367 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
367 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
/----------------------------------------------------------------------------\
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| ______ ____________ |
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| \____ \/ _________ \ |
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| /__/ \ _)__ / /__ |
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| / \____/ \ / \ \ |
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| / \ \ \ |
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| \______/_______/________/ |
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| ÷÷ poop enlightment 'zine ÷÷ |
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| ÷÷ issue #021 ÷÷ |
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| ÷÷ released 02/24/95 ÷÷ |
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\----------------------------------------------------------------------------/
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poop enlightment 'zine issue #21
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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1.) letter from the editor
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2.) pez mailbag
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3.) the godd saga
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4.) brand gnu music
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5.) rejected submissions (one of six)
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6.) frannie's poetry corner
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7.) pez family additions
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8.) the usual crap
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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lETTER fROM dA eDITOR
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welcome to the first issue of pez, which, in actuality, is
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the 21st issue of red magazine. sound confusing? well, for a while now,
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i've published red magazine. for 20 issues, to be exact. after stumbliing
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for a while and releasing files just to release them, we have decided to try
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and find a direction for ourselves. so, here we are. a new format and a
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new name. this format is actually more "'ziney" than the previous format
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and has more crap for everyone. we certainly hope you enjoy it. if there's
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anything you'd like to see, or you have any comments in general, you can
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call the pez whq at (215)750-0392. we could also use more writers since the
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new format makes a demand for more articles, so, if you're interested, pick
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up the application inside this pack, fill it out, upload it to gba, and
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you're set.
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also, if you didn't know, we've made dead cheese head editor of pez.
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he'll fix all our booboos. but, he can't fix my lower case letters! no!
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buahahahaha! that's how elite i am! i don't use capital letters! oh. uh.
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sorry. anyway, enjoy the 'zine.
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- bf
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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dA eLITE pEZ mAILBAG
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this is actually some new user feedback that i got on my board. this
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is completely 100% serious. i guess it wouldn't hurt to mention that he's
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got a 2400 baud modem.
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---
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Date: 11:19 pm Sun Feb 19, 1995 Number : 19 of 26
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From: Phailsafe Base : Private Mail
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To : Black Francis Refer #: None
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Subj: GiMMe aKZeZ, d00d! Replies: None
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Stat: Normal Origin : Local
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WHO ARE YOU? IF YOU ARE 'ONE' LET ME KNOW OF YOUR WORK. ARE YOU GUYS
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UNDERGROUND OR IS THIS A COVER FOR GOVERNMENT. I WANT TO BE FRIENDS, IF YOU
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SCRACH MY BACK I'LL SCRACH YOURS, KNOW WHAT I MEAN, IF YOU ARE ONE YOU KNOW,
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IF NOT WELL I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR BOARD- UNDERGROUND OR NOT.
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UNDERGROUND
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PHailSafe
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---
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needless to say, i gave him access. people like this are good to
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have around for a few cheap laughs.
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- bf
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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dA gODD sAGA
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maybe _you_ haven't heard of "godd", but, around here he's basically
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a celebrity. if you have never heard of him, i suggest that you pick up hoe
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#60 ( hogs of entropy ). if you have, you've probably heard of his stupid
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little group, too. the "text forcasters." i thought i'd share with you some
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excerpts from the text forcasters first issue. the whole file is available
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on godds bbs in 215, or you can download it from the shitty goup section of
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my bbs. it's made up of quite a few files, including a "box" which godd
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claims to have created ( it's in actuality a star-command ). here it is -
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raw and unedited - the text forcasters :
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---
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( here is their "disclaimer" )
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aNY aND aLL iNFORMaTiONaL MaTeRiaL OF aND aS SuCH iS FOR PeRSONaL
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KNOWLeDGe aND FOR ReaDiNG ONLY.... WE FROWNS uPON THe uSe OF GiVeN
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aND SuGGeST aCTiON WiTHiN aNY iNFORMaTiON FOuND ON THESE TEXTS
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OR ANY OTHER INFO WE GIVE aND CONSiDeR aNY
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THiNG IN THESE TEXTS aS uSeD SOLeY FOR iNFORMaTiONaL PuRPOSeS, We SuGGeST aND
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ReQueST YOu NOT uTiLiZe THiS iNFORMaTiON TO HaRM/aNNOY OTHeR POePLe OR TO BReaK
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THe LaW. THe uSe OF THiS iNFORMaTiON TO aTTaCK OR eNDaNGeR aNOTHeR iS FuLLY
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aND MOST CeRTaiNLY NOT aLLOWeD. iF YOu DO HOWeVeR iNDuLGe iN THiS YOu aRe
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FuLLT ReSPONiSiBLe FOR YOuR aCTiONS.... We ReTaiN THaT aNYONe WHO COMMiTS
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aN aCT WOuLD Be BReaCHiNG OuR aGReeMeNT.
