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1682 lines
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--
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** *******
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* * * *
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* *
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* ** * ******* ***** **** * ***** ** ** *******
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* ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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* * * * * * * * * * * * *
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* * * * * * * * * * * *
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* * * * * *** **** * *** * *
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* * ** * * * * * * * * *
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* * * * * * * * * * * *
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* * * * **** * * * **** * * *
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==========================================
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InterText Vol. 1, No. 2 / July-August 1991
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==========================================
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Contents
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FirstText ........................................Jason Snell
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Short Fiction
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Dragon Financing_...........................Kenneth A. Kousen_
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Regression_.......................................Dave Savlin_
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The American Dream_............................Robert Hurvitz_
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The Ambiguity Factor_............................Pete Reppert_
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Haircuts $20_.....................................Jason Snell_
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New Orleans Wins the War_.........................Greg Knauss_
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The Explosion That Killed Ben Lippencott_.........Greg Knauss_
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....................................................................
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Editor Assistant Editor
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Jason Snell Geoff Duncan
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jsnell@etext.org gaduncan@halcyon.com
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....................................................................
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Send subscription requests, story submissions, and
|
||
correspondence to intertext@etext.org
|
||
....................................................................
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InterText Vol. 1, No. 2. InterText (ISSN 1071-7676) is published
|
||
electronically on a bi-monthly basis. Reproduction of this
|
||
magazine is permitted as long as the magazine is not sold
|
||
(either by itself or as part of a collection) and the entire
|
||
text of the issue remains intact. Copyright 1991, 1994 Jason
|
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Snell. Individual stories Copyright 1991 by their original
|
||
authors.
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....................................................................
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FirstText by Jason Snell
|
||
===========================
|
||
|
||
Do you remember the television series The Incredible Hulk,
|
||
starring Bruce Bixby as David Banner --<2D>a man cursed with
|
||
becoming a monster whenever his pulse (or was it his blood
|
||
pressure?) reached a certain height?
|
||
|
||
"Don't make me angry," Bixby's character would say. "You
|
||
wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
|
||
|
||
I'm not the pushover I appear to be, he was saying. I'm not like
|
||
anything you've seen before. So watch out.
|
||
|
||
InterText isn't like any magazine you've read before. I'm not
|
||
bragging by any means -- in fact, I'm not talking about the
|
||
quality of InterText at all. I'm talking about the fact that,
|
||
unlike professionally edited and distributed magazines, this is
|
||
one magazine that relies on all of you.
|
||
|
||
You see, all of you don't just make up the reader base of
|
||
InterText -- you're also the writers, editors, publishers,
|
||
advertisers, corporate executives -- just about everything.
|
||
|
||
So what the hell is this guy talking about?, you're asking
|
||
yourself.
|
||
|
||
One of the problems with a magazine like InterText (and its
|
||
predecessor, Athene) is that it is absolutely dependent on the
|
||
efforts of those who submit stories to it and those who put it
|
||
together. What this means is that, with InterText, the work of
|
||
about six people is read by over a thousand.
|
||
|
||
Distributing a magazine via computer network is a new idea, one
|
||
that's only been around for a handful of years. But for all the
|
||
applause we give to this new mode of communication, the fact is
|
||
that it all still boils down to a small group of authors sending
|
||
editors stuff now and again. I edit this magazine, Dan
|
||
Appelquist edits Quanta. My stories appear there. His appear
|
||
here. Phil Nolte appears both places. The snake eats its own
|
||
tail.
|
||
|
||
And everybody else is left on the outside. The names blur -- if
|
||
they pay attention to the names at all.
|
||
|
||
Last issue, I mentioned the potential of computer networks to
|
||
assist in communication. It was a positive picture, an
|
||
optimistic (a rarity for me, I can assure you) view that these
|
||
networks can create a "global village."
|
||
|
||
That's what they said about television, too. It didn't happen.
|
||
Instead, television fulfilled another, less honorable, aspect of
|
||
its potential.
|
||
|
||
The other potential of a medium such as this is that it degrades
|
||
into just another clique -- you've got the haves and have nots,
|
||
the writers/editors, and the readers. And then we're no
|
||
different from any professional magazine, at least in the
|
||
barriers that we've erected between readers and writers.
|
||
|
||
This magazine is not just for me -- I do this in my "spare time"
|
||
(whatever that is; now that it's summer, I've got a little more
|
||
breathing room), and I'm certainly not getting paid for it. But
|
||
I like being an editor, I like publishing, and I saw a need for
|
||
something to fill Athene's space.
|
||
|
||
But I can't do it alone, and neither can the other names you see
|
||
on issues of InterText, Quanta, and such publications.
|
||
|
||
If you have something you'd like to have over a thousand people
|
||
read, submit it to us. I don't want netnews-style posts here,
|
||
but if you write something in magazine style, I'd love to run
|
||
it.
|
||
|
||
If you've written a story, submit it. Take an old one, dust it
|
||
off, re-work it to your satisfaction, and send it in.
|
||
Non-fiction stuff, personal narratives, anything about computer
|
||
fiction, or about computer networks.
|
||
|
||
This is a plea for submissions, true, but it's more than that.
|
||
It's also my way of telling you that this is not just my
|
||
magazine, it's your magazine. In newspapers, readers' comments
|
||
are left to one section: the letters to the editor. Here, the
|
||
whole thing is open to you. I encourage you to take advantage of
|
||
it.
|
||
|
||
I think I'll stop here, if for no other reason than to slow down
|
||
my quickly-beating editor's heart. >Calm yourself, Jason old
|
||
boy, calm yourself. Don't make the readers angry -- you wouldn't
|
||
like them when they're angry.<
|
||
|
||
This magazine isn't like other magazines. And you aren't like
|
||
other readers.
|
||
|
||
And on that note, I wish you all well. See you next time.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Dragon Financing by Kenneth A. Kousen
|
||
========================================
|
||
|
||
The day dawned bright and clear as King Teradoc and I rode off
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||
with our honor guard to challenge Pfotor the Dragon. It was the
|
||
first fresh day of spring after a frustratingly long winter, and
|
||
I was eager for the hunt.
|
||
|
||
The winter had been spent pouring over scholarly texts written
|
||
by ancient masters, and learning from my tutor. Old and stodgy,
|
||
he forced me to spend more time than I would have liked learning
|
||
and reciting. Still, however interminably, the winter had passed
|
||
and I was free again. The Chancellor informed me that the King
|
||
wished me to accompany him on his quest to suppress Pfotor, and
|
||
I eagerly accepted the challenge.
|
||
|
||
Adventure filled the air. I took out my sword and watched the
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||
sun glint from its blade.
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||
|
||
"Prince Dorn," my father said, surprising me from my reverie,
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||
"are you so eager to fight a dragon? Pfotor is a wild beast, and
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||
a worthy foe."
|
||
|
||
"Of course, father," I mumbled, abashed. I noticed a twinkle in
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||
his eyes, though, which belied his stern words. He too must have
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||
been feeling the sweetness of our quest.
|
||
|
||
As we neared the town, signs of Pfotor's attacks became evident.
|
||
Instead of containing fresh plantings, the lands around the town
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||
were blackened and deserted. We rode past the charred frames of
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||
several farmhouses, but saw no one. At length, we reached a fork
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||
in the road. To the right lay the town, to the left lay the
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||
route to Pfotor.
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||
|
||
"Go to the town and secure lodging for us there," my father said
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||
to the guards, dismissing them. "Prince Dorn and I will go
|
||
confront Pfotor."
|
||
|
||
I gulped. "Alone?" I asked.
|
||
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||
"Yes, my son. Against a dragon, a few guards will not make any
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||
difference." He led his horse to the left.
|
||
|
||
Mystified, I followed. I felt excitement and fear in equal
|
||
proportions. To face Pfotor alone, virtually unarmed, seemed the
|
||
height of folly, yet also the pinnacle of bravery.
|
||
|
||
Eventually we reached the black mouth of an enormous cave at the
|
||
base of Mt. Fire. Without a word, my father dismounted, lit
|
||
torches for us, and led the way inside. I followed warily.
|
||
|
||
The torches provided a dim illumination as we proceeded. The
|
||
stench of dragon was overpowering, and grew worse as we neared
|
||
Pfotor. My eyes began to water, making it difficult to see.
|
||
|
||
At the end of the passage was an immense cavern filled with
|
||
jewels of every type and description, piled in heaps. To one
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||
side golden items were strewn haphazardly. I could identify
|
||
lyres, goblets, various coins, and scepters of different
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||
lengths. These objects surrounded an old, golden throne. In the
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||
distance, the cavern vanished into blackness, from whence came a
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||
great rumbling.
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||
|
||
"Who dares enter the domain of Pfotor the Invincible?" boomed a
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||
powerful voice.
|
||
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||
I am forced to admit that I immediately froze. My father,
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||
however, did not. In a loud voice of his own, he replied, "It is
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||
I, King Teradoc, ruler of all the peoples of Bailia. I command
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||
you to approach and be recognized."
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||
|
||
A low roar filled the cavern in response, and the terrifying
|
||
green bulk of Pfotor entered the light. He moved to the center
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||
of the treasure, extended his wings, and belched fire upward
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||
toward the roof of the cave.
|
||
|
||
"No one commands the mighty Pfotor!" he bellowed. "Do you dare
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||
to challenge me?"
|
||
|
||
"No, I do not," my father replied, his voice returning to its
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||
customary low volume. "I have come to talk."
