853 lines
37 KiB
Plaintext
853 lines
37 KiB
Plaintext
_____________________ _____________________ _____________________
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/____________________/I /____________________/I /____________________/I
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T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~T I T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~T I T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~T I
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I _________ I I I _______ I I L______ ______I/
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I I I I I I I T I T I I I I I
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I I I______I I / I I I___I I I I I I
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I L/______/ / / I L/____I I I I I I
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I ~~~~~~~~ / I I ~~~~~~~ I I I I I
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I _______ I \ I _______ I I I I I
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I I I \ \ \ I T I T I I I I I
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I I I \ \ I I I I I I I I I I
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I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I
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I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I
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L_____I/ L_____I/ L______I/ L______I/ L_____I/
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~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
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777777 777777 7 7 777777 77 7
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7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7
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777777 7777 7 7 7777 7 7 7
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7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7
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777777 777777 7 777777 7 77
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APRIL 1990
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The RatPhiles are now officially unofficiated with anything
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official. The opinions expressed in this phile are not
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necessarily those of the authors and editors.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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D E C E M B E R D E A D R A T A W A R D S
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"Not Impressed With Rat6 Award"................................Shadow
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(subsequent) Loser of the Month................................Shadow
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Sleeping Sysop of the Month....................................Cefiar
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Navigator Award..............................................Superboy
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Mother Of The Month......................................Real Article
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Best Impression Of A Sinking Rock..........................The Walrus
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Fashion Victim Of The Month.....................................Lachy
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( Oooooh that shirt! )
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Ceramic Thong in Mouth Award...................................Gnomie
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----------------------------------
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A W A R D S F O R 1 9 8 9
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Loser of the Year.......................................Eric Anderson
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Runner-Up..................................................Avalon
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Commendable Effort...................................Dune Messiah
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Pisspot of the Year............................................Avalon
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Runner-Up...........................................Captain Blood
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Commendable Effort.....................................The System
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Paedophile of the Year..................................Inka Princess
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Runner-Up............................................Ivan Trotsky
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Commendable Effort.....................................The Walrus
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Odie Of The Year...............................................Cefiar
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Bullshit Artist Of The Year..............................Ivan Trotsky
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Driver of the Year........................................Infiltrator
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Runner-Up............................................Ivan Trotsky
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("Reversing...reversing.... THUMP! oh no! MY DUCO!!")
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Commendable Effort............................................Doc
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(If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the footpath!)
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Encouragement Award...........................The Ghost Who Walks
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Q U O T E S (from Doc's party)
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[ No responsibility will be taken for the accuracy of these quotes. Doc
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was busy with his lollipop, Inka was looking for a lost shoe and Avalon
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spent most of the night on the floor unconscious.]
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Avalon - "I am NOT going to throw up!"
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{later} Avalon - "Bleeeeuuurrrrgghh!"
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Ivan Trotsky - "We came, we saw, we demolished!"
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Inka Princess - "I'm not doing anything with anybody!"
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Ivan Trotsky - "It's only got a little dint, Inky.."
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Doc - "I'm a little girl."
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Dave Seikel - "I've only got two hands & I was using one of them!"
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Zero Hour - "Hey I've gone limp."
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Inka Princess - "Don't you think I get enough of that at home?"
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Avalon -"Do it together? How can you do it alone?"
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Inka Princess - "I prefer the curly ones."
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Doc - "I'm glad I'm a little girl."
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Doc (to Inka) - "I corrupted your children!"
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Michael - "He always plays with my things.."
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Dave Seikel - "I want REAL food, not McDonald's !"
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Zero Hour - "It was Cef's fault, HE made me go limp !"
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Cef - "I'm very handy with a towel...."
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----------------------------------
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Quote Of The Month:
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Ivan Trotsky - "We don't bullshit."
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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J A N U A R Y 'S Q U O T E S
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Infiltrator - "It was 33 metres long and very hard, but I finally got it in !"
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Captain Blood - "I wasn't asleep ... I was just VERY relaxed !"
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Infiltrator - "I'm not that kind of guy: I'm similar, but I'm not that kind of
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guy !"
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Army Girl - "Sadist is my middle name."
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Cefiar - "I'm not asleep ... its just my hands are very tired ...."
