700 lines
32 KiB
Plaintext
700 lines
32 KiB
Plaintext
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
When Joan Rivers cancelled her "Tonight Show" monologue on the
|
|
evening of January 28, it was because joviality and laughter seemed
|
|
so inappropriate in the shadow of the Space Shuttle disaster. That
|
|
day, the world did not laugh; it wept and prayed for the astronauts
|
|
who were lost, and it mourned with their families.
|
|
|
|
There is little to be said here.
|
|
|
|
The staff of NutWorks urges you to contact Csnews at Maine and
|
|
join in the Network-wide effort to compile a sympathy card which will
|
|
be sent to the families of Challenger's astronauts. Files should
|
|
be sent to CSNEWS@MAINE.BITNET. The TOP line of the file should read:
|
|
|
|
/APPEND CARD
|
|
|
|
.... and the file should have a filetype of CSNOTICE or CSN.
|
|
There are no other requirements. Thank you for reading this.
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
************************************************************************
|
|
************************************************************************
|
|
*** ***
|
|
*** ***
|
|
*** NutWorks ***
|
|
*** ---------- ***
|
|
*** The Inter-Net Virtual Humor Magazine ***
|
|
*** which says that people who are sane don't ***
|
|
*** DESERVE the drugs we crazies get!! ***
|
|
*** ***
|
|
*** February 1986 Issue 5, Volume II. NutWorks is Published ***
|
|
*** monthly. Leonard M. Friedman aka Spock (CALBC821@CUNYVM) ***
|
|
*** Virtual Editor in Chief. ***
|
|
*** ***
|
|
************************************************************************
|
|
************************************************************************
|
|
|
|
An invitation to all readers:
|
|
============================
|
|
|
|
NutWorks is looking for original articles on *any* topic and of
|
|
humorous nature to be published in future issues of NutWorks. If you,
|
|
or anyone one you know, is interested in having people from around the
|
|
world read your work, please let us know!
|
|
|
|
Articles may be sent to any member of the staff; please do not send
|
|
articles to Csnews at Maine. The decision to publish any article will
|
|
be that of the NutWorks staff, and will be based on the humorous and
|
|
literary qualities of the article. Articles may be signed or unsigned.
|
|
No changes will be made to any signed article -- other than formatting
|
|
and/or spell checking -- without permission from the author.
|
|
|
|
When you read NutWorks, the world laughs with you!
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
We're sorry...
|
|
===========
|
|
|
|
Some of you may have noticed that this issue of NutWorks magazine,
|
|
the greatest thing to happen to computers since CP/67, was just a tad
|
|
late arriving in your virtual reader. What? A month late!? Gee, we
|
|
didn't think it had been *that* long. Well, what can we say? It's a
|
|
new semester, we're students, we have jobs. There's just not enough
|
|
time in the day sometimes.
|
|
Anyhow, the staff of NutWorks magazine, the greatest thing that's
|
|
happened to humor since the dribble-glass, wishes to apologize for
|
|
being tardy this month. We know that it must have been hard on you.
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
From the Bridge
|
|
===============
|
|
|
|
Captains Log:
|
|
Stardate 860210
|
|
Commander Spock Reporting.
|
|
|
|
Well, it's the begining of another new semester...
|
|
|
|
Being a farely knowledgable computer student I dread this time of
|
|
being bombarded with incredibly philisophic questions. One of my all
|
|
favorites occurred just the other day while I was working on this issue.
|
|
THE QUESTION: "How do I get out of CMS ?" (Our logon enviornment is CMS)
|
|
Well being determined to help a fellow student in need (UGH) I decided
|
|
that a question of this magnitude and scope should be reffered to those
|
|
who are more knowledgable then I. Hence, I consulted a few liaisons,
|
|
the head of CUNY consulting, and a few system programmers I know to
|
|
obtain the answer to this awesome question. After a bit of convincing
|
|
thenmthat I was serious and truly wanted to know the answer they told me
|
|
the following:
|
|
|
|
1) Type CP LOGOFF
|
|
2) Type CP
|
|
3) If you don't like CMS go get your own machine.
|
|
4) etc...
|
|
|
|
Other great events here at Brooklyn College have included:
|
|
|
|
1) The day a student forgot to take the rubber band off his deck of
|
|
cards and broke the card reader machine for a day and a helf.
