374 lines
19 KiB
Plaintext
374 lines
19 KiB
Plaintext
#%========================================================================%#
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## pOupey ishue number eleven
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## slapped by mercuri
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guess what jubjub let me do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! put together
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poupey eleven! for your information, it is pronounced POOPEY not POO-PAY
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as was my original thought. you're only allowed to say POOPAY if you're a
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french bastard (example: eerie).
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[-p0up3y-]
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you know what????? chicken butt!!! (hahahahahahaha!!!!!)
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you know why???? chicken thigh!!!! *GIGGLE*
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you know who??? chicken poo-poo!!!!!!!! *GARGLE*
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[-p0up3y-]
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if u want to get poupey issues (past and future) get 'em frum
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ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/poupey. thanks phorce!!! u r kewl in my bewk!
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u r an o.k. guy!!
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so... you know what????? i think i'm just gonna get along with
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the rest of the issue!!
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#%========================================================================%#
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------------- | ) ------
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| |_____ ) | _ |
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|---------- |\ | |_||
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| | \ |____|
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| | \ B O Y
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-------------------------_---------------------
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() -- ( ) () |_ \/ - The bad asciis
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| |__| (_ ) | |_ | continue.
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-----------------------------------------------
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This issue will help explain the
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phenomanon that is, the fro. A Cheese grater.
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A crab man. A fro boy, of vengance. All rolls one
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man has to take. And above all, the fro. Pilsbury fro
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Boy.. coming soon to a poupey near you.
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********************************************************
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(look for his fro in the regga sunsplash thingie)
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&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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#%========================================================================%#
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Froboy- He's a crabman
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Crabmannn.. crabmannnn... doodoodooodoodoodooodoodododododoo.
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<POW!>
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<BAM!>
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<BLAMMOOOO!!!!!!!>
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OWOW! STOP HITTIN ME!
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NONO! YOU GOTTA GET HURT!!
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AWWW STOPPP!!
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!
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TAKE THIS!
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<BLAM!>
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OWCHIE!
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Froboy "It allllll started when I decided to buy a new car.
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A saturn thingie. For some reason.. the liscense
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plate said `CRAB'. This is the story of that car..
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and it's consequences."
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--------------------------------------------------------
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I am the walrus kookoo kachoo
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-------------------------------------------------------
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Anyway.. when I was going to buy the car.. the salesman.. for the
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purposes of this story imagine him as a big rat, that wore a
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cheap suit and talked. So annyyway he said `Are you sure you
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are equipped to handle the CRAB CAR?!' so I said `Have some
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cheeeeeeesssseeeeee.. rrrrrat!" so while he was chewing on that
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I stole the car. And everything was fine.. for a while. Then
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I saw a tape inside the glove compartment. When I played it..
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it said:
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By taking this car.. you have made yourself CRABMAN!
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A guy who wears a unitard.. has a cool car.. a big fro,
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and a crime lab with all kinds of neat stuff in it for
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crook catching. To find the crime lab.. just follow the
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yellow brick road. This is a recording.
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...
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So I followed the yellow brick road.. chanting `Republicans and
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yuppies and rednecks, OH MY! Republicans and yuppies and rednecks,
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OH MY!' but faithful toto kept me company. Sadly.. he was eaten
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by the land shark. I just barely got away myself. When inside the
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crime lab.. which I named the Crab HQ.. I found my uniform.. fro
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pick.. and all that crazy kooky crap. Then I was raiding the fridge,
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when the emergancy phone rang. It was commisioner frog.. the frog.
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He said that the evil chef that HATED crabs was being a jerk
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downtown.. and said he would continue being a jerk until crabman
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arrived on the scene. I said "Lets ROLLLLLLL" real dramatic like..
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hopped in the crab car.. and drove really fast to downtown.
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<crabman music plays as he drives downtown>
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-----------------THE FIRST ENCOUNTER!!-----------------
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I hopped out of the car and wasn't very suprised to see the
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evilll chef just being a jerk.
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Crabman "Hey cheffie.. stop being a jerk!"
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Evilchef "NOO!"
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Crabman "YES!"
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Evilchef "MAKE ME!"
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Crabman "Don't temp me!"
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Evilchef "I don't need to! I have my DIABOLICAL CRAB SHELLER FROM
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HELL!!! MUAHAAHHSAAHHAHAHAHA!@! Sometimes I'm so evil
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I could just kick myself!"
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Crabman "AHHHHHHH!!!!! NOT THE CRAB SHELLER! FIGHT LIKE A MAN!"
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Evilchef "I don't need to! GET HIM!"
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<a bunch of cooks and chefs in training jump out from all over and
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start fighting crabman>
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<BWAMF!>
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<BWOOOOM!!>
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<OWCHIE!>
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<POOOOOOOOO>
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<AHHHAHA1124!@#>
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<OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!>
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"TAKE THIS YA BIG DODO BRAIN!!!!!!!!"
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"OW! POOPFACE!"