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||
|
||
The laughter of the dragon filled the cavern. "Talk? The great
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||
Pfotor has no need for talk. His strength speaks for itself."
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||
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||
My father did not reply, and a silenced stretched on as he and
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||
the dragon studied each other. The king looked strangely calm,
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||
as though he were in no danger. Pfotor seemed puzzled by this.
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||
I, on the other hand, was still staring wide-eyed at the dragon.
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||
His long, scaly tail swayed back and forth, knocking treasures
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||
to each side. At long last, he settled his huge mass onto the
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||
ground and broke the silence.
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||
|
||
"Pfotor has no need for talk," he said, "but he is curious. Why
|
||
have you come here to disturb him? Speak."
|
||
|
||
"Pfotor," the King said, "there has been peace between humans
|
||
and dragons for generations. Why do you choose to break it now?"
|
||
|
||
"I did not break it!" Pfotor roared. "You foolish humans did!
|
||
You breed like rabbits and move into our lands! Three hundred
|
||
years ago, your puny kingdom did not even exist, yet now you are
|
||
everywhere." The dragon shook his head. "At first we welcomed
|
||
you and the treasures you brought, but now there are too many of
|
||
you, and too few treasures."
|
||
|
||
The King ran his eyes around the cavern. "If this is too few
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||
treasures for you, you are going to be sorely disappointed with
|
||
Bailia."
|
||
|
||
"Then you will have to get more," Pfotor demanded. "Bring them
|
||
from other lands, or I will destroy you! I must have more!"
|
||
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||
The King moved to the throne, brushed away the valuables
|
||
covering it, and sat down. To my astonishment, he winked at me.
|
||
|
||
"Pfotor, old boy," he said, "there may be a way out of our
|
||
dilemma." He paused as Pfotor snorted, then continued. "Have you
|
||
ever considered letting some of your wealth work for you?"
|
||
|
||
Pfotor raised his eyebrows, which on a dragon is quite an
|
||
impressive sight. "Work for me?" he asked.
|
||
|
||
"Yes. Look, you've got an enormous amount of money sitting
|
||
around here doing nothing. You are also surrounded by ambitious,
|
||
hard-working people who lack the funds to begin any of the
|
||
building they'd love to do. I'll tell you what. We'll help you
|
||
exchange some of your valuables for coinage, which you can lend
|
||
to the people for their own uses. They then will pay back their
|
||
loans with interest."
|
||
|
||
My father's enthusiasm was infectious, and I could see Pfotor
|
||
considering the plan. My father continued. "By pumping money
|
||
into the local economy, everybody wins. The townspeople get the
|
||
capital they need in order to improve their standard of living,
|
||
and your wealth will increase as they repay their loans."
|
||
|
||
"And you," Pfotor said, "get a thriving kingdom with peaceful
|
||
borders. But suppose some of your subjects refuse to pay?"
|
||
|
||
The King gave him a dour look. "It would be a brave man who
|
||
would default on a loan to a dragon. Besides, we would set up a
|
||
group to handle such problems ourselves, wouldn't we, my son?"
|
||
|
||
The last was directed at me, and I almost jumped. "Yes, sire," I
|
||
said. Suddenly I realized that my hours spent studying this
|
||
winter had been neither by accident nor in vain. My father was
|
||
giving me a chance to take part in a great expansion of his
|
||
kingdom. "I would be honored to help organize such a project."
|
||
|
||
He smiled at me. "There you have it, Pfotor. The royal seal of
|
||
approval. Prince Dorn will act as a liaison between you and the
|
||
local populace, and will help set up the guilds necessary to
|
||
acquire, use, and repay the money. What do you say?"
|
||
|
||
Pfotor leaned back on his haunches, folded his wings, and cocked
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||
his head thoughtfully in a manner I would soon come to know
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||
well.
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||
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"I agree," he said.
|
||
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||
The next several years passed quickly. I sold the idea to the
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||
town and collected applications for loans. These went to Pfotor,
|
||
who selected the necessary valuables which were then exchanged
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||
for currency at the hastily established Royal Mint. The funds
|
||
were then distributed to the people. New houses sprang into
|
||
being almost overnight. Schools, public meeting houses, and even
|
||
a great cathedral soon followed.
|
||
|
||
Pfotor turned out to be a pretty good fellow, once you got to
|
||
know him. Interestingly, he had the same opinion about humans.
|
||
He really hadn't wanted a conflict at all, but when we started
|
||
encroaching on his territory he became a laughing stock among
|
||
the other dragons. Now he was envied. When I discovered this, I
|
||
started communications aimed at establishing a series of Dragon
|
||
Banks throughout Bailia, each near a dragon hoard.
|
||
|
||
During one of my reports to my father in his private council
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||
chambers, I told him about the methods we were using.
|
||
|
||
"One of the beautiful things about the entire system," I said,
|
||
"is that we never have to spend anything on security. There's no
|
||
place in the world safer for all that gold than in a dragon's
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lair."
|
||
|
||
"Indeed, and not just for the gold," my father replied, the old
|
||
twinkle in his eye returning. "Can you think of a better
|
||
guardian for the heir to the throne?"
|
||
|
||
|
||
Regression by Dave Savlin
|
||
============================
|
||
|
||
Marc stepped out and pulled his towel off the hook. The vacant
|
||
spot in the four-stall shower room was immediately filled by
|
||
another disheveled boy, tired and sweaty with a few cuts healing
|
||
on his lithe body. Most of Marc's dormitory hall had just
|
||
returned from a great game of rugby, and the race to the showers
|
||
may as well have been a continuation of the game. Sterling and
|
||
Kris, two of Marc's closest friends, had slammed into each other
|
||
outside the door, giving Sterling a bloody nose and blacking
|
||
Kris's eye -- much to every one else's amusement.
|
||
|
||
"Hey! You should have pulled that head-knockin' move earlier,
|
||
Kris! You woulda taken that other butthead's nuts off!" was
|
||
yelled several times -- Kris had tripped and sent his head
|
||
between an opponent's legs. Half an inch higher ... well, enough
|
||
of that.
|
||
|
||
"Not _my_ fault he wasn't wearing a shield!" was the quick
|
||
retort. "He wasn't even using an old cup!"
|
||
|
||
This day and age, most college sports, a typical college
|
||
experience, are played with a small shield generator in the
|
||
waistband, which protected the abdominal area from injury, but
|
||
even in a University as upper class as the one Marc was in, a
|
||
few people could only afford plastic cups. More than one
|
||
occasion had seen a broken cup, however. This was not a nice
|
||
sight.
|
||
|
||
Marc was remembering this as he closed the door to his room, a
|
||
shoebox (but still a Single), and examined his cup. The crack
|
||
was still there, but it hadn't broken all the way across. He
|
||
disliked playing with it, but didn't have any cash credits to
|
||
spend to get a new one. He could use his loan cards, but the
|
||
interest rate was too high. "_Sigh._ Oh well. I'll just have to
|
||
keep getting lucky," he told himself.
|
||
|
||
|
||
"No, you're wrong! The integral of e to the minus j two pi f not
|
||
t is not negative. It's positive," said the TA, a slight man
|
||
with thin hair and faintly Polish looks. Not surprising,
|
||
considering his last name is Slawecky. "Besides, that's a moot
|
||
point. You are still not going to pass this exam by collecting
|
||
measly single points on signs. Now, if this were a borderline C
|
||
or B or something, I'd maybe give you a point for the hell of it
|
||
more than for correcting my grading, but there's no way in hell
|
||
that's going to happen now. Your score might as well be confused
|
||
with a golf score or something!"
|
||
|
||
Ouch. That hurt. This TA was a real asshole, telling me this in
|
||
front of the rest of my class. Like I need my academic status
|
||
announced as though it were another of those homework
|
||
assignments. Why am I an engineer? I can't be an engineer. I'm
|
||
not good enough to make the grades.
|
||
|
||
"Marc!" came the fierce whisper. Sterling pushed a note my way.
|
||
'I just got this great book on regression. I talked with someone
|
||
at home about it who does this type of stuff for a living, and
|
||
she said it's genuine. It's putting you in a trance' ... I know
|
||
that already, and nodded my head in Sterling's direction.
|
||
'Anyway, it's kinda simple, and I want to try it. Just on Kris,
|
||
but with you, Kenny and I to watch, we can take turns. Want to?'
|
||
|
||
This looked kind of fun. I'd heard about regressions, the way
|
||
people hear about some sort of new magic forces coming about
|
||
that science can't explain. I snorted (bringing a glare from
|
||
Slawgeeki the Tweaking Assistant) and wrote down 'Yeah right you
|
||
can perform that. Count me in...' (I seriously doubt he can do
|
||
it, but it'd be fun to toy around with anyway.)
|
||
|
||
'I gotta go to the sporting goods store and get a new cup or a
|
||
shield or something though before tomorrow's game, Okay?' was
|
||
the next thing written down. I passed it back and concentrated
|
||
on the bizarre formulas that were slowly transmuting themselves
|
||
across the blackboard. Why they haven't put in a glowboard in
|
||
here I have no idea; the dust from the blackboard makes me
|
||
sneeze, and you can't see the writing when the sun reflects off
|
||
the board.
