489 lines
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489 lines
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_ /\ _ _ /\ _
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/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
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\_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/
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/ \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \
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/ \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \
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/__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\
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DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS
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D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S
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D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS
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D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S
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DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS
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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
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M00SE ILLUMINATI
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Issue #14| Disclaimer: The Editor will place almost anything | Oct. 3, 1988
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---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill ---------------
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the issue, so don't blame him for the quality or content of the submissions.
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Excepting those he may have written himself, the enclosed items do not in any
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way represent the Editor's opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that
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as far as this newsletter is concerned, he has no opinions at all. Okay? Good.
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================================================================================
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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**************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ****************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Fellow m00ses, I'd like to apologize for getting this issue out late.
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I'd like to say I've been very busy and didn't have time, but the truth
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of the matter is, I completely forgot about it.
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Before the actual issue begins, an announcement. Because some people,
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through faulty mailers, or slow distributors, or undetected holes in the
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distribution network, are either getting their M00se Droppings very slowly
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or not at all, Sabre has started a new CSNEWS list: M00SEDRP. This will
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*not* affect the normal distribution network at all. If you get your issues
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too slowly, subscribe to M00SEDRP to get them faster. Then, when you receive
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a second copy via the distribution network, delete it.
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And now, on with the issue.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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<< This letter came to me from Love-Hounds Digest. If it's true, it's very
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important to all of us. >>
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<The following letter was recently sent to the radio station I work
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at (WMUA Amherst) by a group in New York called "Music In Action." I
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think it will be of interest to many people on the network.>
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Dear Music Lover,
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In the last few weeks, the freedom of contemporary music has come
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under new and alarming attack. Lurking in the halls of Congress is
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bill S.2033, the deceptively named "Child Protection and Obscenity
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Enforcement Act of 1988," which would allow federal authorities to
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confiscate the business and personal property of virtually every one
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of us. This bill would enable federal authorities to obtain obscenity
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convictions against records (this bill has the same far-reaching
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implications for all the other arts - films, books, magazines, etc.),
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then to expropriate the goods, bank accounts, homes, automobiles, and
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pressing plants of everyone associated with these disks' sales.
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Artists targeted incidentally include Prince, Madonna, Debby Boone and
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Bruce Springsteen.
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Here's how it's being done. Title I provisions of the bill legislate
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child protection measures against child pornography, while *Title II
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provisions make obscenity a federal crime via the power of Congress to
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regulate interstate commerce.* Since the Supreme Court has ruled that
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there is no federal standard for obscenity...this bill, if enacted,
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would *empower any local extremist group to sue in federal court* the
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publisher, manufacturer, or retailer of any material it deemed obscene
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*according to it's own local standards.* In addition to the provisions
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mandating seizure and forfeiture of property, Title II provides for
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*IMPRISONMENT FOR UP TO FIVE YEARS.* This new legislation is the
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crowning achievement of the ignominious career of former Attorney
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General Edwin Meese who was forced to resign under fire.
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As of early July, the RIAA's legislative representatives thought the
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law had a very low chance of passage. Belatedly, the RIAA has
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dramatically altered it's opinion.
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Now it appears that the *Child Protection and Obscenity Enforcement
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Act* will be attached to a package of 'anti-crime' legislation and
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rammed through as part of a Fall 1988 election-year ploy. Senators
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and Congressmen will virtually be forced to vote yes for the bill if
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they want to demonstrate that they care about crime and the protection
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of children. This bill has already garnered 237 Congressional
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co-sponsors, and is drawing an overwhelming volume of mail - all of it
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supporting the bill.
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Music In Action fully supports the Title I provisions of the bill. We
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are strongly opposed to the Title II provisions aimed at denying
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adults their constitutionally guaranteed First Amendment rights.
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Our opponents are well organized. So must we be. Our future depends
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on it. Join us in the fight to preserve our right to creative and
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artistic expression. Form a chapter of Music In Action on your campus
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immediately and organize a *Music In Action Is Freedom In Action*
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campaign.
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Thanks,
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Howard Bloom Bob Guccione, Jr. David Krebs
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Founding members of Music In Action
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For more information call : Laura Gordon 212/644-8900
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<Above is the un-edited content of the letter (asterisks were added in
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place of underlined phrases in the original). This legislation has
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the potential to affect anyone who creates or enjoys any of the arts.
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Please re-post wherever you think it will reach interested people.
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-Peter E. Lee
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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<< Sindex has this to say about the new csnotice. >>
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1) Since Sabre came up with the idea of the separate csnotice (m00sedrp)
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for m00se droppings, I thought it might be a good idea if Pickle were
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to send a 1-line bl00p to m00se when a new issue came out, so that
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fellow m00se would know if they hadn't received an issue that they should
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have, and could request it from csnews.
