513 lines
29 KiB
Plaintext
513 lines
29 KiB
Plaintext
+= poor old ugly pompous electronic yams #6 =+
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.s$$$$$$s. .s$$$$s. .s$$ $$s. .s$$$$$$s. .s$$$$$$$s. $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$s. $$$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ #6
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$$$$ s$$$$s .$$$$$$$$$. $$$$ .s$$$$$$$s. $$$$
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G 0 K
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********************
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<nybar jC and froboy are in the crab car
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going to their faviorate feed-bag place. The gold
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hawk road caffe. And we DON'T live in london!>
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Nybar " I think.. when we get there.. I shall surely
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feast, on gok."
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jC " What is this... `GOK' you speak of?"
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Fro-boy " Tis a traditional klingon dish"
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Nybar " Nay, tis a lungfish, think me."
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jC " Yeahhh.. whatever."
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<they arrive in at the restrauntet.. their quest.. for GOK
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begun. Many people gape and stare at them as they walk in.
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Those people must be getting to know us. They find a
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suitable seat... andddddddddddd SAT there>
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Fro-boy "I think the waitresses are getting to know us..
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notice how they keep their distance?"
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<nybar slyly smiles>
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Fro-boy "Yeah.. I'll bet they're in the back.. rightttt
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now.. in the kitchen.. having a conference..
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drawin straws.. to see which of them was going
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to be unlucky enough to servvveeee us"
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NewbieWaitress "Any drinks you would like?"
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Fro-Boy "I'd like a black and white milkshake.. heavy on
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the white"
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jC " Isn't that.. racist?"
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Nybar " it's racist if he get heavy on the black to"
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Fro-boy " Fine.. give me an equality milkshake.. and I'll
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drink it in harmony"
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Nybar " Ever notice that.. in ebony and ivory.. the guy is
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black... and ebony comes first?"
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jC " Ahh.. I'll have a strawberry milkshake.. and fries"
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Nybar " and IIII will have a choclate malt milk-thingie.
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oh.. and I have a question... what.. is .. gok?"
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jC " Why the hell do you have to ask that?!?!"
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<voice of owner of resteraunt> "Don't answer! and.. this isn't
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how all of the customers are!"
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Newbie<whispering to hereself> " god I hope so"
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Froboy " It's a traditional klingon dish"
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Nybar " Wasn't it.. some kinda.. lungfish?"
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jC " yeah whatever"
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<waitress leaves.. kinda pissed>
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Froboy "Huh.. I bet they fixed it so the new waitress
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got the job."
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Nybar <laughs himself stupid>
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jC "UMMMMMMMMMMMMMM FRIESSS!!!!!!@#$@#$"
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Nybar " Have you all seen the scene in pulp fiction
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where they talk about how no one ever robs
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resteraunts?"
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jC " Nope"
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Nybar " YES YOU HAVE@!@#"
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Froboy " Yea.. we have"
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Nybar " Well.. I have an idea.. we could enact the
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dialoge in that scene loud enough so that
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everyone could hear.. then we would use
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water pistols to soak everyone! ahh.. then..
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we'd drive off reaalllyyy fast in the crab
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car"
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Froboy " HHAHAHAHAH@#! No..no.. we would do it in a fire
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truck!"
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Nybar " What about in an ambulance?! haahaa.. or in
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a police car! heehee.
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Froboy " What does an ambulance have to do with a
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firetruck?..oh I see.. the sirens"
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Nybar " Heehee.. A word.. starts with f and ends with k"
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jC " FIRETRUCK!"
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Froboy " MUAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHq24@#$$!@$"
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Nybar <stares at a guy across from him>
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Froboy " Whats so engaging about jC's food?"
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Nybar " I'm staring at THAT MAN!@#$"
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<nybar points to the guy he was staring at>
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jC " ... Why?"
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Nybar " Hmm.. to freak him out"
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Froboy " <snicker>"
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<the waitress comes back with the drinks>
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Nybar " WOW! I din't think you'd come back!!"
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NewbieWaitress <backs off>
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Nybar <eats alot of j0ltCola's fries>
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Nybar " Can I have some fries?"
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jC <slaps nybar>
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Froboy " So.. gentleman.. we ready?"
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Nybar " Yeah"
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jC <in a loud voice> "Ever notice how no one robs
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resteraunts?!"
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Nybar <in a louder voice> " Yeah.. why is this?
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Froboy <in the loudest voice> " I DUNNO.. BUT IT'S
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ABOUT TO CHANGE!"
