277 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
277 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
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[PUD_2_10.TXT]
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°°°°°
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°°°
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ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜßÜ
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Û±±±±ß±±±±±±±ßßÜ Üß±±ÞÝ
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ÞݱO±±±±±±±±±±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û
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Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û
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Û±±±±Â±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ
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Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û
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ÞÝÄÄÄÙ±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ
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Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÜÜßßßßܱÛ
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ßßßßßßßßßßßßßß ß
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PuD v2.10
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"They're Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!"
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‘ All hail Mooga. Please.
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Ÿ How to DisKo like a Chinchilla Pt. 1
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Ÿ Names for ALLiANCES (K_RaD Komraderies)
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Ÿ Sofware Review: G0RiLLuZzZ/386ý by PBK
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Ÿ The Rules of CyberPunk
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Ÿ Toenail Clipping 101
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Ÿ PuD Analysis: Noserings
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þ How to DisKo like a Chinchilla
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As our "[Greater Llama] KULT FOLLOWING" well knows, PuD is even MORE than
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the T/FiLE to end all T/FiLES. It is more than the cure for most strange
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Tropical Diseases. It is also a self-help magazine.
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PuD SeLF/HeLP:
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"Help Yourself"
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- Jeff (Try to pick up on that inside joke, Analog.)
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(Yet another inside joke. Whoops.)
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Anyway, in this PuD we shall teach you the newest, greatest Country-Western
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dance craze since the Achy-Breaky: CHinchilla DisKo.
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Chinchilla DisKo Basics:
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1) You put your right leg in
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2) You pull your right leg out
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3) You do the Chinchilla DisKo
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4) And stop doing the Hokey Pokey
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Advanced Chinchilla DisKo Directives:
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- The Setup
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1) Make an Altar out of Stolen Lumber
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2) Light a Lot of Candles
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3) Extinguish the Candles and Dispose of Them
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4) Invite over both of your friends
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5) Draw a 70/20ø Rhombus on the floor
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6) Pop your "Hair" Broadway Play Sountrack in to the 8/Track player
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- Placement
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1) The three of you should stand at perfect right angles to each other
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2) When you give up on the right angle thing, becuase any idiot knows that you
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can't have three (not even two) right angles in a triangle, go on to step 3.
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3) Stand at equal intervals to each other, facing outward of the Rhombus
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- Choreography
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1) Jump and turn 180ø in the air
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2) At opposing intervals, hold your arms out and move them up and down
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3) Shake your boody
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4) Tap your left foot as your right ankle is placed behind the head
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5) Spin on your right foot. This may take some concentration.
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6) Shout "Oooh!" as you somersault between the legs of a friend
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7) Stand up, turn around, at repeat process
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8) After ten minutes, Place an initialized toaster in the center of the rombus
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9) Repeat steps 1-7 until severe burns inhibit movement
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þ Names for ALLiANCES (K_RaD Komraderies)
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Though we're still pissed, we have accepted the fact that the three-letter
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acronym, created by US, is in use today and will continue to be so for an awful
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long time.
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For those who are sad, I have compiled a short list of good names for YOUR
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alliance, if you actually lack the creativity.
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ALLIANCE - for the dangerously lame and EXTREMELY uncreative
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PeV - Penuses En Vogue
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DDA - Debbie Does Assembly
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WEaK - WaReZ, E/ZiNES, and K0De
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HFWG - High-Fivin' WaReZ GuyzZz
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WotlW - WaReZ, oh that lovely WaReZ
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TDT - HA!!! HA!!! HA!!!
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BMoF - Be My Only Friend
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iWM - Idiots With Modems
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YoU - Your Only Underground
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MME - Murder Made Easy
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W0oF - Wimps 0f o/Day FiLEzZz
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SToP - This before I yack.
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þ G0RiLLuZzzZZzzZz/386ý by The PuD BaL0NiE CoderzZz
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G0R386 is an innovative new game written entirely in 386 specific PaSM
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assembly code (QuickBasic converted to Turbo C++).
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The game supports two players, and the object is to hit the other gorilla
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with a banana that you throw. Velocity, Angle, as well as Gravity is
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adjustable. The game supports 1280x1024x32k resolutions, and receives Four
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Stars (****) from the PuD Software Review Ratings Committee. This game is
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strongly recommended for anybody who owns a 386 or above, and is somewhat
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recommended for those who use a 286 or lower.
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The sole release of G0RiLLuZzzZZzzZz will be included in that thing that we
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always hype; the DTR.
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þ The Rules Of CyberPunk
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Since we can't all be PEPSi MaN <sic> or Cactus Brat, everybody wants to
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be a part of the newest, most-overrated, most-idiotic computer fad: CyberPunk.
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CyberPunk has been documented in Time magazine, as well as other wide-read
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publications. This fad has even been ostracised in Hubba Bubba Chewing Gum
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Commercials. No, it can't be a fad if it's featured in a commercial.
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Personally, I would much rather join the now-dead Hula Hoop fad than show a
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lack of gray matter in my skull and become a CyberPunk. Face it. CyberPunks
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suck. At least Hula Hoops were mildly amusing.