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2) I'm not sure on the actual mechanics and difficulty thereof, but wasn't
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LISTSERV designed to alleviate distribution problems such as those that
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we're having? It's spread all over the net, and we wouldn't need people
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to log on and forward things.... If this seems like a good idea, let me
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know and I'll pursue it further and try to figure out just what must be
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done to get it onto a LISTSERV... shouldn't be all *that* tricky though...
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bl00pfully yours
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Sindex
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ********************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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<< Yowzah! A great idea (in my opinion) from Jonathan Clemens. >>
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I will be attempting to start an Illuminati game over the network, here are
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the parameters:
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First 9 People to respond will be accepted.
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List your group or groups of preference, IN ORDER, with your entry.
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If there is enough interest, I will be looking for more moderators, so
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if you have a deluxe set and would like to help, tell me that, too.
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Deluxe set, all groups, will be used.
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The Atlanteans, from expansion set #3, will also be used.
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Propaganda and Brainwashing will not be used.
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Building up power and resistance will be used.
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Turnaround time will theoretically be one day per player turn. It will
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most likely be slower than that, but it'll be a bit faster than PBM.
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Hidden Illuminati may or may not be used--Vote on this when you enter.
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All dice will be rolled by my vax, so impartiality is assured.
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All questions, entries, and misc. nonsense to:
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Jonathan Clemens JSJPC1@ALASKA
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P.S. Weekly, I will get updates on victors & action to Pickle for publishing;
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here's a fast way to increase your stature among the M00ses!
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P.P.S. No unexperienced players need apply. I know it sounds cruel but I
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Absolutely refuse to type the entire rulebook into a file. Not only
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would it be a royal pain, it would be illegal (not that I worry...)
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Oh, By the way, I know this will put distributors at an advantage. I intended
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it that way; after all, they need SOME rewards...
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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<< Some information from Spaceman Biff. This may help some of you, but
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my mailer still refuses to talk to him. >>
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Ground control to Major Pickle:
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Stand by for incoming drivel......
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(okay, so it doesn't really rhyme. Haven't youse guys ever heard of an
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assonance?)
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Yo, hey, hey!
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I'm given to unnerstan' that yer having trouble reaching me over
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bitnet. There is a reason; CHEME is an ARPA host, and does not support
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bitnet. However, there are ways about this evil antim00sian censorship.
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All the machines at cornell (well, almost all. The PC's and the
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dedicated mini's don't count) are tied in a campuswide net, and the I've
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Been Moved mainframes are, in fact BITNETtable. It gets worse; my
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account is on a cluster of vaxen (still the only correct plural of "vax")
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and this tangles the address cluster even worse. Basically, what must be
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done is to route mail to me at CHEME through crnlcs.... try sending to
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"ZEMANIAN%CHEME@CRNLCS". This is most certainly simpler than the address
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wolverine sent you, and may circumvent whatever bottleneck is blocking
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the mail. Good luck.
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Spaceman Biff
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(the preceding message was brought to you as a public service of Sad
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Little Unlaunchable Grounded Spacers (SLUGS), a subsidiary of Beatrice)
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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<< This from Mary Beth, about the MegaThr0ng-a-Th0n. >>
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I recommend having the next throng a thon during the end of January...where we
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can all sleep on people's floors...and die of strep & other unknown diseases...
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and drink lots of OJ....
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kinda a reunion gathering....
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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<< A very important piece of information from Wolverine. >>
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Guess what I found at 7 Rays this weekend...
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"The Complete Discordian M00semas Celebration Handbook"
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written by Andalusia the Heretic..all kinds of neat stuff in it,
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including:
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"There are many ways to celebrate M00semas, all incorrect. Actually
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sleeping or even hibernation are most favored of the Gods, but other
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possibilities are:
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* Loafing, lounging, napping, 'veging out', pretending to meditate,
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drifting in and out of light trances, hanging out, viewing TV
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(on or off), and low-energy partying with very mellow friends.
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* Disconnecting the telephone and doorbell.
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* Playing cards or board games while making love in a tub filled
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with fragrant warm oils. (if you don't move too fast.)
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* Feasting on ritual foods, such as a fresh loaf of bread in
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Bullwinkle's image..fruit juice...roast goose...and of course,
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chocolate m0usse.
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* Avoiding taboo activities such as shaving, worrying, weeding,
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the lawn, housework, and thinking.
