802 lines
34 KiB
Plaintext
802 lines
34 KiB
Plaintext
°°°± °°°± °±
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°°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °± °°± °°°°°°°°± [MiLK]
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°°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°± °°°°°°± BIG Issue 2
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°°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°± °°°°°±
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°°°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °± °± °°°°°°±
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°°± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°±
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°°°± °°°± °°°±
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- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
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Table of Junk
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"Why The World is Full of Shit"............................Yohan Bawk
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"The Lovers"...............................................Whoops
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"2^5 fun things to do to parapros".........................Yohan Bawk
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"Thoughts, Memories, Questions
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Swallow The Freak
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Empty
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mother
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Power Trip"...............................................Psychotic Ambition
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"An Interview With A Satanist"............................James Hetfield
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"Bobbitized"..............................................Whoops
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"Man-Dyslexic of Adventures The"..........................Yohan Bawk
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"Nyarlathotep Steals Old, Really Bad Joke"................Nyarlathotep
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Untitled Work.............................................James Hetfield
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- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
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Why the World is Full of Shit
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-----------------------------
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War, famine, pestilence, death, plague, murder, MTV, suffering,
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conflict, emotional wreckage, lampreys--there are just so many damned
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shitty problems in the world today. Just why does the world have all
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this shit we have to deal with?
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The other day, two Jehovah's Witnesses stopped by my house to explain
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this to me ("Hello, my name is Jurgin (YER'gin) and this is Greg (GREG)
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and we'd like to ask you if you've ever given any thought to why the
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world is like it is"). They gave me a pamphlet called, "Who Really
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Rules the World?" I read the thing (it was three pages, and had neat-O
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pictures), and whoa, I thought, these guys should write for [MiLK], I
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mean this stuff was hilarious!
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But I digress. Anyway, the world is full of shit because of one
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reason, and only one reason. No, not Ivy League football; the cause of
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all our problems today is easily explainable. All people are blind.
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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[The THESIS of this paper!!]
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Why do I make this assertion? Obviously. War. Where does war come
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from? It comes when people read James Hetfield's Guide on "How to Take
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Over Your Government" and take over their governments, and decide they
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want to play politics themSELVES. Aha, but they obviously failed to
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see that there are people already there playing politics all over the
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place! Fighting ensues, and war starts. And it was all because the
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original fool was too blind to see what would happen.
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Famine? Famine is caused by bad soil, but why does soil become bad?
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Soil becomes bad because people cannot see their soil evaporating out
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of the land when they overuse it. Blindness again!
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Pestilence, death, and plague all occur because people do not have good
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enough eyesight to see germs. Obviously, if people could see germs,
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they would avoid them, and nobody would get sick. If nobody got sick,
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nobody would have pestilence, death, or plague. Vol¡a! If people were
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not blind, clearly we would not have disease!
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Murder. Murder is caused by shitheads.
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MTV. MTV is caused because people are too blind to realize that people
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who shake their vertebrata back and forth hard enough to break them,
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all the while strumming an electrified banjo and wearing fishnet
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stockings, are NOT cool.
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Suffering, conflict, and emotional wreckage are all caused because
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people are too blind to see consequences. For instance, your average
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Joe would step up to a lamprey, say, "shit, cool, I don't know what
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this thing is, it's fucking ugly, cool, shit," and they'd probably kick
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it or prod at it, just for fun. THEN they get this big primitive fish
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sucking out their guts, and boy, weren't they blind?
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Lampreys. Lampreys are caused by Nyarlathotep, who is actually the
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LAMPREY KING OF THE WORLD masquerading under the pretense of being a
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great lamprey hunter. One day, people will not be blinded to his true
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identity any longer, and then the lamprey problem will be solved!!
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------------------------------ ...