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As requested by me, I shall now list the rules of CyberPunk:
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1) CyberPunks must read the Illuminati twice a day
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2) CyberPunks must watch BladeRunner while reading the Illuminati
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3) CyberPunks must always have a current subscription to Mondo 2000
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4) CyberPunks must wear leather or an environment-friendly substitute
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5) CyberPunks must proclaim CyberPunkiness on WWiVNet
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6) CyberPunks must proclaim CyberPunkiness on VirtualNet
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7) CyberPunks must proclaim arrogance
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8) CyberPunks must pretend not to care when they actually do
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9) CyberPunks must act more intelligent than they really are
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10) CyberPunks must act like they have a knowledge of herbs
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11) CyberPunks must listen to Technocrap
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12) CyberPunks must have a modem or a peripheral which closely resembles one
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13) CyberPunks must know how to make a PowerGlove work with an IBM
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14) CyberPunks must suck at all times
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15) CyberPunks must be idiotic enough to think Rend386 is Virtual Reality
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16) CyberPunks must not play the CyberSpace door game
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17) CyberPunks must lack the imagination to play the CyberSpace door game
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18) CyberPunks must be social cripples
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19) CyberPunks must watch The Lawnmower Man when finished with BladeRunner
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20) CyberPunks must secretively watch Care Bear Pornography
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21) CyberPunks must get off on InterNet access and low-paying jobs
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- NC "Avid CP Loather"
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þ Toenail Clipping 101
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Just bite 'em.
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þ PuD Analysis
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Well, not that this is really an outstanding article; we tend to analyze most
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everything before we make fun of it. However, many simpletons such as your self
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do not follow this without explanation. For this reason I will be kind enough
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to analyze The Nosering, step by step, and let you understand how the
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comprehension thing works. I'm sure you're not familiar with such.
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Before we piss off a select few, let me say that if this offends you, and you
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hold a grudge, chances are you have not the self confidence nor esteem to look
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someone or something in the eye. This may be why you wear a nosering.
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Analysis:
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Noserings
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Typicals:
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Noserings are most often worn by those who think that their personal
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appearance makes a difference in society. Noserings are frequented by people
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who think they make a difference, or simply try to look like some sort of freak
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activist with no personal qualities whatsoever.
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Personality:
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Nosering wearer personality tends to encompass many dislikable types.
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Type 1:
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Whiney, sniveling moochers that try too hard to be accepted. These
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embarrassments tend to think that their wearing a nosering makes them look as
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if social stature means not a thing to them. We all know it is the opposite.
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Type 2:
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Conforming Non-Conformists. These fools think that in in order to conform to
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the laws of non-conformity, they must wear such jewelry. Non-Conformity is
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cool. Really. In order to be a really cool non-conformist, you must look like
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a Betty Ford Clinic patron. Conform, or conform.
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Type 3:
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The Starved. These wretches want nothing more than attention. Society has
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shunned them for their lack of personality and/or creativity, and therefore
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they must live for the occasional stare from some old guy at a mall. This old
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guy is probably trying to keep a straight face, hence the shocked-looking
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expression.
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Type 4:
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The Bandwagoneers. These rejects have nothing better to do than follow along
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with the other Nosering-wearer personality types. Just trying to fit in,
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that's all. This goes back to the non-conformity thing.
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Type 5:
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The CyberWannaBe's. These people want to be CyberPunks. As we all know,
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CyberPunks and their Gynelotrimin-laced Cherry Kool-Aid smart drugs suck. The
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typical CyberWannaBe tried their hardest to make you think they are actually
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intelligent. They live for a chance to jump in to a conversation and make it
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technical and/or Kharmatic. This Type is probably the most annoying, in that
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they think they are a friend to your soul.
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Type 6:
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The failures. These genetic mishaps are indeed true losers, and seek
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personal salvation through looking like a fool.
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Type 7:
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BeaDazzler (tm) Freak Accident Victims. These unfortunate fellows have
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fallen prey to the sadistical, dangerous ploy of yet another InfoMercial.
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Conclusion:
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I personally have concluded that nosering wearers are almost as sad as VBBS
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SysOps. These people (a term I use loosely) think that such idiocy may get them
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somewhere in life; it may move them up in the world. Well, it won't. It is
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obvious that such stupidity is not practiced without motive. The motive is
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always selfish and personally demeaning if revealed.
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You and I:
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Do I wear a nosering? What a silly question. I do not need such petty
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attempts to draw attention from personal ugliness. I am perfect.
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Do you wear a nosering? That is not up to me. If you are sad enough, you
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will be wearing one soon, if you do not already.
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Closing:
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To quote Barry Sobol on noserings:
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"Are these things like earrings?
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If you wear one in your left nostril, you're straight.
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If you wear one in your right nostril, you're gay.
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If you wear one in between, you're a Water Buffalo.
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Get a GRIP, people!"
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I thank you for your time, although you all owe it to me.
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- NC
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< End PuD v2.10, yet v2.5 has yet to be completed! >
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Contact us if you want.
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BTLK - WWiVNet 2506@14
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NC - WWiVNet 2506@36
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TBLT - Home WaReZ Dept, Sears Catalog
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fReD - No Man's Land <Slammer>
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Steve "Satan's Mutt" Brady - Voice 1/205.880.9566 <2am-5am Central>
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Roast - 1-800-LLAMA-4U <Thanx, Guido>
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Boards to call:
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Perfect Anarchy
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Virtual Technologies
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<*** The Actual End ***>
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Francis the UNDEAD Artichoke in "Village Of The DAMNED Artichokes"
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<See PuD v1.08> ...coming soon to PuD!
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<*** The REAL End ***>
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<*** Who's Qedit Man? ***>
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<*** End of File, d00D. ***>
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