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Noah's Ark Edition-Noah's Ark Edition-Noah's Ark Edition-Noah's Ark Edition-Noah
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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_ /\ _ _ /\ _
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/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
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\_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/
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/ \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \
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/ \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \
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/__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\
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DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS
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D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S
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D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS
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D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S
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DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS
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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
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M00SE ILLUMINATI
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Issue #27| Disclaimer: The Editors will place almost anything | June 19, 1989
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---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill ---------------
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the issue, so don't blame them for the quality or content of the submissions.
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Excepting those they may have written themselves, the enclosed items do not in
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any way represent the Editors' opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say
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that as far as this newsletter is concerned, they have no opinions at all. OK?
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================================================================================
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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**************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ****************************
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Greetings,
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Summer is truly here, and with it (as usual) is the age old question, "What
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is there to do now?!?" To combat summer doldrums, here are some silly M00sey
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things to do:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Drink papaya juice (for GypsyLynx)
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Have a M00se Thr0ng-A-Thon
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See Batman!!!!
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Read the _Illuminatus!_ Trilogy
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See Star Trek V
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Eat Illuminati Bars
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Eat Hostess Twinkies (not the Strawberry ones *blech*)
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Go fishing (Spaceman Biff!)
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Play the Illuminati game (a personal fav. of CTSTATEU)
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Write articles for M00se Droppings
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Read Ann Rice's Vampire books (very good and weird)
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Visit Connecticut *grin* (plug)
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Bl00p at Bavarians!
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Plague Starfire!!! (send her E-mail, she loves it!)
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Invite Strange M00ses to your neck of the woods..
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Visit the Pink Iguana Tavern!
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Have a Scamp sighting..
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Send Pickle champagne :*)
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Have a Lord Sabre sighting...
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Write articles for M00se Droppings
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Bl00p at tourists...
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Visit Connecticut for a Mini-Thr0ng-A-Thon!
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See Buckaroo Banzai for the 10th time!
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Visit with your fellow M00ses!!
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Write articles for M00se Droppings
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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If you still can't think of anything to do...well, you can always send E-mail
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to Starfire, just saying hello.... *evil grin*
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- Goblin WITHALL@CTSTATEU (Bitnet)
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- SalmonM00se LEE_JES@CTSTATEU (Bitnet)
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Gee thanx Frank...it's been raining for the past three weeks now... glub glub..
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******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ********************************
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We M00ses in CT are planning on making Batman the Movie a M00sey event! What
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M00sey things are happening in the rest of the world? So far the Wesleyan
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crowd, Trinity and Hartford are interested in attending. Batman is supposed to
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be making his big debut on June 23! For info on meeting and etc..call me
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(goblin) at 224-7835 or send E-Mail
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Reports of a Mini-Thr0ng-A-Th0n taking place in Connecticut have been proven
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true. Those of you interested contact WITHALL@CTSTATEU (Goblin). The weekend
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of the M-T-A-T is still in the air, help us to pick a weekend. We are still up
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in the air about the place of gathering also..(sheesh what do we know?)
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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If interested in M00se Illuminati T-SHIRT's contact DICKSON@HARTFORD.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Reports of the state of Connecticut floating away are held to be rumors..
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M00ses all over have started to pawn their very own Elvis Presley memorabilia,
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to buy rubber m00se shaped rafts.
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(For first class ARK tickets contact CLAFFEY_JOR@CTSTATEU)
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Stay tuned next issue for the adventures of SPLATMAN and the Boy Blunder!!
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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There ain't no Thelma here!
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***************************** FICTION AND POETRY *******************************
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More Zany songs from the M00sical M00ses..
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CRAZY THR0NG, Vol. II
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=====================
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Fuzzy Gund the Archm00se
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tramped into the room,
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he said I have no commitment to this
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and I have no commitment to that.
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Sad as a lonely little bald m00se,
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he said well I don't claim to be happy about this, m00se,
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and I don't seem to be happy 'bout that.
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of your thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of your thr0ng.
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of your thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng.
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She says she knows about thr0ngs
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this time the thr0ng is after me,
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Well, I have no commitment to them,
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and they have no commitment to me.
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Somebody could trample into this room
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and say your fur is on fire,
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it's all over the evening boards,
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all about the fire on your fur
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on the evening boards.
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of your thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of your thr0ng.
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Fuzzy Gund the Archm00se
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files for his boss,
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he says well this will eat up a year of my growth,
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and then maybe this thr0ng will get lost.