|
||
|
||
|
||
I signed onto the computer and connected with the sporting
|
||
good's store terminal. It took awhile to set up the connection,
|
||
as I didn't have a nice machine like all the other rich pigs on
|
||
campus. Punching in "jock shield" produced a description and a
|
||
cost of 220 cash credits. I wouldn't be able to buy that one
|
||
textbook required for my antigrav fields course... well, I can
|
||
probably live off of Sterlings' book. I would be able to
|
||
appreciate a real shield more than I would
|
||
|
||
(. . . appreciate the water I need to stay healthy for the next
|
||
few days. Besides, I can ...)
|
||
|
||
Huh? Water? Why was I thinking of buying corn seeds for 220
|
||
dollars instead of water? ... I shook it off and punched in the
|
||
order for the shield.
|
||
|
||
"SCRKEEEK! SCRKEEEK!" jeezus but the phone system here is weird.
|
||
It has different rings depending on whether or not you are using
|
||
the Panasonic optical box for data. I picked it up. "Marc! Get
|
||
down here! We gotta do the regression! On the Double! <snick>" I
|
||
smiled. Sterling has this annoying habit of ordering people
|
||
around, but I find it funny. I'm the only person here who's met
|
||
his father, and his father was a general in the Province Wars.
|
||
He jokes around with his younger kids like that, and they laugh
|
||
-- well, so does his older son. On my way out the door I snagged
|
||
an ID card and my loan card (First National Loan Bank's own
|
||
MasterCard) and headed out, planning on stopping off at the
|
||
sports store at the bottom of the campus to pick my new toy up.
|
||
This toy would provide nearly
|
||
|
||
(two hundred ears of corn, from which from which I can harvest
|
||
kernels and sow even more)
|
||
|
||
...what? I stopped and looked around. At the other end of the
|
||
hall was someone chewing a camph, but that's it. Nobody around
|
||
me here trying to shake me up by whispering something over my
|
||
shoulder. Bad enough that I have to wear a hearing aid due to a
|
||
birth defect, almost unheard of in this day. Pun intended.
|
||
|
||
|
||
The door opened right when I was about to swing into it, and I
|
||
stepped on Kris. "There you are. Why don't you get yer ass in
|
||
here, already!"
|
||
|
||
"I gotta go down to get something from the store. I just bought
|
||
some corn."
|
||
|
||
"What?"
|
||
|
||
"I said, I gotta go pick up a jock shield. I just put the order
|
||
through over the computer."
|
||
|
||
"That's not what you said. You said you bought some corn," said
|
||
Kenny. The only oriental in the group, he was fairly heavyset
|
||
and quick. He never missed anything. I stared at him
|
||
suspiciously, wondering if he was somehow putting these corn
|
||
things in my head. I was getting confused and annoyed; and a bit
|
||
scared, although I wasn't about to show them that.
|
||
|
||
"Must be thinking of corn then, I had some for dinner. I meant a
|
||
shield." I saved myself. "Let's go. What's involved with
|
||
regression anyway? Who's going first?"
|
||
|
||
"I don't really want to go first. I would feel more comfortable
|
||
if someone else went first so I can see what happens," said
|
||
Kris. Carcernus Polapas, commonly known as Kris, an American
|
||
with an incredibly Greek set of parents (he was adopted) had a
|
||
kind of worried twist to his nervous, rugged face.
|
||
|
||
If it weren't for the fact that I'm a guy, I'd say he was
|
||
downright handsome. Funny how he never seems to get...
|
||
|
||
(. . . the girls seem to love him, aside from the fact that one
|
||
of the three females left is adding to the community's
|
||
population and longevity courtesy of Kris. . .)
|
||
|
||
...any girls, even with all the looks he gets from the rare girl
|
||
on campus.
|
||
|
||
What?
|
||
|
||
You know, these weird subliminal thoughts that keep popping up
|
||
are getting really annoying... agh, never mind.
|
||
|
||
"I'll go then. What the hell, the store is gonna be open for
|
||
another hour anyway." I decided to go ahead and be the guinea
|
||
pig.
|
||
|
||
"OK, Marc. Close your eyes. Wait, no, don't use the couch, use
|
||
the floor. Maybe if you move around when you're regressed you
|
||
won't fall off." I climbed down to the floor, thinly carpeted
|
||
with a burnt red carpet that was noticeably worn in front of the
|
||
threedy box in front of the room. There was a burnt-in
|
||
impression on the ceiling where somebody'd taken a huge
|
||
magnifying lens and focused the threedy's beam onto the ceiling.
|
||
|
||
"Close your eyes, and feel the muscles in your eyelids relax.
|
||
They seem to naturally gravitate closed. You're not even using
|
||
that section of your body. Now the midsection and arms. They are
|
||
slowly relaxing, the muscles turning into putty, letting your
|
||
arms slide to the ground. Now, the legs ..." I began to relax,
|
||
letting my mind envision a completely limp Marc on the ground,
|
||
with three other guys sitting on chairs and the sofa-thing
|
||
around me, one glancing at a book and saying things. The room is
|
||
full of detail, the wood frames of the furniture, the two tone
|
||
paint on the walls, a few windows...
|
||
|
||
Then the scene was suddenly different. It didn't change right
|
||
off the bat, to use an ancient cliche, but slowly seemed to
|
||
swirl in, as if certain parts of my thoughts disappeared, the
|
||
visions that didn't really matter, such as the color of the
|
||
walls or what furniture was in the room. Suddenly I noticed a
|
||
new thought, a new sight, and that led me to realize that I was
|
||
in an entirely new surrounding. I was fully aware, just like
|
||
that, and saw that I was in a sort of barren earth, with the
|
||
opposite side of the long, shallow valley a few miles down the
|
||
way. I could barely see that side, though, under the sick grey
|
||
clouds with sparse breaks in it, letting the sun shine though
|
||
onto dirty brown and grey earth.
|
||
|
||
There were a few pinpoints of murky green vegetation -- even
|
||
this was limp and sick looking -- scattered around the valley,
|
||
next to a lot of what looked like sod-house cellar stairs
|
||
leading right into the earth, like the pioneers of the American
|
||
Plains all those decades ago.
|
||
|
||
This was nothing like the world I had envisioned I would see in
|
||
a former life. I expected to come back as some guy in the 1800s
|
||
or something, getting ready to go into town and shoot some guy
|
||
in the street like those old westerns or something. I'd walk
|
||
into the bar -- and then it hit me that there were no buildings
|
||
out here. From the looks of it, there were dwellings underneath
|
||
the soil... then I realized where I was standing. I was leaning
|
||
against a tree, one that had to have been here longer than any
|
||
other tree in sight, judging from the fact that it was
|
||
supporting my heavyset body... no, a thin, sickly, starved body.
|
||
|
||
What happened? I used to be strong, able to knock down any Rugby
|
||
player... I seemed to have lingering thoughts of a voice talking
|
||
to me inside my head but I can't place it anymore. I was wearing
|
||
what looked like old T-shirt material wrapped around my waist,
|
||
in my "relaxation" clothes. Or what my fuzzed mind was insisting
|
||
I was wearing. The cloth did not provide very adequate coverage,
|
||
and I found myself blushing, when I realized that nearly half
|
||
the people (and all the children) in sight wore no clothes at
|
||
all.
|
||
|
||
It seemed then that cloth was a rare item, and I seemed to have
|
||
two outfits; this thing that scantily covered me and a full work
|
||
outfit that included denim and some form of leather. This placed
|
||
me in some kind of prestige position, but why? I turned, and saw
|
||
that there was a grove of perhaps twenty trees behind me, the
|
||
largest being the one that supported me.
|
||
|
||
Suddenly it hit me, the full truth of it all, the full reality
|
||
of the world I was in: I was a survivor of World War III,
|
||
started when PISC cut way back on production. PISC stands for
|
||
Producers Internacionalle de Solar Cells, a basic equivalent to
|
||
the oil exporting countries' coalition of the late 1900s. Wasn't
|
||
that OPAC or something? A war began; Argentina launched nuclear
|
||
missiles at the United States, and several other countries
|
||
simultaneously began tossing missiles at each other, all of
|
||
which were supposedly part of a "permanently dismantled nuclear
|
||
armament". I had been one of those lucky few to have a fully
|
||
stocked shelter underground, apparently, and had saplings frozen
|
||
in state to later grow trees with. These saplings were fast
|
||
growing softwood and slow growing hardwood; I was a tree
|
||
producer, able to supply other survivors with construction
|
||
materials and easily producible tools (easy to carve wood into
|
||
tools and building materials). I was a success in my day, but
|
||
what a sad day it was. A world so bleak ... three colors on this
|
||
world: gray, brown, and dark green -- there were no flowers, no
|
||
red, blue, or mixes of green. How destroyed this world is...
|
||
|
||
|
||
"Marc, you have to go." spoke a voice behind my left shoulder.
|
||
|
||
"What?" I couldn't place the voice, but it was naggingly
|
||
familiar.
|
||
|
||
"You have to come back. You need to go to the store."
|
||
|
||
"Oh, right, I have to get the corn." CORN? No wonder I was
|
||
having those premonitions earlier... uh... what premonitions? I
|
||
don't remember where I came from. No, I do remember; I came from
|
||
right here. But what was that hauntingly familiar voice in my
|
||
head coming from?
|
||
|
||
"Marc..."
|
||
|
||
I whirled around, eyes wide.
|
||
|
||
"You have to...
|
||
|
||
"You must return to us, Marc...
|
||
|
||
"You don't have to buy any corn, Marc...
|
||
|
||
"Marc...
|
||
|
||
"Mah...