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Biff Thelmus Bonglemeister III o.o <--Kid from "The Far Side"
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------------------------------ ( - )
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(Greetz to MoonChild+BeLIEve, Speedo, Flynn, Fallic, and "X"
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Anti-Greetz to Nick)
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- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
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The Lovers
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They were in love. Anyone could tell. The way they looked in each other's
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eyes, the way they stroked each other's hair...it was obvious. Each adored
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every inch of the other. There were no secrets, no awkward moments, nothing
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even slightly uncomfortable between these two. Nothing could keep them apart.
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When they had known each other as children, they had been unseparable. As they
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grew older, this friendship blossomed into a romance and their feelings toward
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each other strengthened even more. At the age of 20, they eloped and got
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married. When they told their parents, they were abandoned and thrown out of
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every aspect of their families' lifestyles, but it didn't matter to them. They
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had each other, so they had it all.
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They were the match made in heaven. They had the same likes and dislikes,
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the same tastes and--in this day and age--the same hairdo. They were two links
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in a chain, with their love linking them together, inseparably. Two pieces of
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a puzzle whose match could only be found in each other. One was the picture,
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the other the picture frame. Wild horses couldn't tear them apart; somehow
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they'd find a way to get back together again. Richard loved Bryan, and Bryan
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loved Richard. They were one.
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- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
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2^5 Fun Things To Do To Parapros
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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Parapros are such assholes, they need their own section in jail so they
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don't ANNOY the fuck out of the other inmates. Numbers (1), (2), (4),
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(8), and other powers of two are the ones you can easily do and are
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quite effective, the other ones are equally effective but some of them
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are harder to arrange.
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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1. Walk up to them and shout "yaba daba doo" in their ears*
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2. Walk past them, and when they ask for a pass, fart in their FACE
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3. Trip over their desk while carrying a big pot of planting soil
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4. "I bet YOU never studied when YOU were in high school!"
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5. Bring friends, gather a huge crowd of people in a giant semicircle
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around the hapless parapro. Jeer loudly and point and laugh.
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6. Pretend to stare at a nonexistent goiter on their neck.
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7. When a Biology teacher comes by, point to the parapro and say,
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"look, a perfect example of a fungal growth!"
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8. Take away their crossword puzzle and FINISH IT YOURSELF!
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9. Offer to read their book to them out loud.
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10. Tell them the teachers are making more money than they are.
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11. Tell them the JANITORS are making more money than they are.
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12. Wrap up a can of Spam and give it to them for Christmas. When they
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open it up, laugh loudly, and say, "ha, ha, ha! Look, it's Spam!"
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Walk away so nobody knows you gave it to them.
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13. Throw lampreys at them and WATCH THEM WRITHE IN AGONY
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14. If they have hair, put some potent developing fluid in it (from the
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photography lab of course) and LIGHT IT ON FIRE!!
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15. If they are bald, use their head as a parabolic reflector, and mark
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the focus with a permanent marker!
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16. Start a strip tease in the hallway in front of their seat, and when
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they ask you what you are doing, say "whatever turns you on, big
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boy" ("big momma" for female parapros).
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17. Take your Walkman out, and when they ask you to put it away,
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pretend you can't hear them because the volume is too loud.
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Conveniently sway your head so they can't touch your earphones.
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18. Take your Watchman out, and when they ask you to put it away, turn
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to Channel 38 and make them watch TAMMY FAE BAKER!!
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19. Take your Game Boy out, and when they ask you to put it away, tell
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them it's your English homework. Tell them to ask your English
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teacher, and, when they leave, put the Game Boy away so everyone
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will think they're crazy.
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20. Sprawl out on the ground, and when they tell you to get up, fake an
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epileptic seizure.
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21. Sprawl out on the ground, and when they tell you to get up, point
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out that they are more of a fire hazard than you are. At least YOU
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get up and move after a while.
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22. Get lots of friends and stand around them so they can't see out.**
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23. Give them a birthday cake when it's not their birthday.
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24. Juggle in the hallway and walk by, pretending that you are too
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concentrating on the balls to see them.
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25. Bring a big bat, and say "do you know what this is? This is a big
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baseball bat." Hit them on the head.
