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27 KiB
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558 lines
27 KiB
Plaintext
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=====|_____|_____|__| |_____|_____| |__|=====
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==================================|__|=========================(gh/cia)=====
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jonas - issue twelve - october eighth, 1995
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jonas is produced roughly monthly by edicius. copyrighted by edicius,
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it may be freely redistributed as long as this copyright noticed is
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included within the file. oh; make sure you don't charge people for this,
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either, dummy.
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============================================================================
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well if you're friends with pee % then you're friends with me
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if you're down with pee % then you're down with me
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% the rentals (weezer side-project) % 'friends with pee'
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============================================================================
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-+ edicius' editorial +-
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-+ written by the funk-e master<bater>, edicius +-
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it's been awhile, howdy.
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welcome to jonas, issue 12. its been a long time since i've released
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an issue of jonas. reason for this being that i had this crazy notion that i
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might be able to convert jonas, the electronic issue, to a paper 'zine. hah.
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well, not quite. i'm gonna put that side project on hold for alittle bit. i'm
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doing good in school for once, i don't have too much money, and i actually
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have a life now. so, if/when jonas goes paper, it won't be until early '96 at
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the earliest.
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but edi! we want to see jonas in a different print matter!@
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"fuggoff."
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i also decided to change the format a bit. the whole coding bit was
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getting a bit out of hand. it was too much trouble to gather all of the work,
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and then code it all. bah. its easier to copy it all into one 'uge text
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file. :) in case you're wondering, the fact that the 'zine looks a tad bit
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like the way pEz monthly used to look, and sorta how dto looks now. well, it
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was and wasn't on purpose. i looked at a variety of 'zines out there, pulled
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the best characteristics out of them, and combined them into this. don't yell
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at me or anything because you think i ripped your 'zine, b0tch.
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what else is on the agenda? well. oh, the world head quarters.
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that pesky little thing. aneurysm, our former whq, went down. so, i
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scowered the area far and wide (well, not really, i only call 3 boards), and
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decided to give belial's board, avalon, the world head quarters position.
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wait a sec; belial? avalon? warez i hear that before?
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you probably heard of it if you ever read klunk. its belial's zine.
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pretty good one at that.
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give avalon a call, the number is at the end of the editorial. there
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is a jonas sub-menu located just off of the matrix. better yet, you can
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always make an account on there. (good board. a helluva lot of text files
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(i should know, i uploaded them all :).. ), 300-2400 baud _only_, with 5
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disk drives on-line, running waffle.)
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so, now that's cleared up. i don't believe there is anything else
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noteworthy, as far as jonas goes. i believe this new 'era' of jonas should
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be pretty good, in my opinion. the looks of this issue, so be it small, it
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should be good. (hey, i actually wrote alot of stuff this issue. isn't
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that a shocker? :> )
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in case you are wondering, jonas 13 should be out about the 13th of
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november. don't bug me for it until then. (13 on the 13th? eerie. thats
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a julbilee.)
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time to go. see you later, 'net dweebs.
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elyte edi.
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[------]
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jonas can be reached via the following methods:
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electronic mail - belial@raven.cybercomm.net
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bulletin board system - whq; avalon, (908) 739/4274
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-+ create a new account or use the guest account;
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-+ name: jonas / pw: guest (log on via the matrix jonas option)
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voice mail system - (800) 314/8885, box - 585
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web page - coming soon, probably.
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============================================================================
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-+ "we the jury, find the defendant orethal james simpson.." +-
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-+ written by edicius +-
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know what? i don't know about you, but i'm pretty much sick of the
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whole oj trial. thank god its over.
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the trial can be called a slap on the judicial system of america. it
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can be used to show how bad our country is right now; but it doesn't matter.
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our judicial system has been made fun of numerous times in the past, and
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this won't be the last case of it. we've weathered it this far, we'll
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weather it again.