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<nybar jumps up on the table and brandishes his
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water pistol>
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Nybar " OK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!@! NO ONE MOVE
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OR I'LL SQUIRT EVERY FUCKING SINGLE ONE
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OF YOU!!$@"
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<cool poupey fiction music plays>
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======#@$_@#$+!@++!#)!@_#+#@!@)#_+!@)#!+@_#===================
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D O U G H N U T
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<mewmew and yipyip are riding in a car>
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Mew " Do you know what they kall.. a dinosaurs
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ass in a forin country?"
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Yip " No.. tell me"
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Mew " A dinazars poopah!"
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Yip " HA1!! dats elete."
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Mew " Yeah.. and to you know how they say.. underwear..
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in a forin county?"
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Yip " Nope man"
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Mew " Naga!"
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Yip " So.. if I said.. you fuckin' dinazar's wet poopah
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thats stuck up his funky old naga.. it would
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be offensive?"
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Mew " Ha.. maybe"
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Yip " Then I better stop saying it!"
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Mew " HAHAHA!@#"
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Mew " So.. where the hell is this donut shop anyway?"
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Yip " FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I DON'T KNOW!!!!"
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Mew " God.. mr. grumpalicous"
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Yip " Ah... Loaf O Bread nose"
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Mew " Hmm.. did you hear about Paul Bolinni?"
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Yip " No.. what about him?"
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Mew " Huh.. he gave Shirly a foot massage"
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Yip " So what?"
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Mew " Shirly is one of Nybar (the god) 's wives!"
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Yip " So what happened to our friend Paul?"
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Mew " Nybar threw him out a third story window!"
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Yip " What?! For giving Shirly a foot massage?!
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A foot massage don mean nothin'!
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Mew " Hey.. I given a million she cats a million foot
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massages .. and every one of em meant something.
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We didn't say it.. but I knew it.. she knew it..
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Nybar knows it, and now, paul knows it."
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Yip " Hey.. I KNOW about foot massagin.. I got my
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technique down and everything.. no ticklin..
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and a foot massage means nothin! I give my
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mother a foot massage!"
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Mew " Would you give ME a foot massage?"
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Yip " Hey shut up"
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Mew " Ahh.. CRAP! We're never going to get there anyway,
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I'm takin us home"
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Yip " On a totally unrelated but valid topic.. I'm
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takin shirly out on a date"
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Mew " WHAT? Without nybar's permission!?!?"
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Yip " No.. Nybar's gonna be out for the night and he
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would like for me to show his bitch, shirly,
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a good time. Like if I was takin my best friend
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's wife to the movies."
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Mew " Yeah.. it's your funeral"
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<tires screetch as they reach home>
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- - - THE DATE - - -
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<YipYip and Shirly are at the CatKillRabbitYums..
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Ordering fud to provide sustenace>
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Yip " Yeah.. I'd like some Fava beans.. with a
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FINEEEEEEE tiyunti.. "
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Shirl " And I'll have the 5 dollar milkshake"
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<waitress doodles a picture of an airplane
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and walks off>
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Yip " Woah... the FIVE DOLLAR milkshake!?!?"
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Shirl " Yeah.. so..?"
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Yip " What the hell kinda milkshake is worth 5
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dollars !?!?!~#
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Shirl " An expensive one"
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Yip " Oh.. of course"
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Yip " So.. I heard, down the grapevine.. about you
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and paul bolinni.."
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Shirl " Does it involve the word that starts with F
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and ends in k?"
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Yip " Firetruck? ummm.. no"
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Shirl " Ok.. tell it"
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Yip " Well.. it goes that Nybar.. pushed Paul out of
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a third story window .. for giving you a foot
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massage"
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Shirl " Hah.. thats a lie. When you guys get together you
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make up such nonsense.. "
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Yip " So what.. really happened?"
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Shirl " Well.. we had sex.. then I pushed him out a TENTH
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story window"
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Yip " Oh.. thats much better"
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Shirl " I think I have to freshean up"
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Yip " Ok"
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<shirl goes to the mens bathroom.. and gets kicked out
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. when she sits back down.. food is on the table>
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Shirl " Wow.. that was fun.. I saw that guys dick. Hey..
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my milkshake is here"
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Yip " And..... my.. what did I order.. oh yeah.. my
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beans are here."
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Yip " Hey... can I see what a 5 dollar milkshake tastes
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like?"
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Shirl " Knock a republican out"
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Yip <Hits a republican over the head... and takes a
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sip of the milkshake.. from the same straw
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as shirl was drinking from"
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Shirl " COOTIES!"
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Yip " Oh.. sorry"
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Shirl " It.. won't be a problem.."