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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T H E T O P T E N A T 9:57pm (plus ads)
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1. Better Be Home Soon (Crowded House)..................................Doc
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2. Fashion (David Bowie)..............................................Lachy
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3. Don't Worry, Be Happy (Bobby MacFarin)........................Byte Image
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4. I'm In Love With My Car (Queen).............................Ivan Trotsky
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5. I Like To Ride My Bicycle (Queen)..........Anarchadian Ambassador (Dave)
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6. Is he really going out with him ?...........................Bill and Ben
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7. What About Me ? (Moving Pictures)...............................Maverick
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8. Hey Little Girl (Ice House)...................................Mr. Jordan
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9. I Would Walk 500 Miles (Proclaimers).................................Doc
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(Support your leaflet distributor - remove "NO JUNK MAIL" stickers now !)
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10. I'm an Adult Now (Pursuit of Happiness)......................Infiltrator
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(Happy 21st Birthday, Inf-Baby !)
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Ten excuses for the lateness of Rat VII.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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- The editor has been dead the last three months for tax purposes.
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- AT was late by twelve months, and they keep whingeing that we copy them...
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(but at least we don't plagiarise entire text files by unknown authors that
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are downloaded onto Melbourne bulletin boards from the U.S.)
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- There was a beer strike in Dandenong only.
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- Because of the transport strike, the editor couldn't get to the bottle shop.
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- Decadence BBS had so much mail, there was no time for anything else.
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- The editor ran out of crayons.
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- The editor re-read the last six issues and contemplated suicide whenever she
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put pen (crayon) to paper.
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- The Chippendales came to stay for a month.
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- There was a Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis matinee on every day at the Valhalla.
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- We're lazy! [speak for yourself ! -Ed.]
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The Year In Review.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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by Doc
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The Year started with The Factory BBS going online, going offline, going
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online, and going offline again. It is now offline.
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Due to the actions of several individuals unmentionable, two great boards go
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under - Megaworks and Pacific Island. A farewell meet is held in the city, and
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there it is revealed that Dianne Nichols is not a sex-crazed whore but in fact
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a blow-up doll. [Types well, though, doesn't she!-Ed]
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Craig Bowen takes Zen down, and sells the hardware to Cefiar. Soon The Hard
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Rock Cafe is online minus Mentats and Taxis.
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Cefiar decorates Trotsky's house with the `jelly baby' ralph.
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The Masked Avenger becomes a bastard sysop with the Burning Crucifix BBS.
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Bruce Wayne sets up Camelot, then Doc visits for a night, and leaves Bruce with
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a totally new board, called Chicago.
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Yahoo spends a record 4 hours in a spa bath with Jaymes.
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Infiltrator made developments in modern physics, discovering that an
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irresistable force applied against an immovable object equals a rather large
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repair bill. Final Score: Mazda 323 - 1 : Inf & Ford XC - 0
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Fearless Fred's board, The Twilite Zone, records more ups and downs in one
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month than Lonnie.
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Mr Jordan takes that old stage adage - "break a leg!" a little too seriously,
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and ends up plastered as a direct result.
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The annual Beach Party for Megaworks, The Blackboard and the Cafe was held at
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Seaford .... an interesting time was had by all ... what with football being
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played on the beach in the dark (did it really take that long to find the ball
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?), IceMan lost his watch (ditto), and Big Mother's reputation was in extreme
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danger, as he was seen talking to two females all evening. The bonfire was a
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popular place, due to the cold winds, but a few of the local fishermen did not
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seem all that impressed by the choice/volume of music being played.
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General Discomfort sets up TimeScape, the first ever board to have more sysops
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than users.
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The First Annual Great Cafe BBQ was held at Doc's house. As a result, this is
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no longer Doc's house. Avalon proved vodka, beer & MacDonalds do not mix, and
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many people proved alcohol and RPGs do not mix. We discovered that The Walrus
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could NOT in fact swim, meeting the bottom of the pool (fully clothed) twice.
