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Overdue Issue - Overdue Issue - Overdue Issue - Overdue Issue - Overdue Issue -
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_ /\ _ _ /\ _
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/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
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\_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/
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/ \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \
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/ \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \
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/__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\
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DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS
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D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S
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D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS
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D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S
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DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS
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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
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M00SE ILLUMINATI
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Issue #37| Disclaimer: The Editors will place almost anything in |Jan 27, 1990
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---------- this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill the --------------
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issue, so don't blame them for the quality or content of the submissions. Except
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-ing those they may have written themselves, the enclosed items do not in any
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way represent the Editors' fnord opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say
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that as far as this newsletter is concerned, they have no opinions at all. OK?
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================================================================================
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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************************************* STAFF ************************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Editor - Patrick Salsbury <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
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Submissions to: DangerM00se <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
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Back issue requests: Max Handelsman <MHANDELS@DREW.BITNET>
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and Johnathan Clemens <FSJPC@ALASKA.BITNET>
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or <FSJPC@ACAD3.FAI.ALASKA.EDU>
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AND Joanne Rosenshein <JROSENSH@SBCCVM.BITNET>
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IF you've written your letter home already,
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AND your younger brother is going out in the company of
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another boy this weekend,
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But you're NOT getting a haircut,
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THEN move your clothes to the lower peg. Simple, no? :)
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M00se List updates and changes: Herschm00se the Beanmeister
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<JMP91@GENESEO.BITNET>
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(This space to let): Contact WarM00se <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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**************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ****************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Hi there!
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Happy New Decade, and all that rot!
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Sorry this is late in getting out, but I've been busy with the first
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week of classes. (I know, some of you have been in school for 3 weeks, but do
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you know what I have to say about that? PPPPPPHHHHHHHFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT!!!!!
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You should have gone to Buffalo! ;^)
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Not much else to say, here.
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Enjoy! Welcome back! And send in submissions! :)
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-Pat/DangerM00se
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Bl00p!
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Hello to all my fellow members..
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Thought I'd write and tell you all how fnording happy I am to be a member!
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Oh yes, I have some questions for all you m00ses out there.
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Wh0 should I consider asking to become a m00se?
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Need they be M00sy, or is lunacy a adequate substitute?
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I only ask because I am wondering about several people I know..
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I also wonder (for security reasons) about asking others, who might not be as
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sympathetic to M00se ideals..I myself am completely in agreement with M00se
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ideas, ideals, morals, and other such nonsensical items. I think. Well, maybe.
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Does it really matter? Does anything really matter? Why are we here? What's
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it all about? Is the meaning of life really 42?
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Can any M00ses out there help me? I am lost in the infinite m00se space.
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So you see, I really am lost. What do I do?
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Can anyone help?! If so, please send a check or money order to me,
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to:
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The Hungarian M00se
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Box W1198 Wheaton College
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Norton, MA. 02766
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Please try to help, send whatever you can..
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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I wish to address in this text a certain matter that came up in a Relay
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conversation with a fellow M00se one very early, groggy morning. Perhaps,
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spake he, we would be able to further the interests of the M00se Illuminati by
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appointing Honorary Membership. In a sudden rush of eager interest and
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adrenalin that toppled my late-late nightcap of Dr. Pepper and Vivarin from its
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resting place atop my stereo, I quickly tapped out a reply on my ages-old
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keyboard and volunteered to take up the job. It would certainly merit some
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amount of feverish effort, as there must be quite a few people who exist who
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deserve recognition for M00seworthy accomplishments, we agreed.
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And so, Brethren of the M00se Illuminati, I come to you. Perhaps you know of
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someone, celebrity or not, from the media, music industry, literary circle,
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lunchtime crowd, silver screen, family tree, etc. etc. who you feel deserves to
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be awarded a title of Honorary M00sedom for Exemplary Behaviour or Achievements
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Characteristic of the Ideals and Interests of the M00se Illuminati.
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Garry Trudeau. Max Headroom. Frank Zappa. Mr. Rogers. Mojo Nixon. Uncle
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Lewis. Anybody.
