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*****NUMBERS 186 TO 190***********BY DANIEL BOWEN (tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu)*****


"Essentially Toxic Custard"


toxic custard workshop files 186 - 14th february 1994 - by daniel bowen
toxic custard worksh ###   #########   ######### 1994 - by daniel bowen
toxic custard worksh ###   ###   ###   ###       1994 - by daniel bowen
toxic custard worksh ###   #########   ######### 1994 - by daniel bowen
toxic custard worksh ###   ###   ###   ###   ### 1994 - by daniel bowen
toxic custard worksh ###   #########   ######### 1994 - by daniel bowen
toxic custard workshop files 186 - 14th february 1994 - by daniel bowen

                    TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 19

SAMURAI
  Historically, a Japanese military retainer. Now the attracter of an
  abnormal amount of attention from young teenage boys, action film
  producers, and others stuck in their puberty.

SAND
  Small grains of rock, which turn up everywhere for weeks after
  you've been to the beach.

SCHEMA
  What you call a diagram when it gets too complicated and impressive
  to be called a diagram.

SEA
  Where fish fingers come from.

SEATTLE
  City in the north-western United States, in the state of
  Washington. This should not be confused with Washington DC, which
  is a city in the north-east. People who've failed geography, claim
  that 93% of places in the United States are named after George
  Washington.
      Rock music experts predict that by 2020, all musicians will be
  from Seattle.

SEMESTER
  A university half-year, especially designed so that the first ten
  or so weeks are piss-easy, followed by about four weeks of
  assignment/revision/exam absolute misery.

SHAMPOO
  Although shampoo is designed to clean hair, its name gives away its
  true make-up: artificial shit. For centuries the aristocracy
  continually got very annoyed, and beheaded the shit-sodden peasants
  for having less dandruff than they did. Then about two hundred
  years ago they realised that mixing shit into your hair was
  actually one of the best ways to get rid of dandruff. Of course,
  the cosmetics companies couldn't market real shit as a hair
  cleaner, so chemists came up with an artificial version.

SHOTGUN
  Inspector Unnecessary-Violence's preferred method of persuasion.

SIREN
  Originally a sea-nymph whose songs lured sailors to their death, a
  siren is now a loud wailing noise that goes off all the time and
  that everyone ignores because they hope its only a test.

SCEPTIC TANK
  A new type of plumbing device. Once you flush, it looks at the
  situation and says "gee, I dunno guv, I'm not sure I can get that
  big turd down the S bend. Just that little too big, know what I
  mean? Looks very dodgy to me."

SPECIAL GUESTS
  What used to be known as a support act. When listening to support
  acts at concerts, look out for the drunken teenager nearby who has
  decided that he doesn't like them, and is demanding almost
  incomprehensibly that they "geeeeett offffff!" This demand will
  even continue between bands, when the PA is playing music off one
  of the roadies' CDs. When the main act actually comes on, he will
  follow this up with "oooiiyaaaaaeeaahh!" type screaming (now
  identified as being a regression to ancient caveman hunting calls),
  shouting himself hoarse in the vain hope that the star hears him
  and will be moved to personally come up to his seat and say hello.
  And of course clapping along with the songs, half a second out of
  sync, while gently swaying in the breeze of the indoor auditorium.
      Yes, all these things and more happened at the Lenny Kravitz
  concert the other night. Lenny Kravitz rolled into town with 14
  trucks - 4 for the equipment, 10 for his ego. After some great
  music, Lenny declared that there "is only one God!" Problem is, he
  thinks it's him.

STEERING COMMITTEE
  Picture a huge semi-trailer, hurtling uncontrolled down the road...
  and inside the vast cab, is the steering committee, trying to pass
  a motion to swerve to avoid a little old lady.
      "I would like to put forward a motion to steer 10 degrees left,
      to dodge the little old lady."
      "Any seconders? Objections...?"
      "Well, I'm uncertain at this point as to the potential
      viability of such a move. It would almost certainly involve
      indicator loadings, excess steering wheel turning, and the need
      for specialist mirror engineers to check the traffic in the
      next lane. I would propose cost-benefit analysis..."
      *SQUISH*
      "... ah well, I think the point may now be academic. But let's
      formulate a review study of the situation, in order that..."

