666 lines
28 KiB
Plaintext
666 lines
28 KiB
Plaintext
From bladex@bga.comSun Feb 12 12:18:15 1995
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Date: Sun, 12 Feb 1995 01:43:39 -0600 (CST)
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From: David Smith <bladex@bga.com>
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To: scream@bga.com
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Subject: The Burn, Recycle, Blame Issue
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"I've got a bad feeling about this"
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-- Luke Skywalker
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babybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybaby
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babybaby yba aby byba abyb byba babybaby
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babybaby bybabyba babybaby byb yba babybaby byb yba ba ba babybaby
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babybaby yba babybaby yba aby yba ba ba babybaby
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babybabybabyb yba babybaby byb yba babybaby byb yba ba ba babybaby
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babybaby yba aby byb yba aby byb yba ba ba babybaby
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babybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybaby
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The "Burn, Recycle, Blame" Issue
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February 11, 1995
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__________________________________________________________________________
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| Editor : Blade X | Call Tejas at 512-467-0663 for BBS pickup |
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| bladex@bga.com | Send e-mail to majordomo@bga.com with the |
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| Neo-Wobblie Node # 269 | message "subscribe scream" in the body. |
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|__________________________________________________________________________|
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INDEX
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Ediborial #1 -- Tiger Hunting in Hugo Oklahoma........ Me
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Ediborial #2 -- Kurt C0bain........................... Me
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Ediborial #3 -- Archaelogical Discovery............... Me
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The Arcology of Violence : Christmas Day Massacre .... Me
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The Future of Scream N *me*me......................... Me
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Seven Simple Steps to Being Cyber-Organic............. Me
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Action Adventure Cliches ............................. Keith Goolsbey
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The Subscribers Strike Back .......................... Not me
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"I've got a bad feeling about this"
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-- Princess Leia Organa
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Ediborial
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Just got back from Hugo, Oklahoma. I had read in the newspaper about
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Shawna, a 250 pound Bengali tiger escaping from the circus holed up
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there, and how the experts expected to take up a week to catch her. So
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I did what any Quentin Tarentino cult wanna-be would do : rounded up a
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posse. Wrote my friend Matt, asking him to grab his shotgun, pickup
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truck, his dog Pig, and to have his wife Heather pack him a nice lunch
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because we were going tiger hunting!
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I was to bring the Shiner Bock and 80 pounds of raw beef as bait. Matt
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was saying that it smothered Oklahoma media, each station leading with
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the same news story. DON'T GET DRUNK, TAKE MEAT OUT TO THE WOODS, AND
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TRY TO CATCH THE TIGER YOURSELF! Like where did you think I got this
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idea? Then they would interview Farmer Bob, who would report seeing
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something orange and black slinking through the trees.
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Shawna is safe and sound back home, and so am I.
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* * *
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Ediborial #2
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There is something horribly wrong with hearing Kurt Cobain on the radio.
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First time I heard his voice on the radio again I just stopped. Here
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was someone who was dead, someone who had taken a shotgun and blown his
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head off just eight months before, and in the process abandoning his
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wife and small child, here he was singing a new song for a new album. I
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leapt out of my chair, heart both pounding and frozen, unable to
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understand, unwilling to process this new information.
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Afterwards, I listened to the radio, read newspapers, magazines, Usenet
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articles, and all of those other information conduits which I am
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hard-wired into, but nobody said anything. I listened, but no one spoke
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it, so it's like no big deal. Whatever rip in reality has been sewn.
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No, it's not. I know it, and you know it, so I'm saying it here :
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there's something horribly wrong.
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So no, I am not buying the damn album.
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Or the next one.
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* * *
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Ediborial #3
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Recently, my computer was in the shop for an upgrade and tune-up. So I
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fired up my old computer, the one that had been lying in the corner of
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my room, unplugged, disconnected, for several months, maybe even a year
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or more. Inside was several articles, notes, tidbits, and selections
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that I had saved for copies of Scream Baby that I had never used.
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Hey, it's no Tomb of Alexander the Great but one must choose your own
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adventures in the 90s.