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anyhoot, back to my original point;
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you get a high profile case -- william kennedy smith, mike tyson, the
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menedez brothers, hell, even the lindbergh case back in the 30's -- and the
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media has a field day. why? because the person that has been put up on a
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pedistal, with people just waiting for them to fall down. the minute they
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fall down, the police, prosecution, and news media are all there.
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we create the idols. we create their enviroment. then, we wonder why
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they fall. we wonder why they did what they did; be it rape, murder, or
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anything else. after the celebrity gets convicted, or aquitted, only then do
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people say how bad our country is, how bad the judicial system is, and that
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we need to reform. the key thing is; our country has been in a pile of shit
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for a long time now, but no one realizes that fact. the media doesn't cover
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very many trials like they did with the oj simpson trial.
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"quick! where are those damn menedez kids?" -- cnn
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====================================================
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speaking of the news media. i feel bad for the television stations,
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in a way. cnn totally rearranged their daily scheduale to air the trial in
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its entirety. granted, cnn gained alot of ratings because of the trial, but
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now what? most tv-news stations have 'expert legal analysists', specifically
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for the trial. i turn on espn, of all stations, and see that they even have
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a legal expert. (granted; i know oj is a big sports star, and that espn
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should have covered it like they did, but a espn trial analyst? not
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something i'd be proud of on my resume.)
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we live in a society where all we like to see is other people's
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misery. if i was judge lance ito, i would have never even let the cameras in
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the courtroom in the first place. thats what killed the whole trial. for
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christ's sake, that was a trial that could decide the future for oj simpson.
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had he been found guilty, he would be in prison. we, as a country, went too
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far in the whole thing.
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t-shirts, bumperstickers, songs, courtroom tv analysts -- everything
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was imaginable with this trial. it just went too damn far. we never should
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have let the cameras in, in the first place.
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just to show you how big this trial actually was, here's an example.
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in my school, we have a cable system, in which we have a small news show in
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the morning with the daily announcments, instead of reading them over the pa
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system. (before that comes on; we also air "channel one", a news program
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specifically for schools. some of you reading this may be familar with it.)
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anyway;
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at one o'clock, when the verdict was to be read, the school thought
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it would appease the students, and play a radio broadcast of the trial via
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the television system. the period which i would be in at one o'clock,
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happened to be history. i had a big test that period, which i was quite
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anxious to get at.
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at the beginning of class, my teacher says that he won't be turning
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on the tv because of the test. kids respond with the usual jeers to him,
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saying stuff like, "but c'mon! we have to watch it! this is history in the
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making, man!" i was fine with it, i personally didn't really care to listen
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to the verdict. i would be content with finding out the verdict fifteen
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minutes later, after i take my test.
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but no, the kids keep yelling, "we want to see the verdict!" i was
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real pissed off, their yelling and childish bickering, was taking away the
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precious time that i needed to take my test. to top it all off, one kid in
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my class says, "we need to watch the trial. i have $250 riding on the
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descion!"
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wait a sec; so lemme get this straight. you're betting, whether or
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not a normal, innocent human being, is guilty of murdering two people?
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you're betting on wheter he will be going to jail for the rest of his life,
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or not? that's insane. i'm sure you also hang around the county courthouse
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betting on the drunk driver sentences, too. asshole.
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thats one thing that pissed me off the most.
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anyway, bickering ends, i take my test, the teacher caves in and puts
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the tv on for a few minutes, and lets us hear the verdict. i almost don't
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finish because of all their bickering after the verdict is announced.
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fucking assholes don't let me concentrate.
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the oj trial was a mockery, yes; the oj trial taught us a lesson, yes
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and no. it did show us how bad our judicial system can be, it also showed us
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how bad the media can be, but did we learn from that? nope. next big name
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trial, let's see if we don't do to them, what we did with oj.
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[------]
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oh; in case you wonder, did oj _really_ do it? nope. i don't think
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so. fred goldman did it, i'm sure.
