395 lines
18 KiB
Plaintext
395 lines
18 KiB
Plaintext
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ÚÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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³ ÚÙ À¿ À¿ 3
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³ ÚÙ À¿ ³ ßßßßßß ßßßßßß
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À¿ ³ ³ | À¿ ßß ßß ßß ßß
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³ \/ÄÄ \ / / ÚÙ ßßßßßß ßß ßß ßß ßßß
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ASCii byÚÙ ÚÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄ¿ ³ ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß
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[MaF] ³ ³þ³ ³þ ³ \ ßß ßßßßß ßßßßßß
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À¿ ÀÄÙ ÀÄÄÄÙ \
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ÀÂ/ \ PuD Volume 3, Issue xx
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ÚÄÙ Ú´ \ [PUD_3_x.TXT]
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ÚÙ Ú´ \
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ÚÙ ÚÙ³ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ <Even Numbered Issues by NC>
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ÚÙ ÚÄÂÂÄÙ ³ \ ÚÄ¿ ³ WWiV 2506@36 - NC
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ÚÙ ÚÄÄÙ ÀÙ ÚÄÙ \ ³ ÀÄÄ WWiV 2506@14 - Baphomet
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³ÛÛ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ \ ÚÄ¿ ³
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ÀÄÄÄÙ ³ Ú¿ ÚÄÙ ³ ³ Bless THIS:
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³ ³³ ÚÙ ³ ³ .ùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùù.
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ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³ ³À¿ ÚÙ ³ ³ : `Whine, whine, whine, whine,:
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³ Yep; that's a llama. ³ ÚÄÙ ³ ÀÄÄÄÙ ÚÄÙ ³ : whine, whine, whine." :
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ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ ÀÄÄÄÄÙ ÀÄÄÄÙ : - Bentley :
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: <Excerpt from conversation :
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: with Cameron> :
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ù.............................ù
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þ Something Worth Reading
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"Agony Column"
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by Barry N. Malzburg
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Gentlemen:
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I enclose my short story, "Three For the Universe," and know you
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will find it right for your magazine, _Astounding Spirits_.
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Yours very truly,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Contributer:
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Thank you for your recent submission. Unfortunately, although we
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have read it with great interest, we are unable to use it in
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_Astounding Spirits_. Due to the great volume of submissions we
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receive, we cannot grant all contributers a personal letter, but you
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may be sure that the manuscript has been reviewed carefully and its
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rejection is no comment upon its literary merit but may be dependant
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upon one of many other factors.
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Faithfully,
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The Editors
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Dear Editors:
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The Vietnam disgrace must be brought to an end! We have lost on
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that stained soil not only our national honor but our very future.
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The troops must be brought home and we must remember that there
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is more honor in dissent than in unquestioningly silent agreement.
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Sincerly,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Sir:
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Thank you for your recent letter to the Editors. Due to the great
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volume of worthy submissions we are unable to print every good letter
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we receive and therefore regretfully inform you that we will not be
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publishing it, this is no comment upon the value of your opinion.
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Very truly yours,
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The Editors
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Dear Congressman Forthwaite:
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I wish to bring your attention to a serious situation which is
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developing on the West Side. A resident of this neighborhood for five
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years now, I have recently observed that a large number of
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streetwalkers, dope addicts and criminal types are loitering at the
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intersection of of Columbus Avenue and 124th Street at almost all
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hours of the day, offending passers-by with their appearance and
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creating a severe blight on the area. In addition, passers-by are
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often threateningly asked for "handouts" and even "solicited." I know
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that you with me share a concern for a Better West Side and look
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forward to your comments on this situation as well as some kind of
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concrete action.
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Sincerely,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Mr. Millow:
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Thank you for your letter. Your concern for our West Side is
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appreciated and it is only through the efforts and diligence of
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constituents such as yourself that a Better New York can be conceived.
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I have forwarded your letter to the appropriate precinct office in
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Manhatten and you may expect to hear from them soon.
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Gratefully yours,
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Alwyn d. Forthwaite
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Dear Gentlemen:
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In May of this year I wrote Congressman Alwyn D. Forthwaite a letter
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of complaint, concerning conditions on the Columbus Avenue-West 124th
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Street intersection in Manhatten and was informed ny him that this
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letter was passed onto your precinct office. Since four months have
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now elapsed and since I have neither heard from you nor observed any
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change in the conditions pointed out in my letter, I now write to ask
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whether or not that letter was forwarded by you and what you have to
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say about it.
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Sincerely,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Mr. Milner:
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Our files hold no record of your letter.
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K. B. Karsh
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Captain, #33462
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Dear Sirs:
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I have read Sheldon Novack's article in the current issue of _Cry_
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with great interest but feel that I must take issue with his basic
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point, which is that sex is the consuming biological drive from which
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all other activities stem and which said other activities become only
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metamorphical for. This strikes me as a bit more of a projection of
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Mr. Novack's own functioning than that reality which he so shrewdly
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contends he appreceives.
