161 lines
8.0 KiB
Plaintext
161 lines
8.0 KiB
Plaintext
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oOOOO OOOO. OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" .OOOOOO OOOOOo OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO OOOOOOO. OOOO oOOOO
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OOOO .OOOO OOOO OOOOOOOOo OOOO OOOO"
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OOOO oOOOO OOOO OOOO "OOOO. OOOO OOOOo .OOOO'
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OOOO .OOOO" OOOO OOOO OOOOoOOOO "OOOO. oOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO..OOOO OOOO "OOOOOOO OOOOoOOOO"
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OOOO .OOOO"""OOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO "OOOOOOO'
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OOOO oOOOO ""OOOO OOOO "OOOO OOOOOO
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|---------------------------------------------------------------------------|
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| There Ain't No Justice |
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| #32 |
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HELL IS A BANJO
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By Black Rose
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That was terrible. I never want to die again. I suppose I won't
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have to though. It's really only something you go through once, isn't it?
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So. I'm supposed to head towards the light, aren't I?
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Where's the damned light then? It's dark. Hang on, I see a glimmer.
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It's resolving slowly... can't make it out yet. Hang on, it's... beautiful!
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I see the face of...
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A receptionist?
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"New arrival are you sir?" she says, in the most pleasant voice I've
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ever heard in my, er, life.
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I nod dumbly. "Thank you. Here, this will explain everything." She
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hands me a small laminated card. "Just place it in that box by the door when
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you have completed your re-orienation experience."
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She turns to a small boy and goes through the same process with him.
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There seems to be a new person materialising every ten seconds or so, and I
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figure my chances of asking her a few questions are slim. The small card
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marked 'Welcome to Eternity' gets my full attention.
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"Welcome to Eternity" it informs me. "You are now 'dead'. In the
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next few days, we will be determining your occupation for the rest of time."
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I start to wonder who 'we' might be. "Please pay close attention to any
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requests made by our staff, as your future direction is a VERY IMPORTANT
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DECISION! Right now, you have very little idea of how long you will be here.
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In a thousand years you may start to gain a small handle on the concept."
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Oh great. Variety may have been the spice of life, but it seems that
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monotony is the go here. But then again, it might not be so bad. Just got
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to find the right corner to get into. Read on, I think.
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"Basic orientation will progress shortly, via a series of
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instructional video presentations. You should now take a number from the
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dispenser marked 'O.V.P.'. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES attempt to take a number
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from the dispenser marked 'FNORD'!"
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Great. Vague hints of menace. Oh joy. I figure that since I have
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'eternity' to go before this is over, I'll wander around and take a look
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at the place before taking my 'O.V.P.' number.
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Crowded place, indeed. There are a LOT of number dispensers around,
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so I guess I'll see this place again. Seems like a big central place. Ah!
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some guys over there seem to have magazine stands. Good, I could use some
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reading material.
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Two stands. One marked 'Moose' and one marked 'TANJ'. The guys
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seem to be arguing with each other a lot. The one with the antlers is calling
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the bearded guy a 'perverted filth monger' while the beared guy seems mainly
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concerned with informing the world at large that the Moose guy is a
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plagarist. I THINK they're enjoying themselves.
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They don't seem to pay any attention to me, and don't seem to be
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after whatever might pass for money around here, so I grab issue #1 of each
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and head over to the O.V.P. dispenser, to grab my number.
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Number 667. Wonder who was last here? I take a seat on a small
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plastic chair and wait.
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Well, Moose was funnier, but TANJ is better written. I debate going
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over for issue #2 when a buzzer sounds.
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"O.V.P. numbers 600-700 please proceed to door 45-JA. Repeat, O.V.P.
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numbers 600-700 please proceed to door 45-JA. Thank you."
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Door 45-JA is easy to find. It's got a big sign, and it's right next
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to door 44-JQ, which seems to have someone screaming "...and they just
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PRINTED it! No concern at all!" behind it. I open 45-JA.
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I find myself in a large auditorium. Other people are filing in from
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OTHER doors. Huh? How many 45-JA's are there? Oh well, I suppose I'm not
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in the world I'm used to anymore. I take a seat near the centre and relax.
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The people stop coming in, and the place is only one third full. I start
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thinking about the place maybe being ALWAYS one third full, no matter how
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many people wander in, but that just makes my head hurt.
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The lights go down, and a huge screen at the front lights up. The
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words 'Orientational Video Presentation' appear in red letters, and are
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replaced by 'Written and Directed by David Lynch'.
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We see a large room, bordered by red curtains. A spotlight hits the
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centre of the black and white patched floor. A tall man wearing a green tie
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tells us why salmon migrate. A bottle falls from a table and shatters next
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to a small boy's bleeding head. He moans 'Tell me why.' and his eyes close.
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Suddenly, it is twenty-five years later, and an ashtray tips over, spreading
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its contents over a small placemat marked 'Joe's Emporium'. Three girls
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stand side by side and sing 'We'll meet again' before walking off in
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different directions. A girl with short blonde hair and a man with dark
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hair speak in unison, saying 'My left arm is completely numb.' A mirror
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breaks, and the credits roll.
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"Well, that explains everything." I say to myself, and realise I am
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suddenly alone in the auditorium. I realise that nobody has spoken to me,
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besides the receptionist. Curiously, I have no desire to speak to anyone
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myself. This would explain the numbness of the left arm in the film.
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It's amazing. The connection is so clear! I assume the rest of
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the film will fall into place sooner or later, and I stop worrying about it
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and head for the door marked 'EXIT'. I open it, and
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fall face down for a thousand years passing skeletons embedded in
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stone walls the entire cast of star trek the next generation call me an
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idiot and i feel hot.
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The demon looks down at me. "Can't follow instructions, huh?"
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I remember the small laminated card in my hand. I forgot to put
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it in the box like I was told to. Shit.
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"Welcome to your eternity." says the demon.
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He hands me a banjo. I understand the salmon lecture.
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<20> <20><> <20>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>۲<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Phoenix Modernz Systems: 908/830-TANJ
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> The Syndicate: 908/506-6892
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> VapourWare BBS: 61/3-429-8510
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Yellow Submarine: 404/552-5336
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<EFBFBD>۱<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Urban Discipline / VaS World HQ : 313/464-1470
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<EFBFBD>۱<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> RipCo ][: 312/528-5020
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> TANJ Mailing Address <20>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> PO Box 174 <20>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> Seaside Hts, NJ <20>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> 08751 <20>
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>۲<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>;
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> tanj@pms.metronj.com
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