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She says the thr0ng is out for me,
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I say the thr0ng is out for her,
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I said I have no commitment to them--
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well, we'll just have to wait for the herd.
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of your thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of your thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of your thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng,
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I don't want no part of this crazy thr0ng.
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THAT WAS YOUR MA M00SE
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======================
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A long time ago, bl00p,
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before you were born a m00se,
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when I was still a calf
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and thr0ngs were great,
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I held this job as a traveling salesm00se,
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that kept me herded from state to state.
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Well I'm standing on the corner of Ellicott,
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state of Confusion,
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wondering where a city m00se could go,
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to get a little conversation
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slurp a little red wine,
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catch a little bit of those Buffalo m00se,
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dancing to Zydem00.
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Along came a young m00se,
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she's pretty as a matchbook,
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hairy as a hostess on Christmas day,
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I said "oh Bl00p!" could this be my luck,
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if that's a matchbook,
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Lord let us mate!
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Well I'm standing on the corner of Ellicott,
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state of Confusion,
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wondering what a city m00se could do,
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to get her in a convertible,
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slurp a little red wine,
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dance to the music of Clifton CheM00se
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the King of the Bay00
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Well that was your ma-m00se,
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and that was your bull-m00se,
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before you were born a m00se,
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when thr0ngs were great.
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You are the burden of my generation,
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but I sure do love you,
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so let's celebrate!
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Well I'm standing on the corner of Ellicott,
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across the lot from Fargo,
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heading down to the Richmond Cafe.
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Maybe get a little indigestion,
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slurp a little red wine,
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standing in the shadow of Clifton CheM00se,
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Bl00ping the night away!
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*---BritM00se and Mel0dy,
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The Musical M00se.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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We have this gem thanx to the folks at Wesleyan... :^)
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Star Trash The Next Generation...
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##########################################################################
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[The scene: The U.S.S. Enterprise is in orbit around the planet Toupee,
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reputed to be the home of an unknown intelligent race. Worf, Riker, and Troi
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have beamed down to the surface. They are standing in a swamp. Back on board
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the Enterprise, Data, Wesley, Geordie, Picard, and the token Engineering Chief
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from the British Isles are at their stations.]
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{Cheesy Theme Music}
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Picard: Number one, report
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Riker:We're in a swamp
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Picard:(Nervously fingering his bald pate)Not good enough, number one
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Riker:We're in a really big swamp, and Troi is lifting up her skirt to avoid
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getting her uniform dirty, providing a great view of her legs.
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Picard:That's better. Put them on screen, Wesley.
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Wesley:Gosh, the landing party, sir?
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Picard:No, ensign. Troi's legs.
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Wesley:Yes, SIR! I've hit puberty and gosh, it's great!
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Geordie:Lookin' good, Troi!
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Troi:I feel...male hormones surging around me...it's wonderful
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Worf:Growl
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Riker:Wait, Captain, there's something moving in the trees.
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Troi:I feel...someone's hand on my thigh...
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Worf:Let me kill it, sir!
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Picard:Cut it out, Number One.
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Riker:But it's not me, sir. It's...AAaaaagghhhh!!!
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Picard:Number One? Come in, Number One!
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Data:We've lost contact, sir
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[screen goes blank from Picard's anguished stare
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Tune in next time for more rehashed plots!
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##########################################################################
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Picking up where we left off...
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Picard:Beam them up immediately!
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Token Accent:Aye sir!
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Picard:Okay, bridge crew, everyone with intelligence down to the transporter
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room. Second rate incompetents, the helm is yours
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Ensign Large Blue Squidoid:Hrurh Bluh Gruhuh (Meaning, Thanks, Sir. Gee, Your
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head is shiny today.)
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{Transporter Room}
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Riker:Well, sir, we're back.
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Worf:Captain, we've destroyed the hostile life forms. Fuck the Prime
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Directive.
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Data:Captain, something is amiss. Specifically, I refer to the presence of a
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life form superficially resembling human hair on Lt. Worf's skull.
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Wesley:Gosh, it looks like Deanna has chest hair.
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Troi:Captain, I feel great...embarrassment. Can I show off my thighs again?
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Geordie:Good Lord, Riker has one, too!
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Data:No, Geordie. That is merely his beard.
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Worf:Growl. We should destroy these beings immediately. Besides, I look
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like...a human.
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Geordie:Why not? You're already a yuppie.
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Wesley:Look, Captain, the one on Deanna's chest! It's moving!
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Riker:I'll grab it.
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Token Accent:Och. I just had to say that.
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Picard:I'll deal with this, Number One.
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Data:Watch out, sir.
