?
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T:Who is this?
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U1:What do you want?
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U3:Hey, is that Fergusson?
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U2:Who's Fergusson?
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T:What's going on here? Who is this?
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U1:There's 4 people on the line?
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U3:What the hell's happening?
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U2:I think the lines are bleeding, or crossed or something.
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T:Well talk to Fergusson about it. <CLICK>
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T:Hello?
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U:This is 911. We just received a call from you, but the call was disconnected.
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Are you having problems?
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T:No, and we didn't call you, we're all asleep!
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U:According to the computer, you called here. There is no trouble?
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T:No, and we didn't call!
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U:Yes you did. You sure there are no problems?
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T:YES and we DID NOT CALL!
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U:YES you DID. Goodbye.........bitch <CLICK>
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T:Hello?
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All of Us:Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All The Way <click>
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The next one was fucking bad as hell, try it sometime-
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T:Hello?
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U:I don't appreciate you calling me and hanging up like you just did.
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T:I didn't call you!
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U:Yes you did! I have this New Jersey Bell Call Return service and it called
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you back! Computers don't lie!
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T:I DIDN'T CALL YOU!
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U:Yes you did and I don't appreciate it!
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T:Why don't you come over here and I'll kick your ass, then see who called who!
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U:Fuck you! I'm going to use my Call Tracing, Trace your ass, and report you to
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New Jersey Bell tomorrow for harrassment!
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T:Oh yeah? Well give me your number and I'll report YOU for harrassment,
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because that's what you're doing RIGHT NOW!
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U:<click>
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We were gonna give a dude's name and #, but hell, we weren't thinking...
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T:Crisis Hot Line, can I help you?
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U:Hi! My name is Tom! Meet my friends Dick
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U2:Hi!
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U:And Harry!
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U3:Hi!
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T:Uh...Hello...
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U:Are you friendly?
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T:Yes...
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U:Will you be my friend?
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T:Yes, I will.
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U:Why, you don't even know me.
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T:Because I care.
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U123:So, what is the most popular method for Group Suicide?
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T:I don't know! Is this some kind of joke?
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U:NICE fucking way to handle a PROBLEM...BITCH!!!! <CLICK>
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And an idea I had many moons ago... This was during the evening...
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We called a dude who lived out in Bufu Egypt, out of any Pizza Delivery's
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area...
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T:Hello?
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U:Hello. This is Dominoe's Pizza. Someone has bought you a pizza as a gift,
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but unfortunately you are out of our delivery area. Could you come and pick it
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up?
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Ah well, that's about it... It was a hell of a time, try it sometime.
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(c)1989 Toxic Shock
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The Followers of Fetus
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Gross Genitalia
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Twisted Testicles
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Fetal Juice
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Bloody Afterbirth
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Tasty Abortion
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