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============================================================================
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-+ nato and the serbs +-
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-+ written by superdave +-
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this one is a wee bit out of date. i originally got it sometime in
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early september, but its written really well, i just can't let it go to
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waste. thanks to superdave for an excellent article.
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[------]
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if you haven't been living in a cave, or the ansi scene for the past
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year or so, you'd know about the contraversy over in europe. if you have
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been living in a show, here's a little summary of the current events. just
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behind the boot of italy there is a country called bosnia. it's capital,
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sarajevo, was attacked and conqured by rebel serb forces -- about a year
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or two ago. as usual the united nations stepped in to help the people of
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bosnia (this is, of course, after the killings and the famine had come to
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the eyes of the world). as pictures of injured and decapatated people came
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into the news and everyday paper, people were outraged. of course the french
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had to strike off thier jobs, and the united states had to insist of
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helping.
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until about three weeks ago, the entire un involvement in bosnia was
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a peaceful effort to supply bosnian citizens with food, water, aid and
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shelter. there had been a few isolated incidents where rebel serbs had
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attacked, and blocked access to un trucks and personal. since the early
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pictures and stories that we have recieved from bosnia, there have been
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countless shellings of the capitol, sarajevo. the most recient
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attact/shelling was an open air market in down town sarajevo. this barbaric
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and random act of violence forced the united nations to launch what the
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world has pleaded for since the begining. nato air strikes. the command was
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sent down to protect the people of bosnia, protect the un safe zones, and to
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send a message that the rest of the world is not a paper tiger (in other
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words, empty threats -- like the united states prior to wwii). the strikes
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were also to a certian form of "punnishment" as a united nations rep told
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reporters, for the shelling of sarajevo.
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royal air force harrier fighters left their base in gioia del colle,
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italy, and abord the uss roseavelt around the 1st. thier mission was to
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take out key serb military buildings, and supply houses (much like the
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bombings of baghdad). many targets such as ammunition supply houses,
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surface to air missle sites, and "heavy artillery" were destroyed in the
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first string of attacks. the attacks were declaired as a victory, but for
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who? the citizens of bosnia? the united nations? the world's concie(sp)?
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unfortanuately, like life, something went wrong. a french fighter
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was shot down by a shoulder launched, heat seaking missile. i read an
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article saying that a farmer with an old natzi pistol witnessed the plane
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crash, and captured the french pilot. as his story goes, 5 minutes later an
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armored jeep belonging to the serb army came down in search of the downed
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pilots. the farmer handed them over, and hasn't heard anything since. the
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rebel serbs have not disclosed their knowledge about the two missing pilots,
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but the have encriminating remarks, sticking the united nation's with a
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tough decision (and of course, the french outraged :).
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the un set a deadline for the troops and heavy equipment covering the
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perimiter of sarajevo's "safe zone" to move. on the 5th of september, that
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deadline had expired, and the air strikes were renewed. the losses to the
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rebel serbs was aparently too great, so they moved some of their 300
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artillery pieces, tanks and other heavy weapons more than 12<31> miles outside
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of sarajevo. what they moved was far short of all their heavy artillery.
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this was considered noncompliance, so their punnishment was more airstrikes.
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in reply to this, a bosnian serb general military commander said, "no one,
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not even myself has the right to order the withdrawal. this is... not in the
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jurisdiction of generals." needless to say, they're pissed.
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this is where we are. this situation resembles much of the battle<s>
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over palstien, where the serbs are the arabs returning to their holy land.
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is history doomed to repeat it's self here? will the united nations decide
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it's their buissness to deploy ground troops, and wipe out the rebel serbs?
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what does the ec doing to help? what will become of this lavish area just
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inside of europe?