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{It jumps onto Picard's head}
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Data:It appears to have jumped onto the captain's head.
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{Shot closes with close up of Picard's ecstatic face.}
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More soon....
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(For more episodes send to WITHALL@CTSTATEU and I will send it all...)
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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*************************** M00SCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ****************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Here are the next installments of The Prophecies According to Lord Trelf
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for May and June. [But first I would like to put in a small topical comment.
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My prophecies may be odd, but on one day - Sunday, June 4 - the Chinese
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Army marched into a square and killed several hundred students, the
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Ayatollah Khomeni died, and two Trans-Siberian Railways trains exploded
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next to each other, killing hundreds of children...this shit is stranger than
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anything I could come up with.] And now, on to the prophecies ------
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May -
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A quiet month, as the first half of it was spent in world-wide
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celebration of the anniversary of the birth of Lord Trelf. Lord Trelf's
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actual whereabouts are unknown at that time, but it is rumored that he
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has made an abode for himself on the surface of the moon and is
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watching over the earth. Almost overnight a major cult springs into being.
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It's followers, The Worshippers of His High Holy Trelfness, announce that
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they have received direct word from the demi-god that he has been watching
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the occurrences of the past months and will eventually take a hand in the
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turmoil to restore peace and order in the lands. The Dark Queen laughs
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the beliefs off, calling them "even more ridiculous than some of Sonny's
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old sexual fantasies regarding me and a pool of.......never mind! Get back
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to work!!!!!" Kind Richard of the Low Body-Fat Content was quoted as saying,
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"It would be nice if he [Lord Trelf] were watching over our struggle against
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the Dark Queen, but it is even more far-fetched than Sonny Bono's old
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fantasies about me and a vat of....never mind! Now Side Kicks to the left...
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9 more......8 more......."
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Elvis Presley, Consort to the Dark Queen, launched a one-man crusade
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against what he called "that )^$%#)^^???!!!!@$#&$****@@@@@@!!!!!" Mr.
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Presley was referring to rap music. Joining him, surprisingly, were
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Elvis Costello, Paul McCartney, Paul Simon, and Bob Geldof. Calling
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themselves "Two Guys Named Elvis, Two Guys Named Paul, and Someone
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named Bob Against That Damned Monkey Music", they set out to destroy
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all rap singers.
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June -
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Nothing happened in June...it rains too damn much in June.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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More insanity from the guy who brought you mollusks...
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Bl00p!!!
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Howdy there! Spaceman Biff! on this end of the transmitting
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thing-gummy! (Yes, the exclamation point IS part of the nick... aren't
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y'all jealous that Y'ALL didn't think to put punctuation into y'all's nicks?
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Nyaah, nyaah, nyaah, boo, boo!)) Anyway, I haven't time to write a long
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submission, so I'll pose a question for the 0racle, or any other m00se
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who might like a crack at it. Here we go:
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If CBS Anchorwoman Connie Chung were to divorce her rock star
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husband, Wang, and marry Sean Lingus, the air travel magnate
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whose great uncle Fearghal Lingus formed the Irish line
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_Aer Lingus_, would it be a violation of FCC rules to broadcast
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her full name if she were to compete on an all new version of
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the Battle of the Network T & A? ("Just look at that, folks!
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Ms. Connie Lingus just lapped Loni Anderson")
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Just Wondering,
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--Spaceman Biff!
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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******************************** ASK THE ORACLE ********************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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More "Ask the Oracle" from Hal Eisen...
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Where has all the flour gone?
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The Oracle has answered your question as follows:
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Obviously the Questioner has quite a large cockroach problem. The Oracle
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will, even though it was not asked, list the two proven effective ways of
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eliminating all cockroaches in one's dwelling place:
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1. Plug all the cracks in the house/apartment. Don't forget the door.
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Then turn on the water; come back in a week. Note that roaches cannot
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breathe water.
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2. Buy a large bottle of boric acid crystals from any drug store. The
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theory behind this method is that roaches need hiding places. Simply
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use the boric acid in your sandblaster to remove all hiding places
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(e.g. the stove)
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While there are less drastic methods, those are for people who have less
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drastic problems.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Have you ever been in love? How did you know that you were?
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The Oracle has answered your question as follows:
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I have indeed been in love several times and in several different
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ways. Since I don't know which you mean, I'll try to cover them all.