|
|
<Doesn't say much for our swift operator who didn't notice before he
|
|
fed the machine the cards either...>
|
|
|
|
2) The day one student added (at the reccomendation of another student)
|
|
CP LOGOFF to his logon profile.
|
|
<I am not even going to bother to tell you how this one ended...>
|
|
|
|
3) Almost as bad as the above was when a student received an account
|
|
with IPL CMS as his profile.
|
|
|
|
4) One of my favorites was when for some reason (still unknown to me) a
|
|
student removed from his profile the line that defined his reader
|
|
and sat here for hours wondering while his programs hadn't come back
|
|
to him. He couldn't understand why everyone else was getting there
|
|
outputs back and he wasn't.
|
|
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
NutWorks News
|
|
=============
|
|
|
|
1) The NutWorks Staff wishes to extend its welcome to all readers who
|
|
are returning for the Spring semester, (as well as those who never left
|
|
to begin with)!
|
|
|
|
Note: If you are graduating or will not have the same account this term,
|
|
please drop us some mail so we can delete you from the mailing list and/
|
|
or add your new account to the mailing list.
|
|
|
|
3) Plans are under way for Netcon '86 (Spring) which is going to be
|
|
held in Boston, MA on Memorial Day weekend. For more info, contact any
|
|
of the following:
|
|
|
|
Lynn Snyder L64A1584 @ JHUVM
|
|
Marcelle Karp MARCE @ BITNIC
|
|
William Guttenplan GUTTENP @ BMACADM
|
|
|
|
4) Nutworks is no longer available to BITnet users on the now defunct
|
|
Forum @ Bitnic. Back issues of NutWorks *are* still available on CSNEWS
|
|
at MAINE via the SENDME NUTWORKS ISSUExxx command. Usenet users can get
|
|
NutWorks through Alan <ALAN@NCSUVM.BITNET>. For more information please
|
|
consult the NutWorks Info File available in a solar system near you !!!
|
|
|
|
5) NutWorks is also available on SERVER at TAMCBA.
|
|
|
|
6) Some articles contained herein may have once appeared on the Humor
|
|
disk, an offshoot of this magazine, which used to be a part of CSNEWS at
|
|
MAINE but is no longer available. No "old" NutWorks articles will be re-
|
|
printed.
|
|
|
|
7) To get yourself added to the NutWorks mailing list send mail with
|
|
with your account, node, and name (First, Last) to any of the following:
|
|
|
|
Lenny aka Spock CALBC821 @ CUNYVM (Bitnet)
|
|
Brent aka tnerB BRENT @ MAINE (Bitnet)
|
|
Alan aka Alan ALAN @ NCSUVM (Bitnet, Usenet)
|
|
|
|
Note 1: Names are strictly for reference purposes.
|
|
Note 2: Any articles for NutWorks can be sent to the above also.
|
|
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Nuts & Bolts
|
|
--------------
|
|
Commentary.
|
|
(Maligner tnerB Retorting.)
|
|
|
|
Coming to work on an unseasonably warm Saturday morning at the
|
|
beginning of a new semester was not an unpleasant duty. Until, that
|
|
is, I found to my horror that there were no consultants on duty in the
|
|
user area! With great dry heaves of revulsion I came to the realiza-
|
|
tion that for the next sixteen hours I would be flooded with intell-
|
|
ectually unfieldable inquiries from the new hackers, the novice, the
|
|
uninformed, the L-User.
|
|
|
|
Conversation of the weekend:
|
|
---------------------------
|
|
|
|
User: My computer won't run my program.
|
|
Me: It's not your computer. See this big blue box behind me?
|
|
That's the computer.
|
|
User: Well, the big blue box behind you won't run my program.
|
|
Me: Did you type RUN?
|
|
User: (Whips out set of instructions and reads from same):
|
|
I typed EDIT HW1 and then INPUT and then PROGRAM HW1 (INPUT,
|
|
OUTPUT); and then (* This program will take the average of...
|
|
...
|
|
... (days pass...)
|
|
...
|
|
...and then END. and then <CR> and then FILE and then RUN HW1.
