122 lines
7.2 KiB
Plaintext
122 lines
7.2 KiB
Plaintext
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| |_____| o |_o________/ o |
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| Really ELiTE Doodz Prezent : |
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| RED-017.TXT aka |
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| "The Really Elite Experiment" |
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| By : Black Francis |
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| "Better Living Through Stupidity." |
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: :
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. .
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WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
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You know, as if the computer world isn't becoming lame enough, we have
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more assholes coast to coast starting e-mags. There must be at least 15,000
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of them in the tri-state area alone. I'm got going to go into which ones are
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lame and which ones aren't, because, frankly, that would be lame. Instead,
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I'm going to try a little experiment. This experiment was done under close
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supervision to make sure that I did not, in any way, shape, or form, 'fiddle'
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with or alter the test results. I do not have a degree (hell, I didn't even
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graduate yet), and I do not have official permission to perform this caliber
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of experiment, but, I figured it was worth the risk. This topic is too
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important to be thrown on the back burner while I wait for written consent to
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perform this experiment. I figured this was the best way to figure out wether
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or not anybody could start their own e-mag. I used monkeys. Five monkeys.
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I rented the monkeys from the Philadelphia Zoo for a small price and
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brought them to my home. Bongo, Koko, Wiener, Chumpie, and Stinky were at
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first hesitant to go with me. Who could blame them? For all they knew, I
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could be a monkeyphile. Once to my house, I showered the monkeys, and showed
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them to the guest bedroom. Inside the bedroom was a bed and a computer. That
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was all that they needed. My hypothesis was that given ten days, five monkeys
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could start an e-mag and publish at least one issue. Here is the log as it
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was scribbled into my notebook:
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Day one - Spent most of the day helping the monkeys with DOS. Bongo
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almost formatted the hard drive. What a lamer. Once I showed them the
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basics, they had no problems and they were on their way. As a matter of fact,
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Chumpie found out how to free more conventional memory for me. Wow.
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Day two - The monkeys have decided upon a name for their e-mag. To
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me, it seems as if they were going in the wrong direction, and taking up too
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much time thinking of the name. These monkeys will >NEVER< finish this e-mag!
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I guess not just anyone can write an e-mag.
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Day three - The monkeys have made a really cool logo and a few nice
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ansis for their mag, but have not yet began to write. Unbeknownst to me,
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Koko is a member of ACiD.
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Day four - The monkeys have began writing their e-mag. I asked for a
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print-out of what they have so far, and this is what they gave to me:
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pih3;p 23-913 3rs;lmo930 03197rlisdn.zx j;oJOSQjopsqJPIASjli
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DEEW8023479502397509725111== R= QO-ASQJO 08038;ASFJLdfhf/ZXC/
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It seems that the monkeys are just pounding on the keyboard. I told
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them that maybe they should try to find a more definite direction with their
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writing. The monkeys agreed with me and decided to start again from scratch.
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Day five - Their time is half over and so far, they've only come up
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with a logo and brainstormed a wee bit. I'm hoping that the monkeys can pull
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it off so that my point is proven, but the monkeys may make me come off as a
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blubbering idiot.
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They spent most of their time today brainstorming more. Really
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putting their noses to the grindstone and trying to come up with a solid idea
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on what they could write about. Ideas were tossed around. Bongo wanted to
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write on the mistreatment of animals in menial zoos, while Koko wanted to
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write an article on lamers. Weiner wanted to write a file on how to make a
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new and improved ansi bomb. Chumpie wanted to write a lyrical compilation.
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Stinky pooped on the carpet.
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Day six - The monkeys decided on an idea - but refused to tell me. I
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can tell that they're starting to get serious. The monkeys really buckled
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down and began to write instead of talking and eating bugs off of each others
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backs. However, they soon ran into problems. As much as I wanted to, I could
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not intervine. Bongo ate the mouse. They soon figured their way around it
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and soon began to get back to work. The mouse-incident ate about a few hours
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of their time, and the monkeys must now work harder than ever.
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Day seven - Koko and Chumpie got into an arguement today over the
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intellectual values of their e-mag. After a very heated debate, Chumpie
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called Koko a lamer and Chumpie broke off from the rest of the group to start
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his own e-mag.
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Day eight - The monkeys slept and swang on my curtains all day.
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Day nine - One day before the end of the experiment. Chumpie has
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rejoined the group. As far as I could tell, given everything that has happend
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so far, they had still made good progress. I'm very anxious to see the
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results.
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Day ten - The big day. The monkeys submitted their first issue of
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PaL to me (Primatez Againzt Lamerz). I was impressed. They had each written
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an article and released it in a magazine format. A group effort. Bongo had
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written about "Backdoors in ViSioN-X", Koko had written about "Ways to Get
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Free Stuff From Zookeepers, Wiener had written about "Fun on Tire Swings",
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Chumpie had written about "H/P/A/V/C and Lamers", and Stinky had written about
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"Interesting Things to do With Encrusted Fecal Matter." It was high-quailty
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material. My experiment was a sucess. Indeed, >ANYONE< can start an e-mag.
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The monkeys soon released their first issue all over. They now have
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over 25 distro. sites in the east >ALONE<. The assigned a Whq position, and
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hired a few couriers to take care of delivering the newest releases. Koko is
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now serving time in a county jail for carding 100 pounds of bananas (oNLee a
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LaMeR MoNKeY WouLD GeT CauGHT!).
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Stinky now writes for ReD.
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WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
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! Copyright (c) Black Francis and ReaLLY 3LiT3 d00Dz! 1995 !
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! All rights reserved, but two wrongs don't make a right !
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WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
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