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<the last of the cooks defeated... a bunch of chicks run onstage
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and start dancing with crabman. The defeated enemies get up and
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join the dance. Even the evil chef starts to get downnnnn with his
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bad self. But then everybody but crabman and evilchef leave.. and
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the music stops. Thank god.>
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Evilchef <brandishes crab-sheller>
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Crabman <sizes chef up>
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Evilchef "GRRR!!"
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Crabman "YIPYIPYIP!"
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Evilchef and crabman "AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
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Evilchef <CHARGES!!!>
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Crabman <moves sideways to avoid blow>
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Evilchef <Trips and is knocked unconcious>
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Crabman "Guess I just kicked his ass."
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Crabmansinnermostphysce "STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF YOU CRAZY BASTARD!"
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...
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And that.. as they say.. is the rest.. of the story.
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#%========================================================================%#
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The man.. the fro.. the CHEESE GRATER! (OR-An obvious parody of dragnet)
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Yes.. of course the monumental fro is froboy's greatest
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asset.. but what would he do if he were to lose it?!
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Grate cheese! He's a brilliant cheese grater.. with
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degrees from 6 colleges.. in cheese grating.. advanced
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cheese grating.. cheese grating (upside down), cheese grating
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(0 gravity), sharp cheddar grating.. and self defense using a
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cheese grater. Thats more impressive than you think you know.
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Heres a little story to give you an idea of how much cheese
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he could turn out in a single night (froboy's perspective):
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...
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This.. is the kitchen. My name is boy. FROboy. I try and grate up the sharp
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cheese in the kitchen. It's harder then you think. That cheese is devious.
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It would sell it's own mother not to be grated.. and if it
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ever got the chance.. it would kill you! And your lil doggg.. to.
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I do my best to put it down. And I do a hell of a good job. I
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get a higher salary than the head cook.. but don't tell him
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that <obviously someone did.. just look at what he did in that
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crabman story>
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HA! Theres some cheese. Can't we have ONE story in this issue
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without a big fight scen..
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<BLAM!>
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<POW!>
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<KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYAI!>
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<BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!>
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<WOOF!>
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<WWWWHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!>
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More cheese grated. But still I was going for the record. I needed
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a raise. I hope no one tells the head chef.. he will be mad.. every
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time they raise my salary.. they cut his. The poooooorrrrr pooorr
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fool. Maybe I will send him a valentines card. Waitasec.. that
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wouldn't be polite. He would think I thought he was gay. Heehee,
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I will definately send a valentines card.. with the thing inside
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saying `Howabout a date, gaychef'. He must really hate me.
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WAIT! PREPARE TO DIEEE CHEESIE!
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`Ohhhh nooo.. I'm just a poooooooorrrrr lilll cheesee.. thats..
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old anyway!!'
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`WHATS THAT YOUR SITTING IN THEN!!?!~? LOOKS LIKE A 20 FOOT
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HIGH CHEESE MANSION, 50 CHEESE SERVANTS, AND 50 CHEESE
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FRIENDS??!?! POOR HUH!??!'
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<grategrategrate>
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(hours later)
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<grategrategrate>
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(days later)
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<grategrategrate>
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(minutes later>
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<puffpuffpuff.. back to work, grategrategrate>
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(years later)
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Froboy <sitting on a hugggggeeeee pile of grated cheese> "Thank
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potato thats over. They HAVE to give me a raise now.
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... At that moment.. the resteraunt owner.. who lovvveesss
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cheese.. walks in and orders 200 lbs of shredded cheddar
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cheese.. thinking to herself if they can produce.. that
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nice young boy with the fro will get a raise for sure.
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-------------------
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Well of course they produce.. and then the owner yells `GOOD!
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NOW FROBOY WILL GET 60 THOUSAND A YEAR.. AND.. THE HEAD CHEF
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WILL GET 3 QUARTERS AND A BUS TOKEN!"
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Chef "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#@$!%#@5083%"
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----------------------------------------------------------
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So the head chef kinda had a reason to start on that life of
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crime. But not really. Most people would've just gotten a new job
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.. or looked for one. Well actually.. he had always wanted to be
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a supervillian.. and the pay is good.. so he joined up with the
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communist party AND the republican party (something only REAL
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supervillians could do) And started off on the life of being a
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jerk. And thats how it happened. Really. And I'm not just saying
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this because the last time I ate at the resteraunt (mirage) the
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food took forever and it was all coated in cheese.
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#%========================================================================%#
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i'd just like to take this oppurtunity to say "i know
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something you don't know!"
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#%========================================================================%#
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Freud was a JERK and other observations
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-------------------------------------------
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Well since I'm not froboy, you're probably wondering how
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I know all this crap. Well I didn't.. until I made my
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incredible poupey mind ray. Enough power to penetrate the
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fro and into someones mind. Buy yours today. Only $999.99!.
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Call 1-800-POU-3133! Thats right! 1! 800! POU! 3133!!!
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Anyway.. when I First went into his physce.. I learned alot
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about the human mind. Heres some of what I learned.
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---
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Well two forces are always battling for control of your
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mind... heres what they said when questioned:
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Me "So who do you think is more powerful?"