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26. Tell a parapro, "come quick! A fight in the hallway!" Take the
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parapro with you when they are running behind you, turn around and
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SLUG THEM A GOOD ONE! Tell them, "don't say I didn't warn you!"
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27. Walk up, do a Russian Cossack dance, and walk away. Don't say a
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word.
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28. Take out a watergun, squirt yourself, and put the watergun in the
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parapro's hand! Scream loudly, and sob "look what you did to me!"
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29. Ask to go to the bathroom, come back, and ask to go to the bathroom
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again. When they finally refuse, whip it out and PISS ON THEIR
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LAP!
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30. Set up a big traffic light right next to the parapro's seat.
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31. With a friend, juggle three bowling balls (two if you're not very
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experienced) over the parapro's head. When they tell you to stop,
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tell them to cite where the FUCK in the rulebook it says you can't
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juggle bowling balls over a parapro's head!!
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32. Eat bubble gum, and stick it on their forehead!
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--[eNDNoTeS]-----------------------------------------------------------
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* This plan may not work at the first try. What you must do is keep
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consistency. For example:
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PARAPRO: Hey, this hall is closed.
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KID: (walking up) Yaba daba doo!
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PARAPRO: Hey kid, do you hear me? This HALL IS CLOSED!
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KID: (breezing past) Yaba daba doo!
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PARAPRO: Hey! Hey, show me your ID! Hey, kid!
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KID: (walking away) Yaba daba doo!
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PARAPRO: (getting up) Hey! Hey, come back here, kid!
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KID: (entering bathroom of opposite sex) Yaba daba doo!
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** They can't yell at you for this one! You're not doing anything
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wrong at all, you're just standing in the hallway! Make sure you
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have enough friends to completely block their view. Keep a 0.5'
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radius for safety, parapros have killer Garlic Breath.
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- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
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Thoughts, Memories, And Questions
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---------------------------------
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Somewhere over the rainbow
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Even if it's black and Blue
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I get this glimpse of thought
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Is it something I should do?
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Is it right or wrong
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What do I know?
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Don't even know why I'm thinking this
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When it is as clear as the sky
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The waves come crashing
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No way to get out of the way
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What to do, what to say?
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Why can't it just be out of the way?
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The faces of truth are always ugly
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But the face of deception are always beautiful
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Which face do I have?
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Which mask do i wear?
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I want to get rid of these plates of sorrow
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No place to put them
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Want to find happiness
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No place to drown myself in
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This memory game I play
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Always turn on top
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How could it not?
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The way things are
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The way things were
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One big melting pot with no one to eat it
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The taste is sower
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The taste is bitter
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I would eat it
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The blinding light of fate blinking in my face
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Trying to turn my head from reality
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Need sunglasses to shield my mind
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This life
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This waste
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This nothingness
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Will all end in time.
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Swallow The Freak
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-----------------
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I can smell you from here
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Your intent is quite clear
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What you want is my fear
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It's sad really
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You're a victim of your own ignorance
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Go ahead, feed off of me
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Your hungar is that of humanity
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And I don't want any part of it
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My feelings are nothing to you
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You don't care
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I am to be digested and then casted aside
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Have you no mercy?
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Why must you do this to me?
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I am different than you that is true
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But is that reason to torture me?
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Empty
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-----
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Get away
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Discover yourself
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Reach out
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Whip yourself
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Look at me
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See the mask
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Look at you
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Find the task
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Make a choice
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Feel the burn
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Exorcise your right
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Vertical hoist
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Drown me
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In your eyes
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My love
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What do you see?
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Your love
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Flowing through me
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Not quite there
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To catch your seed
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I am empty
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No use to stay
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To flimsy
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To watch the play
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mother
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------
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You walk into my life
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As if you are a part of it
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You abuse and mistreat me
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And expect me to love you
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I lock myself within
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And keep you away
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I hate you more than anything
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With words I can't quite say
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I'm burning with hatred
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You always feed the flame
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I've always wanted
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To forget your name
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You won't go away
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You're having to much fun
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What can i say?