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Lachlan showed us he has sadistic fashion sense with 'THE SHIRT'. Captain Blood
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and Psychosonic Cindy were even more attached to one another than usual (Ivan's
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handcuffs provided an interesting situation when Nature called ). Mr Jordan
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became a temporary graffiti wall. 3ZH went on air, then off air shortly after-
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wards due to overwhelming public demand. Ivan displayed his driving skills,
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successfully denting Inki's Blue Ratsun with the Yellow Taxi. Captain Blood and
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The System displayed their drinking skills. The next day, Doc showed his
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leaving skills.
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The official End of Year Bash was held at Ivan Trotsky's on New Years Eve. Once
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again Wally displayed his total inability to swim. Catharz totally amazed us
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with his ability to drink most of a bottle of Benedictine and remain more or
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less vertical (and even conscious). Lisa was actually proven to be able to
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speak in entire sentences, and Doomlord was irrefutably proven not to be a
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figment of a deranged computer. The Party finally finished at about 1.00 pm the
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following afternoon, and all those who attended were duly thrown out by Ivan's
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parents who wanted their home back.
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And that was 1989, the year that was !
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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(overheard in Conference)
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"What's the difference between Frustration and Panic ?
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Frustration is the first time you find you can't do it a second time ....
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Panic is the second time you find that you can't do it the first time ..."
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Our candid photographer managed to catch this great action shot of The Walrus
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as he demonstrated his diving prowess for the girls at Doc's party.
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+------------------------------------------------------+
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| +--------------------------------------------------+ |
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| | / / / / | |
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| | / / / / / | |
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| | / / / | |
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| | (~~) / / / | |
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| | \\ . / | |
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| | / )> / ". / | |
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| | & .'(__/ /-' / | |
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| | ll_/--.__-' / / | |
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| | `-. /__ | |
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| | ///_.---\ | |
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| | -------------(..~)___ #) | |
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| | . `-o-' -----_____ | |
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| | . .--' . . ---__ | |
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| | --. . --' __. __- | |
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| | . ____---@@l | |
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| | ---. _______-------@@@@@@@@@l | |
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| | ----------------@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@l | |
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| | @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@l | |
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| | @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@---~~ | |
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| | @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@-------~~~~ | |
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| | ----------------~~~~~~~ | |
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| +--------------------------------------------------+ |
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+------------------------------------------------------+
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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CCCC H H U U N N DDDD EEEEE RRRR BBBB IIIII RRRR DDDD SSSS
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C H H U U NN N D D E R R B B I R R D D S
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C HHHHH U U N N N D D EEEE RRRR BBBB I RRRR D D SSS
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C H H U U N N N D D E R R B B I R R D D S
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CCCC H H UUUU N NN DDDD EEEEE R R DDDD IIIII R R DDDD SSSS
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AAA RRRR EEEEE
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A A R R E
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AAAAA RRRR EEEE
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A A R R E
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A A R R EEEEE
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GGGGGGGG OOOOOOOO @
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GGGGGGGGGG OOOOOOOOOO @@@
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GGG OOO OOO @@@
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GGG OOO OOO @@@
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GGG GGGGG OOO OOO @@@
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GGG GGG OOO OOO @@@
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GGG GGG OOO OOO @
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GGGGGGGGGG OOOOOOOOOO
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GGGGGGGG OOOOOOOO @
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------------------------------------
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starring.. the team of
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Internal Residue
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Jeff Tracey - Head Of Internal Residue - Cefiar
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Scott Tracey - Chunderbird One Pilot - Ivan Trotsky
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Virgil Tracey - Chunderbird Two Pilot - Infiltrator
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Alan Tracey - Chunderbird Three Pilot - Captain Blood
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Gordon Tracey - Chuderbird Four Pilot - The Walrus
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John Tracey - Chunderbird Five Pilot - Byte Image
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Brains - The Scientist - Maverick
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Lady Penelope - Undercover Connection - Inka Princess
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Jaymes - Lady Penelope's Driver - Doc
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Tin Tin - Yoko Ono's Sister - Snowy
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---------------------
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[Dum-d-de-de-da-de-dum-de-de-dum-da-da-de-dum-diddy-dum-doo-dooh-doo]
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High up in the stratosphere all alone, John Tracey was getting depressed. As
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pilot of Chunderbird Five, his job was to monitor the emergency radio
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transmissions for Internal Residue. This particular day he was polishing his
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handcuffs and leather bondage gear and whistling a particularly mournful tune.
