73 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
73 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
Û Û [MiLK] Û Û
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Û Û Û Û
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Û Û Mighty Issue # 4 Û Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û illicit "Carrie Jacobson: A Case Study" Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Liquid By Epic Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Kollections Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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Û²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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Let's take some time to talk about Carrie Jacobson. She's a MiLK
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drinker. She gets a lot of attention, but from me, she gets total attention.
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Those are the lines you all know and love. But take a step back, and
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the story of Carrie isn't so clear. It seems that Carrie was a crack baby.
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Her mother was shot by some wiggers right after giving birth. The hospital
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gown that she was wearing was the "wrong" gang colors of the turf she was in.
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Well, her daddy skipped town, and poor little Carrie was thrown into an
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orphanage right from birth.
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Some of you might know how cruel young children can be, and Carrie's
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orphan-mates weren't much different. They did evil and unnatural things to
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her, such as making her drink draino, and making her eat those nasty green
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reject potato chips. They would do illegal and immoral acts, like ripping
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the tags off of their mattresses, and when officer O'Malley came busting
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down the orphanage door, all fingers were pointed at Carrie.
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Carrie didn't even learn to read until much later in her life. No one
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cared enough about her to enroll her in the "Hooked on ph0nics" learning
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system. Hell, they wouldn't even buy her a Teddy Ruxpin(tm) doll for her
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birthday. She was a young, and bitter child, until one of her few friends
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introduced her to the healthy, fun filled world of milk.
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She got out of the orphanage, and got herself a job packing meat; life
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was looking up. Her future was so bright, she had to wear shades (sorry, bad
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80's music reference). She began to use deodorant for the first time, and also
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learned how to wipe plaque away with Tartar Control Crest. Carrie started to
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become a "popular" girl at her school, and she was happy.
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But what really gave her inner fulfillment and peace was her love for
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milk. She enjoyed milk in all of its forms, homogenized, pasteurized, skim,
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%2, %42, even butter milk. She poured her milk over milk products like cheese,
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yogurt, and ice cream. She even ate sourdough bread, because the sour taste
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reminded her of curdled milk. Carrie had nice hair and a nice smile, and
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she owed it all to milk.
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I plan to marry Carrie someday. Right now she's getting a lot of
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attention from that guy in the commercial, but someday, she will be mine.
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Oh yes, she will be mine.
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Well, that is all, for this, the first real text file I have written
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about anything. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it hasn't caused any damage
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to your vital internal organs. I dream of being accepted into MiLK, where I
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can write wonderfully meaningless text files like this all night and day.
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My name is Epic, and this has been another piece of your ultimate
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assimilation. Thank you very much.
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<spurt>
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¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯[MiLK] Information®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®
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[MiLK] Sights - The Obloid Sphere (708)965-3098
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[MiLK] Member Listing - James Hetfield
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Nyarlathotep
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Epic
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[MiLK] Issue Number - 5
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[MiLK] Issue Size - 3871 Bytes
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[MiLK] Date of Production: 01/04/94
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¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ Happy people are Ignorant People ®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®
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