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Sincerely,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Mr. Milton:
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Due to the great number of responses to Sheldon A. Novack's "Sex and
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Sexuality; Are We Missing Anything?" in the August issue of _Cry_, we
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will be unable to publish your own contribution in our Cry from the
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City column, but we do thank you for your interest.
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Yours,
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The Editors
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Dear Mr. President:
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I was shocked by the remarks apparently attributed to you in today's
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newspaper on the public assistance situation. Surely, you must be
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aware of the fact that social welfare legislation emerged from the
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compassionate attempt of 1930 politics to deal with human torment in
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the systematized fashion and although many of the crueltiess you note
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are inherent to the very system, they do not cast doubt upon its very
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legitimacy. Our whole national history has been one of coming to terms
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with collective consciousness as opposed to the law of the jungle, and
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I cannot understand how you could have such a position as yours.
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Sincerely,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Mr. Meller:
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Thank you very muchg for your letter of October 18th to the
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President. We appreciate your interest and assure you that without
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the concern of citizens like yourself the country would not be what it
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has become. Thank you very much and we do look forward to hearing
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from you in the future on matters of national interest.
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Mary L. McGinnity
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Presidential Assistant
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Gentlemen:
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I enclose herewith my article, "Welfare: Are We Missing Anything?"
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which I hope you you may find suitable for publication in
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_Insight Magazine_.
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Very truly yours,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Contributer:
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The enclosed has been carefully reviewed and our reluctant decision
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is that it does not quite meet our needs at the present time. Thank
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you for your interest in _Insight_.
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The Editors
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Dear Senator Partch:
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Your vote on the Armament Legislation was shameful.
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Sincerely,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Dr. Mallow:
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Thank you for your recent letter to Senator O. Stuart Partch and for
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your approval of the Senator's vote.
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L. T. Walters
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Congressional Aide
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Dear Susan Saltis:
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I think your recent decision to pose nude in that "art-photography"
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series in _Men's Companion_ was disgraceful, filled once again with
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those timeless, empty rationalizations of the licentious which have so
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little intrinsic capacity for damaga except when they are subsumed, as
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they are in your case, with abstract and vague "connections" to
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platitudes so enormous as to risk the very demolition of the ]
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collective personality.
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Yours very truly,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Sir:
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With pleasure and in answer to your request, we are enclosing a
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photograph of Miss Susan Sultis as she appears in her new movie,
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"Chariots to the Holy Roman Empire."
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Very truly yours,
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Henry T. Wyatt
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Publicity Director
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Gentlemen:
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I wonder if _Cry_ would be interested in the enclosed article which
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is not so much an article as a true documentary of the results which
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have been obtained from my efforts over recent months to correspond
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with various public figures, entertainment stars, etc., etc. It is
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frightening to contemplate the obliteration of self which the very
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devices of the 20th Century compel, and perhaps you readers might
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share my (not so retrospective) horror.
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Sincerely,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Sir:
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As a potential contributer to _Cry_ I am happy to offer you our
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"Writer's Subscription Discount" meaning that for only $5.50 you will
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receive not only a full year's subscription to (28% below newsstand
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rates, 14% below customary subscriptions) but in addition our year-end
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special issue, "Cry in the Void" at no extra charge.
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Subscription Dept.
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Dear Contributer:
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Thank you very much for your article, "Agony Column." It has been
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considered here with great interest and it is the concensus of the
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Editorial Board that while it has unusual merit it is not quite right
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for us. We thank you for your interest in _Cry_ and look forward to
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seeing more of your work in the future.
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Sincerely,
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The Editors
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Dear Congressman Forthwaite:
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Nothing has been done about the conditions I mentioned in my letter
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of about a year ago. Not one single thing!
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Bitterly,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Mr. Mills:
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Please accept our aqpologies for the delay in answering your good
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letter. Congressman Forthwaite has been involved, as you know, through
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the winter in the Food Panel and has of necessity allowed some of his
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important correspondence to await close attention.
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Now that he has the time he thanks you for your kind words of
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support.
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Yours truly,
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Ann Ananauris
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Dear Sir:
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The Adams multiple-murders are indeed interesting not only for their
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violence but because of the confession of the accused that he "did it
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so that someone would finally notice me." Any citizen can understand
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this - the desperate need to be recognized as an individual, to break
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past bureaucracy into some clear apprehension of one's self-worth, is
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one of the most basic human drives, but I am becoming increasingly
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frustrated today by a technocracy which allows less and less latitude
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for the individual to articulate hids identity and vision to be heard.