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Send ye the name of any ONE proposed Honorary M00se to me, Ice Lord, care of
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DICRESCE@CTSTATEU, with the reason or m00selike-contribution to their field of
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speciality you attribute to this M00se-to-be, and maybe a line or two of
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healthy eulogism, and I shall compile a list of the Honorary M00ses to present
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in an upcoming edition of M00se Droppings.
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<bl00p>
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Ice Lord
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DICRESCE@CTSTATEU
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Hello everybody. Contrary to what some people say ("The decade doesn't change
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until '91, nyah nyah!"), the Nineties are here. And it's going to have to be
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the Decade of Something. It could be the Cyberpunk Decade; it could be the
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Kinder, Gentler Decade. Or, heaven help us all, it could be the Decade of the
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Martin.
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I have an idea. An idea that's been oozing around in my brain for a while now.
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I'd like to know what you think.
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Let's make this the Decade of the M00se.
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Really. I mean it. Let's make the M00se Illuminati a real, legitimate
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organization with official records, membership lists, etc. No dues yet, unless
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maybe we assign an initial cost to begin membership, to cover the cost of ID
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cards or something like that.
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Most importantly, though, a Snail Mail newsletter -- something akin to M00se
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Droppings (but not replacing it, or the fine alternative publication M00se
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Drool), but printed on -paper- and mailed directly to your own home via third-
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class bulk mail permits.
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Who knows? What could we have in the future? A lobbyist in Washington?
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Voting power? CIA spies in our midst? M00se Illuminati agents in the CIA?
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This would most definitely outdo the Martins for good. The Martins, by the
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way, declared themselves the victors in the M00se/Martin War of a year or so
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ago through an amendment in their constitution. Let's prove them wrong.
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What I want is any ideas you can think of about this proposal -- whether or not
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it's a good idea at all, how much you think you'd be willing to pay for initial
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membership and/or the newsletter, ideas to name the newsletter, and so on. I'd
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also like some information -- how many m00ses are you aware of at your
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university (or just around somewhere) who do *not* have Bitnet access, but who
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would be interested in the ideas I've mentioned? I'm trying to get some idea
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of how big we *really* are.
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Please mail said comments directly to me (Pickle) at DICKSON@HARTFORD.BITNET.
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And let's make this decade one they won't be able to talk about without
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picturing antlers.
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Pickle
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ********************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Greetings,
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I just got as a present for the holidays a Air Brush. SalmonM00se and
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I have been working out a M00se T-shirt so if we come up with something I'll
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let you know. (That is of course if you are interested :-)
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Adieu
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- Goblin
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BTW: About a MTAT How about holding it in May and having it at a State Forest?
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(Or perhaps in even warmer weather later in May)
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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We now have a NEW person in the sacred position of Royal Keeper of the
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List. Her real name is Jenine Pittenger, and she's a brand new (official) m00se!
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You can see her address and stuff in the masthead (The part at the top of the
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newsletter that you all skip over every time because you think you've read it
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before, so you don't notice that I change it every time. ;^) )
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She is taking over for Darkling/I-Man Negus M00se, who succumbed to the
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urge to go out and earn money. (Geez! The thing some people will do just to EAT
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these days! I don't know.....)
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Please direct all future list changes to her.
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Welcome aboard, Jenine! :)
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-Pat
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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I finally got my Mom an account! :) She's going to be getting M.D. on a
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regular basis, now! (Gee, think we should...uh...y'know...tone it down a bit?)
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NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! :)
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Her name is Emilie Manning, and her account is CHILDS@OSWEGO.OSWEGO.EDU
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and she LOOOOOOVES to get mail! (That's a hint! :) See, she's just learning how
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to use the system, and I think she needs to be swamped with new mail/friends!)
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So send her something. Say hi! Ask her what it's like to be the mother
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of DangerM00se/Patrick G. Salsbury (Super Genius)! Blame HER for me being the
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way I am! ;^)
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-Pat
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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I think the M00se List at UMNEWS consumed itself. What say we get a
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Listserv set up, and get a PROPER m00se discussion set up? Or a M00se discussion
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group on the NEWS system in UNIX? (We just got that installed here at UB, it's
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NICE! We could link the listserv and the NEWSgroup, so if you weren't able to
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access NEWS, you could still participate easily.