STATIONERY
  Objects such as pens, pencils, stapler and sticky-tape. These have
  been studied over the last few years, and it has now been confirmed
  that they are able to move around a house or office on their own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somewhere in the dark recesses of your
mind you're screaming. It is a scream
of terror. Of horror. And of question.
"Where the fuck can I ftp the Toxic
Custard back-issues from!?" And from
the distant light comes the booming
reply. "Email tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu
for details..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| I, and I alone, am responsible
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| for the above drivel which I dare
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| to let come forth from my fingers
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| onto the unsuspecting net.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Total Toxic Custard"


---T-O-X-I-C--------------->                                  No. 187
------C-U-S-T-A-R-D----------------->                         21/2/94
---------W-O-R-K-S-H-O-P---------->                        written by
----F-I-L-E-S-------------------------->                 Daniel Bowen

                    TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 20

TAMPON COMMERCIAL
  A unique form of advertising, that shows just about everything
  except for the actual product. Typically seen are young women
  bouncing around beaches, on horses and running around gardens
  smiling a lot, enjoying their weekends. 98% of tampon commercial
  slogans contain the word "free", or a derivative. Which, if they're
  not careful, will result in hundreds of women flocking around
  tampon factories demanding they hand them over for free.

TAPE, MAGNETIC
  A form of storage, tape was especially developed to make it easy to
  record and re-record valuable images, sounds or data, onto it. The
  tape can then be played back at will, before suddenly getting
  caught in the heads of your tape deck one day and consequently
  losing all the valuable images, sounds and/or data. That's if a
  friendly neighbourhood magnet doesn't get at it first. The key to
  keeping your recordings safe is to invest in quality tapes, store
  them sensibly (ie in the most inconvenient way), and buy lots of
  head cleaners, demagnetisers, and whatever else the record shops
  can talk you into buying.

TARTAN
  Checked pattern that is far too loud, but permitted to be so
  because it's Scottish tradition.

TASMANIA
  That bit of Australia that always gets forgotten.

TELEMARKETING
  The practice of ringing you up when you're on the toilet just to
  ask you what you think about council mergers, would you like to
  donate to charity X, or would you like to get Call Waiting put on
  your phone.

TELEVISION
  Just a small box that sits in the corner of the room, but still
  manages to dominate your life.

TEST
  Computer term. The name of every file that you can't think of a
  proper name for.

TIE
  Useless piece of clothing, usually worn by men. For this reason the
  tie is often seen as a phallic symbol, but in fact it was devised
  as a substitute to prevent men being irritated by not being able to
  rub their own chest hair. The tie is therefore seen as the symbol
  of sophisticated man, an evolving species, with no time for the
  troglodytes of yesterday. "Ug, me no fondle chest hair. Me fondle
  tie instead. Tie good. Me fiddle with knot."

THESIS
  A work of great knowledge and thorough research on a very obscure
  subject, which upon publication is put in a library somewhere and
  never read again by anyone of great importance, except other thesis
  writers.

THIEF
      i. Profession somehow made semi-glamorous in fantasy games, by
  making out that they are a noble breed of honourable men and women,
  who have their own organised societies and guilds, rather than
  weedy scumbags who break into your house and nick your video.
      ii. The character that no-one wants when they first play
  Dungeons & Dragons, because they can't kill monsters or cast cool
  spells.

TOTAL
  The sum or entire amount of a number of things, which if added by
  hand tends not to relate in any way shape or form to the values or
  attributes of those things. Oh bugger, where's the calculator got
  to?

TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES
  Fictional alleged humour written during the early-1990s by some
  deranged git in Australia. Now known to cause permanent brain
  damage if consumed for long periods of time.

TRAFFIC
  A mass of sometimes moving, sometimes stationary metal blobs on
  rubber wheels, which doesn't seem to diminish even on declared
  smog-alert days.

