354 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
354 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
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pUd v2.12
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[PUD_2_12.TXT]
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"Electricity cost less today, y'know, than it did many long years ago!"
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‘ MAIL. MAIL. MAIL. THIS COMPLETE SENTENCE DOES NOT DESERVE A PERIOD
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(9/0): Sister for sale, cheap!
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Name: Digital Saint #1 @2506
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Date: Thu Apr 01 22:36:57 1993
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For Sale:
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One non-talking sister. Responds to "Mandy." Not thoroughly trained.
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Just now learning to say "Hello" when she picks up the telephone.
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Asking $32.27, obo.
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Call me voice 1-205-882-0623 or Mail WWIV 1@2506 for more info.
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digital saint
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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It's April 1st, does anybody know what THAT means?
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Cat-Tossing by NC
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The PuD Expos‚! - Digital Saint! by NC
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Hot new ORIGINAL Pascal code by Satan's Mutt by Satan's Mutt
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Blistex Active Ingredients by Blistex, Inc. Oak Brook, Il.
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Cat tossing is more than a mere sport, it's an artform. Personally, I feel
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I have near perfected this ancient art, moreso on asphalt. There's nothing
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quite like the saticfaction you get from chasing down an innocent cat, throwing
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it as far as you can, and hearing it "plop" <onomatopaeia> on paved road.
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Of course, you can't always play this down. Sometimes, you need to act as if
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you legitamately wanted the cat to land in the grass. You have to lie and say
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and that you meant no actual harm in the first place. This is usally enough to
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make the compassionate <loosely> forget about the entire incident until it is
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brought up some two months later. By then, it's ok.
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Let us now look at the scientific aspects of cat throwing. The cat,
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unbeknowest to most, is a quite aerodynamic animal. The cat is well suited for
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tossing. Quite streamlined, the cat allows for the passage of air quite easily
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over the body. Closer examination reveals the fact the cat's tail allows for
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stability and flow disclosure through the air. It is recommended that when
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throwing for distance, you use either a short-haired or better yet, shaven and
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lubricated (With WD-40) specimen, for less drag. When throwing for fun, you
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might want to use a long-haired cat, seeing as how they look the most painful as
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they hit the concrete. Briefly, an explanation of Catdynamics:
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According to Bernoulli's Principle, the increase in flow velocity is relative
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to a decrease in pressure, and vice versa. Although the lift dictated by a
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cat's somewhat cylindrical body is nominal, we must refer to this principle in
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that it will allow for a much smoother toss. The principle corresponds with the
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fact that when thrown correctly, the air will move faster over the cat's dorsal
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surface than it's ventral. The resulting decrease in the pressure above the cat
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results in a small amount of lift. Though this lift will not result in any
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gliding, it will defy gravity somewhat and satabilize the cat's flight. The
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better the stability, the longer the flight. The greater the upward pull, the
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further the distance.
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The lack of body hair results in less drag because a smoother surface allows
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for sort of rolling friction rather than sliding. A lubricated cat is even
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better; the air's fluid friction against the fluid friction of WD-40 reduces
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the abrasiveness of movement, and smells good.
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The cat is also a very strong animal. The cat is one of the better-suited
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mammalian jumpers. Utilize this feature. Always hold the cat in such a way
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that it's back paws are in the palm of your throwing hand. Your other hand
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should be placed under the rib cage. When you scare the cat, It will try to
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jump from your arms, using it's back feet. Make the most of this situation.
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When throwing in the "launch" style, the cat's jumpiness will result in greater
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distance.
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There are two widely used cat-throwing methods: The "Launch" procedure, and
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the shot-put procedure. Both of these methods have their pros and cons. The
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Launch procedure, recognized as the funnest, usually does not result in great
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distance. To Launch the cat, you hold it with your throwing hand cradling the
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rear paws, and your other hand holding the rib cage. Holding it slightly above
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the waist, run forward about five steps and thrust the cat forward after raising
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it to shoulder height. To Shot-Put, hold the cat by it's posterior, with the
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other hand around it's neck. Running forward and spinning 720ø thrust the cat
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forward while converting the centrifugal force to forward motion.
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Other popular cat-throwing techniques:
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- Discus Style (Recommended for Kittens)
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- Bowling (Recommended for the Manx)
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- Ball-and-Chain Style (Not for the Manx)
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- Softball Slow Pitch
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- Softball Fast Pitch
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- Bocci Yard Bowl Style
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þ Hot New K_Rad Pascal 7.0 Code by Satan's Mutt!
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{ ClearScreen v1.0â by Satan's Mutt [DFX]
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coded in Turbo Pascal v7.0 11/24/92 - 04/01/93
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I think this release is finally Bug-Free.