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Much of this I don't remember what I was writing it for, or what I was
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talking about, but liked it enough to include anyway. I've also
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included subscriber statements, when I demanded an essay question before
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I would add anyone to the list. I started compiling an issue I was going
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to call the Subscribers Strike Back! and include only answers to these
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essays, but stripped out all of the names and forced it into this you/me
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continuum.
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Those days are gone; now one only needs to know a Majordomo subscribe
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command. I guess I've gotten fat and lazy like everyone else in the
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information age.
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* * *
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"I've got a bad feeling about this."
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-- Han Solo
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* * *
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Ediborial
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Date Unknown
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People are terrified of possibility. It's not that they are scared, but
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rather unsure of what to do with it. Before I created the mini-poll [see last
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issue] the horizon was unbounded. There wasn't nothing I couldn't do! But I
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don't dare tell you people that, for I would have gotten no response at all.
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Rather, I severely limit reality to seven or eight options, call it a "choice"
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and sit back while people gleefully herd through like cattle to the
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slaughterhouse.
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How disgusting.
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* * *
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The Arcology of Violence : The Christmas Eve Massacre / Charlie Manson
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Written December 1994
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One of my friends (B______) and I have an ongoing conversation that we refer to
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simply as "The Christmas Eve Massacre". Imagine, if you will, the sheer number
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of people packed in the malls searching for that one last gift. Imagine, if
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you will, the notoriety given to a single gunman -- or small group of armed
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assailants -- if he "opened up". The single day mass murder record of 25
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(Bakersfield, California, 1983) suddenly seems not worth mentioning.
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B______ and I have some disagreements, of course. I argue that one has a chance
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of scoring more points on the day after Thanksgiving, which is the biggest
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shopping day of the season. B______ counters that being known through history
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as "The Day After Thanksgiving Murderer" doesn't have quite the same ring. What
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one loses in body count is compensated by style/shock points. We both agree on
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avoiding the department anchor stores. Not enough people, too many places for
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them to hide, too many opportunites to be bogged down.
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Another point of disagreement revolves around escape plans. I'm like, why
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bother making them? There is no way someone will be able to walk into a mall on
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Christmas Eve, drop concussion grenades into the atrium in order to wipe out
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people on the ground level while simultaneous strafing the mall hallways with
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automatic fire, and expect to escape alive. It's not the mall police that you
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have to worry about, but armed shoppers. Either way, B_____ wastes a lot of
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our quality time together discussing vans, helicoptors, switching vehicles,
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and emergency routes.
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So given the conversation that I have about malls, and given that there is just
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*something* about the holiday season that brings one's innate hatred of
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humanity crawling to the surface, you can imagine my response when Paco asked
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me to write an article about "going to the mall". Sure! I'd love to! But
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when it was time to go.....well, someone swiped my enthusiasm.
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I did go at least once, however, for the purpose of doing research for this
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article. Let's just say it was an apocalyptical nightmare. I am not going to
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delve into the gory details, but will provide this example. I was drained I
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couldn't even manage marching into one of the stores selling nothing but
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calendars of half naked men, half naked women, fantasy figures, flowers, cute
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animals, celebrities, and Star Trek : The Next Generation idols and ask for the
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1994 Johnny Marr Murder Can Be Fun calendar.
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I am sure that Johnny will cover the issue in a more detailed, less frentic
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attitude, but let me talk now about the new controversy brewing around Chuck
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Manson.
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First, a brief history lesson for those who may not know. Chuck Manson and his
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cult "Family" brutally murdered seven people in California some 20, 25 years
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ago. The only reason anyone cared then or now is that one of the victims was a
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movie star : the actress Sharon Tate, wife of film director Roman Polanski, and
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heavily pregnant with his child.
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Chuck's plan was simple : by committing heinous crimes on white people and
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making it appear that blacks were responsible, he hoped to instigate a race
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war. The Family would then flee to Arizona and wait. The blacks would win the
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war, Chuck surmised, due to superior survival tactics and pronounced physical
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prowess. They would take over the White House and start the business of
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running the country. But because of inferior intelligence traits, the blacks
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would be unable to do the job. They would then turn to Chuck, waiting
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patiently in the desert, and ask him to be President.
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Now that's a plan!
