153 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
153 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
.----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
|
|
| ___________ __________ |
|
|
| | |_____| \ |
|
|
| | . | | . | |
|
|
| | :_____| ____| | | |
|
|
| | | ___|_ : | |
|
|
| |_____| o |_o________/ o |
|
|
| |____________| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| Really ELiTE Doodz Prezent : |
|
|
| RED-014.TXT aka |
|
|
| "How to Break Stuff" |
|
|
| By : Intestinal Scum-Monkey |
|
|
: "Better Living Through Stupidity." :
|
|
. .
|
|
|
|
WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
|
|
|
|
Well, it seems that all you rad doodz out there like anarchy, or, YOUR
|
|
little version of anarchy. You know. Breaking stuff, etc. Well, I recently
|
|
found out that most of you like to read anarchy text files, so I decided to
|
|
join in and jump on the bandwagon. So, in this file, I'm going to teach you
|
|
how to break stuff. This is for the beginner anarchist. For you more
|
|
advanced kids, I suggest, "How to Smash Stuff". Let's get started.
|
|
|
|
I started breaking stuff when I was about two. I broke lots of stuff. So,
|
|
if I can break stuff at age two, I'm sure you can do it now. Am I right?
|
|
|
|
You can benefit from breaking stuff in a few ways. Number one, breaking
|
|
stuff is fun. A lot of fun. Number two, breaking stuff is an easy way to
|
|
get your point across. Example - "Hey! Give me money or I'll break some of
|
|
your stuff!" or "You don't believe me? Fine! I'll break some of your stuff
|
|
then." Another way you can benefit from breaking stuff, is, you can show the
|
|
world what a cool anarchist you are! You can hold people hostage and threaten
|
|
to break large amounts of stuff if the government doesn't fulfill your wishes!
|
|
Think of it - a nice island home, a fast car, women, etc. all given to you by
|
|
the government just because you threatened to break stuff! Wow! What a deal!
|
|
|
|
Now, I bet you're saying to yourself, "C'mon man! Enough of this stupid
|
|
bullshit! Tell me how to break stuff!" Well, there are a few more things I
|
|
should go over before we get to the stuff breaking. First off, safety! You
|
|
wouldn't want to hurt yourself while breaking stuff, now would you? That's
|
|
what I thought. So, pay close attention, bunghole.
|
|
|
|
Stuff-breaking safety : Don't break anything that may harm you, and if you
|
|
do, wear special protective stuff. Like safety glasses. For examples, stuff
|
|
that would harm you would be glass and things like that.
|
|
|
|
Don't break other people. This could really piss someone off. Let's say,
|
|
they're just walking down the street and you walk right up to them and break
|
|
their leg. I'm sure they wouldn't like that very much.
|
|
|
|
Don't break yourself. It hurts, and, it makes you look like an idiot.
|
|
|
|
That's about it. Then again, you are a kewl anarchist, so why should you
|
|
worry about getting hurt? That's half the fun, Spunky! Okok, now I'm getting
|
|
to the good stuff, hold your horses. Next, you'll have to worry about how to
|
|
break stuff and get away with it. You wouldn't wanna break stuff and then go
|
|
and get yourself caught, would ya? Nah. That's what I thought. Here are
|
|
some simple suggestions:
|
|
|
|
Wear dark clothes. They can't catch your white ass if they can't see it.
|
|
Catch my drift?
|
|
|
|
Break stuff, and then blame it on other people. Yeeaahh! Especially if
|
|
the other person is a miscreant to begin with. Like, uhm.. hm.. you're little
|
|
brother. Blame it all on him. Little brothers are good for that. Break
|
|
away, mi amigos!
|
|
|
|
Break stuff somewhere and then leave. Brilliant, eh? I'm a bloomin'
|
|
genius, I tell you! Like, here's an example. Go to someone's house, break
|
|
some valueable stuff, and then leave! Wow! They'll never snag you! If they
|
|
ever accuse you, act shocked for one, and say something along the lines of:
|
|
"No, I didn't break your stuff. I left before stuff was broken." It's
|
|
garaunteed to work.
