286 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
286 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
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------------------------------------------------------------
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> SLAP<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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-----------------------------------#1-----------------------
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LETTER TO YOU:
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SLAP has no goals. This is not a subversive underground e-
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zine. It doesn't tell you what is cool and what is not. It
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is not hip. Normal people can read it and enjoy it. This
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first issue is pretty short. It only has 4 tiny articles.
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But if you like/hate SLAP send me mail. Submissions or
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subscription? Send me mail. Hopefully, SLAP will come out
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2 or 3 times a month. Well anyway, enough, I believe in
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shortness and bad grammar. Here it is >>>>>>>>>> SLAP!
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Derek
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derek@teleport.com
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Contents:
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#1------Personal Not Political: Rush Limbaugh
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#2------Deal of the Decade: The Bosnia Conflict on Pay Per
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View, an Investment Opportunity
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#3------SLAP: Thoughts (AKA filler)
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#4------Lorena Bobbit: The Moral of the Story
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all articles are written by Saiko-chan!
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############################################################
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111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
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Personal Not Political: Rush Limbaugh
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Is Rush Limbaugh the "Most Dangerous Man in America?" Only
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if there were a food shortage. Rush claims to have talent on
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loan from God. Why didn't God give him a can of hair paint
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and a weight plan? Rush is so full of wit and political
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insights as he will surely tell you. I am just not clear as
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to where he learned all of these numerous skills. Was
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it from his junior or senior year of High School? He is
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always 'pontificating' something. He uses very large and
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impressive words. He masturbates himself into a frenzy with
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the Webster Dictionary at hand, yet produce nothing.
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There is a theory in popular psychology that men who have
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what they believe to be an inadequate penis size, try and make
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up for it in other ways. Perhaps that is what Rush is doing.
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He knows he has no intellectual power so he tosses around big
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words to disguise the fact that he has the intelligence of
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a 'harmless little fuzz ball'. Rush writes as if someone
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shoved a pencil up is ass, told him to squat over a piece of
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paper and wiggle. Rush claims by virtue of his many
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listeners that he must be right, and that many people can't
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be wrong. People loved Hitler too. Rush's audience is made
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up of disenfranchised white males that are unable to
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comprehend the world around them that is changing. They
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are individuals that want to go back to the Betty Crocker/
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Dwight D Eisenhower era. Well listener here, get a grip. I
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know this is going to hurt, but you can't go back, those days
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are gone. And yes, Rush will tell you of his many woman
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listeners. Yes, these woman are oppressed housewives that
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need someone to justify their existence. Rush really
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doesn't understand the world around him and his audience
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likes to enjoy the same misconceptions as the 'Doctor of
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Democracy.' Rush is so up to date a with it that he is on
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AM radio. AM radio is really at the forefront of modern
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America. Nobody but the cultural illiterate listen to AM.
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Rush holds himself up to be the model of modern American
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success. A true Horatio Algiers for the 20th century
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despite the fact that he failed in school and in marriage.
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Rush always says it isn't about personalities or individual
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people but it's about politics. Well Rush, for me it isn't
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about politics here. It is about that fat, bloated, over
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inflated misinformed ego of yours. Rush Limbaugh, talent on
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loan from God.....now I know why they crucified Jesus.
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222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222
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The Deal of the Decade
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Attention Investors! Would you like to make untold fortunes
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by bringing the American public the latest and greatest in
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modern entertainment? Well, have I got a deal for you. I am
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actively seeking investors for a new business venture. The
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following information contains the concepts and underlying
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ideas behind what could be the most successful business
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venture since the launch of QVC.
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As Americans and the whole industrialized world becomes
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more productive, it takes less time for us to produce the
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same amount of goods and services as it has in the past; thus
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leaving more free time available. This free or leisure
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time is the market I am targeting.
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In recent months we have seen giant companies pairing off to
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provide the future hardware for interactive television and
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increased bandwidth opportunity. But what they fail to
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understand is that hardware is not where the real money will be
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made on these ventures. The really money lies in the
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software. Who makes more money, the top recording artist
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like Michael Bolton, or the man who actually physically
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produces his CD and tapes? The answer is of course Michael
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Bolton. He is the software. Look at the difference between
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IBM's current financial standing and Microsoft's. Hardware
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is only sold once but software is not constricted by a
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single sell. While all the big studios line up behind a
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major telecommunications or cable company, there still exists
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a vast amount of bandwidth to be filled on these new
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systems. So I have developed several ideas on creating new
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and exciting entertainment software to run on these new
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hardware systems. Where are those untapped software
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markets?
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Well it is time to look beyond the traditional big studio
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type entertainment extravaganza. I have located an untapped
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software source that has untold potential. As of this
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writing, nobody has secured the exclusive rights to the
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current Bosnia/Herzegovina conflict. As odd as this idea
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may seem, I believe that the markets have indicated that this
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sort of entertainment will be the next big thing. Look at
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the success of TV shows like Cops, Eyewitness Video, and
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America's Funniest Home Video. All these shows are live
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action dramas. The popularity of CNN's worldwide coverage
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of conflict outbreaks is impressive as well. Look at the
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ratings for the Beijing Student Uprising, LA Riots and the
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Gulf War. All of these have been major media events. But
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the idea here is to offer round the clock live coverage of
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the war. Similar to the idea behind Court TV, but this has
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the hook every American loves: violence. To offer this on a
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Pay Per View basis at the beginning would produce the
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greatest amount of revenue possible for future ventures.
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The opportunities are limitless.
