188 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
188 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
+= poor old ugly pompous electronic yams #8 =+
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.s$$$$$$s. .s$$$$s. .s$$ $$s. .s$$$$$$s. .s$$$$$$$s. $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$s. $$$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ #8
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$$$$ s$$$$s .$$$$$$$$$. $$$$ .s$$$$$$$s. $$$$
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_Poupey: Crazy Driver Enthusiasts_
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This issue of poupey is all about crazy drivers, even though nybar
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has never driven a car in his life.
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#@----------------------------------#@----------#*$**$*$*$**$*$*$*$*$*$*$*
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Driving on the Sidewalk, How wise a career choice is it?
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#_@#$(_@#$(@_#$(--------------------@#$@)#$(*@#$*($@#)348-----------------
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Driving on the sidewalk is a great way to get kicks..
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PLUS you can run down some annoying pedestrians there.
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It's a great way to escape cops.. and when on the sidewalk..
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it's easy to pass other cars. Also.. traffic lights don't
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apply to sidewalk drivers. Maybe the hardest part of driving
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on the sidewalk is actually getting on.. and managing to stay
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on without hitting a fence or something. Overall.. we thought
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that driving on the sidewalk was good fun the whole FAMILY
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could enjoy. Make sure to turn the music wayyyyyyy up when
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doing this.
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Danger Rating: 8 (No wussies!)
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Fun Rating: 9 (woooooooooowheeee)
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Pedestrian Kill Ratio: 9 (Ouchie!)
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------------------------------------------------------------------
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Bonus Fun Things to do!
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When pulling into a driveway.. make sure to turn and stop
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real fast. The noise is like a badge, showing other crazy
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drivers that your a motorist of high calliber.. the bigger the
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noise.. the better!
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If you encounter another crazy driver on the road (you can tell
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it's another one by their driving... how fast they're going,
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how many people they cut off, blahblah) it's fun to have a
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race with them. This is the kind of extreme competition that
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seperates the men from the mollusks. In the race.. there
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are no rules.. but don't be a dick... or I'll spank you.
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A fun game is to see the speeding sign.. and see how much
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faster you can get than that. Once you either double it..
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or the speedomiter spins off real fast.. you win!
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Driving on the wrong side of the road is FUN! It's, 1: A
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game of chicken. 2: A way to meet new people 3: A way to
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scare away new people 4: Pretty damn fun 5: Kinda dangerous
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it's five, five, five, five.. count em FIVE things in one.
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(make sure to swerve before you hit anyone)
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Whenever you see a No U-turn sign.. make sure to make a
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monumental triple skid u-turn.
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Driving on the sidewalk.. for advanced crazy drivers only!
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See more on that in our `Driving on the sidewalk: How wise
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a Career Choice is it?'
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When you see some pedestrians.. jam on the accelerator..
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stick your head out the window and yell "NO BREAKS!"
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Look at those rats scamper!
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See how many laws YOU can break.
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SMILE!
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------ - ----------------------------------------------------------
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Escaping Pigs: Do's and Don'ts!
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When Practicing many totally innocent things such as having
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races with other crazy drivers, pretending to climb out of the
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car while on a major highway.. and speeding like theres no
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tommorow.. (which are all HIGHLY reccomended.. try em!)
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you often run afoul of a pig or 10. Here are some simple
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guidelines for escaping them: They're siren causes people to
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move out of the way. Use this to your advantage by speeding,
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running lights.. ectect. Sometimes, if they're about to
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catch you, stop real fast. It will USUSUALLY cause them to
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go into a skid.. fun to watch to! If, when they're
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chasing you, you turn around, a nice game of chicken
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comes.. Remember.. they're wusses.. they always swerve.
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Cops are usually lousy drivers.. but they might have
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a better car than you.. if you know you can't get away
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by speed alone.. try going along like nothing happened
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...they often just break off persuit, lazy as they are.
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If still caught.. pretend your either deaf, dumb, blind
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...or some combonation therof.
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Oh.. and one final guideline. If brought to court,
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NEVER plead insanity! They will lock you up!
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-- - -----------------------------------------------------------------
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L A W S of the Road
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I don't care what they told you in college.. THIS is higher
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learning. Now.. I will teach you the... <dramatic pause>
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L A W S of the Road
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- Make sure to blare adrenilan pumping music as loud as you can
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whenever practicing crazy-driving.
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- Please do yell out the window to people things like "YO! BANANA BOY!"
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- I don't care where you are.. ALL the windows stay open.
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- When it's raining.. make sure to splash puddles on lozers who
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are out.
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- Raining=SKID TIME!
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- Ice=FUN! Make sure to drive around on it! Or just flush someone
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else into some!
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- Make sure to have adorable troll dolls/crocodile toys or something
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in the back window.. with a note that says something like
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"TROLL FROM HELL!"
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- Try not to crash. If you do.. unless you were trying some daring
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feat, or avoiding the pigs.. you aren't worthy of the title
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"Crazy Driver"
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- Bonus fun hint : Make sure the troll dolls in the back of
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your window have real funky hair! spike! batman! be
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creative you uninspired.... gok.
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---- - - - ---------------------------------------------------------
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Signs of the Road
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Like any good organization.. the crazy drivers have alot of
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signs. They differ from city to city.. one that saved my
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butt was the double blink=pig trap ahead. Signs must be
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earned.. well.. a bribe counts as earning them. The question
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"How can I earn those signs?!" Struck me as something that..
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by answering.. would prolong this story.. so heres the answer:
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Same as the question "How can become a crazy driver?" ..
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you have to be good enough at crazy drivers that someone
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who was impressed and recognized you as a crazy driver
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initiate would race you.. beat you easily.. then tell you
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some of the signs.. taboos.. and tricks of the road.
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So if you have savoy.. and you have already taught yourself
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all you can teach yourself.. someone will christian you a
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crazy driver. If not.. practice a little.. then become a crazy
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driver. By the way.. being a crazy driver is about making
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superior time.. but then crazy driving became SO superior that
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we needed something to do, so now it's also about having fun.
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If you ever want to be a crazy driver.. make sure to smile!
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- - ----------------------------------- ------------------------------
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Crazy Driver Info
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As mentioned in the signs section.. make sure to have fun.
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If you see anyone with a pet in the car with them.. the might
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just be a redneck. If they don't prove themselves innocent..
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Make sure to do SOMETHING to piss em off (if it's cold.. drive
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em into some ice!)
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Crazy drivers RULE the road!
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There is no real established way that anyone has to be a crazy
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driver.. it's just something you do.. then get good at.
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Some day.. you may want to complete a driver in training.
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To do this.. tell them basically whats in this poupey ish..
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The signs you've learned.. and some tricks. And don't try to
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Complete someone if you're not completed yourself.
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You know those cars that are convertabiles.. with alot of
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chicks in them? They loooovvee crazy drivers. Use your
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imagination!
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fiz-in
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