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I did not use a toolkit for this program,
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but if you have any to spare please upload
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them to my VX .83 <cracked> BBS @2056500302.
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Thank you for your support, and may DFX live
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long and prosper, because I like being USED.
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** Now Supports 50-Line VGA mode screens, unlike v0.50á!
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}
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uses crt;
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begin;
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('Note that the screen is not completely clear. Please Register.');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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WriteLn('');
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end.
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--- Clear Screen v1.0â in C ---
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#include "tpcmac.h"
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/* ClearScreen v1.0â by Satan's Mutt [DFX]
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coded in Turbo Pascal v7.0 11/24/92 - 04/01/93
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I think this release is finally Bug-Free.
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I did not use a toolkit for this program,
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but if you have any to spare please upload
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them to my VX .83 <cracked> BBS @2056500302.
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Thank you for your support, and may DFX live
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long and prosper, because I like being USED.
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-- Now Supports 50-Line VGA mode screens, unlike v0.50á!
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*/
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main(argc,argv)
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int argc;
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char *argv[];
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{ ;
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("Note that the screen is not completely clear. Please Register.\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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printf("\n");
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}
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þ The PuD Expos‚!
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Yhea, PuD likes to expose modem disgraces every now and then, thus we must
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ruin a life every week or so. This time, we will expose DIGITAL SAINT.
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First, the piece of mail that sent PuD over the edge, and ultimately results
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in the destrucion of the poor geek's life.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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(2/2): Intruder's Phone Number!
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Name: Digital Saint #1 @2506
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Date: Thu Apr 01 22:36:57 1993
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Dammit, you post Intruder's phone number and real name and you forget
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mine. Why the hell should he get any special treatment? I want my god damn
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phone number and real name put into the VERY NEXT issue you release. I want
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world wide fame at my doorstep and on my phone RIGHT now. My real name is Matt
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Midboe and real phone number is (205)882-0623. I am sick and tired of letting
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everyone else get the limelight. And I realize that PUD has that huge
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readership of oh what 11-12 around the world now? But it is still a starting
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place!
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digital saint
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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** First and formeost, I would like to enforce the fact that this PuD Expos‚ was
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** NOT requested. Thank you.
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Info on Digital Saint:
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Known Aliases: Digital Saint, Acoustic One, Analog Deacon, Satan's Mutt
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BBS Run: Project/X (1-205-883-0894)
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This BBS is also known as:
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"Used to be Visions of Chrome, before it was hit by a virus"
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Real Name: Matt Midboe
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Voice Phone: 1-205-882-0623
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Immediate Family: None <Assassinated by PuD three weeks ago>
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Family Embarassment: Mandy <Talkin' Girl>
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Spouse: Zazzy Orange Angel
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Favorite Food: Gravel
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Favorite Color: Puce
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Favorite Word: Buttafuoco (That's my favorite word, but isn't it everyone's?)
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Number of teeth intact: 4«
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-- By the way, Dig:
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It's April 1st, and that fool's joke is thrown RIGHT BACK AT YA'!
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þ Blistex Active Ingredients
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Allantoin 1%
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Camphor 0.5%
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Phenol 0.5%
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------The End
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MAIL US.
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This ain't no joke, freaks. These are real addresses. Try them yourself.
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T0UCAN S0N 0F SAM - Any VX v.83 <cracked> BBS
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THe BRaVe LiTTLe ToaSTeR - Home WaReZ Dept, Billy's Mini-Market
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fReD tHe HiTmAn - Any k00l board with 7 Co-SysOps
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JUNior - Your mother's bed
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Baphomet - WWiV 2506@14
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NC - 2506@36
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If you want, please leave drop a message in the NEW PuD Voice Mailbox!
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The number is 1-205-880-9566. Give us a call... NOW!
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BoardzZZZzzzZZZzzZZzzzZZzzzz
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The following are not "Dist Sites," but their sysops were kind enough to set
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apart a file area specifically for PuD, which I think is noteworthy. Keep in
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mind, these boards are aimed at quality users only. That is why I never call.
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Please don't call these boards unless you are confident you are worthy, because
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I don't want to hear Digital Saint whine about shit like that anymore.
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Thank you.
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Project/X (o-DaY PuD WaRe!)
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1200/14400 (MNP« - K00Ky modem)
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digital saint
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WWiV 2506
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1-205-883-0894 - Node 2: 882-0623 (ask for Mandy)
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The Obloid Sphere (o-7 day PuD ware)
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2400?/14400 (Funky Viva modem)
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James Hetfield (Coincidence. Really.)
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BLaH Dist Si<gh>t
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1-708-965-3098
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