TRAM
  Large green thing which rumbles down city streets, carrying people
  to where they want to go. Generally follows a predetermined path,
  but in no way subscribes to outlandish concepts such as
  "timetables". It is generally recognised that trams, like
  computers, shops, and a multitude of other services, would run much
  smoother if no-one actually used them.(*)
      (*) Trams would also run smoother if dickheads in cars could
  remember what the yellow lines meant, and how to avoid driving in
  lanes that feature this popular decoration.
      Computers would run smoother if not only were they not
  subjected to users, but could also reject programs and data, and
  just sit around all day humming.
      Shops would run smoother if they held no stock, never sold
  anything, and were filled in with solid concrete to prevent
  looters.

TREE
  Large plant form, most commonly favoured by dogs, children
  afflicted with climbing fixations, hungry cats, and logging
  companies.

TRIANGLE
  Three-sided object which, even in isosceles form, begins to get very
  boring after only a short time. For maximum excitement, an object
  with many more sides should be considered.

TRUMPET
  Musical instrument which is much harder to play than it looks.

TUSSOCK
  Word only used in novels about farms in out of the way places.

TUTOR
  One who teaches at a university. On the evolutionary scale, a tutor
  is barely above a lecturer, although usually several fashion points
  ahead. University tutors are widely believed to have very easy
  conditions, with only a few hours a week of tutoring, long holidays
  at the end of the year, corduroy loading, and long-necked skivvies
  provided free.

TYPEWRITER
  Writing implement now on the verge of obscurity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Live and direct from a keyboard somewhere
in the southern hemisphere, you have been
watching Toxic Custard. For details of
back-issues available, email
tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------|
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---|  Telecom is not responsible for
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-|  Daniel's words. Honestly.
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu|

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You all know Toxic Custard"


||||||||  |||||| ||     || |||||||   Welcome to the Toxic Custard
   ||    ||       || | ||  ||        Workshop Files. Number 188,
   ||    ||        |||||   ||||||    28th February 1994. Written by
   ||     ||||||    | |    ||        Daniel Bowen.

                    TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 21

UFO
  Unidentified Flying Object. Also known by the acronym
  ACATMTTSAFMCAMMFFDOMLAIPIMSAMMP (Aliens Came And Took Me To Their
  Spaceship And Fed Me Cornflakes And Made Me Forget Five Days Of My
  Life And Inserted Probes Into My Skull And Made Me Pregnant.)
      It is now almost certain that UFOs were specifically designed
  to enable poor country-folk to rip off current affairs shows.
  Actually, most UFOs are considerably smaller than flying saucers,
  and are usually attributed to overhead seagulls.

ULTRA
  Prefix invented by marketing people. Used when "very" just isn't
  adequate. "Ultra" is actually quite old hat, most reputable
  marketing people having moved on to "mega". But be careful, because
  "mega" comes from the Greek, and they might want it back.

UMBRELLA
  An object of amazing qualities. Umbrellas are even more adept at
  detaching themselves from their owners than stationery. They also
  send out subconscious thoughts to their owners. On days when it
  will rain, they urge "leave me at home... it won't rain... it will
  be dry..." And on days when it will be sunny and bright all day
  they claim "well, it might rain. Sky looks a little cloudy... you
  wouldn't want to get soaked, would you..." Many believe that
  umbrellas are in league with the Weather Bureau, who for years have
  contrived to cause weather harassment.

UP
  Direction. To move up is to defy gravity for a short time, after
  which a plunging downward motion will follow. (See Investment).

URCHIN
  Descriptive of a mischievous child, especially a boy, who has not
  destroyed any of your property. An urchin who *has* destroyed some
  of your property is more properly known as a "little bastard that
  I'm gonna lynch if I get my hands on him..."

URINE
  What, you want this prestigious journal to sink to the level of the
  gutter (or even the sewer), by resorting to getting a few cheap
  laughs by talking about matters pertaining to piss? By discussing
  discharge? By explaining excreta? Not a hope. But I will launch
  into a brief tirade of naughty words: BUM BUM BUM FARTY ANUS
  FORESKIN BUTTOCK!!

