254 lines
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254 lines
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Lines in this issue: 253 Total K-ege du0d: 14195 bytes.
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UNREGISTERED EDITION OF PUD!!! UNREGISTERED EDITION OF PUD!!!
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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PuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUd
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PuDÕÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͸pUd
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PuD³ PiZZA UNDERGROUND DiGEST Volume 3 Issue 9 Epic 64 By: Baphomet ³pUd
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PuDÔÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;pUd
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PuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUdPuDpUd
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ ³
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º ³
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º "Oh yhea well..." ³
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º -Snappy quick comback.[1] ³
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º ³
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º My, my, my. Three simple little words. Used usually in some kind of a ³
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º possesive manner. Like oh well let's see, 'The world revolves around me ³
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º I don't care about anyone or anything else.' Sure I advocate being a ³
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º little selfish sometimes but DAMN do some people take it just a little ³
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º teeny bit to far. You know the type. They dominate local message bases ³
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º with thier little cliques and punk-ass stupid idiotic traditions. So ³
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º how do you get even with these people? You piss them off...[2] ³
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º ³
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ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ ³
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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þ PUD Stuff or Newz in the world of Pud.
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So I know you are dying to know what the hell is going on with pud. Ok
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ok so at least feign a little bit of desire to know. Pud is bigger. Um
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what does that mean? Well probably nothing other than the fact that the
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'cult' is growing. The readership is growing stronger and more diverse
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attracting even the ones we lambast so often. Well anyways bigger? Yep.
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Squinky is now some kind of member. Who the hell is he? I really don't
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know but he has submitted a really swell article to be included. What
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else do I know about him? Well God and Satan frequent his keyboard and
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he is in a really ssSwAsSss Warez group. I guess you could count the
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hymiester as a member although he is my son. Crowe? Well I don't know
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he did release a nice rip-off of pud called get this, pud. Gee for those
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who are wondering it is pud issue 3:7.5.[3] That's seven and a half for
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you little vbbs'ers who keep reading even though well tell you how
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morbid and shitty you are all the time. No courier is dead. Now on to
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really important stuff.
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þ Submissions from sQuinky!!!
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My Sweet Erik,
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Dear Erik, why have U forsakEn me? Do YOu sTilL DeNy the love we shared? I
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wISh to sTick IN it yOu like U stuck It in that dog! What you don't remember?
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Let Me DescRibE tHe Events for U!
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<VVVVVvvvvvoooooooooooooooooooSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssh!>
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It was dark! Erik was K-KOOL N 0N D M0V3, as well as sexually
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fustrated. You see, Erik was, for all intents and purposes, a virgin. He had
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come very close to having sex with his Dad once, but then the police came,
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and took Pops away.
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Erik couldn't stand it anymore. *EVERY0NE* else in LoD(Legion of
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Desperate Geeks) has had sex! The peer Torment had gotten to him, and he
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decided that being a virgin was no longer acceptable at the age of 46.
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He had explored various options, but none seemed to work out. All the
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town hookers had refused him, at the sight of his oversized clit. Not one
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female responded to his ad in Phrack World Gnuz. He attempted Necrophilia,
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but, when he brought the body home, found that it was his grandmother, and he
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couldn't deal with incest. He went to some gay bars, but was just laughed
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out, at his lack of manlyhood. Child Molestion didn't work out either. Then,
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while being thrown out of his local XXX Video store, it hit him. He fell into
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a pile of dog shit.
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"Damn! I suck!", thought Erik, "BEstitality is the answer!". He
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promptly ran to his local pet shop, and bought a Great Dane.
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Taking the Great Dane home, Erik began to get an erection. By the
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time he made it home, he was harder than Ice Cream. The Great Dane quietly
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sat in the back seat, licking his genitals clean.
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Erik unlocked the door, and turned on some mood music. He broke out
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the Wine. Erik and the Great Dane had drank about half the bottle, when Erik
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decided it was time to cure himself of his virginity. He broke out the Baby
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oil, and started to lubricate his penis. It was time Erik became a man.
