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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$ HOLY TEMPLE of MASS CONSUMPTION $$$TONYA$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$S$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$ *N*E*W*S* $$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$SEX$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$ Issue #29: Quentin Tarentino is God $$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$
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Holy Temple of Mass Consumption slack@ncsu.edu
PO Box 30904 BBS: (919) 954-5028
Raleigh, NC 27622-0904
-------------------------------------
NOW AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES EVERYWHERE:
REVELATION X:
THE "BOB" APOCRYPHON
Hidden Teachings and Deuterocanonical
Texts of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
The Church of the SubGenius: salvation, or salivation? A joke disguised
as a religion? Or an actual, secretive religion, *disguised* as a joke
disguised as a religion? Or, an incredibly complex joke, described as an
*extremely ambiguous* religion, *disguised* as a joke disguised as a religion?
"Bob" is back! Finally, the long-awaited sequel to the classic _The Book
of the SubGenius_ (1987) is here in the form of REVELATION X: THE "BOB"
APOCRYPHON, Hidden Teachings and Deuterocanonical Texts of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
(Fireside Books; A Simon & Schuster Trade Paperback Original; December 16,
1994; $14.95). A new and even more radical, twisted, and thought-provoking
journey into the alternate universe of "Bob", REVELATION X broadens the satire
of cults, religious extremism, and conspiracy theories promulgated by the now
notorious SubGenius Foundation.
To aid in the SubGenius quest for Slack (i.e. freedom from the Conspiracy
of the "Normals"), REVELATION X combines science fiction, spectactular
religious imagery, and ironic text to amuse, offend, and edify readers with
such information as:
- the manifestations of "Bob"
- the gospel of "Bob's" wife, Connie Dobbs
- unanswered mysteries of Dobbs' prophecy
- the essentials for survival in the End Times
- things to think and know
- facts about the Beforelife (Heaven and Hell guidebooks)
- the dark side of Dobbs
Either the gratest general satire of pure human stupidity and greed ever
created, or a self-help book from hell, REVELATION X presents a previously
hidden side of SubGenius avatar J.R. "Bob" Dobbs that is simultaneously
enlightening, inspiring, and deeply disturbing.
"Bob" teaches about the Conspiracy, the mega-conspiracy that controls every
normal human being, and reveals how the SubGeniuses--who are not normal and
probably not even human--have been victimized. While the Conspiracy aims to
rob the SubGeniuses of their inherent Slack, Dobbs is here to inspire the
abnormals, mutants, and those SubGeniuses who must daily pass for normal to
poison the great Beast of the Conspiracy from the inside.
According to the book's Sacred Scribe, Reverend Ivan Stang: "REVELATION X is
darker, deeper, more detailed, louder, and funnier than _The Books of the
SubGenius_. It draws you into the SubGenius universe, seductively turns you
into a cult zombie, but then abruptly deprograms you and leaves you feeling
like an idiot, but thanking "Bob" for saving you from yourself."
Compiled by Stang and designed by Paul Mavrides, REVELATION X also features
work from a host of artists and writers, including Hal Robins, Robert Williams,
Winston Smith, John Shirley ("The Crow"), Gilbert Shelton (Fabulous Furry
Freak Brothers), Mark Mothersbaugh (Devo), and Nancy Collins (Sunglasses After
Dark).
With its startling illustrations and an extensive appendix of epistles from
apostles of the SubGenius Church, REVELATION X is the most intoxicating and
mesmerizing portrait yet of the infamous Church and its elusive leader "Bob"
Dobbs.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Klinton Haiku
billy beer was bad back from vacation
but doesn't compare with ready to do some yard work
roger's new album and find a crashed plane
_TV_Nation_ Poll: 10% of Americans would pay $5.00 to see Orrin
Hatch fight a big, mean dog on pay TV. 86% would root for the dog.
$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$+$
Natural Born Comics
*** A-Bomb #4 - A bit short on overall eroticism compared to earlier issues,
and a bit more of the hardcore/violent topics. Also, I thought that the
"Tropical Punch" story took up quite a bit of space, even though its a fairly
good story, it just didn't feel right alongside the others. If anything,
the single-page artworks carried this issue. Venus Comics.
*** Alice Cooper: The Last Temptation #1 - In an eerie comic reminiscent of
"Welcome To My Nightmare", Alice Cooper is a demonic theatre announcer who
tries to tempt a young boy to join him by showing him a series of scary and
seductive stories. Good horror comic, but it smacks of corporate
product-tie-ins. Marvel Comics.
*** Alice Cooper: The Last Temptation #2 - The evil theatre manager continues
to taunt Steven the next day, Halloween, at school. The conversation goes on
with offers to join the demonic troupe, as different people are temporarily
taken over to continue the offer. Good story, and it nicely captures Alice
Cooper's on-stage persona and general creepiness. Marvel Comics.
