69 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
69 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
_____________________________________________________________________________
|
|
---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------
|
|
------05.25.94-----------------------------------------------------#019------
|
|
|
|
Intravenous Kegger
|
|
Appreciated by Snarfblat and Jason Farnon
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted on ATDT-East:
|
|
|
|
From: RANDOM TOX
|
|
Read: 4 times
|
|
|
|
To: All
|
|
Subject: High School Coolness BEYOND YOUR DREAMS!
|
|
|
|
Hell yeah! Not only was I CAPTAIN of the FOOTBALL team, but I was both
|
|
the Quarterback AND the Tight-End! And the COACH! And Sometimes even the
|
|
BALL! And I was also CAPTAIN of the CHEERLEADING SQUAD! Yes!
|
|
|
|
Indeed I was POPULAR. And I harrassed girls with BIG HAIR and Champion
|
|
sweaters on a nightly basis! I DRINK one cup of BEER for every WOMAN I've
|
|
taken advantage of and "Townie Liquors Inc" has to RESTOCK! I don't just
|
|
DRINK, I got to MEXICO and drink! I don't just EAT the Tequila WORMS, They
|
|
BREED in my DEFECATION! Only WIMPS enjoy FUNNELING -- I use a KEG and an
|
|
IV!
|
|
|
|
I BEND BARS with my virility! I may be STERILE due to massive STEROID
|
|
USE but who cares? The combo of BREASTS and BRAWN got me to my exalted
|
|
DOUBLE-CAPTAIN status! I have to wear a shorter dress than most other
|
|
cheerleaders so I can HIKE the BALL with greater ease!
|
|
|
|
My pom-poms have CHIN STRAPS! So do my BOOTS!
|
|
|
|
I don't just HIDE my BEER in a buried plastic TRASHCAN full of ice,
|
|
HELL NO! I hide it in a refrigerated WORLD WAR TWO BUNKER! I've been in
|
|
TWENTY drunk-driving car ACCIDENTS! I'm an HONORARY Works SYSOP! I don't
|
|
just DELETE users, I get DRUNK and BEAT them! I know all about COMPUTER
|
|
HACKING! I use a SLEDGEHAMMER! I don't write Neon Knights TEXTFILES, I have
|
|
so much BOOZE in my BLOOD that I just THINK like that! I didn't just DESIGN
|
|
the Paisley Box, I AM A PAISLEY BOX!
|
|
|
|
The only time I use books are when I THROW them! I only read HIGHWAY
|
|
signs, because they're BIG, like ME! I EMBRACE Academia, if she has big
|
|
TITS! I read the BOSTON HERALD! And it's overly COMPLICATED for me to
|
|
understand! I just buy it for the BACK COVER anyway! I love those CLEVER
|
|
headlines! I have five hundred OVERPRICED brand name sweatshirts, and I've
|
|
"accidentally" (ha!) fashionably RIPPED them, and I wear them INSIDE-OUT!
|
|
|
|
I've sewed an entire SET of DRAPERIES and QUILTS with the underwear
|
|
I've yanked off entirely WILLING passed-out DRUNK TOWNIE GIRLS! No
|
|
fraternity at any College will have me because I'M SO GREAT! So I started
|
|
MY OWN! Yeah!
|
|
|
|
I'm so hip that I SNORT COKE! And so what? They say ALCOHOL is a DRUG
|
|
and it hasn't hurt me a BIT! I'm so TOUGH that I cut my flake with GROUND
|
|
GLASS! HEROIN is for WEAKLINGS! I just swallow Poppy SEEDS and extract
|
|
OPIUM directly in my STOMACH!
|
|
|
|
As you can see, I'm just a cool guy.
|
|
|
|
==============================================================================
|
|
IBFT: We Break Your Wooden Leg
|
|
|
|
Information, mailing list:
|
|
bleed-request@unix.amherst.edu
|
|
ftp.etext.org:/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146
|
|
==============================================================================
|