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When will you be done?
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Maybe someday you'll realize
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That you pushed me way to far
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By the time you see that
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That I'm a massive scar
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You won't know until I'm gone
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And then it will hit you
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What you did to me
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Lost your only son
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Power Trip
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--------------
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Decay the stay
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Just get away
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Distort the face
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Just spread the waste
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Whip the weak
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Taste is sweet
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Open your eyes
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They'll show you the way
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Soon you will realize
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You can't get away
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Now you're trapped
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Didn't see it coming
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You'll never forget
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What kept you going
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To blind to see
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To stupid to know
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How high the fee
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As innocent as snow
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Only one way out
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And that is in
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Find the thought
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To help you win
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- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
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An Interview with a Satanist
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I took this opportunity to show the world the view of a satanist...
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Now this Capture file here isn't for people to agree nor jeer Satanism...
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it's just an informative guide to one Satanist's form of Religion. Please
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read at your own risk, satanism captures have been shown to cause blasphemy
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in laboratory animals.
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#01<T1:Jamesy> real.. .... weird... oh well. So you're a satanist?
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#00<T1:Satanist> yeah.. its a lot different than most people think..
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#01<T1:Jamesy> I bet. So you worship the Anti-Christ?
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#00<T1:Satanist> NO!!! htere is absically no such thing as 'worshipping' in
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satanism.. maybe if we did worship somehting, it would be ourselves most
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likly
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#01<T1:Jamesy> then you're not a Satanist, because you do not believe in
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Satan.
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#00<T1:Satanist> yeah i am.. its a thing in the satnic bible.. we see satan
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as the force of nature that is our dark sides, but there is also the thing
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that worshipping somehting and putting yorself on your knees is degrading,
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we try to put ourself in league with satan
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#01<T1:Jamesy> I see. So you do not believe in any higher powers?
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#00<T1:Satanist> not really.. i dont believe there is a sucj thing as 'god'
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its a myth
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#01<T1:Jamesy> I see. Hmm. I have a lot of Pagan friends. do you consider
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yourself a pagan religion?
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#00<T1:Satanist> satanism has its roots in paganism, since it is a really old
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religion, its around as old as paganism .. in concept at times..
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#01<T1:Jamesy> I see. Hmm. I with I had my friend Connie here, he'd be real
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interested in all this... actually, no, he's be yelling at you how wrong
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your beliefs are :)
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#00<T1:Satanist> heh.. x-an love at its best.. i remember stuff like that..
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but i squashed those kinda guys quick.. logic always overcomes blind faith
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B)~
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Hmm... you seem to be drooling there... anyway... Let's See...
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so you think Satanism has to do with Blind Faith? err... I mean Satanism has
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to do with Logic?
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#00<T1:Satanist> yeah, thats how it seems to me.. everything has to do with
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logic.. since we can exoplain why about everything, and it is logical, not
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like x-ianity, where the stock anser for everything is "jesus told me to"
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Christianity has a lot to do with faith, probably too much.
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So Satanism has answers to our reason of existence? and how we got here
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in the first place?
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#00<T1:Satanist> is to say that the individual has a reason to be here, if it
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were true, why do we have homeless? what purpose do they serve? and as to
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how we got here, well, thats science's job to find our.. satanism is
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concerned with the person, not the universe.. so to say
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#01<T1:Jamesy> How 90's and 80's.... The Individual, not the group. So do
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you believe in Magic?
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#00<T1:Satanist> yeah.. since he way enochian magic system (what satansm is
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|
based on) is basically mind control.. theres is a saying that is very true
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|
that todays science will become tomorrows future .. which is very true when
|
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you look at it.. oh, and about the individual over the group, well, who do
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you give a shit about more? you, or everyone?
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Since I am a kid of the 80's, I'd say myself. So do you have
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Magic Proficentcy?