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[FX- beeeep BEEEEEEEEEEP ! (2400 baud carrier signal)]
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JOHN: Oh damn ! Who could be logging on now, and what could they want ? I hope
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its a girl with a couple of big, big ... mammary protuberances !
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{brief pause ....}
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JOHN: oh rats ! its only Lady Penelope . Wait on .... she's supposed to be
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working undercover, so what is she doing, ringing this ultra-secret support
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board ? DRAT ! she is paging the sysop .... I guess I had better answer.
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[FX- Sysop Chat Mode Entered. Hello Lady Penelope this is John.]
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LADY P: John, I need your help ... the Internal Residue board has gone haywire
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and is logging users off indiscriminantly .... Before it was just Trax, The
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Mentat and The Mad Proffessor, but now its worse.. even Jeff got disconnected!
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JOHN: Maybe it's the new menus ... or maybe not .... well, I tell you what, I
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will run a system scan from this end, and see what the problem is. Hold on for
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a few moments ...
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[a few minutes pass, then ....]
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JOHN: Back. Ummm ... there seems to be a problem at the host end, Lady P.
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LADY P: What kind of a problem, John ?
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JOHN: I'm not sure.... I'll send you a capture file .... see what you make of
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it, okay ?
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LADY P: fine, John ...standing by to receive ....
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---------------------
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[Dum-d-de-de-da-de-dum-de-de-dum-da-da-de-dum-diddy-dum-doo-dar-drhhhh]
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---------------------
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[Later that afternoon in Lady Penelope's secret Hideaway in Doveton]
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LADY P: What do you make of this, Jaymes ? {she hands him the printout}
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|o|-------------------------------------------------------------------------|o|
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|o| Conference Entered: CRAPPING |o|
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|o| There are TOO MANY people in this conference. |o|
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|o| |o|
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|o| /w |o|
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|o| Other callers in conference : cRapping |o|
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|o| Line 2: HERO POWER; THE HOUR OF POWER |o|
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|o| Line 3: BAD IMAGE; PIT OF DESPAIR |o|
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|o| Line 4: SOUPS; STOCK POT , THE KITCHEN |o|
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|o| Line 6: SUSSOP; HOST SYSTEM |o|
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|o| |o|
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|o| |o|
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|o| (3:BAD IMAGE) oh I'm so depressed ... |o|
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|o| (6:SUSSOP) hmmm |o|
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|o| (4:SOUPS) hey suss, how come the mail is not coming through on Bragnet? |o|
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|o| (6:SUSSOP) hmmm |o|
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|o| (1:FICKLE PRINCESS) Entering ... |o|
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|o| (1:FICKLE PRINCESS) Hello pple, and others |o|
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|o| (2:HERO POWER) hi fickle |o|
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|o| (1:FICKLE PRINCESS) Hi Hero, soups, bad and sus .... snoo ? |o|
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|o| (6:SUSSOP) not much fickle, snoo with you ? |o|
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|o| (3:BAD IMAGE) I made a friend today, fickle .... |o|
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|o| (1:FICKLE PRINCESS) yeah ? |o|
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|o| (3:BAD IMAGE) yeah ..... but her head fell off .... |o|
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|o| (1:FICKLE PRINCESS) oh right ... well ....yeah |o|
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|o| (6:SUSSOP) hmmm |o|
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|o| (3:BAD IMAGE) I'm so depressed ... I think I will shell to dos and |o|
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|o| format my hard disk .... back soon |o|
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|o| (3:BAD IMAGE) Leaving ... |o|
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|o| (6:SUSSOP) hmmm |o|
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|o| (3:DEAD NINJA) Entering ... |o|
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|o| (3:DEAD NINJA) Hey Suss, when are you gonna upgrade my access, huh ? |o|
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|o| (6:SUSSOP) When I bloody feel like it ! quit nagging me will ya ! |o|
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|o| (2:HERO POWER) hey Soups ... I got some new CD's today ... |o|
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|o| (0:I-AM HOTSKI) Entering ... |o|
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|o| (0:I-AM HOTSKI) Hi, I'm GOD and you're gone ! |o|
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|o| |o|
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|o| |o|
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|o| *** Operator Halted By System *** |o|
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|o| |o|
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|o| NO CARRIER |o|
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|o|-------------------------------------------------------------------------|o|
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JAYMES: I don't know, my lady ... it seems to be some kind of gibberish ... I'm
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afraid I can't make sense of it at all ! Where did this printout come from ?
