112 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
112 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
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vivatron - issue #001
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the totally unrepressed rant zine
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'fuck all of you elite fuckwads in #zines'
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by augustus gloop
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i can't stand all of you fucking little dorks who hang out in channel
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#zines with all of your bots with stupid sounding names, such as snuffyII or
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y0lkbot. you sit around and masturbate to each other's so-called cleverness.
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you are all stuck-up assholes who claim to hate other stuck-up assholes when
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really the stuck-up assholes who you hate are already stuck up your asshole.
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you are all smokers, which shows a little something about your pathetic
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personalities. you only talk to those in your own little group, which makes
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you elitist bastards. most of you were big conformists and nintendo-junkies
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in junior high and then went through a transitional state in high school when
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you found other losers like yourselves and in order to bolster some sort of
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group esteem, you wrote stupid text files about your own boring clique lives
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and considered yourselves better than everyone else because you started
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typing all in lower case and replacing o's with 0's. now you want to make a
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career of writing only about yourselves and your dysfunctionalities, which
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you think are ever so unique but really aren't. they are really fucking
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stupid. well, i can't wait until you all die of lung cancer. and i bet as
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you read this, you are thinking 'what a stupid twerp', and guess what? i
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don't care, because i think you are the stupid twerps. so go die. ha ha.
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'shaving'
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by augustus gloop
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i hate it when i shave and tear off a bunch of skin so my neck is all
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red. i bet you are thinking 'shaving is easy', and it is, but what i'm
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saying is razor blades weren't designed to go across the surface of your
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neck, because you have your adam's apple which gets in the way, so you
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scratch the hell out of your neck. i would stop shaving, but i don't want to
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look like some dirty, unkept snotwag in #zines, so i'll continue scratching up
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my neck for the sake of posterity.
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'demo people'
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by augustus gloop
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demo people are much more talented than #zines people, because they
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actually have a productive talent, unlike those idiots who write about cheese
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balls or planters peanuts and think it's all deep and meaningful and shit.
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well guess what? it's not even fun to read, because it's so fucking stupid.
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i mean, i'd rather read the label of a planters peanuts can instead of
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watching your dumb lower-case ass fantasize about how you are going to make a
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business of writing and distributing zines, which are about worthless
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subjects such as 'jamesy's bad day at the cheese whiz factory'. so back to
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my topic of demo people. demo people actually have talents. they can write
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music and code computer games. this is something society as a whole can
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benefit from. the only members in society who want to read articles such
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'odin's dick in philadelphia' are high school losers who sit around eating
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dry pasta and watching space ghost. you can't make money off of that, you
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big dumbasses. you might be thinking, 'demo people can't make money selling
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their demos' and maybe you're right, but at least demo people can speak finnish.
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'metalchic'
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by augustus gloop
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i've seen gifs of metalchic and she's really hot but she acts like a
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total dumbass so i could never fuck her and respect her. besides, she's from
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new jersey. she probably eats prairie grass.
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'metalchic ]['
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by mr. obvious
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well, for all i know, this metalchic chick could be the hottest thing
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on wheels, but if she types in lowercase and smokes, then she might as well
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be dead, she'd be better off that way.
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'base-plate cavalcade'
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by mr. obvious
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i have a cat named base-plate cavalcade. his favorite foods are things
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like cheese, milk, other dairy products, and people that come into my
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house. why the fuck do people come to my house? i don't even have any
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friends, but they come to my fucking house anyway. they're just using me
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because i have a cat that fucking eats cheese and they like to exploit him.
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they're kinda like people in #zines that way, they exploit things that they
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can, and do it all with a sense of ignorance that makes me sick. kinda like
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the people in my house, they make me fucking sick too.
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'typing in lower-case'
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by mr. obvious
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i hate you mother fuckers that type in lower-case. writing styles were
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developed for a fucking purpose, to make text/handwriting easier to read. do
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you think that uppercase letters are a creation of 'the man' in another of
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his attempts to 'beat you down'? you're so fucking stupid. another problem
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i have with you stupid fuckers is that some of you have the nerve to correct
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other people's grammar, and yet you don't even fucking do a god damn thing
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right yourself. not using capitals would get you flunked in any english
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class in any school on earth, yet you think that somehow you have the right
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to comment on other people's writing ability? get a fucking clue, you're
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worse than they are. i'd rather see someone misspell out of lack of
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knowledge than be an ignorant piece of shit and not use capitals to 'look
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cooler'. fuck you.
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'violent femmes'
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by mr. obvious
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i know all of you stupid #zines fuckers like the violent femmes. the
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violent femmes is probably the worst fucking band on earth, right up there
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with dark throne and burzum. however, unlike dark throne and burzum, the
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members of the violent femmes seem to have no idea that they create the worst
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music imaginable. it's atonal, it's hideous, it's total shit. if you like
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it, you're simply a bad person.
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