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I envision a network that would at first secure all parties
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involved in the conflict to an exclusive television deal
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with the options for developing and marketing of products
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based on the conflict. i.e. dolls, toys, video games, field
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trips to the region etc. Once all the hardware is in place
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to offer interactive TV, I will be selling people the
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opportunity to control an individual solider or commander
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via their interactive TV's remote control. It is better
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than even the best Virtual Reality systems we always hear
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about. This is life and death (and money for us), some kind
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of advertising plug along the lines of the stuff Sally
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Struthers did for Feed the Children. We get some former
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action movie stars, or perhaps a former military figure like
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Oliver North or G. Gordon Liddy to do some ads about how
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stupid and dumb these people are and how they need your help
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in winning the war and staying alive. Of course, to appease
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the people that might be offended by such a business venture,
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we will need to do some PR about how good this is for the
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economy and that if somebody is going to die, at least let
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someone else enjoy the entertainment factor of it while letting
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you and I make a significant buck off the whole process.
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Everyone has always known that war is money. And with the
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advent of modern media, we can now get a slice off that pie.
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I would in the future like to expand from just the Bosnia
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conflict into other regional conflicts. I think the
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possibilities are endless. I have a creative genius for
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spotting and developing these opportunities. Think of the
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untold millions you can make by getting in on the ground
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floor of this once in a lifetime opportunity. Gain
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financial security for yourself and for your family with only
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one smart investment. Look in the press and see all the
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hype about all the partnerships and deals that are occurring
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daily between Hollywood and Wall St. Well, now I have made
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room for the little guy to get a piece of the action. Think
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about what I am talking about here. I know you are aware of
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the financial gain possible from such a unique and timely
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idea such as this. Live action war drama that also contains
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political overtones on television, first as a pay per view
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venture, then on into interactive TV. This is the
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entertainment of the future. Act now. Opportunities are
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limited. Operators are standing by to take your calls.
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War/Violence/TV/Interactive Media seems to me to be a
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formula for success. So come on board.
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############################################################
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333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
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Tonya Harding is the Shannon Doherty of ice skating.
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Shawn Eric Eckhardt is a registered parachutist.
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Shawn Eric Eckhardt is an expert in counter-intelligence.
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Michael Jackson loves young children and animals.
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Michael Jackson has been accused by children of molestation.
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Animals have yet to speak out.
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Dr. Suess is on his way to act as an interpreter.
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Warren Christopher, Secretary of State is featured in a
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number of the Time-Life books.
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Shannon Doherty will be the Playboy Cover girl for March.
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Roseanne Arnold claims to have been a prostitute.
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Animals have yet to speak out.
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Roseanne Arnold claims to have had lesbian sex.
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Gilligan and Skipper are the new crew of Carnival Cruises.
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We won't have to see anymore Kathy Lee.
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After seeing all the attention Joey Buttafuco got from his
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liaison with a minor....
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Jerry Seinfeld is dating a 17 year girl.
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Madonna is dating a 15 year old boy.
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Not to be out done Michael Jackson is dating a 3 week old infant.
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Roseanne Arnold claims she was molested when she was just a
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fetus.
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While waiting in line for food, Zhiranofsky says that he
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will impose a blockade around Japan and starve them to death
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unless they return Sakalin Islands.
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Sex-expert, Dr. Ruth Westhiemer's gynecologist is Dr. Jack
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Kevorkian.
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Oliver North is running for the Senate. He is quoted as
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saying "I'll teach congress a thing or two about lying and
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corruption!"
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Despite what major media thinks, nobody outside of Southern
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California really cares about their traffic problems.
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444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444
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Lorena Bobbitt---The Moral of the Story
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The Bobbits is a true tale of tragedy. Lorena, a woman
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abused, beaten, and raped strikes back against her husband
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John Wayne Bobbit. In a legal maze that confused everyone,
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John and Lorena were both acquitted of their alleged crimes.
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John was found not guilty of rape, and Lorena was also found
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not to be responsible for the mutilation of Mr. Bobbit.
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With all the press coverage, the debating, the courtroom
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drama, the call in shows, the trash TV talk shows, and the
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'legitimate' press following the story too, was anything
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learned? What is the moral of the story? How could have this
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been prevented?
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The whole incident really is John Wayne Bobbit's fault.
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There are two possible roads Mr. Bobbit could have taken to
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prevent this scenario. One would have been to be more
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caring and sensitive to his wife's needs. In other words,
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not raping her, and abusing her. The more logical and
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realistic solution is that John Wayne Bobbit should have
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done a better job of beating the hell out of her. If Mr.
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Bobbit had successfully oppressed that woman, then she would
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never have dared raise up against her master. I know, you
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are complaining that it is mean and cruel etc. But John
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could have claimed to be the victim just like Lorena did.
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John really was a victim of society. Being a white male, it
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was in his history and culture to oppress and beat on
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people. The military training he received served to
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reinforce these behavioral patterns. Just as Lorena was a
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victim of abuse and knew of no other way out but premeditated
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mutilation, John had seen no other plausible alternatives
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other than beating his wife. The problem with John is that
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perhaps he had become soft and weak in the face of too many
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afternoons spent watching Oprah. The caring sensitive
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movement among men had only slightly affected Mr. Bobbit.
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He was still oppressive but not to the proper degree. He
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gave her only one black eye instead of two. It was a kinder
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gentler John Wayne Bobbit that raped and beat his wife. He
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had lost the true historical and cultural tradition of the
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white male. Lorena Bobbit made John physically already what
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he was mentally: half a man. The lesson learned here is
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obvious.
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Men must become strong again. Men must be men. If men are
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going to brutalize women, they can't just injure the physical
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package but they must destroy the inner soul of women.
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Extinguish any light of rebellion they may have. Men must
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secure their dominance or face more incidents like the
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Bobbits. Men must become strong or learn to sleep on their
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stomachs.
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