|
|
Me: (Waking abruptly):
|
|
<CR> stands for Carriage Return! Just hit the ENTER key when-
|
|
ever your instructions say <CR>!
|
|
User: Uh-oh...
|
|
Me: What's wrong?
|
|
|
|
(The user had typed "<CR>" at the end of every line in his program.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Runner up for the stupidity award:
|
|
---------------------------------
|
|
|
|
User: I can't stop my program from running!!
|
|
Me: Type "HX" and hit ENTER.
|
|
User: But I DID that and it still says "Running."
|
|
Me: It's *supposed* to say "Running." That let's you know that
|
|
the system is running, not your program.
|
|
User: Ok.
|
|
(Goes away briefly. Returns moments later.)
|
|
Can you force me? I'm hung.
|
|
Me: (Skeptically) What did you do to get hung?
|
|
User: Nothing! It said "Running" and I typed "LIST", and then
|
|
it said "More..." (pronounced "more dot dot dot") so I
|
|
I typed "LIST" again.
|
|
|
|
(User had typed "LIST" about twelve times thinking that "his computer"
|
|
wanted "more").
|
|
|
|
And for an honerable mention:
|
|
----------------------------
|
|
|
|
User: Are the operator?
|
|
Me: I hope so.
|
|
User: Can you get my 191 back for me?
|
|
Me: (Foolishly assuming that the user had a legitimate complaint
|
|
and that the system might actually have disk trouble):
|
|
What did the error message say?
|
|
User: DASD 191 DETACHED
|
|
Me: You didn't type DET 191 by any chance?
|
|
User: Yes... why?
|
|
|
|
(Now I know the true meaning of the word AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!)
|
|
|
|
bcjb
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
To Compute or Not To Compute
|
|
============================
|
|
Transcribed from "Bloom County" by Berke Breathed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
The words of Oliver Wendell Jones:
|
|
|
|
"To compute, or not to compute...
|
|
That is the question.
|
|
|
|
"Whether 'tis nobler in the memory bank
|
|
To suffer the slings and circuits of outrageous functions,
|
|
Or to take up arms against a sea of... transistors.
|
|
Or rather, transponders... transcondu-... trans...
|
|
Er..
|
|
|
|
"Oh, to hack with it."
|
|
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Uzi vs. The Computer
|
|
========================
|
|
Yossie Silverman (Yossie @ Bitnic)
|
|
|
|
The following advertisement appeared in one of the munition magazines:
|
|
|
|
The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance. The guy on the right
|
|
has the Osborne 1, a fully functional computer system in a portable
|
|
package the size of a briefcase. The guy on the left has an Uzi
|
|
submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are
|
|
four fully loaded, 32 round clips of 125 grain 9 mm ammunition.
|
|
|
|
The owner of the Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower
|
|
delivered --- and delivered on target --- in less time and with less
|
|
effort.
|
|
|
|
All for $795. It's inevitable.
|
|
|
|
If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 --- or any
|
|
personal computer -- he's the one whose in trouble. One round from
|
|
an Uzi can zip through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can
|
|
imagine what it will do to structural foam acrylic and sheet
|
|
aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines for the Uzi are available in
|
|
25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can take out an entire
|
|
office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied into Ethernet
|
|
or other local area networks.
|
|
|
|
What about the new 16-bit computers, like the Lisa and Fortune?
|
|
Even with the Winchester backup they're no match for the Uzi. One
|
|
quick burst and they'll find what UNIX means.
|
|
|
|
Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home a
|
|
winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
|
|
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
|
|
A: Three:
|
|
One to write the light bulb removal program,
|
|
One to write the light bulb insertion program, and
|
|
One to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure
|
|
nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
First Day on the Job
|
|
----------------------
|
|
|
|
The foreman is talking to the new employee...
|
|
|
|
Foreman: You're really going to like it here. Every Thursday the boys
|
|
go to the bar after work and get smashed out of their minds.
|
|
|
|
Rookie: I don't think I'd like that; I don't drink.
|
|
|
|
Foreman: Well, every Friday night after work we get together and get
|
|
wasted on a pound of some of the best Columbian!
|
|
|
|
Rookie: I wouldn't like that either; I don't do drugs.
