97 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
Û Û [MiLK] Û Û
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Û Û Û Û
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Û Û Mighty Issue #20 Û Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û illicit "The Terrific Safety Pin" Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Liquid By Epic Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Kollections Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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Safety pins are just way cool things. It would take a very wise man a
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very long time thinking to realize just how way cool they are. How cool are
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they, you ask? Well, they are WAY cool.
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Just think of all the fun things you could do with a safety pin of
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your very own. Why, the possibilities are endless. Forget about going to the
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mall, forget about going to concerts, forget about sitting at home picking your
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nose in front of the computer, the miraculous safety pin will change your life.
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It's amazing what that little twisted sinew of metal will do for your physical,
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emotional, and social well-being. It's just fucking cool. Wear them on your
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clothes. They are especially good for replacing broken seams, or just
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adding interest to a bland shirt, necklace, or even a sock. Put them in your
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hair. Use them instead of shoelaces. I personally believe that the safety pin is
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the most incredible thing in fashion since wooden clogs came on the scene. Aside
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from decorations from normal clothing, these wonderful objects can be used in
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just about any form of jewelry, ranging from earrings, to cock rings. And think
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of the protective benefits from wearing safety pins! It is a little known fact
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that in medieval times, they fashioned chain mail out of linked safety pins,
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providing a protection from any arrow or blade superior to any other alloy.
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Chew on them for fulfillment. They are even tasty for an after-school
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snack. Safety pins are very nutritious also, they have no sodium, no
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cholesterol, no strychnine, no fat either! You can munch on your supply of
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safety pins constantly for weeks with no ill effects. Think of the
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possibilities! One large bag of safety pins could provide nourishment for
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thousands of starving people!
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Even if you have a very turbulent stomach, the safety pin will not
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unhook inside of you. They are so safe, they are used as discount tampons in
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some third-world countries. How safe can you get? They are called SAFETY pins
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for god's sake. Keep them with you at all times to prevent anything bad from
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happening.
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Safety pins will always insure your safety. Don't bother paying huge
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premiums on insurance, safety pins will prevent car accidents, fires, and even
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theft. Just the presence of something as cool as a safety pin will direct evil
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away from you. That's right, no more freak blender or sprinkler accidents, no
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more spilled milk. Safety pins will stop you from getting nicked with a razor
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while shaving. They will also alert you of tampered Pepsi cans. It's worth so
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much, to have this utter feeling of wholeness, completeness, and overall
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security.
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The widespread use of safety pins could end virtually all of the
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world's problems. Safety pins would put an end to corruption in governments
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across our planet. Safety pins are the answer to the hole in the ozone layer.
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With proper funding, safety pins could be used to successfully discover the cure
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for herpes simplex, cancer, even AIDZ. Safety pins drastically reduce crime
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rates everywhere. They would provide cheap housing for all of the homeless. They
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could put young adults through college, and get them started onto a path of
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fulfillment. Safety pins would end religious persecution, when everyone just
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realizes how cool they are. Safety pins are even better than safety belts,
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safety windows, and safety seals on medicine. I could go on for many more moons
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on how safety pins will improve your life, but I'll let you take the plunge and
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try them out for yourself. Your life will never be the same, and you will have
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only the hinged messiah to thank.
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In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that safety pins are just cool.
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I hope you enjoyed this badly written text, and I hope you are proud of how many
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times I managed to use the word "safety" in it (31 to be exact). Rest well my
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sweetcakes, and dream of a brighter tomorrow.
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MeaTZ aND GReeTZ go to the all of the following: My dear MiLK brothers,
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Jyro, The American Spleen Foundation, Blonad, "j", the inventor of Ovaltine, and
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of course, my deer-ly belove-ed... cya all
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ[MiLK] InformationÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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[MiLK] Sights - WHQ - Barney's Pleasure Palace! (708)965-3098
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DiSt- The Lunatic Phringe (708)232-0565
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Mech World (708)757-0116
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The Acropolis (708)557-2826
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[MiLK] Member Listing - James Hetfield
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Nyarlathotep
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Epic
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Plaid Wilderbeast
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Mendeleev
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Medicine Man
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Black Justice
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[MiLK] Issue Number - 20
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[MiLK] Issue Size - 5712 Bytes
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[MiLK] Date of Production: 3/12/93
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Long Live The Machine ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
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