61 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
61 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
_____________________________________________________________________________
|
|
---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
|
|
------11.26.94-----------------------------------------------------#029------
|
|
|
|
You Stupid Assholes
|
|
By Snarfblat
|
|
|
|
By now you probably know why rap music is treated so unfairly by the
|
|
mainstream media: It is an attempt to educate and rally the oppressed black
|
|
population. Thus the guilty white people feel threatened by it.
|
|
|
|
But did you know that the same tactic works when used by weirdos against
|
|
"normal" people? It's true. In fact, normal people are afraid of freaks in
|
|
general. It's so easy to scare them. Sometimes all you have to do is smile
|
|
at people. However, a more effective way is to play NIN too loud and throw
|
|
your shoes at them.
|
|
|
|
See, there are these assholes in my dorm who feel their lives are not
|
|
complete unless they play soccer in the hall while i'm asleep. I can only
|
|
assume they're practicing for the arena league, because no matter how nice
|
|
the weather is, they are always inside. Maybe they went to a private school
|
|
where they were never allowed to go outside. And they aren't chained to the
|
|
net all day like I am; so they have no excuse.
|
|
|
|
So, I've had 4 hours of sleep and it's 7:30 and I decide to take a nap before
|
|
I go out for a night of anarchy, destruction and chocolate covered coffee
|
|
beans. I think my mistake was playing the Cure. Anyone who listens to the
|
|
Cure is just asking to be shit on. I was about to doze off to "you want to
|
|
know why I hate you, well I'll try and explain..." and suddenly I hear a
|
|
thump at my door. I open it and this guy who looks like Beavis but has
|
|
Butthead's voice says "uhh sorry". I close the door and go back to sleep.
|
|
Moments later i hear another huge bang. I ignore it, but vow revenge if they
|
|
bother me again. Of course, they kick the door again, so I calmly got out of
|
|
bed and opened my door. Opening my door is my standard defense again them,
|
|
because if the ball comes in here I slam the door shut, lock it, and throw
|
|
the ball out the window. But tonight's offenses required something more
|
|
pointed. So I turned on Wish by Nine Inch Nails and made it go really loud.
|
|
Then I took my boots and chucked them into the hall at high speed. When the
|
|
song was over, I went out to get them.
|
|
|
|
Nobody was in the hall and every door was closed. Success.
|
|
|
|
Later they asked me if I owned a gun.
|
|
|
|
I have found that Pigface works even better than NIN. By now most jocks
|
|
recognize NIN when they hear it. But Pigface adds a level of mystery, and
|
|
thus fear. They do not know what to think of Pigface. They cannot think "Oh
|
|
yeah, I listen to that band". It gives me the advatage of being totally
|
|
alien from anything they have known; and even the most primitive animals are
|
|
cautious in their treatment of the unknown.
|
|
|
|
Damn jocks. I will always win.
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
IBFT: If we hate you, you don't deserve to know why.
|
|
|
|
Information:
|
|
bleed@unix.amherst.edu
|
|
ftp.etext.org:/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146
|
|
==============================================================================
|