|
|
|
|
Foreman: Well, every Saturday evening we go down to the local house-
|
|
of-ill-repute and spend the whole night.
|
|
|
|
Rookie: I don't think I'd like that either.
|
|
|
|
Foreman: (suspiciously) You're not gay, are ya?
|
|
|
|
Rookie: No.
|
|
|
|
Foreman: Then you *really* won't like what we do on Sunday night!
|
|
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
BASE ADDRESS REGISTER CONCEPTS
|
|
==============================
|
|
|
|
The IBM 360/50 computer knows where it is at all times. It
|
|
knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where
|
|
it is, from where it isn't; or where it isn't from where it is
|
|
(whichever is greater), it obtains a difference, or deviation.
|
|
|
|
The system uses deviations to generate corrective instruct-
|
|
ions to take the computer from a storage position where it is,
|
|
to a position where it isn't; arriving at the position where it
|
|
wasn't, it now is. Consequently, the position where it was, is
|
|
now the position where it wasn't, and it follows that the
|
|
position where it was is the position where it isn't.
|
|
|
|
In the event the position where it is now, is not the
|
|
position where it wasn't, the system has acquired a variation,
|
|
the variation being the difference between where the computer is
|
|
and where it wasn't. However, the computer is sure where it
|
|
isn't, and it knows where it wasn't, and by differentiating this
|
|
from the algebraic difference between where it shouldn't be and
|
|
where it was, it is able to obtain the difference between its
|
|
deviation and its variation which is called ERROR!
|
|
|
|
(Thank God IBM hired technical writers.)
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
And now, a new word derived by the spellchecker in its never-ending
|
|
quest to make sense of our misspellings:
|
|
|
|
Defence - v. To take the fence away. "We DEFENCED the yard."
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Goofed-up Getaways Foil Crimes
|
|
================================
|
|
|
|
by Stephen Fay
|
|
|
|
On the night of Nov. 24, 1974, a 26-year-old Lee man fleeing from
|
|
the police facilitated his own capture by crashing into a tree.
|
|
|
|
And though there's nothing so unusual about people fleeing from the
|
|
police crashing into trees, most of them do so while in cars. This
|
|
particular man had been on foot when he ran into the tree and knocked
|
|
himself cock-eyed.
|
|
|
|
Ignominious as his capture was, he at least has the consolation of
|
|
knowing he is not alone. For Berkshire County appears to be something
|
|
of a capital of goofed-up getaways.
|
|
|
|
From the killer who telephoned the Pittsfield Fire Department (which
|
|
records all calls) and pounded on the doors of sleeping neighbors asking
|
|
directions to the home of his victim to the bank robbers who got caught
|
|
when they got snarled in North Adams's rush-hour traffic to the lady who
|
|
robbed a liquor store and fled in a taxi, Berkshire County malefactors -
|
|
homegrown as well as transplants - have much to learn in the getaway
|
|
department. A little research into criminal activities in the
|
|
Berkshires turns up a whole gang of crooks who blew their getaways.
|
|
|
|
_Stuck_in_snowbank
|
|
|
|
Take the case of the 40-year-old multimillionaire who was convicted
|
|
of torching his Richmond summer home one snowy, cold morning in January
|
|
1983. Not only did he increase the insurance on his $200,000 house to
|
|
$400,000 shortly before the fire, but while setting a blaze in the rear
|
|
bedroom he managed to touch off the fire alarm, not once but twice. At
|
|
getaway time, he did not get far. His car got stuck in a snowbank near
|
|
his Woodlot Road home. Firefighters responding to the alarm saw him as
|
|
they rushed to the fire scene. He was charged shortly after the event.
|
|
|
|
The most quickly solved bank robbery in Pittsfield's history
|
|
occurred Dec. 3, 1974. A 33-year-old city resident forced his way into
|
|
the West Housatonic Street branch of City Savings Bank at 9:40, 20
|
|
minutes before the bank was to open. An alert teller observed two of
|
|
her colleagues approaching the door and asked the robber if she could
|
|
tell the approaching "customers" that the bank wasn't open yet.
|
|
|
|
The teller went to the front door and, using a codeword that meant a
|
|
robbery was in progress, sent her two co-workers dashing for a phone to
|
|
call police.
