299 lines
18 KiB
Plaintext
299 lines
18 KiB
Plaintext
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oOOOO OOOO. OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" .OOOOOO OOOOOo OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO OOOOOOO. OOOO oOOOO
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OOOO .OOOO OOOO OOOOOOOOo OOOO OOOO"
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OOOO oOOOO OOOO OOOO "OOOO. OOOO OOOOo .OOOO'
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OOOO .OOOO" OOOO OOOO OOOOoOOOO "OOOO. oOOOO
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OOOO oOOOOOOO..OOOO OOOO "OOOOOOO OOOOoOOOO"
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OOOO .OOOO"""OOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO "OOOOOOO'
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OOOO oOOOO ""OOOO OOOO "OOOO OOOOOO
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|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
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| There Ain't No Justice |
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| #50 |
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|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
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- Dummy Dust -
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by Hegz
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A few weeks ago I read a message posted by someone in a Godnet sub. It
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basically said, 'I'm not doing drugs anymore, seen too much shit happen to
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too many people.' That message struck a nerve in me. I have found whenever
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the topic of drugs comes up, I tend to glamorize thier existance and use by
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relating my positive expieriences with them. Actually, that's quite
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irresponsible of me. Especially since I stopped taking drugs quite a long
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time ago. I have seen minds drained, lives ruined, lives taken away. All by
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drugs. I 'near' overdosed myself on at least two occasions. It is quite a
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harrowing experience. Heart pounding as if you are five seconds from taking
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your last breath. the fear is very real and justified too. the first time I
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swore there wouldn't be a second.
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The second time I awoke 6 hours after thinking I was closing my eyes for
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the last time... and I really WOKE up. I spent 3 hours trying to remember
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various things. Things that you shouldn't easily forget, my phone number
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for instance. I spent an hour just trying to remember the exchange, finally
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looked at the phone to read it. It didn't even look familiar. I then
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pondered what I had for breakfast the day before...no good. Lunch? Nope.
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Dinner? Did I even eat? Something was seriously wrong here, and I had more
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than an idea what it could be. I had a almost insatible appetite for pot.
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It wasn't uncommon for me to smoke 2-4 ounces a week. I was eating black
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beauties (uppers) like they were jelly beans, snorting coke, speed, and
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even heroin on one occasion. When I couldn't get pot (which was rare), I
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would smoke Angel Dust.... I might as well have sniffed glue or turpentine.
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Acid was a toy I abused regularly, and mesculine was bought 50 hits at a
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time and was gone within 2 weeks. If someone gave me a pill, I would always
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ask what it was, but before the answer reached my ears, it was already
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swallowed. I had to face it. I was a drug addict. I was quite burnt. It was
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quite obvious.
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The first near death expierience was at a party where drugs were spread out
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on trays like most people spread out cold cuts. You name it, it was there.
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If it was there, I was abusing it. I ate three hits of mescaline, snorted
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half a gram of coke, a couple of lines of speed, and half a bottle of
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vodka.... all within 30 minutes time. Veteran drug abusers were looking at
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me like I was insane, and joking about my impending death. I ignored them.
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I had other things on my mind. Things like the pounding in my chest... I
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could swear everyone could see my heart as it pounded out each beat as if
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it would jump from my chest. I must have had that look. The look of fear
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that I had seen many times on others faces. People started to ask me if I
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was 'alright', I assured them I was and quickly said goodbye to everyone. I
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don't remember the drive home. I do remember laying in bed asking a god I
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didn't believe in to spare me my young life. The pounding in my chest took
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6 hours to begin to subside. I lay awake everyone of them, thinking if I
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closed my eyes, I would never open them again. I then swore I would never
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do drugs again. I didn't, for a whole two weeks.
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The second time was much worse. A 'friend' gave me a couple of pills that
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he said were 'fucking great'... that was quite enough for me to be
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reassured that this shit was safe. I asked for a couple more, he gave them
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to me, but made me promise to take them one at a time. I promised and he
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believed me. Two hours later I was at another friend's house and we each
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ate one. He didn't even care what they were. I impatiently waited 15
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minutes for something to happen, but nothing did. I then said I was going
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to eat another, and popped it into my mouth, but thought twice about
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swallowing it. My friend didn't hesitate, he quickly swallowed his, so I
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figured I had no choice....gulp. An hour later I felt like I was
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encapsulated in glass. I could see quite alright, but somehow felt
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seperated from reality. My heart started its rebellion dance once again. At
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the same time, I felt very docile, but yet very aggresive. My friend was
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holding his head and rocking like a child. I found myself repeatedly
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saying, 'we should have only taken one', but it was much to late for
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regrets. I remember turning the TV on and seeing something that I didn't
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like. It was a Eddie Money video. For some reason it angered me. I picked
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the TV up and threw it down on the concrete floor. My friend,who owned the
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TV, asked if I was alright, as if I had fell down and skinned my knee. I
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lied and said I was, and asked how he was... he lied and said he was just
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fine too. The next thing I remember was I was laying down, trying my best
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to fight my bodies desire to sleep. I was certain that sleep would mean
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death. I wanted to get up and call an ambulance, but couldn't muster the
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strength. I looked at my friend sleeping on the floor, and was glad to hear
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his snoring. When I awoke, it was to that same snoring. I was quite glad to
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it. It took me most of the day to start feeling like myself again. Later
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that day I saw the kid that gave me the pills. I asked him where he got
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those pills from.. he told me they belonged to his mother, she was to take
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them if she felt a heart attack coming on. This was the beginning of the
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end of my drug abusing.