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* Decorating the altar with snack foods, several goblets of wine,
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furry hand puppets, long rubber objects, and love sonnets
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to yourself.
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* Dressing in brown, fuzzy robes and loafers, and invoking the Gods
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in a hoarse, bugling voice as rarely as possible, from a
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horizontal postion.
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So let us all honor the old ways on this day of holy days:
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with minimal exertion, go forth and M00SE 0UT!"
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Well?
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Frank.
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<< Let it be known that the date of the MegaThr0ng-a-Th0n (to be held, you
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remember, as soon as possible after we get our one-hundredth chapter)
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will, from that day forward, be known as M00semas. >>
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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***************************** FICTION AND POETRY *******************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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*************************** MISCELLANEOUS NONSENSE *****************************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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<< Spaceman Biff was busy this past week. Here are a couple more of his
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submissions. The first is about mollusks, which begins with the same
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letter as 'm00se'. >>
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Bl00p!
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Howdy illuminati? All is in disarray here, and therefore, hunky
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dory. I thought I might share with y'all (I'm from the South, dammit!
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Well, Long Island is in the southern portion of New York State, is it
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not? Doesn't that count?) a bit of forensic m00siness that Herr Trelf
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and I have been wrestling with, in hopes of solving some of life's
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mysteries involving the briny deep. In response to an invite to a pahty
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near hallowed evening, I made mention that oysters are a disreputable
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lot, living only to be eaten alive and growing gallstones to be hung
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about the necks of hair girls. The reply was swift and incisive, and gave
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birth to The Trelf Letters, below:
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
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Biffer,
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Greetings! Knew you wouldn't be able to attend the party, but
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didn't want you to feel left out, so I sent ya' an invite. AS for
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druids, I was called a peddler ofcheap silks this weekend by one druid
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in particular!!! All because I helped you with your Latin grammar! So
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I guess we're both merchants now....and as for clams..
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I once had confab with a clam
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On the topic of green eggs and SPAM
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It was quite jolly, talking with Rollie
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Rollie the Multi-Valved Clam
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And in the moonlight, Rollie and I
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went hunting for chicks, keeping an eye
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out for clam-hunters, who with their devilish sticks
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would chase down the clams and cut off their-----
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<Sadly enough, the preceding broadcast was cut short
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when the broadcast booth was blown up by
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Clamnesty International, who cited the vulgar,
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violence-invoking as the cause for their pyrotechnic
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display. Their leader, Rev. Jerry Clamwell, had this
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to say about the incident:
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"Those bloody bastards had no right singing those
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lyrics against us clams! It's anti-clamitism!
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Why, how would THEY liked to be covered in tartar
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sauce and have US come up and bite their ---"
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[ They above statement was cut short when an unknown
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bit of plankton came up and whacked Rev. Clamwell
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over the head with a 20 lb. sack of compressed kelp.
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The Plankton stated that he wasn't really against
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clams or their causes, but had just woken up on the
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wrong side of the bed that morning. He then began
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to slaver and scream that Satan would purge the
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world of Blue Whales, and was carried of by
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several state and city officials. We now return
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you to our normaly scheduled program,
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Auntie Edna's Clam and Plankton Cooking Contest.]>
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And just why DID Julia Child spend so much time stuffing ducks? I
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think it was sexual frustration..maybe we should right to Dr.
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Ruth Westheimer...she'll answer stuff that Ann Landers* won't.
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Ciao for niao,
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See you Thurs. and Sun.,
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M00sepapa Wolfie
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* - For more on Ms Landers' lack of response to valid questions, see
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the accompanying letter, which was sent but not answered several
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months ago. --S.B.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
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Sept 27, 1988
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So! How's it going, Clamrade?
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Thanks for the response, but I think you missed something
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crucial in there somewhere. I believe I was talking (and rather kindly,
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mind you) about oysters, not those lowlife trollops; clams. Actually, I
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guess clams aren't so bad, they simply come from a broken home (seagulls
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will do that, you know); having been forced to leave their parents with
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nothing but the shells on their backs. The ones I really hate are the
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scallops. (oooh. That word gives me cold shivers down the spine when I
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even type it, much less say it.) These filthy little buggers are the
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most perverted swine of the deep. I'm not the only one who thinks so,
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either. Why do you think Shell Oil uses the shell of a scallop (oooh.)
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as their logo, huh? I'll tell you why: SEX SELLS!!!!!!!! Those miserable
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smut-brokers are appealing to man's baser instincts. (and lets face it,
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what red-blooded American male HASN'T felt sexually attracted to
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scallops (oooh.) at one time or another?) Notice, however, that they
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haven't the guts to admit it right out and call themselves the Scallop
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(oooh.) Oil Company. Oh, no. They'd rather abuse a harmless word like
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"shell" and then show a picture of one half the exoskeleton of a scallop
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(oooh.) and send our teenagers' hormones racing. Makes me sick. See you
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Thursday.