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People were killed, the Family got caught, and Chuck got thrown into the
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slammer, and will probably never, never never be released from jail, no
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matter how many times he appears at parole hearings with swastiskas carved
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into his forehead. I mean, what better way to show that one has reformed
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and is fit and able to be reintegrated into mainstream American culture?
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History lesson over. Fast-forward to the future.
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What people are upset about now is that Chuck is going to be *rich*.
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The new Guns N Roses album (called spaghetti something) has an uncredited track
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on it, penned by no other than...well you know how. According to a wire
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report. estimates are that Chuck will receive $60,000 royalties for each
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million copies of an album that is expected to easily sell several million
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copies.
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In addition, there are t-shirts with Chuck's face and imagery available.
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[NOTE 2/11/95 -- I have a note written here about recommodification of
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icons, but never finished this article. What I would note today is a
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similar phenomenon surrounding the controversy over witnesses to crimes
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being paid money by the tabloids for their stories. Only certain people
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are allowed to make money -- law enforcement, judges, politicians, and
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the media. Dan Rather can make hundreds of thousands of dollars talking
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about the latest "development" in the O.J. Simpson Trial but if someone
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is paid $2500 to tell Hard Copy, I saw four people walking down the
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alley at the time of the alleged murders, something has been
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compromised. The criminal justice system and those who feed off it
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garnered millions by playing off the shock and fear generated by crimes
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and it is just a little sanctimonious to start drawing lines of
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accept-a-ble-ness.]
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* * *
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"I've got a bad feeling about this."
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-- Lando Calrissian
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* * *
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[Est. date : Summer of 1992. Before I did Scream Baby, I did this huge
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multimedia hypertext monster called Scream N *me*me.]
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EDIBORIAL #4
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THE FUTURE OF SCREAM N *ME*ME
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There are going to be 287 issues of Scream N *me*me. At the current rate
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of almost 4 issues/year, then I will be done in another 70.75 years. I'll
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be 95 and most-of-you will be dead by then. Most-of-you are already dead,
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but I digress.
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So what should you, the reader, expect for the next 70.75 years? 283 more
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lethargic editorials, for one. For those who have not yet noticed, I have
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a pretty bad attitude towards editorials.
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[Thus the title, stolen from the
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music&culture zine Ben is Dead.]
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If something is *really* important, then it will be found in other sections
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of the magazine; most ediborials are merely attempts to prop up the ego of
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the author by justifying opinions not able to be found anyplace else.
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Maybe it's because I consider every kilobyte to already-be an editorial.
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I'm open for suggestions on making this space fun, rather than the burden
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of being beaten with a lead pipe.
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Scream N *me*me is, and always will be, "Stuff I Think Is Cool".
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Everything else is secondary, especially format and subject matter. Scream
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N *me*me may not always be an electronic publication; we may not always be
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focused on cultural and social aspects of cyberspace.
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[<hushes the gallery complaining
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that it's already not>]
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Scream N *me*me is an environment, not a thesis.
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There's no point to any of it.
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You're not supposed to learn something.
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You are supposed to wallow.
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So what monstrosity do I wish to unleash on you next?" you ask? Well.......
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[Deleted discussion of plans for what turned out to be Scream Baby.
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Though I made a mistake -- I was considering calling it Snuffleupagus
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Revenge.]
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Well, with 283 more episodes to create, I don't have anything else to say.
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There are plenty of other wonderful writings in this issue, though, but
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then again, there always is.
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Go read something.
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* * *
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"I've got a bad feeling about this"
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-- Young Indy Jones
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* * *
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Seven Simple Steps to Being Cyber-organic!
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0. If you don't have a computer, go get one.
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1. People jump into cyberspace for these things : software, sex, games,
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services. Then there is a small percentage (10% or so) who use the
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technology of communication to think, to create, and to explore.
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Join us.
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2. Have an Internet e-mail address. Mine is bladex@bga.com.
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3. Balance your information input : television, movies, newspapers, magazines,
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zines, books, comics, radio, shortwave, et. all. Balance one against
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another.
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4. Believe who you want but not what you want.
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5. Swim upstream. Create your own information output : television, movies,
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newspapers, magazines, zines, books, comics, radio, and shortwave
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broadcasts. Submit samples to Fringeware, Inc. and who knows, if we like
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it, maybe we might distribute your work for you!