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Six months later, and six months after I abused any pills or dust. I
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thought it was rather harmless that I still smoked the occasional joint.
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The local police thought differently though. To make a already long story
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short, I was arrested for possesion of less than 25 grams of a CDS, and
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aggravated assault on a police officer. My bail was set at $10,000 cash, no
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bond. I was lucky enough to get bailed out, and spent $2500 on a lawyer to
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get myself out of the mess. I recieved a slap on the wrist, and got a years
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probation. It was time to rethink my philosophy. I did. I thought hard
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about all the lives I had personally seen destroyed by drug abuse. I
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decided it was not what I wanted for my own.
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So, basically what I am saying is, if don't use drugs, don't start. They
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don't make you cool, they won't enlighten you, they won't 'turn you on.'
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They will however, burn your precious brain cells and quite possibly kill
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you. If you do abuse drugs, be sure you are in control of it, and not it in
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control of you. If you're sticking needles in your arm, you're a fool, so
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just make believe you didn't read this. Drugs are not cool. They are
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deadly.
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I offer the following as proof. All these people were very real to me. Most
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of them are nothing more than a memory. They all have one thing in
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common.... they're dead.
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Joey - When I was 10 years old I watched him stick a needle in his arm.
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He was my friends 18 year old brother. He heated heroin in a bottle
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cap until it liquified, filled the syringe, and then wrapped his
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belt tightly around his arm. His veins were bruised and collapsed,
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but he found a receptive one anyway. He stuck himself, and released
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the belt. His eyes rolled in his head and he smiled. I hadn't yet
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heard the phrase 'tombstones in his eyes', but a few years later
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when I did, I thought of Joey. Before releasing the belt fully he
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did mumble something to me, 'Don't do this shit kid, it will kill
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you.' Joey was right. Two days before my 15th birthday I went to his
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funeral.
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Chris - He was only 14. His parents went away one weekend and his older
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brothers decided to throw a big party. They were smoking pot and
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popping Qualudes. Chris wanted to be just like his brothers, so
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he popped 4 'ludes and drank alot of vodka. At some point he
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announced he wasn't feeling well and went upstairs to his bedroom.
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That was on Friday night. No one missed him until Sunday morning.
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They found him dead in his own vomit. Did I mention? Chris never
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missed the honor roll in school.
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Adam - He was the kid that was always in trouble. It's funny when I think
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back to 3rd grade and how silly he must have looked smoking those
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Benson & Hedges 100's. He used to sneak liquor out of his house
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and he was always getting caught. I didn't realize then that he
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was an alcoholic... then again, nobody did. He was too busy making
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people laugh. When he got older he took to mixing pills with his
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alcohol. One day while quite smashed he walked out in front of a
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car. He lay in a coma for three months before letting go. He was
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17. I visited him once in the hospital and never went again..it
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just hurt too much. It still hurts now.
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Brian - AKA Bonehead. A fitting nickname for someone like him. Brian went
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to college on a scholarship and dropped out two months before
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graduation. He was a pyschology major. He liked playing mind games,
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and he played them oh so well. He also liked smoking Angel Dust.
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He tried to quit his habit, but readily admitted he enjoyed it too
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much. One day he played the ultimate mind game. He hung himself in
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the hallway of his parent's home. He was found by his mother and
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younger brother Jim. He left a note that simply stated. "I'm going
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home to my father." He always said his true father was Satan.
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Jim - Brother of Brian (see above), and his other brother Paul. I
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seriously thought that after finding his brother dead, Jim would
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stop smoking dust. Maybe I was just hoping. Jim was one of the
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best friends I ever had. He was also one of the most ignorant
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bastards I've ever met. Not that he was uneducated, Jim was one
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of the smartest kids in school. We took honors classes together.