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What say?
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-Pat
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Yo dude, and bl00pski....
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I seem to recall in a not so distant issue of M00se Dr0ppings, that
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someone mentioned the pandemonium of getting a rubber stamp together
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that said something to the effect of:
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THIS BILL HAS BEEN RECLAIMED BY THE U.S.
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TREASURY DEPT. FOR DESTRUCTION. DO NOT
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HONOR. IT IS NO LONGER LEGAL TENDER.
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And then going around stamping all the $$$ we could lay our hands on.
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Feeding $1 bills into change machines, and then getting more bills for
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the change, stamping them, and feeding them in, ad infinitum. Well,
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one of the questions raised was "Where can we get them?" My fellow
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m00ses, that question has been answered. I now work for the Cole Key
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Company, in the Maine Mall, in South Portland. One of my jobs is key
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carving, and another is the fashioning of rubber stamps. Right there
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in the store. I've already made a template, and I'm going to cook my
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first prototype soon. If successful, I will gladly make copies for
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any and all m00ses interested in this wonderfully heinous mischief.
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However, I will have to charge the base price for the stamp and the
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mounting, which is $5 + tax, and there will be some postage involved
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too. But that is so little, compared to the amount of chaos we can
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cause, don'tcha think??? Please forward any and all requests to me,
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Mitya the Red M00se, and please include a mailing address. I will
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acknowledge, and request payment sent first, since I have to pay for
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them when I make them. Fair 'nuf? Good. Happy government toppling to
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everyone, and bl00pski!!!!
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Mitya the Red M00se,
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IP85033@PORTLAND.BITNET
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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I just purchased a copy of "The Illuminati Papers" by Robert Anton
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Wilson. It's GREAT! I'll be posting things from it here in the future.
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Also, I just got a catalog yesterday, which has two audio tapes in it by
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Robert Anton Wilson. One is "Religion For The Hell Of It" and the other is "The
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Acceleration Of Knowledge: The Jumping Jesus Phenomenon" I'm probably going to
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get them.
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They have lots of other tapes, too. Interesting stuff!
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The catalog is from SoundsTrue, and if you want one, call:
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1-800-835-2246 Ext. 275
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-Pat
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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***************************** FICTION AND POETRY *******************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Stella returns.....
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So Stella and I were sitting at the dining room table, having a
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nice chat. That is, I was having a nice chat - she was stirring her coffee.
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This was rather distracting, as she was stirring it with a live chameleon, but
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I suppose it *was* the most effective method of getting the last of the arsenic
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to dissolve. It likes to stay at the bottom in this slushy mass. You know
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what I mean.
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So I asked Stella how she managed to get down from over the mantel-
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piece. She replied by quoting the Virginia Beach phone directory,
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Dzierzanowska through Ellenbogen, then popping out her glass eye and tossing
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it into the coffee mug. In case you're wondering, it's violet. The eye, I
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mean. Her real one's olive drab,so the glass one really compliments the
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color.
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So anyhow, I never did find out how she got down in the short week I
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was gone. I noticed that the apple was gone from her nose, though. Maybe
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that had something to do with it. Since the conversation was going nowhere,
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I picked up the newspaper and began to read the more credible articles to her.
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There was one in particular that caught my eye...hers too, when the chameleon
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tried to escape by pitching the glass eye at the paper and squirming violently.
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It was very effective. The article, I mean. The chameleon ended up back in the
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mug, upside-down. It didn't struggle much after that.
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The article was about something that happened in my home town while I
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was there on my visit. Seems that Jed Cummins was out slopping the hogs one
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evening when he saw some bright lights in the sky, seeming to head for the East
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Podunk Town Hall. He got on the horn to the police chief, who mildly suggested
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that he lay off the corn husk cigars for a while. Jed wasn't so easily put off
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though, and he jumped into his Chevy 4X4 and high-tailed it into town. Right
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after he pulled up in front of the Town Hall, a huge glowing egg materialized
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out of a cloudbank and settled down onto the roof of the New Podunk Theatre
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(erected in 1939). When he was asked later how he reacted at that point, Jed
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replied, "Wal, shoot! I ain't never gonna get them stains out'n the
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upholstery."
