203 lines
9.0 KiB
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203 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
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ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-ùúù-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
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³ ÜÜÜÜ ³
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³ ÞÝ ßÜ Ý ³
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³ ÞÝ ÞÝ Þ ³
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³ ÞÝ Üß Þ ³
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| ÞÝ ÜßÜß Ü ÜßßßÜ Û |
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: ÞÝ Ý Ý Ý Û ßÝ :
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ù ÞÝÞ Þ Ý Û Ý ù
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ú ÝÝ Ý Ý Ý Ý ú
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Þ ßÜÜÜÜÝ ÞÜÜÜÜßÜ
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ß
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ISSuE , VOLuME
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- IF A LLaMA ACCOMPANiES -
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- YOU ON A FLIGHT TO -
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- PARAGuAY, NOTiFY US! -
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[PUD_1_14.TXT]
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-ùúù-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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> EDiTED BY NO COURiER ú WWiVNET 2506@36 <
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-ùúù-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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D¡SCL’¡MäR
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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The opinions, views, ideals, and tasty canned soup recipes expressed in this
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T/FiLE are expressed without intention of execution. The authors, editors, and
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contributers to this file, as well as all of the K-RAD/[PuD], áçá, PGA, and œrš
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members, assume absolutely ¯N0® liability for you personal stupidity.
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Thank you.
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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þ WELCoME BaCK, K0TTeR
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Welcome back to PuD. In this issue I, NO COURiER, plan to bless you all with
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one of the finer things in life. Llamas. Finer pets, finer dining, finer sex
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for you Unix hacking freaks, and above all - finer ungulates.
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I plan to put the Llama on a pedestal in this issue, and crack on Necrophiliac
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at the same time. Of course, this isn't his true name, just an all-too-true
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variation of his alias. This isn't Dragnet, but names are often changed to
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protect the innocent, and the Unix-hacking freaks of nature.
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- NO COURiER
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°±²Û Quote of the day: Û²±°
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"If I knew that much about Unix hacking, I would probably fuck llamas too!"
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þ A RuDE TaBLE OF CONTeNTS
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‘ Llama & Spam Stir-Fry (Line 057)
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‘ Hacking Your favorite Llama (Line 109)
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‘ Spanish-Sounding Names For Your Llama (Line 118)
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‘ The Llamii's Affiliation With the FBI (Line 130)
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‘ Why I Prefer Llamii to VNet (Line 139)
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‘ Why Necrocixelsyd Prefers his Llama to his Wife (Line 152)
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‘ The Llama is our friend - A poem, "Two Thumbs Up!" (Line 159)
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‘ Why the plural form of llama is llamii (Line 178)
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þ Llama & Spam Stir-Fry
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This is one of my personal favorite llama recipes. Unlike Beavers,
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Woodchucks, and other such stupid rodents, the llama is an animal WoRTHY of your
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attention. Llamii evolved with one ambition: to be a cult animal. The llama is
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our friend.
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<EFBFBD> ACQUIRiNG TH‚ LLaMA
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There are two routes you can take to acquiring a tasty llama. Both of these
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will be fully documented. As always, wild llamas are much tastier than domestic
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llamas, so METHoD 1 is recommended.
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¯úùMETHoD 1ùú®
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Materials needed:
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ú 33,459 loyal, adventurous friends
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ú 1 Sawed-off Shotgun
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ú 33,458 Boy-Scout-Approved Buck Knives
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ú 500 A-10 Tanks
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ú 120 Patriot Missile Truck Stations
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ú 33,459 Stylish Pairs of Sunglasses and Tweed Hats
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ú A Mascot, such as a llama
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ú A big trash bag
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ú An Awful Lot of Gall
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Fly to Peru coach (33,459 people first class can be expensive), carrying your
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war machines as luggage. Security should be no problem. Once you land in Peru,
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flee the airport immediately. They may be on to you. Set up camp in a secluded
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area, such as in the streets of Lima. Put all of your tanks on guard, as well as
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your Patriot launchers. The wild llamii are very fiesty, and may attack first.
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At dawn, attack the Peruvian frontier, yelling a war cry like "Remember Last
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Night's Beans and Jelly!" or something of that nature. Upon sighting of a
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llama, tackle it and put it in the trash bag. Go home.
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¯úùMETHoD 2ùú®
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Materials Needed:
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ú A Ball-Peen Hammer
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Find out where Necrocixelsyd lives. While he is asleep, grab his llama, hit
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it over the head with your hammer, and leave. Don't forget to take the llama.
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³Ingredients:³
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1 whole Llama - Gutted, Cleaned, and Fileted
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2 cans of Spam - Gelatin intact
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2 cloves Garlic - Minced
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1 Vidalia Onion - Chopped
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2 Tsp Ty Ling Hot Oil
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Add Hot Oil to gong-sized wok. Slice llama filets in to strips, and cook
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stirring vigorously on high. Mush up Spam in to a dog-foodlike consistency.