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aGaiN iF YOu uSe THiS iNFORMaTiON TO COMMiT WRONGFuL OR HuRTiNG aCTiON YOu
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aCT ON YOuR OWN BeHaLF aND aRe iN NO WaY CONNeCT TO THESE TEXTS. THiS aGReeMeNT
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iS BiNDiNG aND We iMPLORe YOu TO SaY WiTHiN iTS BOuNDaRieS.
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-=TF=-
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---
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( here's a little ditty named "READMY.ASS" )
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çŸ'S teXT is presented by: GODD
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(nO interpritations)
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Text ForeCasters
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(EnJoY the Lyrics more to come)
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( what the _fuck_ does all that mean, anyway? )
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---
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( the actual "issue" itself )
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teXt ForCastors Issue Singular
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Produced and editted into its pHaT'est 3L33t3 Setup by:Tf's own Usurper
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..
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/\
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.|/\|.
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.|//\\|.
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|///\\\|. TeXT FoRCastors
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.| oo |ù "Symbolism's one chance"
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|\\\///|
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ù|\\//|ù
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|^^^^|
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\ùù/
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Tf- Text Forcastors
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"Your Bark was Loud but ya Bite wudn't vicous"
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-Snoop Doggy Doggy
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"Kurt Rules"
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-Some dude at the music awards
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How to hack yer ass out of your own shoes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This will only work on 1994 Con's, With the React juice!
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.... if you thought that this was gonna be real your lame.!
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ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.
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teXt ForCastors Presents....
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TopTen Reasons NOT to call a PD BBS
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10.Fuck its PD
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9.Definetly no one to relate to
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8.The Pussy's Are always cold!
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7.The Sysop actually thinks she' in control
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6. HAS 5 CD-Rom PD CD's!
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5.Welp i'm sure 10 was right
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4.it Smells like Butt-Crack
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3.your seriously tired of people filling there messages with "huhuhuh that
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would be cool, huhuhuhuhuh"
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2.The Coolest Dude on there still has his real info in there!
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1.The number reads 426-5723 (iam-krad)
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Now on the brighter side ....
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How to become a millionaire with ease!
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1) write an idea for show!
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(basically go for the black sitcom.... there popular these dayz)
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2) goto fox!
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(desperation demands you get a chance)
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3) get you show on running againt saturday night live
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(read the bottom of 2 bahahahahahahaha)
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instant cash!!!!!
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Now for something cool
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ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù
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//\\//\\ //////
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// //
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\\ \\\\\\
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// //
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e o
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c
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X a
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s
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t t
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o
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r
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s
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WaLkIn FeDs!
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Your BasiK FedS are allowed to chase down the bbsz in the area to keep
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the eleet heads off the scene.Cover Your ass. this is how to protect your bbs
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from any charges that maybe forced on said bbs' staff.First thing is make
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one of your application questions ... this and this exactly
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"Are you in anyway connected to Law Enforcment,Federal Agencies or Private
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invs. services, parties. that legel binds em in court.... if they lie about
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and make sure that its known that liarsw of info have no right to anything
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to do with the bbs. then if it gets to court if their right to any info
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obtained is null/void. also Make a bulletin which expresses that if a user(s)
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reads this and does not send email saying they disagree to it then they are
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considered in agreement. and in the bulletin state "That at logon without
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disagreeing a user forfeits his right to tell,explain, devulge any information
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about the bbs of any nature to local,federal,private law enforcing or
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investigation agencies,parties or servicies. Now! big thing is.
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Lets say a fed comes on ... dont delete em .... dont worry. They're are some
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walkin fedz .... let em on ... at your shareware access.
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email them saying account is only good for 1 week do to the nature of this
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PRIVATE BBs. always include that your a priavte and not public bbs so you can
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reserve the right to rake and grant access levels and sort from and to users.
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NeXt is alwayz have a good copy of what the hell is going on out there fed
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wise... once and while someone will upload to the other bbs in the area or
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maybe yourz the list of fedz they know of .... hold on to each update.
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Also ... you can do as i did and have this notized by JD&F Law Associates for
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20 bucks.... your bulletin and shit, it rulez, then your toally covered
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becuase its a binding contract and not just a Verbal type Agreement.
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Thankz for the time ....