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#00<T1:Satanist> hehe, htats a ad&d term.. you just have to know what to
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do, and how. .and be in the right mind set, since you have to be able to
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unleash a ton of the right emotion
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Oh, so it's like a soap opera? ...do you need external things
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to make magic, or is it all mind control?
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#00<T1:Satanist> its a hard thing to go into, the easiest thing would be to
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read the spell section of the satanic bible, and the sattanic rituals.. b
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asically all the external things (swords, music, etc) is to help you focus
|
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your mind
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Cool. How does a sword help you focus your mind?
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#00<T1:Satanist> is part or the ritual and ceremony.. hteres a few things to
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do.. im not big on the stuff, i havent done much magic as of late.. too much
|
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stuff happening.
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Ahh, I see. So... why do you do all of these Rituals? do they
|
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help you gain power somehow?
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#00<T1:Satanist> well, hteres some things ive done.. i know some things that
|
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could help me in iffeent ways.. but what really is power? it comes in many
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forms.. depending where you are
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Is Barney a Satanist?
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#00<T1:Satanist> eheh.. no way.. since he preaches to love everyone
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unconditionally.. thats totally non-satanic.. you should only love those who
|
|
deserve it.. those you actually want to
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#01<T1:Jamesy> I see. Then is Jim Baker a Satanist? he only loved those who
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|
helped him. I bet he doesn't love the guys that turned him in as a fraud.
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#00<T1:Satanist> hmm.. i duno, since there are many things that i use to kinda
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|
'seek out' a satanist.. i dont know much about him.. i didnt care what he
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|
did, and i stil dont
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Oh ok. How big is the 'real' Satanist community in the US
|
|
today?
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#00<T1:Satanist> how the hell do i know? for that.. its hard, since there
|
|
arent many churchs, and many keep it underground.. and you have to worry
|
|
about devil worshippers and stuff saying they're satanists.. all i know
|
|
really is that satanism is a recognized religion to the USA
|
|
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|
#01<T1:Jamesy> How many 'real' Satanist do you know?
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|
#00<T1:Satanist> hm.. lemme think here.. me, vixen, matt, karen, that other
|
|
guy, and vince.. umm that makes abouyt 6? thers another.. 7
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#01<T1:Jamesy> 7 is a lucky number. if you believe in that stuff.
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#00<T1:Satanist> heh.. yeah.. lucky hahaha
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#01<T1:Jamesy> Ok, well, this has been educational, but I hear mommy
|
|
calling... she needs someone to scrub her back in the sponge bath... see yah
|
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|
|
-----
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One of the more Amusing things I found about the board this guy was
|
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Sysop of was his Logoff Screen:
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ÝÛÛ» ÜÛ» ÛÛ» ÛÛ» ÛÛÛÛÛÛ» ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ»
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ÝÛÛº ßͼ ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛÉÍÍÛÛ» ÛÛÉÍÍÍͼ
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ÝÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛÛÛÛÛɼ ÛÛÛÛÛ»
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ÝÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛÉÍÍÛÛ» ÛÛÉÍͼ
|
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ÛÛº ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ» ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ» ÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛɼ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ»
|
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Èͼ ÈÍÍÍÍÍͼ ÈÍÍÍÍÍͼ ÈÍÍÍÍͼ ÈÍÍÍÍÍͼ
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ÛÛ» ÛÛ» ÛÛÛÛÛ» ÛÛ» ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ» ÛÛ» ÛÛÛ» ÛÛ» ÛÛÛÛÛÛ»
|
|
ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛÉÍÍÛÛ» ÛÛº ÈÍÍÛÛÉÍͼ ÛÛº ÛÛÛÛ» ÛÛº ÛÛÉÍÍÍͼ
|
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ÛÛº Û» ÛÛº ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛÉÛÛ» ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛÛ»