|
||
|
||
"M...
|
||
|
||
...
|
||
|
||
|
||
"THREE!" I jolted up, a strange buzzing sensation in my head. I
|
||
looked around, seeing the familiarity of the study lounge where
|
||
my hall mates and I began a regression. A number came to mind,
|
||
and I immediately said it, lest I forget it; at this point
|
||
anything I remembered might be neat to examine. 2138. It is a
|
||
year. The year that I regressed to. Then all visions of my
|
||
vision disappeared, and I was left with a shocking memory of
|
||
what happened...
|
||
|
||
Or rather, what was to happen. This year, the year here at
|
||
school, is 2132. Sterling said that every time he'd asked a
|
||
question when I was in the trance, I shook my head and had said
|
||
"Later". I told Sterling what had happened, what I remembered of
|
||
it (most of it, anyway). He grimaced and looked aghast... more
|
||
so than the others, who looked just shocked. Then Sterling
|
||
explained.
|
||
|
||
"Every so often, according to my friend back home and this book,
|
||
a person 'regresses' into a former state ... sometimes of their
|
||
present day. And thus they see their current state. Which is in
|
||
the future. Every time this has happened, it has been true...
|
||
they are usually only a few hours or days in advance and the
|
||
visions are always, always true. I was regressed by my friend
|
||
and went to the future too -- I saw myself in California
|
||
somewhere watching my car's rear windshield wiper get ripped
|
||
off. Two weeks later, we cruised down there and it happened.
|
||
Exactly. To the letter. So what you basically saw is that the
|
||
world is going to end in six years." He looked aghast.
|
||
|
||
"Hell no, I refuse to believe that. I can't accept that in six
|
||
years the world is going to be politically unstable enough to
|
||
warrant a war," said Kris. I didn't respond, but Sterling
|
||
slumped back into his chair. Kris was being stubborn; relations
|
||
between the US and the Argentinian government, the major
|
||
producer of solar cells, had recently broken down again.
|
||
|
||
"Um. I want to think about this, guys." I got up unsteadily, and
|
||
left quietly, to pick up my shield. The world may end in six
|
||
years but I was going to at least protect my manhood until then.
|
||
Besides which, I may actually use it to further the continuity
|
||
of the community. I did have fading thoughts of being married
|
||
and having two children with a third on the way. Picking up my
|
||
shield was at least a real-life thing to do right now; it wasn't
|
||
a vision. I needed something to do to keep my sanity.
|
||
|
||
If this world I had "reverse regressed" into was real, then it
|
||
showed I was to preserve myself and, I don't know, build an
|
||
underground shelter. This pleases me. But... what if I do this
|
||
and it's for nothing? What if I don't and the regression is
|
||
real, and a nuclear war is started? Who can I tell about this
|
||
regression? Or rather, who would believe me? A small handful of
|
||
psychics, who are routinely thrashed by the free press? My small
|
||
group of close friends believe me, because they knew about the
|
||
"power" of regression to begin with. We had all seen the results
|
||
of it at one time or another. Nobody would believe me; with
|
||
relations with PISC having gone downhill for the last two years,
|
||
it's not that hard to think that there's a war in the future,
|
||
but who would believe that? People are too busy enjoying their
|
||
current life to worry about world situations. I think that
|
||
solution is definitely a "not quite" situation.
|
||
|
||
Oh hell. I don't know what to think.
|
||
|
||
Life sure was simpler when all I had to do was play rugby, one
|
||
of the most typical college experiences there are. College
|
||
sports.
|
||
|
||
I'll just pick up my ... corn ... and get ready to ... plant
|
||
some more rugby players in the field tomorrow. Final day of the
|
||
tournament. If I can just stop treating the others like
|
||
vegetables.
|
||
|
||
Ignorant, nonbelieving vegetables.
|
||
|
||
Typical college experience.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Dave Savlin (dhs1@ns.cc.lehigh.edu)
|
||
-------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Dave Savlin is attempting to study Electrical Engineering at
|
||
Lehigh University, where he dreams of one day having his own
|
||
private room. In between attempts at accomplishing a writing
|
||
minor, his tired hands scribble meaningless chatter, like the
|
||
previous few paragraphs -- which can be intepreted any number of
|
||
ways.
|
||
|
||
|
||
The American Dream by Robert Hurvitz
|
||
=======================================
|
||
|
||
John Griffiths was sitting on a bench in the little park
|
||
conveniently located a couple blocks from his house. It was a
|
||
sunny and warm Sunday afternoon, and he couldn't stay inside. So
|
||
there he was, in the park, feet crossed and hands clasped behind
|
||
his head, squinting across the small stretch of grass at four
|
||
small boys -- no older than six, he guessed -- who had just
|
||
arrived at the basketball court there.
|
||
|
||
John sighed and tried to remember when he last played
|
||
basketball. He shook his head. It had been a long time.
|
||
|
||
The boys started playing, dribbling and passing and stealing the
|
||
basketball. Rarely did they take a shot, and when they did, they
|
||
invariably missed; the hoop was much too high for them. John
|
||
smiled as he watched them.
|
||
|
||
Birds were singing in the oak trees that lined the park, and a
|
||
cool breeze whispered by, playing with a few strands of hair
|
||
that hung down over John's forehead.
|
||
|
||
The sudden stench of urine and filth made John Griffiths flinch.
|
||
He quickly looked around in alarm and to his right saw a
|
||
homeless man shuffling towards him. John recoiled at the sight
|
||
of him: unkempt hair, deep-lined face smeared with dirt, soiled
|
||
and tattered army fatigues, and dragging a rusty shopping cart
|
||
filled with junk.
|
||
|
||
The vagrant stopped about a dozen feet from John and stared.
|
||
"Spare some change?" he asked hoarsely.
|
||
|
||
John felt paralyzed. He didn't know what to do. It was usually
|
||
he who was walking and the homeless man who was sitting down,
|
||
and so John would always shrug and sometimes quicken his pace.
|
||
But now the tables were turned; John was trapped.
|
||
|
||
"Uh," John muttered, "yeah." He dug into his pocket and pulled
|
||
out a five dollar bill, which he then nervously held out.
|
||
|
||
Smiling, the panhandler stepped closer, and John gingerly placed
|
||
the money on the outstretched hand so as to not risk the chance
|
||
of getting his fingers dirty in any way. The five dollars
|
||
quickly disappeared into a well- patched pocket.
|
||
|
||
"God bless you, sir," the homeless man said. He returned to his
|
||
shopping cart, grabbed hold, and started back on his way. As he
|
||
passed in front and then to the left of John Griffiths, his odor
|
||
began to dissipate, much to John's relief. "Yes sir," the
|
||
transient was saying, mostly to the asphalt path he was on, "God
|
||
bless you. Have a nice day, sir. You're a real humanitarian, you
|
||
are. Yes sir."
|
||
|
||
"Actually," John Griffiths said, "I'm a lawyer."
|
||
|
||
The homeless man stopped and turned. "Eh?"
|
||
|
||
"You called me a humanitarian," John explained. The homeless man
|
||
nodded, a quizzical look on his face. "And I said, 'Actually,
|
||
I'm a lawyer.'"
|
||
|
||
The homeless man nodded again, then smiled dumbly. "Well, maybe
|
||
you can be my lawyer next time I get arrested."
|
||
|
||
John laughed out loud. "Yeah, right."
|
||
|
||
He watched the vagrant lose interest and turn back to his
|
||
shopping cart. "I drive a Porsche," John called out.
|
||
|
||
The homeless man stopped again and looked at John.
|
||
|
||
"I'm married to a beautiful woman," John added. "We live in a
|
||
four- bedroom house, right near here."
|
||
|
||
The homeless man blinked, and several seconds ticked by before
|
||
he did anything. Then his hands suddenly clenched into fists.
|
||
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he yelled. "I act nice
|
||
after you gave me money, and you start hollerin' at me how
|
||
successful you are, how wonderful your fucking life is!" He
|
||
pointed at John now, and trembled. "Well I don't give a shit!
|
||
You hear? Fuck you! Fuck your wife! Fuck your car! Fuck your
|
||
whole fucking life!" He spun back around and stalked away, the
|
||
shopping cart clattering as he pulled it along behind him.
|
||
|
||
Stunned, John Griffiths stared at him as he made his way down
|
||
the path, reached the end of the park, and crossed the street,
|
||
disappearing behind some trees. His gaze lingered for some time
|
||
afterwards.
|
||
|
||
Fuck my wife, he thought. Fuck my car.
|
||
|
||
He slowly faced forward, looking straight ahead, at the boys
|
||
still playing basketball. They hadn't noticed a thing.
|
||
|
||
Fuck my whole fucking life, he thought.
|
||
|
||
Before he realized what he was doing, John Griffiths had stood
|
||
up and was walking to the basketball court. The boys stopped
|
||
their game and looked at him suspiciously as he approached them.
|
||
He smiled and held out his hands as if to catch a pass. The boys
|
||
smiled back, laughed, and threw him the ball. John caught it,
|
||
dribbled down the court, leapt, and rammed the basketball
|
||
through the hoop. The boys cheered.
|
||
|
||
The next day, John Griffiths quit his job, bought a small house
|
||
in an undistinguished neighborhood, filed for divorce, sold his
|
||
Porsche and picked up a used Honda Civic, purchased a Nintendo
|
||
Home Entertainment System, and lived happily ever after.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Robert Hurvitz (hurvitz@cory.berkeley.edu)
|
||
--------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Robert Hurvitz is a computer science major at UC Berkeley and
|
||
plans on graduating one of these years. His only other published
|
||
work appeared in the Dec. 1990 issue of _Quanta_. He's currently
|
||
working on a weird and depressing story.
