99 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
99 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
Ü Ü Ü Mighty Issue #48
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Ü Ü Û Û Ü illicit "How To / Sarcasm. Not."
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Û ß Û Û Û ÛÛ Liquid -By whOOps
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ß ß ß ß ß ß Kollections
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Ä Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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(WARNING: This is kase's first attempt at a completely factual and truthful
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file instead of the oh-so-wild fiction she usually writes. Be wary. Contents
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may be unsuitable to those without the requisite brain cells to comprehend the
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complex ideas and sentence structure involved therein.)
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Sarcasm
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Gee, what a thrilling file, I hear you cry. That's right! You've achieved
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the first level of illumination in the ways of the Mighty Art of Sarcasm. Many
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more lie before you, however, so don't get too cocky. Many types of sarcasm
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exist in this world, although not nearly as many as the number of entries in
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the Field Guide to Lampreys (cheap plug. go read it. the eggplant ones are the
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best, of course.) I will try to outline for you the basics to the wild art of
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sarkasem.
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DREARY BORING NORMAL KIDS-STUFF EVERYDAY SARCASM: This stuff is *really*
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exciting, let me tell you..Not. It doesn't take too many brain cells to master
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this stuff (meaning even YOU can handle it, doesn't that make your diodes
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wiggle in surprise and pleasure?) This type of sarkasem involves the use of
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the word "Not"...an added emphasis, for the people that were too stupid to
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realize that the person meant what they were saying sarcastically. For
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example... Let's create two purely imaginary people.. (while at the same time
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plagiarizing an idea from the illuminated Pizza-For-A-Bawk! person.) Shall we
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say... Neillybob Nibble and Scooter Shazam? Scooter looks at a new hat that
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Neillybob recently dug out of his uncle's grave and says "Hey, Neillybob...
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that's a nice hat. Not!" After evoking the magic word "not," the evoker
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generally tends to devolve into beavis-and-butthead-freak-type guttural
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chuckling, probably due to the large amount of time that person spent with his
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eyes glued to the television set when that eminent set of bozos was on. (And
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let me *tell* you how difficult it is to get the eyes off...) So now that
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you've mastered this, you move on to the
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slightly-more-complex-and-exciting-only-if-your-aunt-is-a-barnacle-sarcasm.
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SLIGHTLY MORE COMPLEX AND EXCITING ONLY IF YOUR AUNT IS A BARNACLE
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SARCASM: This is the next step up..it's slightly more complex and exciting
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than the DBNK-SES (Abbreviated for her pleasure!) but can still be handled by
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the average modem geek. This involves a bit of the same elements of the
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DBNK-SES but with a tricky difference: One must say exactly the opposite of
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what one means to get one's point across. For example, say these purely
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imaginary people Neillybob Nibble and Scooter Shazam are sitting together at a
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purely hypothetical place. Neillybob might hypothetically look at Scooter's
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hypothetical shirt and say "Gee, Scooter, that shirt doesn't look at ALL like
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you hurled all over it after eating your mom's cooking even though it looked
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like toxic waste." See? What he REALLY meant to say was "Scooter, that shirt
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looks like you hurled all over it after eating your mom's cooking even though
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it looked like toxic waste." That explanation was for those of you that lacked
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the necessary intelligence to comprehend it..aw, heck, it was for all of you.
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And i'm not being sarcastic at all.
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NOW YOU'RE BORDERING ON EXCITEMENT THIS STUFF IS AS COOL AS TIPPER GORE
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SARCASM: I lied. This is only bordering on excitement if you think you're a
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gnu. But, fortunately, for most of you, this is bordering on excitement. At
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least it's more exciting than most of what happens in your lives... I digress.
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This type of sarcasm involves the use of EMPHASIS on ONE word in a phrase.
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What I mean..is that you CONSTANTLY EMPHASIZE a few words in a sentence and
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that REALLY gets your POINT ACROSS. Such as, say these PURELY hypothetical
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people are once again sitting next to each other. Scooter might say to
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Neillybob, "GEE, Neillybob..what a NICE guy you are." You see? He doesn't mean
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that, at all! He's being..<gasp>...sarcastic! Ain't life grand..just like a
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piano> Ahhh..make like a tree and BUZZ OFF, okay?
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THIS IS SO FRICKING COOL I THINK I'M GOING TO GO BITE MY TOENAILS OFF BUT
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WHOOPS I FORGOT YOUR MOM DID THAT ALREADY SARCASM: This type of sarcasm is
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especially complex, for in it, you have to employ *laughter*...that's right,
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you have to ACT, because there's not much you can truly laugh about except the
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sad state of your life and your face. For example, say these people are once
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again sitting next to each other. Neillybob might maybe perhaps hypothetically
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say to Scooter, "Scooter, I think you're awfully sweet... <rofl>" The <rofl>
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indicates that Neillybob starts laughing uproariously and falls on the floor,
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laughing so hard that the whole hypothetical place shook. The use of this
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riotous laughter at the end of the statement should alert all the
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non-vegetables nearby as to the use of that wonderful tool, Sarcasm.
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Hopefully the above basics to the art of sarcasm may have given you a few
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tips as to how to approach life from now on. Not. No, you didn't at all waste
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your time reading this, don't worry about it. I'm POSITIVE that you have a
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life, REALLY...i *AM*... <laughing>
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Û Û [MiLK] Information
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Û Û
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Û Û [MiLK] Sites:
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Û Û
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Û Û The Obloid Sphere..........(708)965-3098 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û CUM........................(708)961-1220 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Asylum.................(908)914-9318 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û (NUP) I LOVE FEDS
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Violent Playground.........(908)920-2575 [14,400]
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Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Black Dragon BBS...........(703)885-3072 [14,400]
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄ> MiLK File #48: "How To / Sarcasm" By whOOps <ÄÄÄ
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(This File Just wasted 6123 bytes of your hard drive)
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