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First, I have indeed visited the charming French province of Love. As
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to how I knew I was there, that was easy. I had taken the right map,
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seen the sign that said (in French) Welcome to Love, and could have
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further confirmed my location by asking any of the friendly residents
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there. Of course, that wouldn't have ruled out the possibility of a
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conspiracy against me, so I guess I can't be positive, but it seems
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reasonable. Come to think of it, that restaurant DID look a bit
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suspicious. But no, enough of that, my doctor has assured me that I
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am not the victim of a conspiracy.
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Second, I have also...Wait a minute. That doctor has an accent! He
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must be a spy or something! Yes, of course! There is a conspiracy,
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and I never was in Love at all! They must have been trying to get
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information out of me or something! That little dog that kept following
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me must have been the mastermind in disguise! Yes, of course! Wait,
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no, STOP! Control...yes, that's it...now where's my medicine? Ah,
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ok, take the pill and deep breath. Much better.
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Third, I have been in L.O.V.E., a counter-espionage group. Unfortunately,
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I cannot tell you what L.O.V.E. stands for, as it is top-secret. Indeed,
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I should not have told you that L.O.V.E. exists, but to hell with them,
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they all turned against me anyway!
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Fourth, I was once enamoured of a lovely young woman. Her skin was like
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silk, and she had a heart-shaped birthmark, right under her...OK, I
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WILL tell you what L.O.V.E. stands for! Why should I be loyal to them
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after they betrayed me? Besides, I'm almost positive that two of them
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were following my when I was in Love! Damn them! OK, here it is, the
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secret that could destroy the world, and it's in your hands:
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<<chunk, gurgle, and other semi-gruesome sound-effects...>>
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Attention. You will please disregard this message. The man who sent
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it was a sick man who only meant to cause trouble. There is no such
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place as Love, and certainly no such organisation as L.O.V.E. There
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is, in short, no way anyone could possibly be in love.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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******************************* MEET THE M00SES ********************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The Official M00se Illuminati Identification Form
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M00seName: Goblin
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Chapter Name: Lisa A. Withall
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SCA-Name: Undecided (Viking persona)
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Life Form: Vegged..
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Sex: Male ___ Female _X_ Hermaphrodite ___ Other ___
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Purity Quotient: _78%_ on months that begin with Z...
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Present Residence: 93-31 Clinic Drive
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New Britain, CT 06051
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(203)224-7835
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Description:
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Age: 20.000
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Height: 5'4"
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Hair: Brown
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Eyes: Blue
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Look mildly athletic and am an average looking mundane..often seen
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dressed in jeans and sweatshirts...been sighted in medieval garb from
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time to time..
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Music: Vivaldi(four seasons), Dire Straits, Talking Heads,
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Scottish and Irish songs, and Rock...
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SCA Interests: Brewing, garb making, medieval cooking, armor making, sewing
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fighting, and making friends.
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Goals: To terraform the universe into a giant Twinkie-Farm/commune.
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To get at least one issue of M00se Droppings out on time and
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to visit with M00ses from all over the Galaxy.
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FNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORDFNORD
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The Official M00se Illuminati Identification Form
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Chapter Name: Thomas Samuel Zemanian
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Nickname(s): Spaceman Biff!, Sticklerod, Osbone, MacGyatron
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Life Form: "Life?!!! You call this a Life??!!!"
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Sex: Male Female ___ When Appropriate XXX
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Net Address: See M00selists Purity Quotient: 174.32 ppb.
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Description: 220 lbs of rock solid wimp over an avertebral
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(spineless) cartilaginous framework molded into
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the spirit and image of the guy who used to do the
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voice for Charlie the Tuna on the old Starkist com-
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mercials before Phil Silver did, only rotated by 90 deg.
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Favourite Saying: "When in Rome, do as the Parisians do"
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Other Stuff: I like to fish, brew beer, elucidate the equilibria
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of high pressure hydrocarbon mixtures, play bass
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guitar, handbells, and the inscrutable Tuned Squid,
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and in my spare time I make decorative tie-tacs out
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of my neighbor's discarded olive pits and SS 304
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hose clamps.
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Well that's about it. Oh yeah, watch out, piscine world! Lord Trelf
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caught a fish recently, and his zeal for piscinocapturotology shows
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no signs of abating in the near future. (I must say, though, that I
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prefer alluring to abating when I go fishing, but that's just my angle.)
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Long Live Lord Trelf! Seig Heil den GrossenZwerg! Viva la Cucharacha
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Grande! Omelette du Fromage'! (Those darn French.)
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Still Lost In The Ozone,
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--Spaceman Biff!
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Noah's Ark Edition-Noah's Ark Edition-Noah's Ark Edition-Noah's Ark Edition-Noah
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