|
||
|
||
|
||
The Ambiguity Factor by Pete Reppert
|
||
=======================================
|
||
|
||
The green blur passing beneath the transparent hull of Peter
|
||
Lyod's solar powered hovercraft disguised the hundreds of houses
|
||
spaced evenly throughout the leafy canopy. No telephone wires
|
||
could be seen.
|
||
|
||
In fact, the only evidence that anyone lived in the forest was
|
||
the evenly-spaced clearing for hovercraft like his own. The
|
||
clearing had smatterings of the latest fashion in landscaping:
|
||
fuchsia trees.
|
||
|
||
"God I hate the suburbs," he thought, as he popped a disc
|
||
labelled "Red Planet Surprise -- Goop!" into the stereo. As the
|
||
crisp, very non- suburban sounds of Goop! came on, Peter pushed
|
||
a button marked with a down arrow to let in some air. A red
|
||
vehicle sped past.
|
||
|
||
As the wind brushed his hair, Peter thought about the meeting he
|
||
had just left. He had read and mostly comprehended the
|
||
ground-breaking paper on Time Distortion Around Massive Objects
|
||
as soon as it was made available on FreeNet, several years ago.
|
||
The paper had generated wild- eyed speculation about time
|
||
travel, which quickly abated when people realized the nearest
|
||
object massive enough to do the job, a particular galaxy, was
|
||
mind-bogglingly far away. Even a near-lightspeed ship would take
|
||
thousands of years to get there. Now it had been discovered that
|
||
the effect was present around objects of any mass, and the
|
||
world's first "temporal quanta amplifier" had been built.
|
||
|
||
Peter's job, along with that of several hundred other media
|
||
people, was to describe what the marvel of time amps could mean
|
||
to the rest of the world. It meant that in the year 4491 the
|
||
human race could contemplate travelling to other galaxies. It
|
||
meant freedom from the prison of Cartesian three-space (he could
|
||
think of a few people who had already left Cartesian
|
||
three-space, but that was another story) and the resolution of
|
||
some paradoxes in Physics that had been plaguing scientists for
|
||
hundreds of years. There was a renewed interest in Grand Unified
|
||
Theories (Lyod's first reaction to this last bit of news was,
|
||
"maybe there'll be a renewed interest in circle-squaring as
|
||
well!").
|
||
|
||
Peter's hovercraft came to a smooth landing on the 30th floor
|
||
platform of his building in Sioux Falls. His friend Anola had
|
||
left a message on the videowall: "Honey, I missed you -- hope
|
||
the meeting went well. I'll be back from class at 6:00 and
|
||
here's a free demo of what's in store for you."
|
||
|
||
She undid her top two buttons, blew a him a kiss, tossed her
|
||
dreadlocks and headed for the door. As soon as the message
|
||
ended, the videowall turned pale purple.
|
||
|
||
Peter grabbed an organically grown peach from the fridge and sat
|
||
on the balcony to gather his thoughts for the news story he
|
||
would produce. We could now go anywhere anywhen. There was one
|
||
nagging exception: the past. Backward time travel was thought to
|
||
break several of the laws of thermodynamics, in particular the
|
||
fifth and seventh, but the new results showed it to be
|
||
technically feasible. In addition to the strong argument that
|
||
there were now so many more interesting destinations to choose
|
||
from, the World Council had already agreed not to send anyone
|
||
backward in time to a point before the invention of the time
|
||
machine out of fear that ancient time paradoxes could come true.
|
||
He felt intuitively that there must be some way around the "Back
|
||
To The Future" problem, as they called it.
|
||
|
||
The videowall displayed some FreeNet artwork by Padma Sanchez --
|
||
dinosaurs romping across a wasteland in an infinite loop,
|
||
running forward but never getting closer. The image was
|
||
overlapped with time- lapsed footage of fabricated crystalline
|
||
flowers blossoming, covering the screen then shattering to
|
||
reveal the dinosaurs again. The soundtrack was like an
|
||
underwater duel between a tuba and a trombone. He wasn't sure
|
||
what it meant, but he liked it.
|
||
|
||
To be able to travel back to the days of dinosaurs. Or to his
|
||
favorite time in history, the mid- to late- twentieth century.
|
||
What a blast! His friends didn't understand why he was so
|
||
fascinated with that time period. "They were so absurdly
|
||
uncivilized with respect to their technology. Probably the
|
||
goofiest period in all of history. A television commercial model
|
||
was President of the United States at the same time they had the
|
||
biggest nuclear arsenal ever! They got electricity from
|
||
fission-generated steam! And think of what it would be like to
|
||
see New York or London or any of the other great port cities
|
||
before the seismic wave broke up the ice cap in 1993. Right when
|
||
the greenhouse effect was about to go nonlinear thanks to
|
||
automobile emissions! How did we ever make it out of that dismal
|
||
time?"
|
||
|
||
Just then Anola walked in, put down her computer and stepped out
|
||
on the balcony. "Peace."
|
||
|
||
"Peace your own self!"
|
||
|
||
Then over each other, "How are you?" and "I missed you." After a
|
||
warm hug Anola said, "Time to meditate."
|
||
|
||
"Aw Ma', do we have to?"
|
||
|
||
"Now come along with Auntie Anola and take your shoes off like a
|
||
good little boy," she replied while lighting some incense.
|
||
|
||
Actually, Peter loved his daily meditation. Hundreds of years of
|
||
history had proven its value. It was gradually revealed that
|
||
Peace was not achievable through the manipulation of tanks,
|
||
guns, soldiers, or exchanges of tariffs, bank loans, or
|
||
donations of food and hardware. World Peace did not require
|
||
supercomputers or artificial intelligence or some great
|
||
discovery. The hypersaturation of the senses brought on by
|
||
five-D info transfer required people to go into deep sensory
|
||
deprivation for an hour a day, and as more people took up the
|
||
practice, other benefits soon became apparent. People felt full
|
||
of energy yet relaxed. Outward comparisons and jealousies were
|
||
erased by inner harmony. Acceptance of the present replaced
|
||
dissatisfied yearnings for an infinitely regressing future. The
|
||
limitless conspicuous consumption made possible by the
|
||
exploitation of the Martian colonies tapered off. The
|
||
advertising industry went bankrupt.
|
||
|
||
Above all, competition with the limits of one's self replaced
|
||
competition with others. When they realized there hadn't been a
|
||
war in half a century, they called it the Silent Revolution.
|
||
World Peace began with individuals becoming peaceful one at a
|
||
time. The economy went through several "severe fluctuations",
|
||
but had reached a stable state satisfactory to Martians and the
|
||
Earth-dwellers alike. All needs were provided for, but luxuries
|
||
cost money. It was often said that the wise forsook luxuries in
|
||
exchange for freedom. All possessions require maintenance --
|
||
things demand the acquisition of more things. Before you know
|
||
it, all of your time is spent shopping. It was also said that
|
||
these same people were merely lazy.
|
||
|
||
It was going on 8:00 and they had been working up an appetite.
|
||
Peter rolled out of bed and heated up some leftover Thai food.
|
||
Anola slipped into a white one-piece self-cleaning jumpsuit that
|
||
looked and felt like a second skin. "If you can't go back in
|
||
time, why not send a 'message from the future'?" From the eating
|
||
area he shouted back, "Thought of that -- if we tell them how
|
||
time travel works, our present won't be the same. Might screw
|
||
things so royally that you and I'd never meet. Never be born."
|
||
|
||
"Wouldn't it be O.K. just to let them know what the future could
|
||
be like? Couldn't you just tell them that time travel is
|
||
possible without saying how? Then they could figure out the
|
||
details themselves."
|
||
|
||
"But Anola, how would I do that?"
|
||
|
||
Just then the videowall flashed "YOU HAVE A CALLER". It was
|
||
D-Jing Six, a downstairs neighbor who wanted them to come over
|
||
to hear his latest acquisition: a 1920's orchestron which he had
|
||
just restored. D- Jing was a musician who repaired antiques on
|
||
the side. Ancient keyboard instruments were a specialty and this
|
||
was a rare find indeed. They flew down to D-Jing's and were
|
||
ushered into a living room strewn with techno junk. They pulled
|
||
up some antique plastic crates and watched as D-Jing installed a
|
||
metal roll into a recess of the orchestron. The sound that
|
||
poured out of the huge wooden automaton was remarkable. There
|
||
was a full drum set with cymbals, a wind section whose air came
|
||
from a cam-driven bellows, and an assortment of chimes and other
|
||
plucked or struck instruments. D-Jing played along with the
|
||
roll, stopping every now and then to make some adjustments. It
|
||
looked like he'd used some of the junk to add a few sounds of
|
||
his own.
|
||
|
||
"Where did you find it?"
|
||
|
||
"Oh, I just beamed back in time and stole it."
|
||
|
||
"WHAT??"
|
||
|
||
"Just kiddin'."
|
||
|
||
D-Jing Six was one of the people who had left Cartesian
|
||
three-space quite a while ago: one could never tell when he was
|
||
joking.
|
||
|
||
Anola's semisweet chocolate skin and white jumpsuit were
|
||
reflecting blue light from some strange boxes in the corner.