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Add to llama, and continue stirring. After five minutes, or when meat turns a
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light golden-brown, add onions and garlic, ginger to the taste. Continue to
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cook stirring vigorously until smoke alarm goes off.
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Serve on cheap paperplates with rice and Lucky Charms. Serves 33,459 in small
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portions.
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þ HACKiNG THE LLaMA Y0U LoVE
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Llama hacking is a relatively new concept. The `sport' has yet to even touch
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with the idiotic LaMeR CyberJokes in most areas. When Mondo 2000 documents it,
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I will talk. I am just too ahead of my time for my own good. This is the new
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world order in T/FiLEZ. Long live the PiZZA UNDeRGROuND DiGEST! May all
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Huntsville-based cheap imitations written by potato farmers rot in there own
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swill-infested cowardly sties of self-created pity! HA!
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þ Llamo Espa¤ol mi Llama!
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Everybody should name their llama before they eat it. The following is a
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collection of good, Spanish-sounding names for your phun pet.
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Gordo - Means "fat," I think. Sounds good.
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Tonto - Means stupid. The Lone Ranger was not as nice as he seemed.
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Tu madre es un pupitr‚ - Your mother is a Desk. "Tumad" for short.
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Feliz Navidad - Call him Felix.
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Taco Belgrande - Leave out the "Taco" and it will sound convincing.
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SoCKS - What it is!
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Margarita - You knew that was coming. Go away.
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þ The llama's affiliation with the FBI
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What the fuck do you caare about th FBI? Get a life, loser. Those guys have
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better things to do than look for 40 meg 2400 bps 0-7 day wArEz boardz. They
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could, for example: Download something smooth from a SuperBBS board; try out a
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new game they downloaded from Rusty & EDDDDDDDDDDDDDie's; wash their car which
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they drive legally, because they exceed 13 years of age; trim their toenails; et
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cetera. The list goes on and on. Give these guys a break. Sure they want to
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be feared like all cops do, but they aren't PuD. What's to be scared of?
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þ Why I prefer Llamii to VNet
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1) Llamii do NOT ask completely irrelevant, STUPiD questionns when you try to
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sell a peripheral. "Is the hard drive external?" Are you serious!?!?!
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2) Llamii do not whine and cry more than Sally Struthers
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3) Llamii can be moderated
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4) Llamii don't wish they were WWiVNet
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5) Llamii have mailing addresses that exceed 4 characters
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6) Llamii are useful
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7) Llamii are tolerable
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8) Llamii are not the EPITOME of LAMeNESS. I hope ALL of you VirtualNet GEEKS
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either find a REAL net, or die of some strange tropical disease! I HATE YOU!
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I -=ðôŽç<C5BD>ð=- YOU! <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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þ Why Necrocixelsyd prefers his Llama to his Wife
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Alright... this named local-bashing (in good fun of course) is getting
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boring, lame even. Hell, this entire issue is just circumloquating Syd's love
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of llamas. Why? Because it's a _LLAMA_! Is there really any further
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explanation required? NO!
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þ The llama is our friend
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Pretty llama
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Walkin' down the street
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Pretty llama
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Kind I'd like to meet
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Pretty llama
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Your muy bonita, and pretty too.
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Nobody stir-fries like you do.
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Groovy.
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Pretty llama
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Fryin' in my wok
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Pretty llama
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Killed you with a rock
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Pretty llama
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Your so tasty, I can't be wrong.
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Please won't you pass the Grey Poupon?
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Yummy.
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þ WHY THE PLURaL F0RM oF LLAMA IS "LLAMII"
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Because I said so. It sounds Latin. Technically, you would use the word
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llamii in the same way you use "viruses" and "virii," "fishes" and "fish."
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Llamii, Virii and Fish: Refers to members of one decendance, family species,
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variant, or whatever. You know.
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Llamas, Viruses, and Fishes: Refers to a mixed population of different species,
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families, ancestries, or whatever.
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---- END PuD 1:14 - Look for PuD Volume 1 - Desk reference .ARJ'ed library ----
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---------- with loader, hacked mods, viewer, and more PhUN, D00000d! -----------
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þ WaNT TO SuBMIT YOUR BEST RECoRDED LAMeNESS?
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E/Mail all responses, submissions, contributions, and h0t nEw PC LemmingZ
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WaReZ to:
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NO COURiER - WWiVNeT 2506@36
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Baphomet The Limbo King - WWiVNeT 2506@14
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>>> Get your shit together McAfee... SPaMDiNAViAN SoftwareZ comin' to ToWN! <<<
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<*** End of FUCKiN' File ***>
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