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Jim's biggest problem was that he had absolutely no fear. When
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the engine blew in his new van, it wasn't a problem. He just rented
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a garage, robbed another new van just like his, did an engine swap,
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and gave away all the parts he didn't need. He likened himself to
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Robin Hood, and in a way he was. One Christmas when his neighbor
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who had 5 children lost his job, Jim stole a large amount of copper
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from a big corporation. He sold it for scrap at the junkyard for
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$2000. He bought a $1000 worth of gifts for the kids, and put the
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other $1000 in an envelope and left it all in the neighbors hallway
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with a note saying it was from 'Santa Claus'. I'm the only one who
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ever knew about it because I helped him wrap the gifts. A few
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months later the Feds came and arrested him for the theft...seems
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the scrap dealer turned him in when he got caught trying to sell it
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to someone else. Before it went to court, Jim and his brother Paul
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got caught for trying to burn down a state-owned bridge (they tried
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to do this every Memorial Day), were arrested for conspiracy by the
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U.S. Customs Agency (they never told me what it was about, but they
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did say 'Mom' needed mortgage money), and were also busted for
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possesion of 2 pounds of pot. How they remained out on bail was the
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biggest mystery of them all. I asked them if they were afraid, and
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they confidently said they would beat all the cases, but it was
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obvious that something wasn't right when they started smoking lots
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of Angel Dust. One day I went to thier house and Paul handed me a
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picture he had sketched. It was a drawing of a hooded figure with
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a sickle in one hand, the other arm was raised above its head, and
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its hand was holding a rope with a man dangling from it. Paul simply
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said, "It's my brother Brian with his father." It spooked the shit
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out of me. These boys were fried crisp and it seemed no one cared.
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Three days later I went back to the house to find a big party in
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progress. There were lots of cars with New York plates outside. When
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I finally found Jim, he was in his room with about 15 other people.
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They were playing russian roulette with a .38, needless to say I got
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the fuck out of there fast. I'm so glad I did. Later that evening
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some guy blew a chunk out of his head. No charges were pressed.. it
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was an accidental death, and the gun although unregistered, was
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owned by the victim. I never went back to the house again. Three
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weeks later I saw Jim on my way to work. He asked to me come to a
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party that he was going to throw at his house that coming Saturday.
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I told him I would think about it, although I knew I probally
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wouldn't go. Jim looked like shit, and I told him so. He said he
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knew, had a lot on his mind. He then asked if I wanted to go with
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him and his brother to steal copper that night. I told him he was
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crazy and promised to stop by his house the next day. Later that
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evening I was watching TV with my girlfriend and during a commercial
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there was one of those 'News at 11' breaks. My heart nearly stopped
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when I heard the newscaster say, "Two local men electrocuted while
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stealing copper, more at 11pm." They were stealing the copper right
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off the poles. The lines they were cutting were dead, but the line
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at the top of the pole was not. It provided electricity to an oil
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terminal. It was a windy night, and they were using a aluminum
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ladder to reach the cable. Someone who had seen them two hours prior
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had told me that they were smoking a joint of Angel Dust the size of
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a cigar before they left. For whatever reason, I don't know, the next
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day I went to the spot where they had died. Two pairs of burned shoes
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still laid there.
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There were alot of people at the funeral. More than I have ever
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seen at any other. But the thing I remember most is the group of
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assholes that went outside to smoke some dust. They claimed that
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"Jimmy and Paul would have wanted it that way". Somehow I couldn't
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protest that.
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These are just a few of the people I know whose lives were lost because of
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drug abuse. I sincerely believe the people mentioned might have still been
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alive if not for thier 'experimentation'. This list also doesn't include
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the dozens of people I know who are burnt beyond repair, those who were or
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still are in jail, and the ones that are dead or dying of Aids from sharing
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needles.
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I wrote this not to preach, but rather to educate.
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To those of you that have never taken drugs, please don't. No matter what
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anyone tells you, LSD will not 'open you to a new world'. It will just fry
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a couple million brain cells at a clip. I've taken Acid many times and I
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still wonder what it has taken from me. Marijuana is not harmless. It makes
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you lazy and forgetfull, and it also does more damage to your lungs then
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smoking cigarettes. Popping pills of any kind is just plain stupid. If you
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aren't sick, you don't need 'the cure'. Angel Dust fries your mind quickly,
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and believe me, you are well aware of it the moment you smoke it.
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And to those of you that are using and abusing... if you aren't smart
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enough, or at least honest enough to admit to yourself that drug usage has
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an adverse effect on your life or at least your mind, at least be
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responsible enough to not glorify drug usage to those that have never used.
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Don't think that just because you're fucked up, it gives you the right to
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fuck up our future doctors, engineers, teachers, scientists, pilots, and
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most of all PARENTS.
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If you think you have a problem and would like to seek help, please call
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the following number:
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Drug Abuse 24 Hour Hotline & Treatment Program - 1-800-444-9999
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I dedicate this file to my dead friend Jim. I remember asking him once why
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they called 'it' Angel Dust. His reply came quickly...
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"Because dude, if they called it Dummy Dust no one would buy it."
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