USHER
  Formerly a person who would escort the audiences to their seats,
  cinema ushers are now relegated to clearing out the snogging
  teenagers in the back-row who haven't realised the film has ended.
  If you ever feel intimidated by over-zealous ushers, just look them
  in the eye and try to estimate how much more money you earn.(*)
      (*) If you don't, then accusing them of fascist leanings may be
  the correct course of action. Or not.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, the Australian Winter Olympic team... from the land down under...
from the wide brown flat land of searing sun and steaming kangaroo
shit... have finally managed to get a medal. That's right, Australia
has got a Winter Olympics medal for the first time ever. Bronze. And
while the rest of the country bathes in the euphoria, what I want to
know is, why did it take so bloody long?!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    There is an old proverb which says "He who inserts his naughty
bits into cabbages is indeed a pervert of the first degree". These,
and many other such wise words were first writ by an ancestor of
mine, Sir Gerard Flopsquoggling deBowen.
    Sir Gerard was a philosopher, sage, and mad axeman for the
Marquis deBastard, during the late 1600s. Many of Sir Gerard's words
are now famous, and have been maintained by the family for centuries
on post-it notes stuck on the fridge. Such pearls of wisdom as:
    "He who hesitates, loses his map, and wanders into the deepest
         part of Thieves' Forest at the dead of night with a bag full
         of gold and no dagger of his own, is not only lost, but
         probably dead."
    "A stitch in time will heal if it is bandaged correctly and if
         one can keep away the mad woman with the leeches."
    "One can hide behind a tree, one can hide in a hole, but one who
         hides in a plague pit cannot and will not be found again."
and "A man with his head cut off is no longer a man that is a good
credit risk."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Oh devotees of the Mighty Oracle. Let us kneel and praise Him.
Oh Mighty Oracle... whose indexes are always self-sustaining, and
whose queries need no optimising from thy humble servants... whose
database is forever fully normalised... whose performance hast always
outweighed that of the false gods... and whose DBA options art truly
mind-boggling... please answer this, a miserable query from your
unworthy servants: Select IResCode from Results, Calls where
Results.ICallNo = Calls.ICallNo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know what you're thinking. You're
thinking "I wish Toxic Custard wasn't
over for another week." Well tough. It
is. But don't despair; there's another
187 editions of this shit just waiting
to be read by every idiot who decides
their life has been leading up to this.
Where are these back-issues available?
Just email for details!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, Atlas Development--|  My words are purely my own.
NTC, Telecom Australia, Melbourne|  Not anyone else's. I, and only
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au---|  I, am responsible for them.
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu--|  Honest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Victory For Toxic Custard"


---======--=====-==------==-======-===--======---======----march-7th-
-----==---==-----==------==-==------==-==----==-==----==-------------
-----==---==-----==--==--==-======--==--======---=======--written by-
-----==---==------========--==------==-==----==-------==------daniel-
-----==----=====---==--==---==------==--======--=======--------bowen-

                    TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 22

VACANT
  Empty. Often descriptive of a house, flat, piece of land, mind,
  etc. The vacancy of houses, flats and land is usually advertised on
  big signs outside, and in newspapers. The vacancy of minds is
  advertised by a lack of understanding of even basic things such as
  gravity, a suitably vague sounding voice, and an annoying habit of
  "oh yeah, I agree with you totally right.. but..."

VACUUM-CLEANER
  Men have traditionally said of vacuum-cleaners "what's that?" New
  men know what vacuum-cleaners are, even if they've never touched
  them in the flesh.
      The vacuum-cleaner is essentially a device designed to scare
  the shit out of the cat, give an impression that the carpet is
  clean, and fill its own bag just as you're about to vacuum a really
  dirty room because you are expecting guests to arrive five minutes
  ago.

VAGRANT
  One of those people who make you feel guilty (for not giving them
  money) and angry (for them bothering you in the first place) at the
  same time. Actually most vagrants in this city either keep
  themselves to themselves by being sleepy and smelly on street
  benches, or by cheerfully walking their way through inner-city
  streets with no shoes on, mumbling theories on modern civilisation.

VALENTINE'S DAY
  The 14th of February. Every year on this day, any men who have
  forgotten the significance of the day report to casualty wards with
  their testicles in a small bag in their pocket.