|
||
|
||
"What are these?"
|
||
|
||
"That one's a 1950's era oscilloscope and you'll never guess
|
||
what that other thing is."
|
||
|
||
"It looks like something out of an ancient sci-fi movie."
|
||
"Doesn't it? It's a computer terminal circa 1970." "Woa-AH!"
|
||
exclaimed Anola and Peter in unison. "Look at it. It looks so
|
||
funny!" They all giggled at the absurdly overbuilt box. As
|
||
D-Jing kicked over a jar full of nuts and bolts, he said, "You'd
|
||
be surprised what they could do with these old clunkers. You
|
||
know, they had a global computer network using satellites and
|
||
telephone lines. Quite sophisticated, really." "Another weird
|
||
juxtaposition of technology -- Alexander Graham Bell meets the
|
||
Space Age." "Yes," replied D-Jing, "they even had these funny
|
||
little keyboards before we Chinese improved 'em."
|
||
|
||
"Oh yes, by adding twenty thousand new keys." The trio laughed
|
||
at the old joke, but the Chinese data input system permanently
|
||
changed the slowest part of information transfer -- telling the
|
||
computer what you wanted it to do.
|
||
|
||
On the way back to the apartment, Anola said "What a junk bin!"
|
||
|
||
"Yes, but he has some amazing stuff."
|
||
|
||
"No denying that."
|
||
|
||
"Woa-AH, man."
|
||
|
||
"Listen, Peter, I think I know how you can tell the twentieth
|
||
century about this future."
|
||
|
||
"How?"
|
||
|
||
"To create enough ambiguity, disguise the message as a science
|
||
fiction story. Have D-Jing hook his 1970's terminal up to the
|
||
time amp, and you've got it. the primitive network was connected
|
||
to all other media outlets, so there you have it."
|
||
|
||
"Anola, that's brilliant!"
|
||
|
||
Peter stepped out onto the balcony and began working furiously
|
||
on his story. As the twilight faded, Anola gently placed a
|
||
candle on the table.
|
||
|
||
"You're working as if your life depended on that story."
|
||
|
||
He looked her dead in the eye and said, "It does."
|
||
|
||
|
||
Haircuts $20 by Jason Snell
|
||
==============================
|
||
|
||
The old riddle goes like this:
|
||
|
||
You're in a small town, one with only two barbers. One of the
|
||
barbers has a terrible haircut-- there are long strands of hair
|
||
in some places and bald patches in others. His competitor, on
|
||
the other hand, looks great. Not one hair is out of place.
|
||
|
||
Which barber do you choose?
|
||
|
||
The correct answer is that you choose the barber that looks
|
||
terrible, because if there are only two barbers in the whole
|
||
town, they must end up cutting each other's hair. The barber
|
||
with the bald patches is the one who gave the other barber the
|
||
great haircut.
|
||
|
||
It's a dumb riddle.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Joe, my old barber, was just like the guy with the nasty hair in
|
||
the riddle. He looked awful, but his haircuts were cheap and
|
||
looked sharp. My father and I had been going to Joe since my
|
||
family moved here 15 years ago. Dad was almost completely bald
|
||
by the time I was 10, but he still went to Joe every month.
|
||
|
||
Joe told dirty jokes while he cut hair, and discussed whatever
|
||
sport happened to be in season at the time. He also loved the
|
||
kind of food that doctors warn you not to eat. And that's why
|
||
Joe keeled over mid-haircut one day and dropped face-first onto
|
||
a floor strewn with little piles of wet hair.
|
||
|
||
With Joe gone, the only other place in town that I could go was
|
||
the salon that my mother visits twice weekly to get her hair
|
||
bleached. The alternative to the salon was putting a bowl over
|
||
my head and trying to cut it myself.
|
||
|
||
|
||
The moment I walked into the place, I could tell that it was
|
||
nothing like Joe's barber shop. Joe's smelled faintly of beer
|
||
and Old Spice, while the salon smelled of wet hair, hairspray,
|
||
shampoo, mousse, and nail polish. It was a disgusting
|
||
combination. I wondered about the people who worked there --
|
||
what kind of condition were their noses in? Had the stench
|
||
completely ruined all sense of smell? Maybe they just walked
|
||
into a salon one day, took a big whiff, and declared, "Ah,
|
||
haircutting, that's the job for me."
|
||
|
||
In addition to wishing I had a clothespin stuck on my nose, I
|
||
felt extremely out of place in the salon. There were women
|
||
sitting under hairdryers, women getting their nails painted, and
|
||
a few women with plastic bags and cotton wrapped all around
|
||
their heads. And I was there, some kid with his hair a bit too
|
||
long, wearing a faded T-shirt and old jeans that probably needed
|
||
to be thrown away.
|
||
|
||
Then I saw the person walking toward me from out of the back of
|
||
the salon. She was six feet tall if you measured her from the
|
||
bottoms of her black spiked heels to the top of her wild blonde
|
||
hair. She was wearing a spandex jumpsuit, with a little red sash
|
||
tied around her waist. I guess the sash was supposed to make her
|
||
outfit look more like fashion and less like a wet suit. It
|
||
didn't help.
|
||
|
||
"I'm Robin. You must be my three o'clock appointment," the woman
|
||
said. Her hair was fluffed up several inches above her head all
|
||
the way around, and I could see dark roots showing underneath it
|
||
all. She wore four pairs of earrings.
|
||
|
||
I nodded and smiled. She led me into the back of the shop, and I
|
||
began to think of what I was going to tell her about my haircut.
|
||
All I wanted was something simple -- shorter hair. Nothing
|
||
fancy, just the same style as I was wearing, only shorter. I
|
||
didn't want to wear a plastic bag on my head, and I didn't want
|
||
to get my hair cut in some cool new style. I just wanted my hair
|
||
to look like it always had.
|
||
|
||
There were sinks in the back of the shop. I sat down in a chair
|
||
next to one, and she began washing my hair. This was something
|
||
else that Joe had never done before. It was almost like I had my
|
||
own personal servant. Clean my shoes, feed the dogs, and while
|
||
you're at it, wash my hair.
|
||
|
||
Robin was quite unlike Joe in another way, too. When she leaned
|
||
forward to begin washing my hair, her chest moved right in front
|
||
of my face. I was leaning back in a chair, water spraying into
|
||
my hair, and the only place I could look was straight up. Right
|
||
into Robin's cleavage.
|
||
|
||
"So, you're Janice's son, right?" she asked me.
|
||
|
||
"Yeah," I said to the spandex.
|
||
|
||
"Are you going to the Junior College now?" Her fingernails were
|
||
massaging my scalp. It felt great.
|
||
|
||
"No, just to high school."
|
||
|
||
"Is this your senior year, then?"
|
||
|
||
"Hmm?" I was too busy focusing my attention on her right nipple.
|
||
|
||
"Is this your senior year?"
|
||
|
||
"Uh... yeah."
|
||
|
||
"What are you going to do after you graduate?"
|
||
|
||
"I'm not sure."
|
||
|
||
She leaned back. Suddenly I could see the ceiling again.
|
||
|
||
"Okay, let's go back out to the chair," she said, and wrapped a
|
||
towel around my head.
|
||
|
||
Robin led me out to a high-backed chair, and I sat in it. She
|
||
covered me with a plastic sheet, and unwrapped the towel from my
|
||
wet head.
|
||
|
||
"How would you like your hair cut?"
|
||
|
||
I paused for a moment. I hated it when people asked me this
|
||
question. Did I look like a recent graduate of the Ace School of
|
||
Beauty? I had no idea about how I wanted my hair cut.
|
||
|
||
"I don't know. Pretty much the way it was before. Not too short,
|
||
or it'll stick up all over. A little longer in the back."
|
||
|
||
"Okay." She began cutting.
|
||
|
||
She had no problems with my conservative hair style, I guess.
|
||
Sometimes I wish someone would tell me "change your hair!" It
|
||
might actually get me to do it. As it is, my hair has looked the
|
||
same since I was ten years old.
|
||
|
||
Once I almost did something to change that. I held my head over
|
||
a sink filled with peroxide for twenty minutes, like a suicidal
|
||
person holding a loaded gun to their temple. In the end, I
|
||
chickened out and drained the sink.
|
||
|
||
"I guess this is the first time you've had your hair done here,"
|
||
she said.
|
||
|
||
"Hmm?" I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying.
|
||
Instead, I had been drifting. That's one of the things that
|
||
always seems to happen to me when I get my hair cut --<2D>I drift,
|
||
and begin to fall asleep. I don't know what causes it.
|
||
|
||
"I asked you if this was the first time you've had your hair
|
||
done here."
|
||
|
||
"Yeah. My barber died."
|
||
|
||
"Joe?"
|
||
|
||
How many barbers around town had died in the past few months?
|
||
|
||
"Yeah."
|
||
|
||
"It's too bad about him. He was a great guy. It's kind of scary
|
||
that people can die, just like that."
|
||
|
||
"Isn't it, though?"
|
||
|
||
That was the end of our conversation, which is just as well. It
|
||
wasn't exactly material you'd expect to turn up on Nightline.
|
||
|
||
After Robin had finished cutting and blow-drying my hair, I
|
||
realized that she had cut it too short. Hair was sticking up all
|
||
over. She had also cut the sides much shorter than the top.
|
||
There were no initials carved into my head -- believe me, I
|
||
checked.
|
||
|
||
"That'll be 20 dollars," she said.