|
|
|
|
In the meantime, the robber had gathered up $9,600 and, discovering
|
|
he hadn't thought of transportation, asked one of the tellers inside the
|
|
bank for the loan of a car. When police arrived, shortly after the
|
|
robber departed, the teller was able to provide an exact description of
|
|
the vehicle.
|
|
|
|
Meanwhile, two detectives investigating a burglary at Crystal
|
|
Creamery a mile away, heard the description of the car and driver and, a
|
|
minute later, watched in awe as the very same car went right by them.
|
|
|
|
The bank robber still had the money bag in his hand when they nabbed
|
|
him a few blocks later.
|
|
|
|
It was only last January that a 25-year-old North Adams woman
|
|
pointed a gun at the owner of the Liquor Mart at the Artery Arcade in
|
|
North Adams and scooped $320 from the cash register, half of which she
|
|
dropped on the ground while leaving the store. Then she used a taxi as
|
|
a getaway car. The ower of the store took down the cab's number and
|
|
police quickly found the driver, who knew nothing of what his passenger
|
|
was up to. Twenty minutes after the robbery, the robber was arrested at
|
|
her home.
|
|
|
|
_Caught_in_traffic_
|
|
|
|
"You gotta know the territory," said the man in Meredith Wilson's
|
|
"The Music Man."
|
|
|
|
It is advice that would have spared a visitor from Waltham
|
|
considerable grief on the afternoon of - when else? - April Fools' Day,
|
|
1982.
|
|
|
|
The 32-year-old bandit stuck up the South Adams Savings Bank on
|
|
Route 8 in Cheshire at about 4:30 p.m. With $635 in cash stuffed into
|
|
bank bags and a .22-caliber pistol in his hand, the robber roared away
|
|
in his black Ford Mustang. He made the big mistake of heading north,
|
|
however. A half-hour later, he got snarled in a 5 p.m. rush-hour
|
|
traffic jam on State Street in North Adams. The police closed in and he
|
|
gave in.
|
|
|
|
The Indiana Jones award goes to the 25-year-old North Adams man who
|
|
broke into a woman's apartment in March 1983. The woman kicked him and
|
|
ran shouting out the door. The attacker jumped out the window, perhaps
|
|
forgetting he was on the second floor. He broke his left ankle, which
|
|
was still in its cast during the trial three months later.
|
|
|
|
Then there were the two men charged with the Feb. 13, 1979, killing
|
|
of a Pittsfield man. The victim lived on Hungerford Street, a rather
|
|
hard-to-find road off West Housatonic Street. At their trial, it became
|
|
evident that the two defendants were themselves victims - of a profound
|
|
lack of planning.
|
|
|
|
It seems, first of all, that they did not know where Hungerford
|
|
Street was. So one of them called the Pittsfield Fire Department to ask
|
|
directions, unaware that his call, like all calls to the department, was
|
|
recorded. Then, in the wee hours of the morning, the two wandered
|
|
around West Pittsfield, banging on the doors of sleepers, asking where
|
|
Hungerford Street was. The fire dispatcher and several of the awakened
|
|
neighbors were to testify at the trial.
|
|
|
|
One of the men - the gunman - was found guilty of the killing, the
|
|
other was let off.
|
|
|
|
_Dropped_money_
|
|
|
|
That North Adams liquor store bandit who dropped half her take
|
|
brings to mind the case of the unluck crook who didn't get what he
|
|
ordered at the old Majestic Restaurant in Pittsfield.
|
|
|
|
The case goes back to Jan. 22, 1974. An armed robber wearing a ski
|
|
mask grabbed the cash box from behind the bar of a North Street eatery.
|
|
But the gray metal box wasn't latched. It fell open and all the money
|
|
fell on the floor behind the bar. The crook headed for the door, still
|
|
hanging onto the empty money box, and took a blast of tear gas in the
|
|
face from a little aerosol can brandished by the owner.
|
|
|
|
Perhaps the most inept attempt to commit a crime was illustrated by
|
|
one Adams man.
|
|
|
|
The individual in question, age 23, tried to extort exactly $7,045
|
|
from A.H. Rice Co. of Pittsfield. The money demand, written on a piece
|
|
of Howard Johnson's guest stationery, was accompanied by a bomb threat.