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After it came to rest, the giant egg split open and ramps extended down
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to street level. Then, according to eyewitnesses (Jed and a wino in the alley
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behind the theater), roughly 85,000 aliens marched out clutching blast guns
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and cans of Right Guard (tm). They pointed the guns at Jed and ordered him not
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to interfere, then they all sprayed the Right Guard into the air at once.
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After that they trooped back into the egg and took off. According to
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this newspaper (wonderful, the quality of journalism you can find at the
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checkout counter!), the sudden concentrated release of fluorocarbons into the
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atmosphere has ripped a huge hole in the ozone layer, which extends over much
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of the eastern seaboard. As a result, anyone living here will either die of
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cancer in thirty years or will mutate into higher life forms. Stella's already
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a mutant, so she doesn't have to worry. As for me, I'm going to go live in
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Finland and eat irradiated reindeer meat, so I'm not worried either. Got to
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build up a resistance to that sort of thing.
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Just to show that good things also happen in East Podunk, the other
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major effect of the alien invasion is that no one in the whole county will
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ever have body odor ever again. See - and cancer's not all that bad.
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"I feel like a swim," Stella said after I'd finished the article.
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Whereupon, she dove into the coffee mug and commenced to do the backstroke.
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What a kidder. Then she climbed out, dried herself off on the curtains, and
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picked her teeth with the chameleon. I really must teach that girl some
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manners - imagine picking your teeth in public. Ah well.
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Enjoy,
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L0relei
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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*************************** M00SCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ****************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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From The Hungarian M00se <LGREEN@WHEATNMA>
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CIVIL SERVICE EXAM
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"STATE WORKER"- (ALL LEVELS)
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Name:
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Score:
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INSTRUCTIONS:
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Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct
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("True" or "False") and mark an "X" (just like you sign your name) in the
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appropiate space at the right.
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TRUE / FALSE
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1. A clitoris is a type of flower. ___
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2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. ___
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3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird. ___
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4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble. ___
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5. A menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. ___
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6. A "G" string is part of a violin. ___
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7. Semen is another term for "sailors". ___
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8. Anus is the Latin word for "yearly". ___
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9. Testicles are found on an octopus. ___
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10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. ___
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11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. ___
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12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas . ___
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13. Coitus is a musical instrument. ___
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14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke". ___
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15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. ___
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16. A condom is an apartment complex. ___
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17. An orgasm is the person who accompanies the choir in a
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church. ___
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18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. ___
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19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. ___
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20. An erection is when the Japanese vote for their new
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government officials. ___
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21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. ___
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22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass. ___
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23. Pornography is the business of making record albums. ___
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24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins. ___
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25. Douche is the Italian word for "twelve". ___
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26. An enema is someone who is not your friend. ___
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27. Ovaries are a French egg dish make with cheese. ___
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28. Scrotum is a small planet near Uranus. ___
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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DO WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW
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It has recently come to my attention that rock-n-roll has filthy
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lyrics dangerous to the moral developments of young Americans. E.g.:
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Hush, now, b*by, b*by, don't you cry
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m*ther's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
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m*ther won't let anyone dirty you
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m*ther's gonna keep you right here unde her wing
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she won't let you fly, but she might let you sing
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m*ther's gonna keep b*by healthy and clean....
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That's right, even Pink Floyd contributes to the myth that humans are
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viviparous animals breeding at random, and that the loftiest pinnacle of
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human enlightenment, SOCIAL STRUCTURE, is founded in the mire of ....ahem,
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CERTAIN unprintable biological relations, congresses, and (ahem) intercourses
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between (gasp) human reproductive systems.
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Obviously, concerned m00ses, it is in your best interest to see that
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all references to s...e...x are removed from the Library of Congress and all
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their other squalid hiding places over the globe, and BURNED! Yes, and
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while we're at it we can burn a few witches!