VANDAL
  Vandals are people who have their brain surgically removed and then
  go around destroying, damaging and generally depreciating anything
  they feel like, just because they want to. Psychiatrists have
  described this behaviour as regression, and a primal act of
  defiance against society. Society reply that this is a load of
  bullshit, and that they, with their psychiatrists, should be lined
  up against a graffiti covered wall and shot.
      I worry about some of the people writing graffiti, actually.
  Quite apart from the odd desire to have their meaningless
  illiterate scribbles displayed for all the world to see, I can tell
  that the number of cool nicknames left available for use is
  obviously a problem. Opposite my local station, two people have
  sprayed their names: "Q-Kumba" and "Salads". Now, I hesitate to
  jump to conclusions, but I think that any society where today's
  rebels have to resort to fruit and vegetables to get their
  nicknames is a society that needs to eat more meat.

VANQUISH
  A word most commonly used in solemn ceremonies, usually of the form
  "Behold the devil, I now vanquish thee" in weird religious
  ceremonies or bad fantasy books. The amusing thing being that the
  speaker is generally of the mistaken belief that the use of a
  little Olde English will result in the demise of Satan for all
  eternity. "Oh no Earthlings, you have commanded me to be
  vanquished, so I must! Argghhh! You held up white candles! I'm done
  for!" It's far more likely to catch his notice, where-upon he
  proclaims "You must be joking, let's be having yer then", and drags
  the anguished soul down into hell.

VAPULATION
  A flogging. Still used by judges to avoid public outcry when they
  sentence prisoners to "three months jail and ten vapulations."

VARNISH
  What you promise yourself you'll do to that unfinished furniture
  you have bought. And still haven't done twenty years later when it
  begins to fall apart.

VAULT
  Like a basement, but more sinister.

VELOCITY
  Like speed, but more scientific-sounding.

VENN DIAGRAM
  Diagram of circles and lines which gives you your only chance to
  use that plastic template for drawing anything other than random
  arcs and odd-looking futuristic cities.

VENTRILOQUIST
  Someone whose antics you get sick of after just a few minutes, and
  want to throw a bucket of water over just to see their dummy make
  blubbering noises.

VETO
  Device by which one absolute bastard can spoil the work of everyone
  else.

VILLAGE
  Word now almost exclusively used in tourist brochures just after
  the adjectives "enchanting" and "traditional". And possibly
  "quaint". Generally descriptive of a small settlement with more
  churches than shops, which gets boring rapidly, despite being
  picturesque.

VIRTUAL REALITY
  Another one of those concepts that no-one over 45 really
  understands. See also: Information superhighway, Interactive TV.
  [Actually, come to think of it, *I* don't really understand all of
  these.]

VOLUNTARY
  Descriptive of an action which you are doing purely because you
  have been embarrassed into it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If it keeps on raining, Custard's gonna
break. What am I on about? TCWF back-
issues, of course! Couldn't you guess?
No? Oh well. Back-issues are still
available. Email tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu
for details.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, Atlas Development--| From time to time random dribblings
NTC, Telecom Australia, Melbourne| come out of my mind. Telecom
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au---| Australia is not responsible for
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu--| them. Neither is anyone else.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Why Why Why Toxic Custard"

..... ... .       . ..... .  ....   ....
  .  .    .  C u s.t.a r d. . F i.l.e s .
 T.o.x i c .     .  ...   .  ..... .    .
  .  .      . . .W o.r k s.h o p . .    .   1 4  M a r c h  1 9 9 4
  .   ...    . .    .     .  ....   ....  b y  D a n i e l  B o w e n

                    TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 23

WADE
  A modified version of swimming for when you either just don't feel
  like actual swimming, have a paranoid fear of sharks or man-eating
  tuna, or have happened to arrive at the beach with a severe lack of
  bathing apparatus.

WALL
  Structure of astounding simplicity. In terms of building and
  design, you can't get much simpler than a wall. Actually, no, I'm
  wrong, a floor is simpler to build. Because you don't have to worry
  about it falling over. Because it already has. Floors generally
  have very little job satisfaction, because it entails letting
  people walk all over them.