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LADY P: From the main Internal Residue computer system .... there seems to be
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some kind of serious problem over there. I think terrorists have taken over the
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C.A.F.E computer !
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JAYMES: Well ... do you think we should investigate ?
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LADY P: Yes ! to the car, Jaymes !
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JAYMES: At once, my lady !
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{At breakneck speed through heavy traffic Jaymes manouvres the mighty Volvo.
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Apart from a few minor scrapes and a brush with a telephone pole, they reach
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the secret headquarters of Internal Residue in its secluded location in
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downtown Blackburn.}
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JAYMES: We're here, my lady, you can open your eyes now ....
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LADY P: Next time I think you had better let ME drive, Jaymes ....
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JAYMES: As you wish, my lady.
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LADY P: Whose is that battered little blue car over there, Jaymes ? Do you
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think it might belong to one of the terrorists ?
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{At that moment, a huge yellow vehicle swings round the corner, and careers
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into the Datsun. *!CRASH!* The driver of the yellow car leaps from his seat and
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takes out a magnifying glass, and begins inspecting the highly polished surface
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of his vehicle minutely.}
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SCOTT: Oh my god ! MY DUCO ! It's got blue paint on it ! What kind of IDIOT
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would park their car on a street anyway ! It's their fault ! I'll sue !
|
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LADY P: Oh, its you Scott .... did John get in touch with you ?
|
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SCOTT: {still fuming} Yes ! He said that Jeff needs our help .... I expect that
|
|
the others will be here any moment.
|
|
|
|
{an assortment of other vehicles arrive, disgorging their various pilots and
|
|
drivers into the roadway not far from the luxurious mansion which doubled as
|
|
the secret headquarters of Internal Residue.}
|
|
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|
VIRGIL: Okay you lot ... here's my plan ... we all sneak into the house, while
|
|
Scott stays out here and surrounds the place ...
|
|
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SCOTT: Hang on, how do you expect me to surround the place on my own ?
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|
|
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VIRGIL: Be creative, Scott ... think laterally !
|
|
|
|
{Serious plans are formulated, and the team prepares to strike just before dawn
|
|
In the meantime, they send out for pizza and beer, to nourish and sustain them-
|
|
selves during their long vigil.}
|
|
|
|
ALAN: There had better be at least one pizza here without anchovies, or olives,
|
|
else I am gonna complain !
|
|
|
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JAYMES: Who brought the Red-Back ? I wanted VB !!!!!
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
[Dum-d-de-de-da-de-dum-de-de-dum-da-da-de-dum-diddy-dum-doo-dar-drhhhh]
|
|
|
|
--------------------- {later ....just before dawn...}
|
|
|
|
{Stealthily they creep into the darkened and silent house, bypassing the
|
|
security system installations. They make their way down dim hallways, and stop
|
|
outside the door of the Internal Residue Monitoring Room. Gathering their
|
|
courage in both hands, they burst into the room .... only to find it deserted.
|
|
Shocked they gaze at the mounds of partially dismantled equipment strewn over
|
|
every surface, the LED's all flashing at once in some kind of syncopated,
|
|
primal rhythm.}
|
|
|
|
GORDON: What the photon is going on here ?
|
|
|
|
{With a laugh Scott leans over and methodically presses the RESET button on
|
|
each modem}
|
|
|
|
VIRGIL: What did you do that for ?
|
|
|
|
SCOTT: I don't know ... I just felt like it !
|
|
|
|
LADY P: Hey guys - look at the monitor !
|
|
|
|
ALAN: Shit! Its Max Headroom ! Inside the monitor!
|
|
|
|
GORDON: No it isn't, it's Jeff ! Wait ... he's trying to say something !
|
|
|
|
{Inside the monitor Jeff is writing on the glass with an indelible marker.}
|
|
|
|
VIRGIL: Hey it reads:
|
|
!epyt-elet eht no nruT !ereh ni deppart m'I pleH
|
|
|
|
ALAN: What's that supposed to mean ?
|
|
|
|
BRAINS: He's written it on the inside of the screen .... let me see ...
|
|
it SHOULD say:
|
|
Help I'm trapped in here! Turn on the tele-type !
|
|
|
|
SCOTT: Is this the tele-type over here ?
|
|
|
|
{he leans over and flicks the power switch on a large and essentially evil-
|
|
looking device. The device hums, and then the lights in the room steadily dim
|
|
as it drains the power supply. A strangely queasy sensation overwhelms the
|
|
intrepid band and they find themselves slowly de-rezzing in the luminous glow
|
|
emanating from the strange device.}
|
|
|
|
ALL: Oh my god !!!!!