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Shirl <throws away straw and takes a new one>
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<silence>
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Yip " UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE!!!!"
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Shirl " And.. how"
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Yip <finished beans> " WELL.. I'M FINISHED MY BEANS"
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Shirl <finished milkshake> " And I am finished my shake"
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Announcer " And now it's time.. for the famous catslims
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dance competition! <music plays> WHO WILL BE
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FIRST?!"
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Shirl " US"
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Yip " Aww.. no"
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Shirl " Yes"
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Yip " Ok"
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Yip <gets funky to the disco beat!>
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Shirl <does a deranged version of the charelston>
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<shirl and yip arrive home>
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Shirl " Is it safe to snort heroin?"
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Yip " No"
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Shirl <snorts heroin.. and passes out>
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Yip " Aww... dang oppisite second. Don'ttt.. die on
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me!"
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Yip <puts shirl in the car.. and drives towards his
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friendly local drug dealer>
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Yip <picks up the car fone to inform the drug dealer
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that he's coming>
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Drugdealer " Hello?"
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Yip " Hi.. I'm just calling to tell you I'm bringing
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one of nybar's bitches.. who snorted heroin
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and passed out.. to come to your place and die..
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is that ok by you?"
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Drugdealer " Yeah.. thats justtttt what I need right now..
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by the way.. I'm being sar.."
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Yip " Ok great"
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<click>
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<theres some skid noises as yipyip pulls up to
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the dealers house... runs over 5 of his
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cats.. 3 of his dogs.. and his mailbox>
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Yip <enters the dealers house.. draggin shirly>
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Dealer " Hi yipyip"
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Yip " umm.. hi.. anykind of treatment for .. whatever
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happened to her?"
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Dealer " Yeah. This shot"
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<dealer holds up a gun>
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Dealer <shoots shirl>
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Yip " Hey.. now she's dead! now nybar's gonna kill me!
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and you!"
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Dealer " Ohh.. and me.. crap"
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Yip " Well.. we're shit on toast"
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<shirl brushes herself off and gets up>
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Shirl " Hey.. I was just kidding"
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Yip " haahhahaha"
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Shirl " heehee"
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Dealer " Not funny"
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<yip drives shirl home>
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Yip " Ahh.. don't tell nybar about this.. please"
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Shirl " Ok.. bye then"
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Yip " Aww.. tell me a joke"
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Shirl " Ok.. horse walks into a bar.. bartender says..
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`Why the long face?!'
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<yipyip laughs so hard his bladder explodes>
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Yip " OW!"
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Shirl " Ok.. bye"
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Yip <drives off>
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- - - - Doughnut 2 - - -
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<Yip Yip and mewmew arrive home.. and start singing real
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loud to annoy the neighbors.. then... the fone rings>
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Yip " The fone is a-ringin"
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Mew " WAIT!!$#@!# I JUST HAD A VISION!!! IT'S THE
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DOUGHNUT PEOPLE ON THE LINE!!!"
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Yip <answers the fone>
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Doughnut people " We have news for you yipyip.. YOUR THE DOUGHNUT
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MESSIAH! You must go out again.. and FIND THOSE
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DOUGHNUTS!"
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Yip " Oh.. I knew it!"
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<click>
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Yip " Lets ridddddeeeee"
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<yipyip and mewmew hop in the car.. and yipyip
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puts on a blindfold and starts driving to
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the doughnut shop, using his doughnut messiah
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instincts>
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Mew " ahh.. you just killed 6 MORE pedestrians.. and..
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there are 15 police people behind us..."
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Yip " Oh so what.. my messiah sense will guide me"
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Mew " ahh.. yeah.. speed up"
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<the accelerator goes over 140 miles per hr>
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Yip " ok.. here we go"
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Mew " THERES THE DOUGHNUT SHOP!!! WE MADE IT!!!"
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Yip " YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Yip <takes off blindfold>
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Mew <is so happy he climbs out the window>
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<yipyip and mewmew go into the doughnut shop..
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but a hell of alot of doughnuts and alot O
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.. malk? and they meet there friend.. the white
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trash>
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Yip " Heyy.. white trash."
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Trash " hey.. I'm white trash.. I Don't have a car.. can
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I go with you guys?"
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Yip " uhh.. yeah"
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Trash " Thanks"
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<yip yip.. mew mew and white trash climb into the car..
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with white trash in the back>
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Yip " Hey.. trash.. your white trash right?"
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Trash " Yeah.."