** Beavis & Butthead #7 - The boys are sent to summer camp for troubled kids
as punishment for peeping at Mr. Anderson's niece. A bit slower, and not as
sickeningly outrageous as most in this series. Marvel Comics
*** Beavis & Butthead #8 - After landing on one of those sex-dating TV shows,
they proceed to completely blow it on their test dates, then get completely
humiliated on national TV. Marvel Comics.
*** Beavis & Butthead #9 - After becoming super heroes, the boys go on a
mayhem spree. Fun stuff, and lots of little hidden details in the comics.
Easily up to par with the TV series. Marvel Comics
**** Big Mouth #4 - More cartoons by Pat Moriarty, from stories by Bukowski,
Eichhorn, Henry Rollins, Mike Diana, and others. As usual, Pat draws
them in the style of the artist who supplies the story. Its a nice blend
of pure experience, history, philosophy, and fun. Of note is the story
on Mike Diana's censorship by Florida puritans. Fantagraphics Books
**** Bondage Fairies #5 - Possibly the most explicit sex and raw violence in
a single manga-style comic ever. After being tortured by the sex drug, Pfil
gives in to the mutilated male slave. The tables are turned as the slave
turns on his masters, kills one, sets Pfil free, then shackles and rapes the
other. Great hidden John Wayne Bobbitt joke. Venus Comics.
*** Bondage Fairies #6 - Pfil escapes, but Marcia cuts off her own hand to
seek vengeance. In a final show-down, Marcia is killed and Pfil is rescued
and treated. This looks like the end of this whole story. Venus Comics.
*** Buck Godot #3 - The riot ends over the Winslow, an indestructible,
immortal, but stupid reptile that is an important component of three-quarters
of the galaxy's religions. Naturally, wars break out as everyone tries to
steal it for their own. Meanwhile, Buck goes on a high-speed chase for
terrorist kidnappers. Palliard Press.
*** Buck Godot #4 - After the disappearance of the Winslow, multiple alien
races all wage war on the humans. Buck is hired by the chief of security,
who makes a number of puzzling discoveries. It is discovered that the source
of the loss of sexual desire is a weapon virus, which is designed to wipe
out all of mankind. In order to buy time, they are forced to fake the
destruction of the human embassy in order to calm down the warring races.
A real strange roller-coaster of a ride. Palliard Press.
*** The CFD Book of Lingerie - Although it doesn't have any characters
recognizable as the "Dawn" character, this is a bunch of well-endowed
women in various poses and fetish gear, modeling lots of variations-on-a-
theme lingerie, done by different artists. CreativeForce Designs.
*** Crap #5 - This issue tackles discrimination against women in the workplace,
and how they are often paid less than men for doing the same work. Claire
get disgusted with her job and quits to do her own artwork. Plus, a great
piece on the sheeplike masses who accept corporate "mass culture" drivel and
never think for themselves. by J.R. Williams. Fantagraphics Books.
***** Devil Chef #1 - The worst chef in the world, he responds to complaints
with rudeness, extortion, and flaming destruction. Blasphemous, sadistic,
and demonic, he gets his kicks by torturing restaurant patrons and anyone
else who gets in his way. You probably have one in your town. Dark Horse.
**** Flaming Carrot #31 - After a much too long absence, Bob Burden returns
with more adventures. In this one, Flaming Carrot teams up with Herbie to
go back in time and prove that Shakespeare had help- and it turns out to be
Buddy Hackett. Also, Bob is coming out with a line of book-like text comics,
with few illustrations but lots of reading. The first should be ready now.
FC by Dark Horse Comics, write to Bob Burden at PO Box 467251, Atlanta, GA
31146 - First issue of VERSION-A comics available for $5.
**** Galaxias #3 - The Giger/Aliens/Hustler space adventure continues. The
alien queen uses a pleasure drug to trick the humans into copulating with
strange aliens, which lands her in trouble, and a pair of humans escape. The
Galaxias ship, armed with information taken from the alien ship, fire upon
it, stranding them both together in the strange, dead old colony called
"Terra". Besides gratuitous sex, there's a story here too. Rip Off Press.
**** Grit Bath #3 - Very strange, disturbing tales involving mutilation,
death, innocence, and terror. Definitely not for the squeamish, this is a
collection of various stories and strips, some of the serialized, that explore
the darker, more psychological aspects of fear, guilt and terror. Drawn by
Renee French and others. Fantagraphics Books.
*** Hate #16 - Buddy and Lisa go on a two-week vacation back to Buddy's
parents in New Jersey. Neurotic parents, irritating neighbors, and generally
bad karma depress them, but still they consider staying instead of going back
to Seattle. This is a good Generation-X point of view that brings up the
possibility that maybe its the *rest* of the world that's more fucked-up
than the chronic under-achievers. Fantagraphics Books.
