116 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
116 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
MONEY INCORPORATED DIGEST #13
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RELEASED 10 APRIL 1994
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TODAY'S TOPIC: THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE USPS....AND HOW TO FUCK THEM UP
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MONEY INCORPORATED IS:
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SLEEPY - FOUNDER AND CEO
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SONIC FURY - FOUNDER AND CHAIRMAN OF DE BOARD
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THE BIG CH33SE
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METHOD MAN
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CCRIDER
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Hi again, and welcome my first file exporing the workings of the U.S. Postal
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Service. This file will allow you to understand what happens when you send
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a letter to your phriend, and how the government CAN track all mail going
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into or coming out of a certain address. You will also learn how by using
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the correct/incorrect ZIP codes, you can expedite/slow down your mail.
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CHAPTER ONE: ZIP CODES
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To begin, you must understand the concept of a zip code. Every post office
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has it's own zip code. Large towns may have more than one code, or small
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towns may share one post office. Zip codes are arranged so that the lower
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numbers are on the east coast, so that 00XXX is in New England, and the numbers
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get higher as you go west, so 9XXXX is in California.
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To expedite delivery, you may add a 4 digit suffix to the zip code. The first
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two digits indicate the carrier who delivers the mail, and the final two digits
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indicate the location on his route. This is refered to as the ZIP+4.
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In addition, you never see/know them, but some addresses have an additional
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2 digits on the zip code, to indicate the house number. This is done by
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the postal computers and is worthless to you.
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As you can see, putting the wrong zip code on a piece of mail will slow it down
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and I will explain how in the next chapter. By the way, a correct ZIP+4 code
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will allow your mail to reach destination with more reliability, if for some
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reason you wanted that to happen. Also, putting no ZIP code on the mail will
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not hinder it's delivery substantially, but the WRONG ZIP WILL.
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CHAPTER TWO: THE GMF AND RES (HUH?)
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After you put your mail in your mailbox, it is picked up and sent to a large
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facility in a large city near you. This is the General Mail Facility (GMF)
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There it is loaded into a high speed sorting machine that tries to read the
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address and route it to the correctbin. If the computer cannot read the
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address, which if it is handwritten,off center, on colored paper, or in English
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it cannot, it is sent toanother machine which takes high speed pictures of the
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mail. These pictures are sent over fiber optic fone lines to a mainframe
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in a slave shop called a Remote Encoding Site (RES). Here, low paid slaves
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look at a picture on a computer terminal and type in the ZIP code and address.
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If the ZIP+4 is present, the address is not typed in, saving the poor worker
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some added keystrokes. Here is where you can fuck with the workers...
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(P.S. If you live in the Long Island area, do not do these things, since I am
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unfortunate captive of the U.S. postal service, and have to do this since
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I can't get a job around computers any other way. Seeing as how I work in
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the Long Island facitlity, which is not located in New York at all, this
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would make my job harder.)
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Ok, here's a list of ways to fuck your mail.
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1. Wrong ZIP code...especially good for bills...this will delay delivery by
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a day or two, since the mail will be sent to the wrong post office.
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2. Put the same address on for the sender and reciever. Then mail it
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without a stamp. When they see it has no stamp it will be returned to the
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sender, who will appear to be the person who is actually supposed to get
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the mail. (Good low risk scam.)
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3. Write incredibly sloppy, so that no one can read it...this will slow
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things down a bit at the RES. If evryone who reds this file does this a
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few times, we will make the USPS mightily pissed.
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4. Draw the design of the envelope flaps on the front and don't put anything
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but a stamp on it. The stupid encoder will think that the mail was misfed
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into the machine and the poor saps at the GMF will have to reload that
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piece over and over and over...another way to slow things down a bit.
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5. Use colored envelopes and ink the same color...the terminals are black and
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white VGA displays, so the poor encoder won't be able to read it.
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CHAPTER THREE: WHY ALL OF THIS INFORMATION? IT'S USELESS!
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Wrong. If we all do our part ad fuck with the mail a little bit, we can slow
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the USPS down to a crawl, and fuck the government up. Not to mention, it never
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hurts to know that if all of these addresses are flowing through a computer, why
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can't the government easily track every piece of mail the passes through this
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naion (2600 magazine should know this....even if they don't want to admit it!)
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So next time you want to order the newest blue box plans or your new bong from
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the friendly mail order place, remember, you ARE being watched. We must stop
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the lefitist-pinko-communist government from imposing their might on us, and
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this is a good, low-risk way to start. Next they'll be coming in to take
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your computer and modem away....then what? Maybe they'll make you watch
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MTV all day, while smoking crack made from the coke they bought from the
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Columbians....
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NEVER FORGET!!!
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Copywrong 1994 MONEY INCORPORATED
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ALL RIGHTS HUNG BY THE NECK UNTIL DEAD
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Money Incorporated is:
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Sleepy Sonic Fury The BIG Ch3353 Method Man CCRider
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Burn the little panties
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Off of nubiles with a bunsen burner
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Slim on that maturity,
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But Jesus Fuck, their tits are firmer.
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Pick them up from Grease 2,
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And by god, they're going to drivers ed
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But that's OK cuz mom will dork me
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On that queen sized parent's bed.
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THE MEATMEN "I SIN FOR A LIVING" FROM "WE'RE THE MEATMEN AND YOU SUCK!" (1983)
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