|
|
|
|
I'm sure since you're a kewl anarchist, you can think up other stuff to do
|
|
to get away scott-free. Remember, they were just examples!
|
|
|
|
Now, the part you've all been waiting for! HOW TO BREAK STUFF! Ya-hoo!
|
|
You're on your way to becoming a full-fledged anarchist! Remember, the
|
|
contents of this article are for informational purposes ONLY! I am not to be
|
|
held responsible for anything stupid you may try to do. Remember : YOU SHOULD
|
|
NOT ATTEMPT BREAKING STUFF!
|
|
|
|
|
|
(Drum-roll begins here)
|
|
|
|
Intestinal Scum-Monkey in Association with Really 3LiT3 d00dz proudly
|
|
presents.. a division of Stuff-Breakers Inc... HOW TO BREAK STUFF!
|
|
|
|
(End drum-roll here)
|
|
|
|
1) The floor. The floor is a GREAT way to break stuff! Throw stuff on
|
|
the floor and it will (most likely) break! Wow. Modern technology dazzles
|
|
me.
|
|
|
|
Downfall : It makes a mess. Broken stuff usually does, though, so get used
|
|
to it.
|
|
|
|
2) The wall. This takes a little more effort than the floor. You have to
|
|
actually THROW the object to break it, where with the floor, you simply have
|
|
to drop it.
|
|
|
|
Downfall : Marks up your wall, and when it does fall, also makes a mess.
|
|
But, if it's not your stuff, or someone elses wall, then you have no reason to
|
|
worry! You nasty anarchist, you!
|
|
|
|
3) Your fist. It's a novel idea. Break stuff with your fist. This
|
|
requires more energy than the above mentioned, unless, of course, you're
|
|
throwing something really huge at the wall. Here's a small variation on the
|
|
idea.. use your feet. This one's a little easier, so you amatuer anarchists
|
|
may want to try this one first.
|
|
|
|
Downfall : This one could get VERY messy, with all the blood, scrapes,
|
|
bruises, etc. If you lose enough blood, you may even pass out. This makes
|
|
you open to arrest! Bad anarchist! BAD!
|
|
|
|
4) This is for all you anarchists who may want to take breaking stuff to
|
|
a new level, or, you're just too damn weak to do any of the other things.
|
|
Heavy machinery. Heavy machinery breaks stuff with extreme ease. Try a
|
|
bulldozer or just even a simple tow truck. If you want to go for the extreme,
|
|
use a wrecking ball. They can break lots of stuff. Lots of stuff at once,
|
|
nonetheless.
|
|
|
|
Downfall : Heavy machinery is tough to get. Uhm. That's about it, really.
|
|
Oh yeah, if you don't know how to operate it, that can be a real damper on
|
|
your parade, too.
|
|
|
|
5) Large explosives. This is the ultimate. Large amounts of stuff in a
|
|
very short amount of time. Major stuff-breaking abound.
|
|
|
|
Downfall : They're explosives, idiot. Figure it out for yourself.
|
|
|
|
6) Your butt-cheeks. Butt-cheeks are extremely powerful and underrated.
|
|
|
|
Downfall : Breaking glass stuff with your butt hurts like a bitch.
|
|
|
|
There you go. Now you're a bonafied anarchist rather than a budding
|
|
amatuer! Take what I told you and run with it. Have fun. Go nuts. Get
|
|
sooper-dooper crazy wacky silly! All thanks to me.
|
|
|
|
Just make sure you remember what I told you, this file is for educational
|
|
purposes ONLY! You should not go around breaking stuff just for the hell of
|
|
it or just because it's a whole lot of fun.
|
|
|
|
WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
|
|
|
|
! Copyright (c) Intestinal Scum-Monkey and ReaLLY 3LiT3 d00Dz! 1995 !
|
|
! All rights reserved, but two wrongs don't make a right !
|
|
|
|
WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
|