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6. You have a moral imperative to tune in and turn on as many of your friends,
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family members, and associates to the online world. Think of yourself as
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a multi-level marketer for cyberspace! If you recruit two people and they
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recruit two people..............
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7. Never forget that there is another human being on the other end of the
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screen. This step, alone, will eliminate the practice of flaming.
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8. Send me your suggestions on Making Cyberspace A Better Place (sm).
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You may send me snail mail (that's what us cyber-organics call the US postal
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service :-) c/o of this magazine, or you may send e-mail to my address
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listed in step # 2 above. I am looking forward to hearing from you, because
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only by working together can we fulfill the promise and potential of
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cyberspace.
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Final note: This article is an excerpt from a work-in-progress, The Handbook
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for Humanity, a helpful guide to living wise in this unwise day and age. If you
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haven't seen anything similar in Whole Earth Review yet, don't worry.......
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You Will.
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* * *
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;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
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;; Action movie cliches
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;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
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; written by keith goolsbey
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; goolsbey@mcc.com
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I. Bad Guys
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Bad guys are always men.
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Bad guys are always ugly.
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Bad guys come in three categories:
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(1) Fodder
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Fodder always come in groups (> 3).
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Fodder all look alike.
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Fodder never have speaking parts.
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Fodder are never on screen for more than 5 sec.
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Fodder never hurt the good guy in any way.
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The good guy kills all the fodder at once.
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(2) Thugs
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Every thug has their own distinctive, almost stylishly sinister look.
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Thugs usually have speaking parts.
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Thugs are always fought and killed by the good guy one at a time.
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Thugs will usually hurt the good guy once.
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A group of thugs must have a representative from every major ethnic group.
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Thugs never have real names; they instead have single word nicknames ala
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the American Gladiators.
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(3) Boss
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The main bad guy is the boss.
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There is only one boss.
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The boss is always psycho.
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The boss is always played extremely over-the-top.
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The boss only fights after all thugs have been eliminated.
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The boss hurts the good guy nearly to the brink of death.
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The boss is killed by the good guy via either:
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(a) impaling
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(b) annihilating explosion
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The boss will always injure one of his own thugs in an emotional outburst.
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II. Good Guys
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Good Guys are always ruggedly handsome.
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Good Guys are always athletic and muscular.
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If there are a group of good guys, only one will be left at the end.
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Good guys have monosyllabic first names, usually Nick or Max.
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Good guys have simple English surnames (even when portrayed by Austrian
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or Belgian actors).
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Good guys never run out of ammo.
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Exception: If they run out of ammo, they at least have another weapon.
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Good guys never run out of weapons.
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Good guys always get caught by the bad guys at least once, after which
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they escape.
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If a good guy is caught by a thug, the thug is always under orders to
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present the good guy to the boss alive.
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III. Sidekicks
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Every Good guy has at least one sidekick.
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The sidekick never gets the girl.
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The sidekick is wittier than the good guy.
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The sidekick is uglier and less athletic than the good guy.
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The sidekick always dispatches exactly one thug.
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The sidekick always does something stupid to get the good guy in trouble once.
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The sidekick always does something lucky to get the good guy out of
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trouble once.
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The sidekick always favors higher-tech/less personal methods of fighting.
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The sidekick never dies.
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Exception: if the sidekick is a partner, they die early in the movie.
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Sidekicks have ethnic surnames, usually Polish, Italian or Czech.
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IV. The Girl
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The girl is beautiful.
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The good guy always gets the girl.
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The girl is always physically assaulted by the bad guys.
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The girl doesn't do much else.
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IV. Fights
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The good guy and his opponent always fight with similar weapons.
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All thugs and good guys will favor a lower-technology/more personal
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approach to fighting whenever possible, i.e. guns over explosives,
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knives over guns, blunt instruments over knives, fists over blunt
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instruments.
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Bosses favor high/tech approaches to fighting, much like bad guys.
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Before dispatching a thug or higher, the good guy states a one-liner.
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At least one thug must be dispatched by the good guy using each of the
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following methods:
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(a) shooting
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(b) throwing off a ledge
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(c) breaking their neck
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(d) burning
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The effects of life-threatening injuries inflicted on a good guy by a
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thug only last until the next thug is encountered.