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that's enough intelectual stimulation for today. :)
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============================================================================
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-+ hey adults!@ +-
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-+ from edi's log file +-
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jesus, i'm just going log file happy today:
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<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ
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<20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
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<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ĵ <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>Ŀ
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<20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
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<20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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STOP BY AND SAY HELLO TO LINDA OUR NEW CO-SYSOP
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SHE IS HOSTING OUR TALK DIRTY TO ME CONFERENCE #69
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PLEASE MAKE HER FEEL AT HOME. SHE IS FAIRLY NEW TO THE AREA,
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AS WELL AS BBSING. I THINK YOU WILL FIND HER STORIES HOT!!!!
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<20><>Ŀ <20><>Ŀ <20><><EFBFBD> <20><>Ŀ <20> <20> <20>
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<20><> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20><>Ĵ <20>
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<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> o
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============================================================================
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-+ warez the paper jonas edi? +-
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-+ answered by edicius +-
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well. i'm putting off releasing jonas as a paper 'zine for alittle
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bit, probably untill early '96. 'why?' you ask, read on silly wanker honky
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boy.
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the reason is simple. for once, in a few years, i am getting good
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grades in school. i'm actually working hard, joining clubs and stuff, and
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studying. i've got more 95's and 100's in the first 3 weeks of school, then
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i got all of last year. with all of the clubs i'm doing, too, my weekday
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scheduale is pretty packed. any 3 days a week i'm staying after school for
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various stuff. i'm actually partcipating in school activities.
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another reason, you want? well, i also have a lack of funds. in
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december i turn 16. then, i will get a job, earn some money, and have
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enough financial backing to get the neccasary stuff for the 'zine, and i
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will also be settled into enough of a routine at school, that i can work on
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jonas more.
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see, silly? answer your question?
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============================================================================
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-+ celebrity stalking for fame and fortune +-
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-+ written by edicius +-
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so, you wanna be a stalker? you can stalk anyone, but you won't get
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the real fame until you stalk the celebrities. no one cares if you stalk
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your 16 year old ex-girlfriend. nope-nope. you need to stalker someone
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famous. celebrity stalkers get all the chicks. here's a simple step by step
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guide to celebrity stalking:
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o. step one: find you victim. don't pick someone at random, you need a
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reason to pick this person. pick someone in power, someone that can
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easily influence other people, if need be. musicians and people in
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government are both real good places to start.
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you can either pick someone you really like or someone you really hate.
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it doesn't matter, stalkers pick both. just remember; pick someone big,
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someone powerful.
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o. send them mail. lots of it. in the electronic age, this is easier then
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ever, with more people having email addresses. send them lots of it.
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get a script, and send them hundreds of pieces of mail an hour. if you
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can, time it so they won't find out about it for a few days, that way
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they have alot of mail to delete. if they're on compuserve, they have to
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pay for all the mail they recieve after a set amount. haha. paying for
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their own harassment.
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if you're going to send regular mail, write lots of it. make photocopies
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of really gross and disgusting pictures. send them so much mail. you
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will have to pay for postage, but so what? its in the name of being a
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stalker, its all worth it.
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now: here's some addresses to help you out:
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courtney love trent reznor
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171 lake washington blvd east 10050 cielo drive
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seattle, wa 98112 los angeles, ca
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70277.2502@compuserve.com rush limbaugh
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71511.460@compuserve.com ross perot
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73136.3232@compuserve.com roger ebert (the fat one)
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76326.126@compuserve.com pat buchanan
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mmbstn@aol.com mighty mighty bosstones
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Bosstone10@aol.com dickey barret (mmb)
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gregg@badreligion.com bad religion (not sure about this one)
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Weezer999@aol.com weezer!@(
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LesClPool@aol.com Les Claypool (Primus)
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Lerlelonde@aol.com Ler, the bastard (Primus)
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billg@microsoft.com billy g money gates
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(i got these from a variety of sources. thanks to them all :>)
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o. now, find out where they live. in some cases, this is easier then
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others. if you live in new york city, you're in the vincinity of
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mega-stars. just go and walk around, you're bound to see some, then
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follow them home. easy, eh? (i know where madonna lives, ner ner.)