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<yipyip grabs a 100gallon thing of malk.. and makes white
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trash drink it.>
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Trash <explodes into a sticky gooey mass>
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Mew " AWwww.. craw.. you killed him man!"
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Yip " Ahh fuck.. What are the cops gonna do if they see
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this crap?! You got any friends close ta here
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man?"
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Mew " Yeah.. Lawrence.. but I don't think he would
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appreciate us just coming in with a big sticky
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mass of white trash in our back seat"
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Yip " So the hell what.... I'm pullin up at his house"
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<tires screetch as yipyip skids through lawrence's
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garage door>
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Yip (and mew) <get outta the car and are greeted by
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lawrence>
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Lawry " What the hell is that in your back seat?!?!"
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Yip " umm.. the remains of some white trash?"
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Lawry " WHAT THE FUCK!?!? DO YOU SEE A SIGN ON MY FRONT
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LAWN THAT SAYS DEAD, WHITE TRASH STORAGE?!"
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Mew " Yes"
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Lawry " How did it look?"
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Yip " It looked great"
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Lawry " Thats good.... but if my wife comes home..
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in 2 hours.. and finds some gansta BOYEESSS
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doing alot O gangsta buisness.. she's gonna wanna
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take sum pics to hang on the fridge.. so you guys
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have to hurry"
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Mew " Ok.. I just need to make a few fhone kalls and
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we'll be ready to leave"
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Lawry " KoolJmoney"
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Yip " yeahh.. whatever"
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<yipyip goes inside.. drinks some crappy coffee..
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vomits on lawrence.. while mewmew calls nybar
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(the goD>
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Mew " Hello? Nybar?
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Nybar " Yeah? is dis mewmew..?
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Mew " Yeah. We're in deep shit.. I got a car with
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some dead white trash in it....."
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Nybar " Oh.. thats bad..."
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Mew " I DON'T NEED `OH.. THATS BAD!!' I NEED `YOU DON
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NEED TA WORRY YER LARGE DICK.. THE CALVARY IS
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ON THE WAY!!!'
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Nybar " hey.. shut up man. Don worry yer dick.. the
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SQUIRREL is comin"
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Yip " Woahh.. the squirrel? I don need be worryin"
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Nybar " Whats da address?"
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Yip " 271 W DAGhetto"
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Nybar " Ok.. thats a one hour trip. the squirrel will
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be there pretty fast"
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< click>
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<1 hour later the squirrel arrives>
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Squirrel " Ok.. I'm going to use my magical powers to make
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everything allright.. ok.. lets give you
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2 some dorky clothes.."
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<the squirrel nods his head and dorky clothes
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appear on yip-yip and mew-mew>
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Squirrel " Lawrence.. how do they look?"
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Lawrence " hahah.. they look like a couple of dorks!"
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Squirrel " HAHAAH!!! Perfect!"
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Squirrel " Now to take care of the car"
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<theres a bang and the car turns into a banana"
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Yip " But.. how will we get home?"
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Squirrel " A.. taxi?"
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Yip " Oh ok"
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Squirrel " Why don't you boys get some breakfast?"
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Yip " Good idea"
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Squirrel " Oh.. and one last thing.. take this case.
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it contains the answers to all of the universes
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problems, and don't open it."
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Yip " OK"
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<the squirrel nods his head and dissepears.. lawrence
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laughs at yip and mew's dorky clothes.. and yip
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and mew catch a cab to the gold hawk road
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cafe>
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- - - - The Golden Kangaroo - - -
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<nybar (the god) is talking to a (male) mud wrestler named
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butcher about a bout he wants fixed>
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Nybar " Skill.. is like wineee.. it tastes good"
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Butch " Ok then.. in the fith round.. my behunky behind
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goes down"
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Nybar " Ok good."
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Butch " Bye then"
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<cut to the mud wrestling match
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Butch <trys to fall.. but lands on the other guy.. killing
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him..>
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Butch " Whoops.. Nybar's gonna kill me!"
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Butch <goes home.. has sex with his bitch.. packs his bags,
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and goes to sleep>
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<Next morning>
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Bitch " I'm going to order a big breakfast and eat like
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a goooooood lil piggy."
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Butch " You do that.. oh by the way.. I wanna play with
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that novelty golden kangaroo we picked up..
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... where is it?"
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Bitch " Umm.. I forgot it"
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Butch " I am not happy about this.. but I didn't TELL you
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to get it.. so I am going back to our old place
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to get it myself!"
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Bitch " Be back soon"
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Butch " Shut up"
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<butch hops in the car and drives to his old aparment..