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Evilone "Definately me"
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Goodone "Well.. probably him.. but I'm better!"
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Evilone "How so?! You would give all of his money to some non
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profit organization or something crazy like that
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if given half the chance! And who the hell wants
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someone like that in charge of their mind?!?!?!"
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Goodone "MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
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Evilone "Well.. I kick your ass all the time so you never get
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control!!"
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Goodone "Humph.. in some minds the good one is more powerful!@!"
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Evilone "Yeah! But to be more powerful than the evil influence..
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they have to be real badasses! Jerks! And we alll
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hate jerks! Thats right.. JERKS have the good
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influence in control.."
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Me "A suprising number of people with good influence in
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control."
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Evilone "I thought so.."
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--------------------------
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So annnyway.. I really didn't think they were like good and evil.
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Mainly the ones with the so called `Good' influence were the
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jerks. The jerks. They were more like chaos and order. Chaos
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is sneakin into movie theaters.. wearing tight leather pants..
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and singing songs with strange lyrics in public. Order is being
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a dick who walks around in a tight suit. There are also two
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cosmic entities called chaos and order. Heres what they said when
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interviewed.
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---
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Me "So what do you think on chaos and orders influence on the
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human brain?"
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Chaos "Sex"
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Order "Nudity"
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Chaos "Sex"
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Order "Nudity"
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Chaos "Sex"
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Order "Nudity"
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Chaos "Sex"
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Order "And then there was nudity"
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Chaos "And then there was sex"
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Me "Umm.. right.. I'm just going to leave now"
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Chaos "Sex"
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Order "Nudity"
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-------
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Oh.. and theres a third influence inside the physce. He's YOU. You
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control him. Chaos and Order beat him down.. and he doesn't give a
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damn. He really puts on a `Don't Give a crap' attitude alll the time.
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Sometimes.. a human being gets sooo screwed over that both chaos and
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order leave him cause they were tired of taking all this crap. Then
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the real you.. who can take all the crap in the world.. takes over.
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People who this happen to usually become realll wackos. Happened to
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me once. And in that period of time.. my personality became a badass.
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But it still kinda doesn't give a crap.
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-----------------------------------------------------------------
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Anyway.. how I know all of the stuff about froboy was from
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interrogating the real him and the chaos thing. I think that the
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good one would probably lie. But maybe then the others were just
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screwing around with me. Maybe I should have just asked froboy
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without using the mind ray. But it was so cool being able to go
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into his mind.
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#%========================================================================%#
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"Maybe I should ask froboy"
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-----------------------------
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Me "Soo.. what do you think of the issue about you?"
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Froboy "Uhh.. what issue?"
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Me <shows froboy this issue> "That issue.."
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Froboy "What the hell!??!@ I never said that?!? Or that!!! None of
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this is true!"
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Me "Maybe you have just been blocking it all out.. like bad
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experiences!!"
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Froboy "Ok.. how did you find all this out then?!?!@#"
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Me "I.. kinda interrogated your physce"
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Froboy "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.. well thats just DANDY!"
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Me "Is it true.. or not?"
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Froboy "Sadly.. it is. Hey.. this isn't an interview for a poupey
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story is it?"
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Me "No.."
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Froboy "Oh ok."
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Me "Any closing statements?"
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Froboy "Uhh.. ask my permission before going into my mind next time."
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Me "Ok."
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#%========================================================================%#
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The FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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-----------------------------
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So anyway.. I've explained some O de crap bout dis..
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"Froboy" brodda.. forget it. Ok.. anyway.. frotime.
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-----------------------------------------------------------
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The fro originally belonged to someone called
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"Nybarius" who ruled half of the continent. But
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Then it moved onto a bear. It stayed in the bear family
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until around 1970.. if you don't believe me watch an
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episode of the hair bear bunch. It should be playing
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sometime on cartoon network. Uhh.. thats around when
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froboy was growing hair. The fro repelled the hair
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that had grown.. and then latched tightly on. But
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before.. the fro had been the leader.. but it found
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that froboy was to physcotic to be ruled by a bunch of
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hair. Now they have a symbotic relationship. Also..
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lots of stuff live in the fro. Everything from a talking
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crocodile to an alien from venus (shaped like a penis.)
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The fro could potentially grow enough to engulf the whole
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world.. like it did in the cataclysm of AD 40. But right
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now it is being held in check by BARBER MAN! Most
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skilled and powerful barber in the universe. He, and 50
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of his assistants *25 with fro picks* do their best to
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see that the fro will never get to big. Barber-man
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wields the mighty defuser.. which is the thing they use
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to make sure fros don't get to big after being shamPOOed
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and cut. And.. thats just about it. Well there is more.
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Like living inside the head are the ste-men. But thats
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another story alltogether.
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#%========================================================================%#
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radioactive aardvark dung is the reason WHY poupey was created -- you bettah
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rizpekt. ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/rad.
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get in touch with poupey! poupey@voicenet.com
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web site coming very soon!?@
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poupey t-shirts?!!@@ NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
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nybar tells funny jokes.
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#%========================================================================%#
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- 3N|> 0V F1L3
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