|
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ÛÛºÛÛÛ»ÛÛº ÛÛÉÍÍÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛºÈÛÛ»ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº
|
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ÈÛÛÛÉÛÛÛɼ ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÛÛº ÈÛÛÛÛº ÈÛÛÛÛÛÛɼ
|
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ÈÍͼÈÍͼ Èͼ Èͼ Èͼ Èͼ Èͼ Èͼ ÈÍÍͼ ÈÍÍÍÍͼ
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Þ Ý Þ
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Þ Þ Ý Û Þ
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Þ Þ Û Ý ÛÝ Þ ÛÝ Þ
|
|
ÞÝÞÞ Û Ý ÞÛ Ý Ý ÞÛÛ Û ÞÛ Ý
|
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ÛÛ ÞÛÝ Û ÛÛ ÞÛ ÛÛÛ ÞÛÝ Ý Þ Ý
|
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ÞÛ ÛÛÝ Û ÛÛ Û ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ Þ Û Ý
|
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Û ÛÝ ÛÝ Þ ÛÛÝ Û ÛÛÛ ÞÛÛÛ Û ÛÝ Û
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ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛ Û ÛÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛ Ý ßÛ Û
|
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ÞÛÛÝ ÞÛÛ Û ÛÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÞÛÛ Ý Û Û
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ÞÛÛ ÛÛÛ Û ÛÛÛÜ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÝ Û Ûßß
|
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ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÞÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝ ÞÛÛÛÛ Û ÜÛÝ
|
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ÜÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÝ ÛÛÛ
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ÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÞÛÛ Û ÞÛÛÛ
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ÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÝ ÛÛÛÛ
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ÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÝ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛ ÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÞÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÝ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛßÜÜÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝ
|
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛßßÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÝÜÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÜÞÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
|
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝßßÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
|
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
|
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ Û ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÞÛÛÛÛÝ ÝÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
|
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÞÞÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÝÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÝÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
|
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
|
|
|
|
|
|
How... well... Typical?
|
|
|
|
- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
|
|
|
|
Bobbitized
|
|
|
|
|
|
There once lived a couple and to all that could see
|
|
The picture of happiness perfect as could be
|
|
But late one night, after what some have called rape
|
|
(For no one really knows, save that fly on the drape,)
|
|
Lorena took up a knife and did a neat trick.
|
|
She went to her husband and cut off his (Bricks
|
|
Could not save him, as they'd saved little pigs
|
|
Nor houses of straw, nor houses of twigs.
|
|
What John needed was an armor suit...
|
|
That might have saved him from Lorena (the brute!)
|
|
For what she had done, was done out of meanness
|
|
To take out a knife and slice off his poor (Keanness
|
|
Of the surgeon's hands saved poor John B.'s life
|
|
From that mad-crazy woman with that much too sharp knife.)
|
|
The story will be told from the spring unto the fall
|
|
Of Miss Lorena Bobbit and the unkindest cut of all.
|
|
|
|
- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
|
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|
|
Man-Dyslexic of Adventures The
|
|
------------------------------
|
|
III Bonglemeister Thelmus Biff By:
|
|
|
|
evil. of forces the fight to tights colorful don would too he that
|
|
Spamcat and Thermofish and Underdog and Wonderwoman and Spiderman and
|
|
Batman and Superman of years and years watching after decided who Kant,
|
|
Immanuel of ancestor distant Kant, Clarque named man a was there time,
|
|
a upon Once.
|
|
|
|
Spamcat. even and Thermofish and Underdog and Wonderwoman and Spiderman
|
|
and Batman and Superman like hero family a be to wanted he because
|
|
"fucking," not and "freaking" say to careful be always would he course
|
|
of but "do! I'll what that's grip, vise freaking a in testicles your
|
|
put and spleen your fry I'll buttocks, jellied of bowl pansied you here
|
|
back come" say would he well; really talk trash could he sir, yes
|
|
criminals, after running was he while storm real a up talk could He.
|
|
|
|
him. hurt to going not was decided, doctors his know, didn't he what
|
|
and however, problem, a have to himself consider not did himself He
|
|
disorder. dyslexic genetic rare a had all had too, mother and sisters
|
|
his and grandfather, his and father, his because only Man-Dyslexic,
|
|
himself call to whimsy suffocating and pure of fit a in decided He.