WALLET
  Small container for carrying vital items such as credit cards,
  money, etc. Wallets traditionally vanish from your person at the
  most inconvenient time, resulting in you making a futile tour of
  your pockets looking for it, despite knowing full well you've left
  it at home.
      Wallets are also the traditional home for at least several
  dozen automatic teller slips, business cards from people you can't
  remember meeting, receipts of all shapes and sizes, and various
  other papers hidden in the more out-of-the-way pockets. Regular
  cleaning (say, every six months) will result in great pleasure as
  your wallet suddenly loses three-quarters of its weight and
  thickness, and it becomes possible again to carry it in your back
  pocket and walk at the same time.

WALTZ
  The second rhythm button from the left. Doo ch ch Doo ch ch...

WAR
  I think Frankie Goes To Hollywood had it right. Put the leaders -
  the actual people who've insulted each others' grandmothers or
  whatever - in the ring, and let them beat the shit out of each
  other. And after the claims and counter-claims of steroids have
  been dismissed, we'd have a winner.
      Of course, us voters would soon realise what was going to
  happen if they didn't have strong leaders. John Major would be out.
  Japan's PM would be replaced with a Sumo wrestler. Bill Clinton
  might stand a chance if he keeps working out - but no more
  McDonalds. China would find someone who *isn't* due for a pension.
  And as for Australia, Keating might be good at calling people
  scumbags and recalcitrants, but I reckon we might get Bronwyn
  Bishop before too long. Yeah... stick the knee in, Bronwyn!

WASH
  An activity that, if men had their way, would only be done once or
  twice a month. Down beneath it all, most men would much rather
  cover themselves in mud and walk around in skins. Which explains
  the popularity of football.

WEATHER
  Environmental conditions which necessitate the wearing of whatever
  article/s of clothing you just happen not to have brought with you.
  This is because weather has an average unpredictability factor of
  97%.

WHARF
  One of those places where noisy men hang around chewing tobacco and
  swearing and going on strike a lot.

WINTER
  That time of year that everyone hates despite initially welcoming
  it after a long summer. Except for people who live so close to the
  equator that they don't notice the difference. Lucky bastards.

WISH
  Futile optimistic desire for something.

WORSHIP
  A be very humble to someone else, in the vain hope that they will
  grant you a wish. Worship may involve icons, idols, sacrifices,
  large cheques sent to the Bahamas, prayer, and drinking Kool-aid.
      One of the more unusual practices of worship took place amongst
  the Pangoylegoatsoup Sect of the early 1920s. These were a bunch of
  people so frightened of the imminent rise of the Anti-Christ,
  Byllierae Sirus, that they ritually set fire to their own hair, and
  chased shaven goats through the streets. Some dismissed them as
  loonies, but who's laughing now, eh?!?

WORRY
  Some things do worry me - like the balding bearded guy on the train
  this morning reading "The Problem of Population". He looked like in
  between stamp collecting he was seriously considering genocide.

WRONG
  Incorrect, erroneous. Generally, the things that are most likely to
  be wrong are those which you feel the most confident about. This
  confidence has usually led you to proclaim it is an undeniable fact
  to all and sundry, and to generally stake your reputation/life/
  fortune on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~           ./    /
Back in the early nineties, when          ./   __/_
almost no-one had a mobile phone,        /    / / / Find us in
and the Internet was just half          /    /_/_/  the Internet
its current size, TCWF back-           / /| |       Yellow Pages.
issues were seldom seen. But no       / / | |
longer. For details on how to get    /_/  |_|  (No, I don't think
them, send mail right now, right               it's worth that much
here - tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu                     either. And why does
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~              TCWF get two
Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen                consecutive entries?!)
--
Daniel Bowen, Atlas Development--| The difference between me and
NTC, Telecom Australia, Melbourne| Telecom Australia is that I'm an
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au---| individual with my own twisted
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu--| opinions, and that Telecom is a
                                   phone company, whose responsibilities
                                   do not include my opinions.

PS. The spelling checker wanted to change "Keating" to "Cheating".

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the Toxic Custard Workshop Files by Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia

Copyright (c) 1994 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed
without profit provided this notice remains intact.

For subscription information, contact tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu