279 lines
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279 lines
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Tropical Issue-Tropical Issue-Tropical Issue-Tropical Issue-Tropical Issue-Tropi
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_ /\ _ _ /\ _
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/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
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\_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/
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/ \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \
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/ \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \
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/__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\
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DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS
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D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S
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D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS
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D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S
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DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS
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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
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M00SE ILLUMINATI
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Issue #29| Disclaimer: The Editors will place almost anything | Sept. 5, 1989
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---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill ---------------
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the issue, so don't blame them for the quality or content of the submissions.
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Excepting those they may have written themselves, the enclosed items do not in
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any way represent the Editors' opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say
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that as far as this newsletter is concerned, they have no opinions at all. OK?
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================================================================================
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**************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ****************************
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Greetings all!
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Well, this is the Back-to-school issue as well, I guess... Some of you may
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have tried to send messages to us and had them bounce (most of the messages
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made it through, but some people say they sent messages which we never
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received) because our node was up and down all summer.
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I've heard (from a fairly reliable source) that Sylvester Stallone wishes to
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play the lead role in a movie about Edgar Allen Poe. Can anyone else
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corroborate? (Does anyone have time to imagine what this may lead to? If so,
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send us an article on it...) Sounds almost like Danny DeVito playing the
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Penguin... it just doesn't mesh in my mind...
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If you aren't on the mailing list, send me a message telling me so :)
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If you ARE, and no longer wish to be, send a message as well. Please note that
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all submissions should to to *GOBLIN* (her address is below). All
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administrative business is my bailiwick, so address all such mail to me. If
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you are on the Internet, my address is LEE_JES%CTSTATEU.BITNET@CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU.
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Well, so much for rain... (Frank, call those rain gods back!)
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- Goblin WITHALL@CTSTATEU (BITNet)
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- SalmonM00se LEE_JES@CTSTATEU (BITNet)
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******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ********************************
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Looking: Seeking people in CT or surrounding area to respond and request a
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thr0ng-a-th0n! Send mail to WITHALL@CTSTATEU if interested. I want to set a
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date for it and time. - Goblin
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Reports of a Mini-Thr0ng-A-Th0n taking place in Connecticut have been proven
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true. Those of you interested contact WITHALL@CTSTATEU (Goblin).
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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The M00se Illuminati T-shirts are now underway!
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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If interested in M00se Illuminati T-SHIRTs contact DICKSON@HARTFORD.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Wanted: Slow dull witted waterbed looking for newt as a companion.
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***************************** FICTION AND POETRY *******************************
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Fellow M00ses, Bl00pers, Bl00mers, and B0ss0ms,
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[c'mon...didn't any of you ever read Bloom County???geeeesh]
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Anwyay, In light of happenings in recent weeks, I, Lord Trelf, have
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been moved by my poetic [and burly] muse to put my ever-thraining thoughts
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to words...and in that light, I present to you.....
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Ode To Rain What Keeps Us From Ripping The Heads Off Fish
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___ __ ____ ____ _____ __ ____ _______ ___ _____ ___ ____
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Oh Rain! Oh Downpour!
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Oh Demonic Condensation Of The Nether Hells!
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It's you what keeps me from my alloted task -
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that of ripping the heads from poor unsuspecting fish!
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Your myriad drops fall upon my head
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and frighten the little fishies from the
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Surface of the still waters -
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waters still no longer thanks to your
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large bulbous drops which do splash and splatter
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on the surface of the once-still waters,
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causing them to bubble and ripple,
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ceasing their silky stillness.
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Oh Rain! Oh Ye Spiteful Bastard!
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Forcing me home to a most bland dinner
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of Hamburger Helper - damn that sentient hand!
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Oh for Fish Florentine! or Fish Picante!
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Or maybe even a [dare I pray?]
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A Cajun Blackened Red Snapper -
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Oh how I long for these as I stare at
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that smirking Hand.
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Oh the Joys I could have were it not for
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you,
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Oh Rain What Keeps Us From Ripping The Heads Off Fish!
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Oh Rain, Oh Unmerciful Wrath of the Gods!
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Why do you torment me so?
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Me, who wants only to dwell in the sublime pleasures
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one can only achieve by twisting and ripping the
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head of a hapless trout or bass from it's
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non-existent shoulders!
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Speak to Me! Tell unto me thy reasons!
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Oh Rain What Keeps Us From Ripping The Heads Off Fish!
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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And now, more prophesies from the ever-musculaturing [working in a
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shipping and receiving department will do this to you] High Lord Trelf.
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July:
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Massive earthquakes strike Burma, Moscow, Berlin, and California
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as Dom DeLuise and Luciano Pavarotti simultaneously trip and fall to the
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ground. The death toll stands at 326,571.
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The Dark Queen issues a new edict: "Thou shalt not take My Name
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in thrain." Confusion runs rampant through the lands as the populace tries
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to figure out the meaning of this new law. Some theories suggest Her
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Darkness hiccuped while uttering the law, which should have been "Thou
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shalt not take my name in the rain", while others think it meant "Thou
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shalt not split my brain in twain." Still others thought she said "Thou
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shalt not pretend I'm Mark Twain," and a small faction located in the
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Bronx thought she said "Yo! When's the next train?"
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Elvis Presley, Consort to The Dark Queen, met on the field of battle
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with King Richard of the Low Body-Fat Content. The battle was long and bloody,
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but in the end King Richard was successful, thwarting Elvis' hip thrusts
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with a springing leapt over the over-weight ex-singer-turned-love-slave,
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landing on his shoulders and screaming into his ears at an incomprehensibly
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annoying pitch. As a result, large sections of Western Europe are now under
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the control of King Richard.
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August:
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Ever single televangelist on Chearth [Earth renamed by The Dark Queen]
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was struck dead instantly by a blast whose origin is estimated to have come
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from the moon. The moon is the area believed to be the new abode of
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High Lord Trelf, figure of legend who some believe is now back in this
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universe and is hoped to come back to the land and depose The Dark Queen.
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While leaving a New York hotel, Bob Geldoff was shot in the head
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42 times. This did not even make the trailer story of the evening news.
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Surprisingly, the trailer for the evening news that night told the
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story of Irma Lipshutz, an elderly Philadelphia women who had taught
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her pet pit bull too {**CENSORED DUE TO OBSCENE LANGUAGE, PERVERSE
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NOTIONS, AND THE TAKING OF THE DARK QUEEN'S NAME IN THRAIN**}
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That's all for now, ladies, gentlemen, m00ses, and others......
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*************************** M00SCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ****************************
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A friend of mine and I were shooting the breeze the other day and we came up
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with an idea on how to start a new country. A group of people would purchase
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an uninhabited island from Great Britain with the intention of setting it up as
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an independant nation within the British Commonwealth (similar to Australia or
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Canada). I am looking for advice on how to raise capital, who to contact
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within the British government, which island would be best, or whatever else I
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(and whoever I am working with) need to know.
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I am serious about doing this, so unless you are willing to actually work,
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please don't bother responding to this. This is not meant to insult anyone,
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but I'm just trying to discourage those who would not be fully commited to the
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cause.
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I await your replies.
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Joe Claffey
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CLAFFEY_JOR at CTSTATEU
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Folkses...and you others,
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Greetings! Lord Trelf here. Just had some thoughts I wished to share
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with you all...
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In the last issue, Spaceman Biff [May his Foster's Can never Empty,
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and may his Samuel Smith Taddy Porter never lose it's Tad!!] put
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forth his thoughts on the evolution of chest hair on certain members
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of the male gender of the human species. [Of which I am proud to be a member,
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sporting such a fine weave of hair on my chest that I do...]
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I do not wish to refute the Biffer's findings, as I'm sure they are true,
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but I wish to present what I think to be a logical albeit paranoid explanation
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for the bushy male chest. Now think, all you out there with hair on your
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chest: When a woman gets mad at you, what's one of the first things she does,
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should you be so unlucky as to be wearing an open shirt, or worse yet, no
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shirt at all? Why, she immediately starts pulling you around by your chest
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hair! [And only someone with a truly hairy torso can understand the pain
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this involves] Now think: Could it be, dear friends, that male chest hair
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may have been placed there BY women, to give them yet something else
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to drag us around by?
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Now, I know you are all saying that I'm being paranoid, but think about
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It. Why do only MEN have chest hair? Why do only women pull men around BY
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their chest hair? Food for thought....[Or maybe Follicles for Frollicking?]
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Yours incogneato,
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His High Holy Lord Trelf
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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More trek...from wesleyan...
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Data:Captain, there is an alien life form on your head!
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Picard:Nonsense, Data. I simply have a (sigh) full head of hair again.
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Data:Nevertheless, it could be dangerous. I suggest we go to the medlab for
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some tests.
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Troi:Captain, I am feeling...
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Riker:You're feeling Wesley. Hands off, kid.
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Wesley:Gosh, sir, sorry.
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Worf:Hmmm. Giordi, is this look ME?
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Giordi:Looks good to me, Worf.
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Data:Captain, I must insist. If nothing else, the Chief Medical Officer has
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not yet appeared in this episode, and this provides an opportunity for
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your smoldering potential romance to receive more screen time.
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Picard:No, I can handle this. As you were. Number one, you have the helm.
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{Captain's Cabin}
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Wesley:Knock knock
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Picard:Come, no no, stop thinking about Troi, ensign.
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Wesley:Yessir. Well, sir, I was wondering about the alien life form you have
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on your head.
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Picard:Yes, what about it?
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Wesley:Well, sir, Troi says she feels unhappiness radiating from it in great
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waves, sir. The one on Worf is apparently happy, but yours is ill,
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sir.
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Picard:Nonsense, Wesley. I have perfect faith in Counselor Troi's legs, make
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that abilities, but this time she is mistaken.
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{The alien life form slides off Picard's head, obviously kaput}
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Picard:Medteam to the Captian's quarters on the double. Emergency!
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{Close with closeup shot of Picard's anguished face}
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******************************* MEET THE M00SES ********************************
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Chapter Name : Philip D. Noah
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Nick name(s) : Arizona
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M00se nick : Arizona M00se
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M00se's name : Claudette
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Net Address : bitnet : in%"V115GWE6@UBVMS.BITNET"
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: wwiv net : 295 @ 7654
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Sex : x_ male __female __No, I'm British
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Purity Quotient : 81 %
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Description : I stand almost 2 meters tall (6' 3")
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and weigh about 63 Kg (140 lb). Blue eyes
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and blondish/brown hair.
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Favourtie saying: Fair's Fair.
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Likes : M00se watching, reading M00se droppings
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having lunch with pretty m00se's, Bl00ping,
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,watching old movies and doing fun m00sey things.
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Why I do what I
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do : Well someone has to be me....and no one else
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wants to be me so i'm stuck with the job.
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Famous last words: Can't think of anything else to put down.
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Bl00P !
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Tropical Issue-Tropical Issue-Tropical Issue-Tropical Issue-Tropical Issue-Tropi
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