|
|
The extortionist demanded that the sum be sent to his home on Burt
|
|
Street in Adams. Cleverly, he thought, in order to throw authorities
|
|
off, the extortionist said the people at that address knew nothing of
|
|
the plot.
|
|
|
|
"It reminds me," his lawyer, George B. Crane, told the judge, "of
|
|
the old saw about the kidnapper sending the kid home with the ransom
|
|
note."
|
|
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Cursed Baby Crib
|
|
------------------
|
|
|
|
Dick and Jane were expecting their first child, so they went down to
|
|
buy a crib. After looking at all the different models, they decided on
|
|
one sitting in the corner with no price tag on it. So they asked the
|
|
salesman how much it was. He replied, "You don't want that one, it's
|
|
cursed. As soon as you put the baby in it, the baby will die. Three
|
|
seconds later, the mother will die. And three seconds later, the
|
|
father will die." Well, Dick and Jane just loved the crib, and they
|
|
thought the salesman was merely trying to jack up the price or some-
|
|
thing, so, after much haggling, they bought it.
|
|
|
|
A couple of weeks later, little Johnny was born. They brought him
|
|
home from the hospital. Jane was so happy. Dick proudly watched as
|
|
his wife put Johnny into the crib. Johnny said, "ack oop", and died.
|
|
Then Dick saw his wife collapse onto the floor in a lifeless heap.
|
|
Terrified, he ran out of the house and killed himself tripping over the
|
|
dead milkman.
|
|
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
A long time ago, on a node far, far away (from ucbvax)
|
|
a great Adventure (game?) took place...
|
|
|
|
XXXXX XXXXXX XXXX X X XX XXXXX XXXX X
|
|
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
|
|
X X XXXXX X X X X X X X XXXX X
|
|
X X X X X XX X XXXXXX XXXXX X X
|
|
X X X X X XX XX X X X X X X
|
|
XXXXX XXXXXX XXXX X X X X X X XXXX X
|
|
|
|
It is a period of system war. User programs striking from
|
|
a hidden directory, have won their first victory against the
|
|
evil Administrative Empire. During the battle, User spies
|
|
managed to steal secret source code to the Empire's ultimate
|
|
program: The Are-Em Star, a privileged root program with
|
|
enough power to destroy an entire file structure. Pursued
|
|
by the Empire's sinister audit trail, Princess Linker races
|
|
aboard her shell script, custodian of the stolen listings
|
|
that could save her people, and restore freedom and games to
|
|
the network...
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
THE CONTINUING SAGA OF THE ADVENTURES OF LUKE VAXHACKER
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
<<stoping the garbage collector from realocating them all>>
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Luke noticed an unused handler lying around and jumped to
|
|
it. The others followed and were soon able to execute an
|
|
escape sequence. Trashing some of its relocation registers
|
|
caused a frame fault. He started working his way back up the
|
|
return stack when he was road blocked by Dec Vadic who stood
|
|
with his bytesaber active. "At last we will see who the real
|
|
file master is" he remarked, bits, bytes, words, and nybbles,
|
|
flew as the two fought for bus mastership. PDP-1 exclaimed
|
|
"You were my best subtask! How could you have been seduced by
|
|
the sideband portion of the carrier?". "It's simple," Vadic
|
|
said, "I enjoy obscure protocol".
|
|
|
|
While the battle continued, Luke, Con, Bookie, and the
|
|
Princess linked up with the droids and found their way back
|
|
to the inode where the Milliamp Falcon was stored. It looked
|
|
quiet, "But,", Luke said "It could be an MMU trap.". "No
|
|
chance", said Con, "I loaded the par's before I left the
|
|
Falcon."
|
|
|
|
As they started toward it a squad of recursive functions
|
|
swapped in and started firing ROM blasters at them. "Thought
|
|
you said it couldn't be a trap" quipped Luke "I said no
|
|
chance for an MMU trap this is obviously a k-mon--f-trap-to
|
|
4" Con replied. PDP-1 shouted at the others "Escape while you
|
|
can! I'll cause wait states as long as possible!" and with
|
|
that he allowed Vadic a chance to apply several hits with the
|
|
bytesaber. Instead of halting, PDP-1 was encoded onto the
|
|
carrier.
|
|
|
|
The Milliamp Falcon was restarted and managed to escape
|
|
the shell. "Quickly!" shouted Con, "We've got to warp into
|
|
virtual space!" The Bookie made several attempts, but it was
|
|
obvious that a CE had not done PM in a long time and it would
|
|
take a lot of decimal adjusts to byte align all the data
|
|
registers. After much debugging, virtual space was finally
|
|
achieved. "Do you know the path?" asked Princess LPA0. "No
|
|
sweat" said Con "All we have to do is check the free space
|
|
map".