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Murder is easy; it is easy in the sense that the murderer does not
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need to embark upon an arduous course of training in order to
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accomplish his feat; his excess can come from the simple extension of
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sheer human drives... aided by basic weoponry. The murderer does not
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have to cultivate "contacts" or "fame" but can simply, by being
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/there/, vault past nihilism and into some clear, cold connection
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with the self. More and more the capacity for murder lurks within us;
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we are narrow and driven, we are almost obliterated from any sense of
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existence, we need to make that singing leap past accomplishment and
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into acknowledgement and /recognition/. Perhaps you would print this
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letter?
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Hopefully,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Sir:
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Thank you for your recent letter. We regret being unable to use it
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due to many letters of similar nature being received, but we look
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forward to your expression of interest.
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Sincerely,
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John Smith, for the Editors
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Dear Mr. President:
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I intend to assassinate you. I swear that you will not live out the
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year. It will come by rifle or knife, horn or fire, dread or terror
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but it will come and there is no way you can AVOID THAT JUDGEMENT TO
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BE RENDERED UPON YOU.
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Fuck You,
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Martin Miller
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Dear Reverend Mellbow:
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As you know, the President is abroad at the time of the writing but
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you may rest assured that upon his return your letter, along with
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thousands of other and similar expressions of hope, will be turned
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over to him and I am sure that he will appreciate your having written.
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Very truly yours,
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Mary L. McGinnity
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Presidential Assistant
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þ K0LBeRT KiD
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I would, if you do not mind, like to take a moment to recognize
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K0LBeRT KiD as quite possibly the densest, lamest, saddest, sorriest
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excuse for a multi-cellular organism that I know of. People such as
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K0LBeRT KiD only go to show that pot is indeed harmful; that it does
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truly make you an ingrown hair on the fat, sweaty ass of society.
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APPLES!
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þ Blue light specials
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In this world of ours there are many arts; but very few are so
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intriguing that they even begin to peer with the art of ransacking
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somebody's apartment while they are out of town.
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The concept and description is simple, but there are many key
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elements, factors, that must be present for your ransacking to be
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successful and bountiful.
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- The person must be out of town, visiting friends in a neighboring
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state
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- The person must be on the verge of moving out of the apartment; so
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much as to he has already begun packing
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- The person must be an acquantaince, but not a friend
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- You must of worked with this person at some time or another
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- This person must trust you
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- This person must never even begin to ponder if you would ever do
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such a thing
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- For suspense and thrills, you mustn't know when this person is
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supposed to come back home
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Such "borrowing" of another's possessions usually yields positive
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results. Think about. With a little finesse, and a K_RaD KiLLER
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ANaRCHY Du0D attitude, you are well on your way to receiving free TVs,
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Segas, VCR's, and imitation lead crystal vases.
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þ Real Mail
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Why would we include real mail, when we included well over 250 lines
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of fake mail which was more intellectually stimulating and
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entertaining than the real thing?
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Honestly, people; can you justify your wanton lust for some measly,
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slowly-typed, superficial and mindless drivel which is no more than a
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waste of bytes and download credit? Can you allow yourself to stoop
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so low that you find it sickly amusing to pry in to thought received
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by and intended for a sole individual? Can you begin to perceive how
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disgusting and repulsive you sniveling, snotty leeches are? Do you
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understand the phrase, moreover proverb and aphorism, "YOU SUCK?"
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Thank you for taking the time to read this, for it shows not only
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how you agree with what I view you as, but also shows that you both do
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not have anything better to do with your worthless existance, and you
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unconsciously beg to be humiliated and embarrassed by those who do not
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hesitate to tell you who you are.
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You kept reading. DAMN, YOU SUCK.
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þ Congieniality
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PuD has been determined the leader in audience congienality by
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_Newsweek_, _Time_, and _Highlights for Children_. Special thanks
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go to fReD for discovering this little-known fact for us.
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þ News, n00z<fT>
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- Contrary to popular belief here in Alabama, General Robert E. Lee
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surrendered yo Ulysses S. Grant in 1865 at the Appomattox Courthouse,
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at Appomattox, Alabama.
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- The new Mr. Bronwstone alias does not have a period.
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Buggs Bunny has been deleted.
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- The official name of Project/X is now...
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"Used To Be Visions Of Chrome Before It Was Hit By A Virus"
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(That's utbVOCbiwhbav, for short.)
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- Street Fighter ][: Oh.... Nevermind.
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- End PuD v3i2 -
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"Sometimes, I wish I could be selectively deaf."
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- NC @Jeff's
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þ Contact Us.
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All submissions and E/Mail will be mentioned, included, or ignored;
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so what's there to lose?
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NC 2506@36 WWiVN
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BTLK 2506@14 WWiVN
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TBLT EvenInGWaReZ Dept, Dollar General
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TS0S Sneed
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fReD Attica
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Mooga From sea to oily sea
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<*** This Is The End o' The File, As We Know It. ***>
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