|
|
|
|
"girdle. utility" his involving usually escape of method a Man-Dyslexic
|
|
affording up ended usually and work to hours take would which trap
|
|
STUPID stupid a in him put would outright, him killing of instead and
|
|
him, capturing keep would they himself; Man-Dyslexic than bungling more
|
|
even bungling, pretty whole the on were villians The Nick. and Disease,
|
|
Veneral Poker, the Luther, Martin FatWoman, like names, interesting
|
|
likewise had all They him. fight to arose public in briefs Loom-the-of-
|
|
Fruit tight colorful donned also who villians crazy of lots wanted; he
|
|
what got Man-Dyslexic Eventually.
|
|
|
|
contract. damned his revoked MGM, over took together, banded enemies
|
|
evil his all when match his met finally Man-Dyslexic.
|
|
|
|
Man-Dyslexic. said "chip, good year, Bad."
|
|
|
|
- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
|
|
|
|
There one was a guy. I'll call him Harvey, because I am the
|
|
author, and it's my option to name him whatever I damn well please.
|
|
Well, this guy, Harvey, put an ad in the Newspaper. This ad was a "need
|
|
work" ad, and he needed work, as a khush-maker.
|
|
|
|
Well some guys were sitting around at the Pentagon, reading the
|
|
newspaper when one of them came across Harvey's ad.
|
|
|
|
"Khush-maker needs work?" said one of them. "What is a
|
|
khush-maker? Does the US military have any khush-makers? Do the
|
|
Russians have any khush-makers? (oh yeah, this joke is set about
|
|
8 years ago) I think we better hire this guy!"
|
|
|
|
The rest of them agreed and they called Harvey up and asked him to
|
|
work for the U.S. Military. He asked when he should start, and they
|
|
said as soon as possible, so he took the next bus over to the Pentagon.
|
|
|
|
When Harvey got there, one of the Military asked him exactly what
|
|
a khush was.
|
|
|
|
"Well, I think it would be better if I showed you what I did,"
|
|
was Harvey's reply.
|
|
|
|
"Ok," said the Military guys, "show us."
|
|
|
|
"Don't get too hasty, I need some supplies first"
|
|
|
|
"Ok, tell us what you need, and we'll get it for you."
|
|
|
|
Harvey told him that he needed a certain type of clay that
|
|
could only be found beneath one specific mountains in the Andes
|
|
Mountains of South America. He warned them about the fierce cannibals
|
|
and ferocious beasts that inhabited the area.
|
|
|
|
Well the Military sent in an expedition of soldiers to go get
|
|
the clay. They waited a year, and the expedition hadn't returned, so
|
|
they sent a second, bigger expedition to go see what happened to the
|
|
first expedition, and get the clay. Two years later they hadn't returned
|
|
either, so the Military sent in a complete tank division along with
|
|
assault helicopters, and all that jazz, to level the area and get the clay,
|
|
which they succeeded in doing, despite heavy casualties. They never found
|
|
the original expeditions.
|
|
|
|
The Military men gave Harvey the clay, and asked him to show
|
|
them some khush.
|
|
|
|
"Well, I need some more stuff first. I need a special type of
|
|
metal. The only person who knows the location of this metal is a monk in
|
|
Tibet," said Harvey.
|
|
|
|
So they sent out some marines to go to Tibet and find this monk
|
|
and ask him where the metal was. It actually wasn't that hard to find
|
|
him, he had a big neon sign above his cave. "See the monk on the silver
|
|
spike!" it said. When they went in, they found him sitting in meditation
|
|
upon a single, 3-foot silver spike.
|
|
|
|
The monk got off his seat and greeted the marines "What can I
|
|
help you with my friends?"