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
<<rest of star wars, especially the dog fight>>
|
|
<<begining of empire strikes back, especially the battle ..>>
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Some months later...
|
|
|
|
Luke was feeling rather bored. 3CPU could get to be rather
|
|
irritating and RS232 didn't really speak Luke's language.
|
|
Suddenly, Luke felt someone's eyes boring through the back of
|
|
his skull. He turned slowly to see...nothing. A quiet voice
|
|
came from somewhere in front of him.
|
|
|
|
"Grasshopper, the carrier is strong within you." Luke
|
|
froze, which was a good thing since his legs were insisting
|
|
that he run but they weren't likely to be particular about
|
|
direction. Luke guessed that his odds of getting lost in the
|
|
dense tree structures were pretty good. Unfortunately, the
|
|
Bookie wasn't available.
|
|
|
|
"Yes. Very strong, but the modulation is yet weak. His
|
|
network interface is undeveloped," the voice continued. A
|
|
small furry creature walked out of the woods as Luke stared
|
|
on. Luke's stomach had now joined the rest of his body in
|
|
loud complaints. Whatever was peering at him was certainly
|
|
small and furry, but Luke was quite sure that it didn't come
|
|
from Alpha Centauri. "Well, well," said the creature as it
|
|
rolled its eyes at Luke. "Frobozz, y'know. Morning, name's
|
|
Modem. What's your game? Adventure? D&D? Or are you just
|
|
one of those Apple - pong types that hang around the store
|
|
demonstrations?"
|
|
|
|
Luke closed his eyes. Perhaps, if he couldn't see it, it
|
|
wouldn't notice him. "H'mm," muttered the creature. "Must
|
|
use a different protocol. @@@H @@ @($@@@H }"@G$
|
|
@#@@G'(o% @@@@@%%H(b ?"
|
|
|
|
"No, no!," stammered Luke. "I don't speak EBCDIC. I was
|
|
sent here to become a UNIX wizard. Must have the wrong
|
|
address." "Right address," said the creature. "I am a UNIX
|
|
wizard. Device drivers a specialty. Or do you prefer playing
|
|
with virtual memory?" Luke eyed the creature cautiously. If
|
|
this was what happened to system wizards after years of late
|
|
night crashes, Luke wasn't sure he wanted anything to do with
|
|
it. He felt a strange affection for the familiar micro-
|
|
computers of his home. And wasn't virtual memory something
|
|
that you got from drinking too much Coke?
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
<< rest of empire strikes back, especially getting to the
|
|
user haven, a directory unconnected to /. >>
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
<< Return of the Jedi, if and when ... >>
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The preceding was written by a number of people,
|
|
working piecemeal. Additions should be posted to
|
|
the net. Here at Case, we think the little incons-
|
|
istancies just add a little charm. Please note that
|
|
the unsigned stuff enclosed in <<...>>'s is by
|
|
Barak Pearlmutter (thats me) while the stuff enc-
|
|
losed in <<...>>'s signed " -Ed." is by ...!stolaf!
|
|
borman.
|
|
May the Carrier be with you,
|
|
Barak Pearlmutter
|
|
decvax!cwruecmp!pearlmut
|
|
|
|
Actually, if you do come up with additions, mail them
|
|
to GAMES.
|
|
The Grand Wizard.
|
|
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
NutWorks Staff
|
|
==============
|
|
|
|
Editor in Chief Lenny aka Spock CALBC821 @ CUNYVM
|
|
Editor In-sane Brent aka tnerB Brent @ MAINE
|
|
Associate Editor Scott aka Orion CSCSRH @ CCNYVME
|
|
Distribution Manager Alan aka Alan Alan @ NCSUVM
|
|
|
|
|