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Women are never killed.
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Exception: If a woman is a boss or thug, she may be killed offscreen.
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Bystanders are never injured in public fights.
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Horses and other animals are never even injured.
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Outdoor fights occur in the rain.
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Final fights take place in factories.
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* * *
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MUTTERINGS FROM MY MAILBOX
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Are CYBERPUNKS waiting for ANARCHY? If so, who will work at NUCLEAR POWER
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plants?
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Cyber Fetish
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[Editor's Note: Actually, my brother. He is an engineering student intern/co-
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op at the South Texas Nuclear Power Plant. Thanks for asking! -- Me]
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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I, Your-name-here, have read the software licensing agreement and
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promise to abide by any restrictions on distribution that may apply as
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determined by the publisher. Amen, So Mote It Be, may the Good Lord zap me
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with a thunderbolt and reduce me to a pile of smoldering ashes should I so
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much as entertain the THOUGHT of violating this agreement. =) No, honest,
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I swear upon my honor as an Eagle Scout...
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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ESSAY QUESTION:
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While walking on the campus of the University of Texas one Sunday, I found a
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cassette tape whose film had been torn and the entire cassette thrown/wrapped
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around a tree and the surrounding bushes. Curious, I picked it up.
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Side A: Sexual Therapy Session I
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Side B: What is Man? Mineral or Drug
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In 100-200 words, describe what you think was on this tape, who made it, and
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why would they rip it up and wrap it around a tree?
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Obviously, the individual who made the tape is (well, was) a professor
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at U of Texas. He has been having marital problems and his wife
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forced him into counseling. A cassette tape was made of a conversation
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between the therapist and the prof, and the counselor ordered the prof to
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listen to it and figureout what was wrong with his attitude.
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This very same professor teaches undergraduate biology. When the counselor
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insisted on an all-day three-way session to "help sort things out," the
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prof realized that he would miss his 11:00 lecture. He grabbed a random
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cassette tape out of the pile and recorded a bullshit lecture on it, the
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upshot of which involved whether it was better to see the human body as
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component elements or as a collection of enzymes. He stopped by campus
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just long enough to hand it to his T.A. and order him to play it.
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The T.A. turned the tape over, and LO AND BEHOLD, saw tape side #1. Since
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the real reason for the wife's dissatisfaction stemmed from the T.A.'s
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|
superior lovemaking skills, he listened to the tape out of curiosity and
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|
a nasty thought occurred to him. He switched the labels from one side to
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|
the other, then played the correct side in class (the side labeled
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What is Man: Mineral or Drug?) which of course was actually the sex
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therapy discussion.
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|
The Ugrads loved it. Several of the anal-retentive students had recorded
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|
the lecture, and passed copies around to <everybody>, including the
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prof's wife and the department head.
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Upshot: she threatened to divorce him. In a fit of rage, he stormed the
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T.A.'s apartment, killed him with a rusty fork, recovered the tape, and
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|
spread it all over the forest. Then, he returned home and used the same
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|
fork to kill and eat the family cat (his wife wasn't home -- her cat.)
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|
Recovering part of his senses, he emptied his bank account and drove to
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|
the most desolate place he could imagine, the University of California at
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San Diego. He now lives as a homeless person on campus, dodging UC police
|
|
and fighting others for scraps of student leftovers.
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Anxiety. Remorse. Explode. Energy. Violence. Rip. Pull. Twist. Reach. Bend.
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Tie. Not. Enough. More. Turns. Wrap. Wrap. Leaves. Jogger. Blush. Glare.
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Turn. Hide. Duh. Damn. Bitch. Cause. Remorse. Stupid. Go Home.
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69 more words to go.
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That's my intiutive feeling of what happened when the tape got wrapped around
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thebush. The tape was probably made by someone's conselor. They guy is
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having some kind of problems opening up, of letting go, during sex. He
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|
might have taken acid or some kind of other substance and made the second
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|
side. Sort of his reactions to it. He probably got pissed that the therapy
|
|
wasn't working. So he took the tape out of his backpack and took out his
|
|
agressions on the closest thing to his problems, and those are the thoughts
|
|
recorded on the tape and the voice of the sexual therapist. Why, though,
|
|
did he choose a time when he was walking by some plants? Fertility.
|
|
Phallicism. Vernacular sexuality. All mapping roughly to plants, trees, and
|
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bush. It's all associative.