|
||
|
||
I handed her the $20 bill that mom had given me. I guess she
|
||
knew exactly how much a haircut cost here -- about $12 more than
|
||
Joe charged.
|
||
|
||
"It was nice having you here. Come back soon."
|
||
|
||
"Thanks."
|
||
|
||
"Oh -- one more thing."
|
||
|
||
I turned back around, noticing that there were little black
|
||
hairs all over my faded T-shirt.
|
||
|
||
"You should think about getting an earring. In the right ear.
|
||
It'd look really cute."
|
||
|
||
I nodded, smiled, and walked out of the salon. Next door to the
|
||
salon was a jewelry store, one that pierces ears. I knew that
|
||
fact only because my mother had taken me with her when she had
|
||
her ears re-pierced when I was seven.
|
||
|
||
An earring?
|
||
|
||
I stood outside the jewelry store for a minute or so. Then,
|
||
scratching my neck, I turned away.
|
||
|
||
I tried to pat down all the hairs sticking straight up out of my
|
||
head as I walked back to my car.
|
||
|
||
|
||
I've made up a riddle. It goes like this:
|
||
|
||
You're in a small town, one with only two hairdressers. One of
|
||
the hairdressers has fluffy pink hair and a nose ring. The other
|
||
has the sides of her head shaved, while the back of her hair
|
||
goes halfway to the floor.
|
||
|
||
Which hairdresser do you choose?
|
||
|
||
I'm not sure.
|
||
|
||
It's a dumb riddle.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Jason Snell (jsnell@ucsd.edu)
|
||
-------------------------------
|
||
|
||
Jason Snell is a senior at the University of California, San
|
||
Diego, majoring in Communication and minoring in
|
||
Literature/Writing. He is the editor of this publication, the
|
||
editor in chief of the UCSD Guardian newspaper, and an intern at
|
||
KUSI-TV Channel 51 News in San Diego.
|
||
|
||
|
||
New Orleans Wins the War by Greg Knauss
|
||
==========================================
|
||
|
||
In 1948 my Daddy came to the city
|
||
Told the people that they'd won the war
|
||
Maybe they'd heard it, maybe not
|
||
Probably they heard it, just forgot
|
||
'Cause they built him a platform there in Jackson Square
|
||
And people came to hear him from everywhere
|
||
They started to party and they partied some more
|
||
'Cause New Orleans had won the war
|
||
We knew we'd do it, we done whipped the Yankees!
|
||
--Randy Newman
|
||
|
||
|
||
In 1868, the American Civil War ended when a battle-weary United
|
||
States population voted the Democratic candidate for president,
|
||
William Blakely, into office. The republicans, throughout the
|
||
course of Lincoln's second term, had received the majority of
|
||
the blame for both allowing the Southern states to "slip away,"
|
||
and then not be regained. Blakely ran on a platform of peace
|
||
with the Confederate States and won a resounding victory.
|
||
|
||
Though relations between the United States and the Confederate
|
||
States remained chilly over the next decade -- abolitionists and
|
||
unionists still held powerful minorities in the U.S. Congress --
|
||
the situation began to smooth as first Blakely and then his
|
||
Democratic successor, Thomas Howell, courted the Confederacy,
|
||
eyeing its powerful, and growing agricultural wealth.
|
||
|
||
The former Southern states, for their part, changed little
|
||
politically over the course of those ten years, yet the economic
|
||
differences where dramatic. After the war ended, there was a
|
||
drive to adopt a new state-rights constitution, and a document
|
||
very similar to the original U.S. Articles of Confederation was
|
||
drafted and finally signed by all the "rebel states" in 1871;
|
||
the capital of the new country moved from Richmond to New
|
||
Orleans. Soon after the war, the Confederacy again emerged as
|
||
the world's leading supplier of agricultural staples --
|
||
<20>tobacco, cotton, corn and sugar -- and its first president
|
||
under the new constitution, R. E. Lee, used this power to win
|
||
concessions from the United States' president, Blakely, then in
|
||
his second term.
|
||
|
||
Lee's strategy was to bring the import of industrialism to the
|
||
overwhelmingly agricultural South. Slave labor, used throughout
|
||
the Confederacy and explicitly sanctioned by the Document of
|
||
Confederation was perfectly suited to the harsh rigors of quick
|
||
industrialization, and Lee used this to his advantage. The
|
||
Confederate States, by 1900, were as much an industrial
|
||
powerhouse as the U.S., with the addition of heavy
|
||
agriculturalism as well. The United States was forced into
|
||
importing a large amount of food from the South because of
|
||
delays in their expansion of the trans-Appalachian railroad.
|
||
|
||
Both countries attempted to gain territory by annexation between
|
||
the end of the Civil War and the beginning of the twentieth
|
||
century. Though the Mason-Dixon line was formally rejected by
|
||
the Confederate Congress, the Confederacy only half-heartedly
|
||
pursued new lands, eventually adding only the New Mexico
|
||
Territory and the unorganized Indian Reservation north of Texas.
|
||
The United States, however, spread westward, over the rest of
|
||
the continent.
|
||
|
||
When World War I began in Europe, the Confederate States and
|
||
their president, Thurmond Byron, immediately sent troops,
|
||
sensing the opportunity to increase their international power
|
||
and prestige. Though England, with whom the Confederacy had
|
||
allied itself, disapproved of institutionalized slavery, it
|
||
needed the men, machinery and food that the South could provide
|
||
and welcomed the assistance. When the United States joined the
|
||
fight against Germany in 1917, the war was all but over and the
|
||
Confederacy was now a powerful force in Europe as well as North
|
||
America.
|
||
|
||
Over the next ten years, between 1920 and 1930, the United
|
||
States became the only World War I victor to withdraw from the
|
||
European theater and become isolationist. The Confederacy stayed
|
||
involved in European politics and formally allied itself with
|
||
the German Republic when Adolf Hitler was elected German Premier
|
||
in 1933. By the next year, the Confederate States remained
|
||
Germany's only major ally after the burning of the Reichstag and
|
||
the dissolution of the Republic, and was the sole voice of
|
||
democratic international support when Poland was invaded in
|
||
1939.
|
||
|
||
As World War II began, all ties between the so-called "Allied
|
||
Forces" -- England, France and the United States -- and the
|
||
"Axis Powers" -- Germany, Italy, Japan and the Confederate
|
||
States -- collapsed. In 1941, caught off-guard and unprepared,
|
||
the United States was invaded by the Confederacy, with heavy
|
||
German U-boat support. Washington, D.C., the capital, was taken
|
||
within two months and the Confederate army slowly marched up the
|
||
eastern seaboard of the United States.
|
||
|
||
In Europe, France had fallen to the Nazis by the time of the
|
||
Confederate invasion and England was slowly losing the "Battle
|
||
of Britain." In 1944, London was finally occupied, and without a
|
||
western front to contend with, Hitler undertook his long-delayed
|
||
invasion of the Soviet Union. Japan began its landing on both
|
||
the west coast of the United States and east coast of China
|
||
during the same summer that Hitler exploded the world's first
|
||
atomic weapon over Moscow, in 1946.
|
||
|
||
By 1948, Italy controlled all of Africa, Germany dominated
|
||
Europe and Russia, Japan held China and western North America,
|
||
and the Confederacy occupied the United States from the Great
|
||
Plains east. On October 19, 1948, the United States president,
|
||
Franklin Roosevelt, surrendered to the Confederate forces in
|
||
Boston, Massachusetts.
|
||
|
||
The Confederate States annexed the territory of the United
|
||
States over the course of the next five years. Each state, to be
|
||
admitted to the Confederacy, redrafted its constitution in the
|
||
style of the Document of Confederation and instituted legal
|
||
slavery. Germany, Italy and Japan, by 1955, followed Confederate
|
||
examples and began to use slaves both inside their borders and
|
||
in conquered territories. Certain regions of Africa and China
|
||
were entirely depopulated by the early 1960s and about the same
|
||
time, Germany, operating chiefly with the support of the
|
||
Confederacy, eliminated the last followers of Judaism.
|
||
|
||
The world economy surged during the 1960s, '70s and '80s, driven
|
||
mostly by the availability of cheap labor. Trade between the
|
||
three major world powers (Italy had slipped in dominance and was
|
||
hardly more than a German puppet by 1965) ranged from wheat to
|
||
consumer electronics to medical equipment. Though occasional
|
||
protests against slavery and the treatment of the Jews erupted,
|
||
especially in western Europe and the northern Confederate
|
||
States, they petered out as the first generation born with
|
||
slavery as a world-wide institution grew to adulthood.
|
||
|
||
Today, in 1991, the world is at peace.
|
||
|
||
|
||
The Explosion That Killed Ben Lippencott
|
||
==========================================
|
||
|
||
There are few things less pleasant than being pelted with the
|
||
remains of another human being.
|
||
|
||
Lippencott was hunched over a few vials of something or other
|
||
before the explosion. He was a deeply serious man and did not
|
||
enjoy frivolity or even companionship in the lab. "Lipp's
|
||
Corner" was in the far section of the biology floor, and it took
|
||
weaving around several long tables to get to. One day many years
|
||
ago, I was approaching him from behind and was about to ask him
|
||
if he would join the rest of us for lunch when his head bolted
|
||
up from its hunched position.
|
||
|
||
"Uh!" he said, and there was a tremendous explosion.