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Erik creaped up on the dog, and began to enter it's oddly placed
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vaginal crevice. Erik was beginning to get excited, and could feel the heat
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eminating from it's beautiful, pink, scrumptious vagina. Suddenly, something
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began to happen! Erik thought, "AM 1 C0M1NG?". No!@! The Great Dane was
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having her period!
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Erik was so disturbed by witnessing this event, his harder-than-chalk
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erection left him within seconds! Erik let the Great Dane loose in the street,
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where it was promptly run over, and decapitated by a car.
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Soon, he began thinking, "MAYB3 1'M N0T SUPP0Z3D T0 HAVE S3X. EVERTYME
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1T ALM0ST HAPP3NZ, S0M3TH1NG HAPP3NZ TO PR3V3NT 1T. GH0D, 1 W1ZH M0M WUZ ST1LL
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AL1V3.".
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As Erik finished his sentance, a strange formation began to appear, it
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was indeed, Mom's ghost, back from the modem past!
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"my son i loved you now more in death than i loved you in life i have
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something i think u should no."
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"Y3Z, M0M? W0T 1Z 1T?"
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"i died a virgin yes it is true my son i never had sex except with my
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fingers vibrators and turkey basters also your father was a gay child molestor"
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"B0T M0M. H0W D1D I G3T C0NC1EVED?"
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"i was articfically insemenated"
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"N0! THAT C0ULD N3V3R HAPP3N! WH1T3 TRAZH LIK3 UZ C0ULD N3V3R AFF0RD
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ART1FICAL INSEMEM1NAT10N."
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"son i had ur father masturbate and then i took his cum and put it on
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a turkey baster and shoved it in me to impregnate myself i was hoping i would
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get a great son like u erik"
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"M0M WH1 D1D U APP33R TO M3?"
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"so we could cure each other of our virginity i no this must be hard
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for u so i am going to assume the shape of a dog so u can be more comfortable"
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"0K M0M! L3T'Z G3T AT 1T!@!"
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Mom's ghost took solid form, and then went down on her knees, and
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phased
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herself into the shape of a dog! Erik soon became hard once more, and was ready
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and rearing to go at it with his Mom/Dog.
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The Mom/Dog did something unexpected, she took Erik's erect penis,
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and placed it, in her mouth. Erik was shocked to have this happen. Never in his
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wildest wet dreams did he expect this! Erik attempted to come in Mom/Dog's, but
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was unsucsessful. Eventually, after half an hour of a head job, Mom/Dog gave
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up.
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Erik was still Chalk-Hard, and ready to go.. He approached the vagina
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with his meatless penis, and entered it! Erik began to rhythmically thrust, and
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Mom/Dog soon matched his great movements. Mom/Dog began to orgasm! The thought
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of making something orgasm was too much for Erik, he released his spermless
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semen. Erik was no longer a virgin. Mom/Dog evaporated, without even saying
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goodbye.
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Erik was now a true man! No longer was he Erik the Virgin, now he was
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Chris the Modem Stud!
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<VoooOooooooooooOOoooooooooooooooSh!>
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AnD ThAt ErIk, iS ThE SToRy, AS If U DID not AlrEADy know, you BiG mOdem STUD,
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U. AnYwaYs ERik, pLEASE reSpOnd, I LoVe U DAMMit@!@
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-sQuinky
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þ DEAD!
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Yep NO COURiER recently died. It's true.[4]
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þ Mail: To be or not to googa-monga.
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I prefer googa-monga but do I want to include mail. [Notice how I let
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you in on my thoughts, that's some kind of literary crap du0d!] Mail is
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really fun and it takes up space in every issue but actually releasing
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it to the fine general readership [Damn I crack myself up] of pud is
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well sometimes more than a little questionable. I mean that mail I got
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from Brett Salyer after he came in his pants was rather well rude. I
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guess brett didn't know I wasn't gay. So don't worry brett I will not
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be releasing it to the public, a man especially one like yourself with
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that affliction and all deserves the respect of not being mentioned in
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public. By the way brett, don't pick the scabs.
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þ Imagination is swell.
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Imagine, if you will how wonderfull the world would be if all the cats
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were dead. Just think of a cat free world. No famine, death or evil.