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If hot dogs are a symbol of all that is
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American, does that explain why George
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Bush is trying to be such a wienie?
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--Spaceman Biff!!!!!!!
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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Biffer,
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Greetings! I realize that you were talking about Oysters,
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but you know those mollusks...they all look alike...and I really
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wouldn't worry about scallops ruining the morals of todays youth...
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In the latest Reader's Digest poll, 90% of the youth polled said they
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didn't take scallops seriously, and believed they were only a passing
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fad, much like Morton Downey Jr. 7% said they believed that the
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scallops were being prostituted against their will, and these youth
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planned to write letters to Nancy Reagan about a "Scallops Say NO"
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campaign. 1.5% believed it was just a bum wrap, 1% believed
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the scallops were actually hippies re-mutated due to a latent effect
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in the drug LSD, which, after an incubation period of 10 to 15 years,
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would cause hippies from the Sixties to degenerate back to some form
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of oceanic life, and .5% actually Worshipped the Scallop, claiming
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"...the Scallop shall bring us back to the Holy. The Scallop shall
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bring us back to the pure. The Scallop shall heal the ills of the
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materialist world we live in. The Scallop is all-knowing. All
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Praise the Holy Scallop. Ooommm!" [At which point the youths, who
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called themselves The Holy Zionistic Scallop Movement, began doing
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their Sacred Scallop Dance, which included stripping half their clothes
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and hiding behind large cardboard cut-outs of the Shell logo.]
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So you see, there really isn't much to worry about scallops. they are
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basically harmless little shellfish which make a damn good meal. Now,
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if I were you, and since we are almost the same shape, it COULD happen,
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I'd worry about that etel symbol of innocence, the baby deer. Think
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about it...why would they just stand there and let themselves be run
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over..could they be some form of strange occult worshippers?
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food for thought from your M00sepapa,
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Frnak
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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So that's the extent of the discussion to this point. Any additions
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from interested illuminati would be muchly appreciated. Perhaps one day
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we can accomplish one of my greatest personal goals in life; the
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formation of a Pangalactic Mollusk Malignment Foundation. Unfortunately,
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this name does not land itself to any decent acronyms, as "PMMF" sounds
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suspiciously like the sound made by a m00se upon inhaling (gad!)
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DORITOBREATH VAPORS!!!!!. I would have liked to have come up with an
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organizational name that acronymizes (Aaagh! Beware the creeping
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verbformers!) to OOOH, but there just aren't enough "O" words around to
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do it.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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<< This is another Spaceman Biff submission. >>
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Oh yeah, about the Ann Landers thing. Youse guys might like the
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following letter, which she hadn't the guts to answer.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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S. Tickelrod
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Dept of Ch. E.
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Olin Hall, Cornell University
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Ithaca, New York
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14853
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June 8, 1988
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Ms. Ann Landers
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c/o The Chicago Tribune
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Chicago, Illinois
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Dear Ann,
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Not long ago you printed a letter from a bride-to-be who
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was concerned that the practice of throwing rice at weddings
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kills birds who eat the rice. (Presumably, it swells up in their
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bellies.) Well, yesterday I read an article from an ornithologist
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at Cornell University who says that rice is okay after all. I
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thought I'd share a few helpful hints for those who are still
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worried for the birds' safety: firstly, throw birdseed instead,
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or, if that's too expensive, cook the rice first. That way, it
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won't swell up anymore after it's eaten, and you can save money
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too, since you get three cups of cooked rice to throw from every
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cup of uncooked rice; a savings of 67%.
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I hope I've saved a few brides some worry.
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Keeping the Faith,
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--S. Tickelrod
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Ithaca, New York
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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<< This one I'm stealing from WEIRD-L@BROWNVM. It's too good not to share. >>
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Ben Johnson comes to heaven, but in order to be alowed to get inside,
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he must win a 100 m run against GOD.
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They both start very quickly, Johnson runs in the incredible time
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9.79 (without doping), but GOD runs in 7.03 ...
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Johnson says : Hey man, havent you doped in order to make it so
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quickly ?
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GOD says : Sure man, but this is not the first time ...
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How do you think I was able to create the whole
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world in only 6 days ?
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<< Could explain a few things, no? >>
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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*************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE ***************
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Due to the size of this issue, a m00se list update will follow the issue.
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