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
[Dum-d-de-de-da-de-dum-de-de-dum-da-da-de-dum-diddy-dum-doo-dar-drhhhh]
|
|
|
|
--------------------- {Inside the C.A.F.E computer}
|
|
|
|
JEFF: Just great, you guys, you were SUPPOSED to rescue me ! Not get trapped in
|
|
here yourselves !
|
|
|
|
SCOTT: Oh, sorry, Jeff.
|
|
|
|
JEFF: Great pack of rescuers you are ! Who's going to rescue us all now ?
|
|
|
|
VIRGIL: Well, we gotta figure out some way to get out of here ...
|
|
|
|
JEFF: There's just this one problem, Virge ....theres a scheduled system event
|
|
in forty-five minutes ... that doesn't leave us a lot of time.
|
|
|
|
LADY P: I don't follow you, Jeff .... what do you mean ?
|
|
|
|
JEFF: I mean that we have to find our way out of here before that event, or we
|
|
are HISTORY.
|
|
|
|
GORDON: Why is that then, Jeff ?
|
|
|
|
JEFF: I just installed a new utility that purges EVERYTHING that is extraneous
|
|
from the entire system ... sort of a super garbage collection routine. Jaymes
|
|
wrote it.
|
|
|
|
SCOTT: And it works ? INCREDIBLE !!!
|
|
|
|
JAYMES: What's that supposed to mean ?
|
|
|
|
SCOTT: Nothing, nothing .....
|
|
|
|
ALAN: Well how do we get out of here then ? What's the plan ?
|
|
|
|
JEFF: I just happen to have a system map here, and we are not all that far from
|
|
the multi I/O card. We should be able to get somewhere from there. Anyone any
|
|
good at reading maps ?
|
|
|
|
LADY P: Ask Jaymes ... he NEVER gets lost !
|
|
|
|
ALAN: Yeah, because there is always someone ready to tell him where to go !
|
|
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
[Dum-d-de-de-da-de-dum-de-de-dum-da-da-de-dum-diddy-dum-doo-dar-drhhhh]
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
{Later, in the second chip from the right on the multi I/O card}
|
|
|
|
JEFF: Oh this is hopeless ... there's less than 5 minutes left before the
|
|
system event. We're not going to make it !
|
|
|
|
VIRGIL: Hold on ! Whats this opening over here ?
|
|
|
|
JEFF: That's just a null device ... leave it alone ... its not important right
|
|
now ....
|
|
|
|
VIRGIL: I can hear sounds coming out of it !
|
|
|
|
BRAINS: In theory, that's impossible ... a null device is rather like a black
|
|
hole .... once something goes in there it never comes out !
|
|
|
|
VIRGIL: I'm sure I can hear someone or something in there ! Hey Gordon, Alan,
|
|
help me get this path open !
|
|
|
|
ALAN: If we could only find a file somewhere round here, we could use it as a
|
|
lever to prise it open .... but there is nothing here like that... just this
|
|
murky pool of decaying bits...
|
|
|
|
JAYMES: Hold it ! can you see a semi colon in there .... someone ? Yes, there's
|
|
one .... ASCII 59, hex 3B .... perfect ! All we have to do is specify the path
|
|
name using this semi-colon, and the null device will open automatically.
|
|
|
|
JEFF: It's working ! but I still don't see how that is going to help us ...
|
|
less than 3 minutes until the event now !
|
|
|
|
[Slowly the doorway grinds open, as they specify their path with the semi-colon
|
|
... the faint cries become louder and clearer ... then Tin Tin emerges from the
|
|
dark and gloomy looking device.]