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OK, now that such rock-and-rubbish is covered, we must interdict all
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DRUGS! We all know that DRUGS are bad for you and have no purposes other
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converting sweet Norman ROckwell models into ravening leather-and-Spandex
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swathed sexually florid bass players. Just like Geddy Lee. We know drugs
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are bad. Ronald and Nancy told us so, and Ronald and Nancy would never,
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ever distort the facts for their personal gain. Politicians simply don't DO
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things like that in America. Politicians, policemen, and defenders of mental
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and moral hygiene NEVER act to increase their privileges or tighten the grip
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of the ruling minority on the common citizen at the expense of Constitutional
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rights!
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Note to Reagan Youth: Use Secret Decoder Rings to translate this
|
|
month/s BITNET pogrom update. Any personnel not reporting to duty with
|
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at least one fresh human scalp and a clean armband will be shot.
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Yes, we have to interdict ALL DRUGS from this fair country, and
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relax with the healthy, nonviolent, sanity-conducive measures of caffeine,
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|
alcohol, and nicotine. Except everyone over forty years of age and $50,000
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|
of income, who are entitled to prescription sleeping pills to commit
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|
suicide with.
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|
LOVE IS THE LAW, LOVE UNDER WILL.
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ps: All flag-burners will be summarily convicted of High Treason,
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|
and sent to the Allentown Correctional Facility for Incineration. Anyone
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|
who posts a message with the word ""BONG"" in it will be brainwashed and
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|
subjected to phone-tapping, for their own protection, just as soon as we
|
|
can get the police dogs off their throats.
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|
Patriotically Yours ---
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|
Ubersturmfuhrer Danforth Quayle, S.S.
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|
V126HN32@UBVMS.BITNET
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
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******************************* MEET THE M00SES ********************************
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|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Chapter Name : Andrew Winden
|
|
Nickname : Mathm00se
|
|
Life Form : Usually human, (very scary in the morning)
|
|
Sex : Male, but I like to have it as often as possible
|
|
Net Address : AW7383@BROCK1P Purity Quotient: __~45%
|
|
Description : Very close to humanoid, but not close enough
|
|
to have a birth certificate.
|
|
|
|
Favorite Saying: All I want is <.. anything applicable here ..>
|
|
'my alarm clock to work'
|
|
'some Kool-Aid left'
|
|
etc....
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
Chapter Name : Phil DeGrandis
|
|
Nickname : StangM00se
|
|
Life Form : Definitely not human
|
|
Sex : Hopefully as soon as possible. :-)
|
|
Net Address : PD6662@BROCK1P Purity Quotient __~63
|
|
Description : Big, soft, and loud like a m00se should be.
|
|
|
|
Favorite Saying: Lets take my car --or-- I hate it when people
|
|
open their doors into my car.
|
|
|
|
bl00p BL00P BL000000P DAMMIT!
|
|
fry_m00se
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
I was told by saM@UAFSYSB who at the time was on relay as Spamalope although I
|
|
believe his name is Sam Huntsman to write you concerning a new chapter of M00SE
|
|
Illuminati I wish to form. I believe I am qualified to be a member.. I have
|
|
read much of the suggested reading, seen all of Monty Python's films, and
|
|
besides that, I am willing to do almost anything to get recognized as a
|
|
chapter, including stealing, cheating, lying, murder, arson, pillage, rape (so
|
|
I'm good at lying), and all other sorts of MEAN AND NASTY VICIOUS THINGS!!!!!
|
|
So anyways, thank for your time, and if this is the wrong person to write to,
|
|
just tell me so I can search down that spamalope pouf and shoot him..
|
|
Thank you and good night.
|
|
Lyman Green Jr.
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|
Box W1198 Wheaton College
|
|
Norton, Massachusetts
|
|
02766
|
|
Bitnet:lgreen@wheatnma
|
|
|
|
Now officially known as: The Llama on relay, and my new nick for the chapter
|
|
is The Hungarian M00se.
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
*************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE ***************
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Will be sent along under seperate cover, as it's pretty long, and we're
|
|
getting the whole thing updated by Herschm00se the Beanmeister. :) I'll send it
|
|
along as soon as I get it.
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Overdue Issue - Overdue Issue - Overdue Issue - Overdue Issue - Overdue Issue -
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|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|