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|
Anyway, that's my best Hannibal Lecter -- style analysis. Can I get a
|
|
subscription?
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Not that I am going to try to do anything stupid, but is this really binding?
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After all, I all did was hit the 'paste' key. Just some thought for food.
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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|
ANSWER TO ESSAY QUESTION:
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|
|
Side A is an elect/ronic simulatory attempt at remote masturbation through
|
|
sonic overload of auditory passages. Side B is blank.
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|
|
|
The maker of the tape clearly apprehends his/her/its existence as a polarity
|
|
between "mineral" (static nonreactive be/ingness) and "drug" (fluidicity in
|
|
the sense of "space on the move"); s/he/it establishes Side A as a
|
|
proximity-based temporary reality dichotimzation, i.e., an escape in the
|
|
traditional sense.
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|
|
The aggressive destruction of the cassette demonstrates clearly the maker's
|
|
final conclusion that postmodernist pro/fessors are full of shit and should
|
|
be set in a colloidal suspension with complete sensory deprvvation for 24
|
|
hours per week, dammit, and I don't care if I flunk out!!!
|
|
|
|
(Writer of above essay attends Williams College and is taking courses from
|
|
the religion department, a well-known bastion of postmodernist mindfuck.)
|
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|
#include<statement>:
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|
|
|
"I have read the software licensing agreement and promise to abide by any
|
|
restrictions on distribution that may apply, as determined by the
|
|
publisher."
|
|
|
|
<siged> <dated>
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|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
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|
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drug,mineral,sextherapy, tree]
|
|
wrapped it because of some lower polar cystallization ruach]
|
|
tit for tat intellectual BARKER ,
|
|
theory put on some tape, which pronnged a poor peons brain
|
|
tomaximum absurdity. went to the tree spirit for advice,
|
|
the tape was a sacrifice, wrapped it like joes penis in
|
|
flesh, mineral? agonist? . roots of being? man=root=tree,,
|
|
drugs are from trees/plants primarily.. many religions assert
|
|
their beginings from doing drugs, any energy is sex energy
|
|
, a neat albeit ineffective , jesture of juxtaposition
|
|
fairly inflexible nature meets the mind of human all bent
|
|
out of shape with kali yuga.
|
|
|
|
I have no idea bout scream baby, Ive read a few boings
|
|
liked it enought to order their back issues, MOndo strikes
|
|
me astoo slick at times, FAD is interesting because it reminds
|
|
me of the old WETznne. however, I am just rambling and
|
|
though I would send this out of net-technoboredom,
|
|
too bad I cant acesss the bbs from VAX here,, Ive heard
|
|
its more interesting in some areas from other people
|
|
as well..
|
|
|
|
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
|
|
|
|
I solve abstract puzzles. Fortunately, I live in an advanced civilization
|
|
where abstract-puzzle-solving is a socially rewarded activity. If I lived a
|
|
few hundred years ago, I would be a mathematician or kabalist and nobody would
|
|
pay any attention to me. I'd have to get a day job. But around here and now,
|
|
a puzzle expert is called a "computer scientist" and is generally supposed to
|
|
be useful.
|
|
|
|
"The Journal of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery". People are silly putty.
|
|
How we look is not limited by nature. It is only limited by what we are
|
|
willing to do.
|
|
|
|
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
|
|
|
|
To: bladex@wixer
|
|
Subject: plea
|
|
Comments: Just like !YOU!.
|
|
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 92 17:57:53 MDT
|
|
Organization: Not damn much.
|
|
|
|
Hi, this is my rant to get put on the list.. I am You, aka Handle-for-You.
|
|
Sometimes "k_rAD Ei1+e!!" person but mostly just me, a 23 year old wondering
|
|
about my life. Some times when I read all the "new edge" stuff like mondo &
|
|
boing boing and future culture I find my self saying to my self Neat, but does
|
|
it really matter? will it make a difference?"
|
|
|
|
I try not to dwell on it too long.
|
|
|
|
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=++=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
|
|
|
|
"I've got a bad feeling about this."
|
|
-- my lawyer
|
|
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