|
|
|
|
GORDON: Hey, there IS someone in there... it's TIN TIN !
|
|
|
|
TIN TIN: Thank god you saved me ... I thought I would never get out of there ..
|
|
it was so dark and lonely, it was even worse than going to a Happy Hacking Meet
|
|
....
|
|
|
|
SCOTT: That's it ! We'll hide in the null device until after the system event,
|
|
that way we'll be sure to be safe .... won't we ?
|
|
|
|
JEFF: Quick everyone, into the null device and close the path ... it's the only
|
|
way we will survive ....
|
|
|
|
BRAINS: But, but, but ....
|
|
|
|
JEFF: No Buts .... anyway, goats are a real turn-off !
|
|
|
|
BRAINS: Yeah, but if we close the path, we will be lost ... how will we ever
|
|
get out of there again ?
|
|
|
|
JAYMES: We'll wedge the path so that it doesn't completely shut, then after the
|
|
event we'll open it up again ... that should work !
|
|
|
|
JEFF: Well Don't just do something, STAND THERE !!!! ..err I mean ... you know
|
|
what I mean ... get into that device, QUICK !!!
|
|
|
|
{With mere seconds to spare they force the portal to the null device to open,
|
|
and everyone crowds into it. Once inside, they pull the door so that it is
|
|
almost closed. A dull roaring noise begins in the distance, swiftly growing
|
|
louder and nearer.}
|
|
|
|
LADY P: What's that noise ?
|
|
|
|
JEFF: That's the system event .... we're saved !
|
|
|
|
{With a deafening crash of white noise, the event sweeps through the system
|
|
like a tsunami, sweeping all the debris before it in a mighty rush The Internal
|
|
Residue team stagger from the null device, and let out a wild cheer, pounding
|
|
one another on the back and congratulating Jeff on his brilliance.}
|
|
|
|
JEFF: This is all well and good, but we are still stuck in here ... we still
|
|
have to find some way out.
|
|
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
[Dum-d-de-de-da-de-dum-de-de-dum-da-da-de-dum-diddy-dum-doo-dar-drhhhh]
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
{Several hours later, still inside the computer...}
|
|
|
|
JEFF: Oh, this is hopeless ... we're just wandering round in circles here ...
|
|
we'll never find a way out !
|
|
|
|
JAYMES: If we could find our way into the serial port, we could maybe escape
|
|
when the computer closes down to poll for mail ... but we'd have to be quick !
|
|
|
|
JEFF: OK, we'll try that then ... we haven't got anything to lose !
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
[Dum-d-de-de-da-de-dum-de-de-dum-da-da-de-dum-diddy-dum-doo-dar-drhhhh]
|
|
|
|
--------------------- { The next day }
|
|
|
|
JEFF: Well, I'm glad that's over, it's nice to be back in the real world again.
|
|
|
|
VIRGIL: Yeah, though it was a close call at the end there !
|
|
|
|
LADY P: Did you see the look on Erk's face when we all materialised, full size,
|
|
on his computer desk ???? I thought I would die laughing !
|
|
|
|
SCOTT: Didn't do his computer much good though did it ??? What I don't
|
|
understand is why we ended up at his board at all ... he's not even part of the
|
|
network !!!!
|
|
|
|
ALAN: I suppose he thought that if he diverted some of the mail from the
|
|
C.A.F.E. computer, his board would actually get some interesting messages for a
|
|
change.
|
|
|
|
[FX- the phone rings]
|
|
|
|
VIRGIL: Shh ! Quiet everyone ... there's an incoming call. Jeff, you answer it.
|
|
|
|
JEFF: {Picking up the phone} Hello, umm yes. This is the right place
|
|
" International Pizza - you buy 'em, we fly 'em" ... one medium size with the
|
|
lot, hold the anchovies ??? great, it will be there in about 15 minutes. {he
|
|
hangs up the phone} Ok .. whose turn is it to make the delivery this time ?
|
|
|
|
BRAINS:{consulting the roster} Actually, its Gordon's turn, but he just crashed
|
|
Chunderbird Four into the swimming pool again, so I guess it will have to be
|
|
Alan.
|
|
|
|
ALAN: How come I get all the wally jobs now that Benny isn't here ?