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and Dont FaLL
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íGoddí
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TŸ
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---
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there is more. including the newsletter, index, box plans, their
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"theme song" ( which is a very bad "enter sandman" mod), and this right
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here :
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---
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ÛßÜßÛ ÜÛÛÛÜ ÜÜÜÜß ÛÛ Û Û ÜÛ ÜÛÜ ÛÛ
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Û Û Û Ûß ß ßßß Û Û Û Û Û ÛÛ Ûß ßÜ Û Û
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Û Ü Û ÛÛÜÜ Û Û ÛÜÜÛ Û Û ÛÛ Û ß ÛÜÜÛ
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Û Û ÛÜ Üß Û Û Û ÛÛÛÜ ÛÛÛÜ ÞÛ ÛÜ Üß Û Û
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Û ßÛÛÛß ß Û ß ß Þ ßÛÛÛß Û
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ß Û Û
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ß ß
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ÛÜÜÜÜ Ü Û ÜÛÛÛÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ Ü Ü Ü Ü Ü Ü
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Û Üß Û Û Ûß ß Û ßÜ Û Û Û Û Û Û
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ÛßßÝ Û Û Û ÛÛÜÜ Û Ü ßßßßÜ Û Û Û Û Û Û
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Û Û Û Û ÛÛÛÜ ÛÜ Üß ßÜÜÜÜß Û Û Û Û Û Û
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Û ÛÜ ÜÛ ß ßÛÛÛß
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ß ßßß ß ß ß ß ß ß
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---
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the scary part of all this is, i didn't make any of this up. i could
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never make something like this up. more on godd to come in later issues.
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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bRAND gNU mUSIK
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artist : ass ponys
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album : electric rock music
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label : a&m records
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rating : eight out of ten
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this is exactly what the music scene needs now. something different.
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the ass ponys have a very folky sound to them that i like. the lead singer,
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chuck cleaver, sounds exactly like micheal stipe. the musical, however, is
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much more difficult to identify with. i wouldn't reccomend this to just
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anyone, however. if you've heard their first single, "little bastard", and
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you liked it, i certainly would suggest the album. the ass ponys sing about
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real-life in a small anytown, usa. some of it is humorous, and some of it is
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just plain odd. each song is like a different story, and it's great to
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listen to. the highlights on this album include, "little bastard", "place
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out there", "wall eyed girl", "banlon shirt", "gyped", and "earth to grandma"
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- bf
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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rEJECTED sUBMISSIONZ
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occasionally, we here at pez get submissions for articles that don't quite
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meet the quality standards we like to adhere to. we've decided to compile
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some of the shorter ones and show them to you for your reading enjoyment in a
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six part series. while some of them can be pretty damn stupid, they can be
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humorous also. here ya go ...
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---
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sassafras and my fat ass
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bob lived just next door to me. he was a nice guy. he wore nice clothes,
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lived in a nice condo, and talked nicely to people. last year, he bought a
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nice dog that made nice poops on my front lawn. i shot the nice dog with a
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nice rifle. it made a nice, red mess all over the ground. bob came running
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out and nicely cried over his nice, dead dog. i shot him in his nice ass.
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nice bob wasn't able to sit down for a nice month. he nicely sued me, so
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i broke into his nice house and shot him in his nice ass again. then I shot
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him through his nice head. bob made a nice mess. how nice.
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-inspector 12
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---
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i like it and everything, but, it's just too.. too.. nice. Besides,
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you should put more _actual_ sassafras in there.
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- bf
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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fRANNIE'Z pOETRY kORNER
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this one is called "i ate too much"
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i ate too much.
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way too much.
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i think i'm going to puke
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all over myself.
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maybe if i can run to the bathroom
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i won't
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too late
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i shouldn't have eaten so much.
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thank you. thank you very much.
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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pEZ pHAMILY aDDITIONS
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we'd like to welcome to following pez dispension sites to the pez
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family :
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the dreamscape - (913)897-0433 - sysop: madhatter
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templeton - (609)628-4092 - sysop: the riddler
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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dA uSUAL kRAP
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this issue's contributors are : black francis and dead cheese
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pez staff :
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~~~~~~~~~~~
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black francis - president
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dead cheese - head editor
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mogel - writer
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logik - writer
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intestinal scum-monkey - writer
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leper messiah - writer
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satan - writer
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stinky - writer
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godd(+dd) - mascot
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warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
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/----------------------------------------------------------------------------\
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| )_) pEZ iZ iN dA hOUSE! wERD 'eM uP! (_( |
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| ((______/ ..\ pHOR tHE lATEST pHAT-aZZ pEZ pHILEZ, kALL /.. \______)) |
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| | /--( gOAT bLOWERZ aNONYMOUZ @ (215)750-0392 )--\ | |
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| |||---||| "aDMITTING yOU hAVE a pROBLEM iS tHE fIRST |||---||| |
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| M M M M sTEP tO rECOVERY." M M M M |
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\----------------------------------------------------------------------------/
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( all rights reserved, but two wrongs don't make a right )
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