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Cats suck. Go kill yours. Or your friends. They may be upset at first
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but after they figure out how you saved them from that evil vile beast
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they will literally lick your nuts in thanks.
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þ [MaF] 7bit ascii!
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xxxxxxxxo
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xxxxxxxxxoo oo
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xxxxxxxxxoooo o o
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xxxxxxxxooooooooo <-Frontal View of an Elephant.
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xxxxxxxxooooooo
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xxxxxxxxxxxooo
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xxx
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xx
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xx
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þ Hypertext?
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Is K-RaD c00l! I swear I will digitally-remaster these issues soon
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so you to can see them in really swell hypertext form. I'm just a
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sorry lazy punk. So when I get around to it you will soon see and
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feel the might power of the HYPERTEXT[5] puds.
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þ Is PUD Dead?
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Yes. But guess what? We are still making more really stupid files
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for you to read. Know why? Ahhh I didn't think so well I will tell
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you why we are doing it. Because I for one have way to much free
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time on my hands. Waaaaaay to much. And this is better than my
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former hobby of cat killing and tennis girl molestin'. No really it
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is much better. Shut up, it is. Damn it. So has anyone ever accused
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you of rambling? I thought so. They have done it to me. Have no
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idea why they would something like that. I guess they are just so
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damn jealous of my obvious greatness that they have nothing better
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to do than reek in my super great glory. So bow now don't do it
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later after it's the 'in' thing to do. That's right submit to my
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every whim now before you are accused of jumping on the bandwagon
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you spineless little trash. I am GOD. And in all my fury you shall
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do only what I say when I say it. So no cashews on sundays! Or face
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my torturous wrath you mortal scum. Have a nice day. -GOD
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þ South Central Bell.[6]
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A bell south company.
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They hate you. They bill you every month. Strike back. The big bad phone
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company is evil. They must pay. Bad, bad, bad phone company. Bad they
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must be forced to pay in any way possible. Bad phone company. Did you
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know they really like replacing stuff? They do. So take all you want
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and phreak. Why? Because it really makes them happy.
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þ Sourced for Qoutes!
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[1] This qoute can get you out of any trouble. And it sounds really
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witty to. Sure to impress your friends and the person you have
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the balls to say it to. Only real men use this qoute...
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[2] Not that I under any circumstances believe in pissing people off.
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People who do that suck. I can safely claim that I have never once
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ever offended anyone before in either a public, private ior face to
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face conversation. Ok so maybe once or twice, but who's counting...
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[3] There is also a PUD3_8_5 by hymie detailing a trip we took.
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[4] It is true, I read it in the weekly world news something about him
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and elvis dying in a car crash.
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[5] The best way to view text files, well next to on a 110baud connect.
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[6] I like the phone company. They are our friends. They love us.
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[7] Said by fReD right after he quit his last job.
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þ MAIL <-You can send in some you know.
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You can send in mail. It's a fact.
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Send mail to:
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
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NO COURiER 25@2506 [He's dead you know.]
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Baphomet the Limbo King 14@2506 or [crfisher@nyx.cs.du.edu]
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Hymie 86@2506 or [mpruitt@uahcs2.cs.du.edu]
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Squinky Um I don't have a local address for him.
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Try [squinky@cowz.com]
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Crowe 240@2506 or on Vnet! haehehheehahheehhe
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
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FReD tHe ChiLd MolEstEr Priceville City Jail. Again.
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Mooga the Whale The seas of evermore. Searching for her
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long lost love of unknown times.
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The Brave Little Toaster At NO COURiER's Funeral.
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Roast Searching the streets for people to eat.
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Biscuit Wondering if sausage will make her as
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complete as gravy did.
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G-Bunny Playing NBA JAMS n0w du0dz! Why? CuZ he is
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hip and we all know Mortal Kombat is old
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boring NeWz.
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T0UCAN S0N 0F SAM Learning to Program in TurboQuickBasic
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the newest product from Bill Gates ]I[.
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Acoustic Saint You guess it! Off in TALK.
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Released on the date: 06-06-1993
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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³ Closing Qoute: ³
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³ "There's no business like the bottle business..." ³
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³ - fReD[7] ³
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
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