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
[Dum-d-de-de-da-de-dum-de-de-dum-da-da-de-dum-diddy-dum-dah!-dah!-darh!-drrrh]
|
|
|
|
THE END
|
|
|
|
---------------------
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
What did Bruce Wayne get up to during his holiday in New Zealand? Well, ponder
|
|
not, as one of our sneakier roving reporters caught this snap-shot of the
|
|
playboy at work...
|
|
|
|
+------------------------------------------------------+
|
|
| +--------------------------------------------------+ |
|
|
| | | |
|
|
| | /\\\\\ | |
|
|
| | (o \\\\\ | |
|
|
| | <_ \\\\\ | |
|
|
| | # \____/ | |
|
|
| | ####### # / \ | |
|
|
| | #O##\_/###############]____/__ / | | |
|
|
| | baa! >#####################]------' | | |
|
|
| | ############[CENSORED!]_ | | |
|
|
| | ############### |,' `| | |
|
|
| | ## ## {| {| | |
|
|
| | ... ## ...... ## ..!!. !!...... | |
|
|
| | ..... /_I . ...... /_I ../_]./_]... | |
|
|
| | .......... .......... ........ | |
|
|
| | | |
|
|
| +--------------------------------------------------+ |
|
|
+------------------------------------------------------+
|
|
|
|
Note : We also had a photograph of Garet Jax at play with the native animals
|
|
however we couldn't show you in the interests of public health. Even our hidden
|
|
cameraman developed fits of vomiting while adjusting his lens, and the new
|
|
wall-paper in the Rat Society Darkroom looks great.
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
T H E B B S U S E R S' P R A Y E R
|
|
|
|
Hail Sysop
|
|
Who art in Heaven
|
|
Hallowed be Thy Board...
|
|
Thy hacking be done
|
|
On HRC as well as Black Board
|
|
Give us this day
|
|
Our daily chat
|
|
And forgive us our hacking of fellow users accounts
|
|
As we forgive those that hack ours
|
|
And don't reduce our access
|
|
For the power, the glory and `da button' are yours
|
|
For ever and ever
|
|
Hey man !
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
T H E D E A D R A T S O C I E T Y
|
|
|
|
I S
|
|
|
|
editor.................................Inka Princess
|
|
|
|
founder................................Doc
|
|
|
|
artists................................Zero Hour
|
|
Doc
|
|
|
|
members..*Cefiar *Psychosonic Cindy
|
|
*The Walrus *Lachy
|
|
*Mr Jordan *Captain Blood
|
|
*Anarchadian Ambassador (Dave) *General Discomfort
|
|
*Bruce Wayne (Miracle Max) *Psycho Felix
|
|
*Big Bad John *The System
|
|
*Qwerty *Oing
|
|
*Grasshopper *Super Boy
|
|
*Pennywise *Handyman
|
|
*Maverick *Defcon One
|
|
*Second Row *The Sage
|
|
*Ivan Trotsky *Infiltrator
|
|
*Snowy *The Rose
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
If your name is not on this list please apply to Inka Princess .. c/o Decadence
|
|
for a membership form, or, if you wish your name removed from the list, make
|
|
cheques payable to Cash and send to the Society c/o the Cafe.
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
C A L L T H E S E B O A R D S
|
|
|
|
The Cafe...........................894-2815
|
|
|
|
when engaged, call..
|
|
|
|
Nightmare..........................560-7386
|
|
Phase V............................233-6976
|
|
Chicago.....................<down for good>
|
|
The Real Connection................808-0810
|
|
808-0331
|
|
Time Scape.........................561-5217
|
|
The CrossOver......................364-1282
|
|
|
|
and introducing..
|
|
|
|
Decadence BBS
|
|
-* The Home Of The Dead Rat Society *-
|
|
running from 11pm -> 6am
|
|
to run 24hrs as soon as Telecom pulls their finger out
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
o
|
|
I I
|
|
I I _ ,-.,-. ,-.,-.
|
|
I `'I II_II___II_II
|
|
I @ I_I I I \
|
|
/ ___,-, _\.__
|
|
\/ `.____________/ `.__.--.__.--'
|
|
|
|
THIS HAS BEEN A PRODUCTION OF THE DEAD RAT SOCIETY.
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|