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if you live in kentucky, well, you're out of luck. no one really stalks
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country music stars. :> but don't give up! think airline tickets,
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train tickets, station wagon road trip!
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now, you go to their house, and repetedly, three to eight times a week,
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break into their house. if they're not there, steal their stuff. you
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can make quite a hefty profit hauking their stuff on the corner to
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whinos. steal undergarments, there alot of perverse people out there that
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are always looking for them, thus, a bigger profit. make a mess, piss on
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the way, make sure they know you were there, and make sure they know that
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its the same person breaking in to their house time after time.
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if they are home, well, go to the next step.
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o. kill them. yes, thats right, kill them. but not before torturing and
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raping them beforehand. make them do weird things; for the musician,
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have them release a cd in your honor. have all the procedes from the cd
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go to you, and you only. no money-grubing managers here, eh-yup.
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make sure you kidnap them first tho, and make sure you leave alot of
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ransom notes, each pointing in a different direction, as far as clues go.
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make demands for awkward things. in the first note, you demand that all
|
||
south amazonian river monkies be freed from oppression. second note,
|
||
demand a monkey fur hat. let you mind flow on this one.
|
||
|
||
make sure the method in which you kill them in really bizarre. shot
|
||
them. not with a gun, fire shoulder-propelled rockets at them. make a
|
||
big X in their stomach, and aim for that. odds are, no matter where you
|
||
hit them, there won't be much left over.
|
||
|
||
after you kill them, dice them up in 'bite-sized' bits, and hauk them to
|
||
whinos on the corner. if bras and underware fetch a good bit of lettuce,
|
||
then imagine what the _actual celebrity_ will get. good, eh?
|
||
|
||
[------]
|
||
|
||
if you followed these steps, you're guarenteed fame from the media
|
||
(like they would let something like this slip by), fortune after you write
|
||
your book and after you sell the movie rights, and a very promising life
|
||
behind bars.
|
||
|
||
===========================================================================
|
||
|
||
-+ aRE eWE a pUNX? +-
|
||
-+ from the capture files of edicius +-
|
||
|
||
green day has a new album, insomnia, coming out. eeck. more stuff
|
||
for those big time radio stations to play. (that song, _geek stink breath_,
|
||
or whatever, sounds alot like everything on dookie -- sucky.)
|
||
|
||
speaking of green day, i found this one on a local mbbs board.
|
||
|
||
Ok, here's the info for Green Day...
|
||
|
||
Real Name: Tre Cool Sex: M Age: 18
|
||
Aliases: Billie Joe, Mike
|
||
City/State: nj
|
||
Voice Phone#: unlisted
|
||
Physical Description: earings, chains, green hair(dyed), your average punk
|
||
Comp. Phone#: unlisted Online Service: none
|
||
Favorite Movie: american graffiti Favorite TV Show: mtv
|
||
Favorite Music: punk rock Instrument Played: drums, guitar
|
||
Favorite Foods: green eggs
|
||
Favorite Sport: moshing
|
||
Other Hobbies/Interests: playing the drums, fiddlin on the ol guitar
|
||
General Info: kicking ass on the drums like tre
|
||
green day rules
|
||
Summary: im a punk, are you
|
||
|
||
ahahahaahah. my insides are hurting.
|
||
|
||
============================================================================
|
||
|
||
-+ edi's tdd calls +-
|
||
|
||
there's a service, its supposed to be used by the deaf. its the tdd
|
||
relay service. the normal user of it calls it via a special fone with a
|
||
keypad, and a screen, and thats how they place the call. funny thing is,
|
||
with a modem initialized down to 1200, you, yes YOU, can call this service
|
||
and make many calls with it.