|
||
|
||
Lipp quite literally unraveled. Though they did find his legs
|
||
still attached to his pelvis and his arms were almost unscathed
|
||
in themselves, his head and torso were, well, untraceable.
|
||
|
||
They found pieces. All over. But the majority of the matter that
|
||
made up the upper half of Benjamin Lippencott just wasn't
|
||
accounted for.
|
||
|
||
Quite a bit of the pieces they did find ended up on me and one
|
||
of the things that is less pleasant than being pelted with
|
||
remains of another human being is having to wipe those remains
|
||
out of your eyes. I am thankful that my mouth was closed.
|
||
|
||
There were questions later on, of course, as to what Lipp was
|
||
cooking up in those vials of his. Though glass all over the lab
|
||
was broken, the feds spent quite a bit of money attempting to
|
||
reconstruct each broken beaker, test tube and vial. They're
|
||
meticulous people, federal investigators, and eventually they
|
||
decided that there was only one piece of glassware that couldn't
|
||
be accounted for. Their report made a big deal about the fact
|
||
that it was the one Lipp was using. Analyses of blood and other
|
||
tissues taken off my person gave no spectacular or unusual
|
||
results.
|
||
|
||
I, of course, underwent therapy. Though the cases where a man
|
||
has been smeared all over another man are rare, there were a few
|
||
precedents. There was even a therapist who specialized in the
|
||
area, in a manner of speaking. He had made a career of
|
||
counseling veterans who had seen friends killed, usually
|
||
messily, before their eyes.
|
||
|
||
What we found was this: I was upset by the incident. I had
|
||
nightmares for two or three weeks. Though Lipp wasn't what I
|
||
would have called a friend, I had known him for over five years,
|
||
and, yes, I was sorry he was dead. But we also found out that I
|
||
have a highly analytic mind and that I'm able to take such
|
||
things as the random probability of life. We found I was
|
||
mentally healthy, considering the circumstances. We both thought
|
||
it noted a humorous mention that I now favored glasses over
|
||
contacts.
|
||
|
||
I last saw the psychiatrist about three months after the
|
||
accident, and I only mention him at all because I quickly had a
|
||
nagging suspicion I should have stayed with him longer. This
|
||
little voice kept telling me I shouldn't bother going back, but
|
||
I didn't know whether to listen to it. It, surprisingly enough,
|
||
was Lipp's voice.
|
||
|
||
Lipp was never a man to waste words. He would often arrive in
|
||
the morning, forgo coffee or a donut, and slouch over to his
|
||
corner to begin work. We might exchange a few words as we passed
|
||
in the halls or when he would turn down my invitations to lunch,
|
||
and I knew his voice as well as I knew those of the rest of the
|
||
guys. It was a low, growly voice, never happy to be called into
|
||
service.
|
||
|
||
It was my first week back at the lab, and I was doing some virus
|
||
isolation experiments, using dyes to trace various substances
|
||
through the bloodstream. It's simpleminded, easy-to-goof work,
|
||
and I was reaching for a small vial of dye when, over my
|
||
shoulder, I heard someone say, "No, that one's fat soluble.
|
||
You'll lose it."
|
||
|
||
I started and turned around, somehow almost sure I wouldn't find
|
||
anybody there. That type of voice isn't common, and there was
|
||
only one person I knew --<2D>had known -- with it. It was Lipp's
|
||
voice, giving me instructions, apparently from beyond the grave.
|
||
|
||
It was a little unsettling.
|
||
|
||
It was also a little frustrating. Hearing voices is a common
|
||
psychiatric complaint, and many people spend their entire lives
|
||
listening to these ethereal spirits. Socrates claimed to have a
|
||
voice in his head, but he apparently had no trouble
|
||
communicating with it. I, however, tried everything I could
|
||
think of, with very little initial success.
|
||
|
||
At first I ignored it, hoping it was just a phantom memory of
|
||
the explosion, but it corrected another three mistakes that day
|
||
and I decided it was something that I was going to have to deal
|
||
with.
|
||
|
||
Just figuring out how to attempt communication with a
|
||
disembodied voice is a serious exercise. At first, I just tried
|
||
thinking at it.
|
||
|
||
"Hellooo," I thought. "Lipp?" He hated being called Lipp and I
|
||
thought that if anything was going to bring out some sort of
|
||
schizophrenia, it would be anger.
|
||
|
||
Nothing.
|
||
|
||
I excused myself to the bathroom and, Lord help me, tried
|
||
speaking out loud. It sounds ridiculously corny in retrospect,
|
||
something out of a really bad TV movie.
|
||
|
||
"Hello," I said again. "Lippencott? You there?"
|
||
|
||
After fifteen minutes of talking to myself in the bathroom, I
|
||
decided that an appointment with my ex-therapist might be a good
|
||
thing to consider. That brought the voice back.
|
||
|
||
"Don't do that," it said.
|
||
|
||
I sighed. Not only did I have enough of a psychiatric problem
|
||
that the voice of a dead co-worker was in my head, but that
|
||
voice didn't want me to get it taken care of. I wondered if a
|
||
mental disease could be self-defensive.
|
||
|
||
Normally, I would have finished out the day, gone home, made an
|
||
appointment with the therapist for the next day, and gone to
|
||
sleep. This is pretty straight thinking, but it didn't work out
|
||
that way at all.
|
||
|
||
I was home, making dinner, when Lipp again reared what I suppose
|
||
you could call his head.
|
||
|
||
"Get a pencil and paper," he commanded. "Quickly."
|
||
|
||
I sighed again. I wasn't too worried about Lipp's voice, or the
|
||
fact that it was in my head. I had a certain degree of faith in
|
||
the psychiatric profession and I had recently been through a
|
||
traumatic experience; it was to be expected that I would have
|
||
some sort of delayed reaction. My therapist would just comfort
|
||
me through this and I would soon be better. A mental disturbance
|
||
is nothing to worry about if you have confidence in your sanity.
|
||
|
||
"Quickly!" the voice hissed at me.
|
||
|
||
"Yeah, yeah," I said. "Gimme a sec." Apparently, my delayed
|
||
traumatic reaction was a pushy one.
|
||
|
||
I moved the pot I was boiling spaghetti in to a cool burner and
|
||
sat down at the table with a pencil and a piece of paper.
|
||
|
||
"Listen to what I say," said Lipp. "Don't ask questions."
|
||
|
||
He began talking, in that low, gruff voice of his, and I slowly
|
||
transcribed what he said. He corrected my chemistry errors and
|
||
once reminded me where the apostrophe goes in a possessive.
|
||
|
||
I have to admit, in the end I'm glad that I never made my
|
||
appointment with my therapist. Lipp had an incredible mind and
|
||
most of his time in the lab had been spent working on unofficial
|
||
pet projects. The only reason he took the job at the lab at all
|
||
was because he didn't have the equipment he needed at home.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Maybe some day we'll try to work out how smearing the majority
|
||
of his brain on my face transferred his quiet, sulky
|
||
consciousness into my head, but for now, we're ankle deep in
|
||
other ideas.
|
||
|
||
Lipp was working on what he called a "friendly virus" to fight
|
||
cancer when he died. It seems that he wasn't boiling the two
|
||
components before mixing them, and that caused the explosion. It
|
||
was a simple mistake, but it allowed me to be up on stage with
|
||
him when we got the Nobel Prize for medicine. He, of course,
|
||
wrote the speech.
|
||
|
||
Right now, we're working on a friendly virus to fight AIDS and
|
||
it looks promising. I guess I'm now considered the foremost
|
||
biochemist in the world, and that's why they allow me my
|
||
eccentricities.
|
||
|
||
Lipp and I thought it would be a good idea to have someone stand
|
||
behind me while we work.
|
||
|
||
|
||
Greg Knauss
|
||
-------------
|
||
|
||
Greg Knauss was a senior at the University of California, San
|
||
Diego, majoring in Political Theory, when work began on this
|
||
issue. Now he's a gruaduate with nothing to do. He recently
|
||
mailed off a "Star Trek: The Next Generation" script submission,
|
||
proving again that he is indeed as loopy as a loon... whatever
|
||
that means.
|
||
|
||
|
||
FYI
|
||
=====
|
||
|
||
Back Issues of InterText
|
||
--------------------------
|
||
|
||
Back issues of InterText can be found via anonymous FTP at:
|
||
|
||
> ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/InterText/
|
||
|
||
and
|
||
|
||
> ftp://network.ucsd.edu/intertext/
|
||
|
||
You may request back issues from us directly, but we must handle
|
||
such requests manually, a time-consuming process.
|
||
|
||
On the World-Wide Web, point your WWW browser to:
|
||
> http://www.etext.org/Zines/InterText/
|
||
|
||
If you have CompuServe, you can read InterText in the Electronic
|
||
Frontier Foundation Forum, accessible by typing GO EFFSIG. We're
|
||
located in the "Zines from the Net" section of the EFFSIG forum.
|
||
|
||
On GEnie, we're located in the file area of SFRT3, the Science
|
||
Fiction and Fantasy Roundtable.
|
||
|
||
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|
||
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|
||
|
||
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|
||
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|
||
|
||
....................................................................
|
||
|
||
Thanks for coming. Next time you're in town, pick up a fresh box
|
||
of Monkey Brittle. Mmm-mmm.
|
||
|
||
..
|
||
|
||
This issue is wrapped as a setext. For more information send
|
||
email with the single word "setext" (no quotes) in the Subject:
|
||
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|
||
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|
||
|