|
|
|
|
The marines asked him about the location of the metal, and he
|
|
told the that he did indeed know where it was, but that before he revealed
|
|
its location, they would have to answer his riddle, "My tines be long,
|
|
my tines be short, my tines end 'ere my first report. What am I?" (ok,
|
|
so I stole that riddle. The riddle itself isn't really important to the
|
|
rest of the story).
|
|
|
|
Being military men (military intelligence and all that) the
|
|
marines had no clue as to the answer of the riddle. They threatened to
|
|
shoot the monk if he wouldn't tell them where the metal was, but the monk
|
|
then told them that if he died, they would never find the metal. So the
|
|
marines left in disappointment, and returned to the United States.
|
|
|
|
When they got back they all got demoted for failing in their
|
|
mission, but since the rest of the Military couldn't figure out the
|
|
riddle either, they decided to have a national contest, with cash
|
|
prizes.
|
|
|
|
Finally around 10 years later, some guy figured out the answer,
|
|
and he won the money, and the marines went back to the monk. The monk
|
|
remembered who the marines where, and asked them the riddle again. They
|
|
had the answer written down, and told him it, and then he gave them an
|
|
ingot of the metal. The marines returned, got promoted, and the Military
|
|
gave Harvey his metal.
|
|
|
|
"Ok, now show us some khush" said the Military men.
|
|
|
|
"I need some more stuff," said Harvey. "I need an aircraft
|
|
carrier of certain dimensions built (he gives them the dimensions) with
|
|
a big red "X" right here (points to the blue-prints)."
|
|
|
|
"Well, we wish you would have told us this before, but I guess
|
|
we have no choice, but this is going to take a number of years. Is there
|
|
anything else you need while we wait?"
|
|
|
|
"No, there is only one thing, but It can't gotten until just
|
|
before I make the khush."
|
|
|
|
So the rushed up the aircraft carrier, and it was finished in 3
|
|
years. They showed it to Harvey and it was to his liking. They then
|
|
asked him what the final thing he needed was.
|
|
|
|
"I need some lava from a certain volcano in the Atlantic Ocean.
|
|
We need to go to the sight on the air-craft carrier and have a submarine
|
|
go down and get it," said Harvey.
|
|
|
|
The Military men agreed, and the next thing he knew, Harvey was
|
|
on the ship being taken to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The submarine
|
|
went down and got the lava, and they gave it to Harvey. Harvey stuck it
|
|
into an oven that he made out of the clay, and had placed on the middle of
|
|
the red "X". He then took out the metal, which he had fashioned into a
|
|
sphere. He put that in the oven as well, and closed it up.
|
|
|
|
"We have to wait five minutes now" said Harvey.
|
|
|
|
"Well, we've already waited 15 years, what's another five minutes?"
|
|
said the Military men.
|
|
|
|
Harvey looked at his watch, and at five minutes he told them it
|
|
was time. He took out a pair of tongs, opened the oven, and took out the
|
|
sphere, which was glowing red hot. He walked over to the edge of the
|
|
boat with the sphere, and then he dropped it into the ocean.
|
|
|
|
As it hit the water it made a loud "KHUSHHHHHHHHHHH!" sound.
|
|
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- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
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Immediate Future
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Founded for All
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Attacking Aggression
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Means Aggression Against All
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Military Intelligence
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Shows No Wisdom At All
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Civil Disobediance
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Is Laughed At And Will Fall
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Support Your Country
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For Support You Will Need To Have
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Resistance Is Futile
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Offenders Will Be Punished
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Offenders Will Not Exist.
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You Will Be Loyal;
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Loyalty Is Greatly Rewarded.
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Honor Is Only Obtained Through Loyalty.
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- Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ-Ä Ä Ä
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Û Û [MiLK] Information
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Û Û
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Û Û [MiLK] Sites:
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Û Û
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Û Û Barney's Pleasure Palace...(708)965-3098 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Acropolis..............(708)557-2826 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Lunatic Phringe........(708)232-0565 [12 Nodes]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û BIG Issue #2
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ This file is Exactly 34797 bytes long
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