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walks in.. and makes a pop tart.. then he throws it
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out the window..>
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Butch <Sees someones gun and picks it up>
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Butch " !!!"
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<butch opens the bathroom door and shoots pooorrr mewmew
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.. then he gets the kangaroo>
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<butch is driving home.. and then he see's Nybar *the god*
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so he runs into him.. but nybar *the god* is fine>
|
|
Nybar " OW!"
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|
Butch " Your fine"
|
|
Nybar " Lets fight!"
|
|
<nybar beats the crap out of butch for 5 minutes.. and then
|
|
butch runs into a hillbilly gunstore.. where farmer zed
|
|
and Redneck are beating their young>
|
|
Redneck <points his gun at butch and ties him up>
|
|
Zed <gets a lucky punch on nybar.. and while he's down,
|
|
ties him up>
|
|
Redneck <Takes both mewmew and yipyip downstairs.. in chairs
|
|
.. HEY! I made a rhym0!>
|
|
Redneck "Wait.. I Sense.. within the day.. my eternal
|
|
enemy... Yuppie White Trash will die!"
|
|
Zed " hoowww to celebrate.. hoowww too celebrate.."
|
|
Redneck " I know! Lets get the gimp and rape these 2!"
|
|
Zed " Thats SICK!.. lez do it!"
|
|
Redneck <calls the gimp> " HEY GIMP!"
|
|
Zed " Which one first.. which one first.. "
|
|
Nybar <uses his godly powers to make a squeaky..
|
|
chipmunk voice say " I, will go first">
|
|
Zed " Ok.. nybar goes first
|
|
Chipmunkvoice " No! No! BUTCH!"
|
|
Redneck <takes nybar to the other room>
|
|
Gimp <arrives>
|
|
Zed <goes into the other room>
|
|
<sounds of sick.. unlawful pleasures come from the
|
|
infamous OTHER room>
|
|
Gimp <lets butch go for some reason>
|
|
Butch <punches gimp out>
|
|
Butch <goes in and kills zed and redneck>
|
|
Nybar "Thanks. Now I won't have to kill you!"
|
|
Butch " Umm.. thats good"
|
|
<butch walks off>
|
|
|
|
- - - THE ANSWER.. TO GOK - -- -
|
|
|
|
<yipyip and mewmew have arrived at the gold hawk
|
|
road cafe.. and they are eatin fud right now>
|
|
Yip " I think.. that after my date with Shirly
|
|
tonight.. I'll go and.. FIGHT ALIENS.. IN
|
|
A FAR OFF GALAXY!"
|
|
Mew " Can I come?"
|
|
Yip " Sure"
|
|
Yip " I wonder whats in that suitcase squirrel gave
|
|
us."
|
|
jC <yelling> "EVER NOTICE HOW NO ONE ROBS
|
|
RESTERAUNTS?!?!"
|
|
Nybar <yellin' louder> YEAH, WHY IS THIS?!"
|
|
Froboy <yelling loudest>" I DUNNO, BUT IT'S ABOUT TO
|
|
CHANGE!"
|
|
Mew <goes to the bathroom>
|
|
<Nybar jumps on the table>
|
|
Nybar " OK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!~~)#!012#
|
|
NO ONE MOVE OR I'LL SQUIRT EVERY FUCKING
|
|
SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!"
|
|
WussyManager " Hey.. no one here wants to get wet!"
|
|
jC <squirts manager>
|
|
Manager "AKH! you.. got me"
|
|
<wussy manager has heart-burn and dies>
|
|
jc " GOT EM!"
|
|
froboy " OK! I WANT MONEY! GIMMEGIMMEGIMME"
|
|
Froboy " j0ltCola.. take their wallets!"
|
|
jC <takes some peoples wallets.. and then comes
|
|
to yip yip..>
|
|
jC " OK! GIMME THAT CASE!!!"
|
|
Yip " No.. this case is to important"
|
|
jC " Please?"
|
|
Yip " ahh.. I'll.. show you whats inside...."
|
|
Nybar <jumps over and opens yipyips case>
|
|
<inside the case are the letters: G O K
|
|
and some sort of lungfish>
|
|
Froboy <looks inside the case> " Wow.. a traditional
|
|
klingon dish"
|
|
Nybar " looks like a lung fish to me.."
|
|
jC " LETS GET OUTTA HERE!"
|
|
Froboy " YEAH!!@#@!$!@$#!$@@$#"
|
|
<nybar, froboy, and jC run to their firetruck.. drive
|
|
off, hooting and hollering>
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
EPILOUGE
|
|
<paul bolinni walks onstage>
|
|
"Thank god that's over."
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|