|
||
|
||
by law; whatever you say, the operator must say to the party at the
|
||
other end; no matter how vulgur or repulsive it is. i've done some pretty
|
||
interesting stuff with it. whatever the operator says back to you, is what
|
||
the other party says to you, and boy, they can be fun. oh, a bunch of
|
||
times, you won't get charged for the phone calls. you call an 800#, and all
|
||
of the states have a different #. when i've called places long distance, via
|
||
new jersey's (my states) #, i get billed; when i've dialed numbers in
|
||
michagan or oregon, i don't get billed. shrug.
|
||
|
||
anyway, here's a little transcript from a few pranks that i was
|
||
doing, all in one call to the operator, and she didn't mind. just a few
|
||
sidenotes:
|
||
|
||
ga: go ahead, you use that after you finish what you're saying.
|
||
sksk: good bye.
|
||
q: question mark; most tdd fones don't have a ? key.
|
||
|
||
(also, i got the idea of using the tdd fones, and this prank call,
|
||
from the 'zine, phone losers of america. thanks rbcp. :> )
|
||
|
||
|
||
oper: ca 1043 (f), another call q
|
||
|
||
edi: ga surely, pls call 291 7474. thanks. ga.
|
||
|
||
oper: sure thank you... dialing... RINGING 1... (answered) Mcdonalds (f) .
|
||
|
||
edi: ga hello. i'd like to order some mcfood for mcdelivery. ga.
|
||
|
||
oper: yes ..ga..
|
||
|
||
edi: you still mcdeliver right qq ga.
|
||
|
||
(click)(silence) (hungup) (hung up)
|
||
|
||
oper: ca 1043 (f), another call q ga
|
||
|
||
edi: just hold on moment. i'm sorry about that ma'am, i just want to say,
|
||
you're the most chipper operator i've had so far. ga.
|
||
|
||
oper: thank you is there another call for you q ga
|
||
|
||
edi: ok, pls dial 671 0925. ga.
|
||
|
||
oper: thank you... dialing... RINGING 1... (answered)Middletown
|
||
Mcdonalds..(m) ga
|
||
|
||
edi: hello sir. i'd like to mcorder some mcfood for mcdelivery. i have your
|
||
mcad right here and it says perfectly in black and mcwhite that you deliver.
|
||
ga.
|
||
|
||
oper: ..we are closed.. thats it! we are not open right now and we don't
|
||
deliver okay! thank you sksk (hung up) ca 1043 (f), another call q ga
|
||
|
||
edi: geez, these mcdonalds people really dont like us very well. sigh, it was
|
||
gonna be funny too. :P thanks ma'am, thats all. ga.
|
||
|
||
oper: sure you are welcome goodnight sksk thank you for using rc, bye sksk
|
||
|
||
see? see how fun that was? i got those mcdonalds people piss off at
|
||
me. h0h0. what? you don't like it? ok, i admit, that was semi-lame. but
|
||
hey, i got a chuckle out of doing it. :) not to mention, that operator was
|
||
pretty cool.
|
||
|
||
============================================================================
|
||
|
||
|
||
-+ ta ta, farewell my sweetheart +-
|
||
|
||
thats it, its over, get out of here, get out, get out, get out.
|
||
|
||
next issue will be better, i promise. i'm not saying that this issue
|
||
wasn't good, but it will be better, trust me. give me your feedback on it
|
||
and stuff, and i'll talk to you later, fucknut.
|
||
|
||
remember, new smashing pumpkins album will be out october 24th.
|
||
yee-haw.
|
||
|
||
============================================================================
|
||
|
||
jonas e'zine issue twelve
|
||
all mail regarding jonas shall be sent to belial@raven.cybercomm.net
|
||
thanks to all my friends who've helped me out, i love you all.
|
||
get the latest jonas and text files at avalon, (908) 739/4274.
|
||
|
||
"jonas -- its more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle."
|
||
|
||
============================================================================
|
||
|
||
|