*** Instant Piano #1 - A fairly thick mixture of comics by Evan Dorkin,
Kyle Baker, Mark Badger, Robbie Busch, and Stephen Destefano. Very uneven;
some of it doesn't work at all, some is great. I particularly liked the
cynical strips by Dorkin, plus an extra Milk and Cheese. Dark Horse Comics.
***** Jim vol. 2 #3 - More strange dreams and dark visions from Jim Woodring.
One involves him, in person, at a party and how a woman tricks him to swim
across a river to steal a raft. But, of course, the real "star" of the comic
is the adventures of Frank. This issue has two of them - one is a full-color
with all the strange flying objects, and the other is a gross black-and-white
where Manhog reaps yet more rewards his stupidity. Fantagraphics Books.
**** konny and czu #1 - More stories of the pair of galactic con-artists from
Matt Howarth. There's nothing even remotely human in it. Konny is captured
by a terrorist gang (Clintonese for tax protest group), and Czu enlists the
help of an old friend to rescue him, although this old friend turns out to
be the chief of police. Antarctic Press.
*** Last Gasp #1 - Anthology of bizarreness even a bit beyond most of the
ones listed here. Includes "Tyrannosaurus Tex" by Harold Robins, "Blummy" by
Steven Cerio, which is very reminiscent of Mike Diana's style, "AIDS Fucks
With Your Mind" by Mike Shafer, and many, many others. Much like a "bizarre
mind-fuck" version of Negative Burn. Last Gasp Comics.
**** Meatcake #3 - More stories by Dame Darcy, drawn with those elaborate
little frames around all the comic panels. The seemingly innocent and
whimsical style of her drawings stand in sharp contrast to the strange, dark,
and often cruel stories. Great stuff. Fantagraphics Books.
**** Naughty Bits #13 - An old friend from high school joins the company, but
Bitchy Bitch now has to put up with flipped-out hyper-religious types who
go crazy when they find out her friend is gay. Plus, lots more on just
getting along as a drone in a corporate wasteland. Fantagraphics Books.
***** Naughty Bits #14 - Office politics take off over Bitchy's friend, and
when she admits to being gay, the hyper-religious turn militant, spewing
hatred and propoganda. This is one of the best displays of the ignorant and
hateful mentality of the Christian "Right" I've seen in a while. Caught in
the middle, Bitchy Bitch overcomes her own fears and prejudices of gay people,
but the whole situation causes her friend to quit. Fantagraphics Books.
*** Negative Burn #12 - Another episode of the Twilight People, Mr. Mamoulian,
Classics Desecrated, and a text chapter from the Micra series are the high
points of this issue. Caliber Press
**** Negative Burn #14 - Lots of regular serials and new stories, and all of
them are good. This has a one-page Flaming Carrot written story, with a
picture, plus another episode of Boneshaker, more Classics Desecrated, Mr.
Mamoulian, and a great new one- The Chicken That Knew, Like, Everything.
I liked everything in this issue. Caliber Press.
*** No Hope #6 - by Jeff Levine, this is a series of short strips about
another splinter group of Generation X, that is, those people who have
managed to get a halfway-decent job, but find themselves locked into a
joyless and boring grind. Real depressing, but all too familiar. Slave
Labor Graphics.
*** normalman-Megaton Man special #1 - A somewhat extended satire/criticism
of the whole superhero commercialized comic book scene, normalman and Megaton
Man team up to find a company to sell out to. The most interesting parts,
however, are an appearance by Flaming Carrot, drawn by Bob Burden, and the
Beanworld by Larry Marder, plus cameos by lots of other artists. Image.
***** Nurture the Devil #2 - More of the dark, slimy, and terrifying cartoons
exploring a wide range of human fears and perversions. Its a strange place
where every human interaction has a demented and disturbed element, and the
cartoons draw you in to feel every bit of it. Horrifying but compelling at
the same time. Fantagraphics Books.
*** Post Brothers #39 - Russell Post is disturbed at his new deranged
nightclub by a wizard out for revenge; meanwhile Ron Post shows up at the
studio needing help from a computer virus. Caroline finds out that it isn't
the real Ron, but a digital virus that is also after Russell. The real
Ron shows up, and the fun begins. AEON.
*** Pressed Tongue #2 - More strangeness in the apartments- the super finds
out that only baby Todd's shit has the ability to cure wounds, the moralists
neighbors wage war on comics, but cook and eat their dead child, and Simon
and his girlfriend celebrate an anniversary. Disgusting and fun at the same
time. Fantagraphics Books.
*** Real Stuff #19 - More of Dennis Eichhorn's adventures. Hawaiian cops
ripping off stashes, the return of Wild Man Fischer, irrational hateful
fundamentalists, bad cocaine trips, and more. Artwork by Fiona Smyth,
Renee French, J.R. Williams, R.L. Crabb, and more. Fantagraphics Books.
* Ren & Stimpy #22 - Bedtime Stories - They seem to be seriously running
out of steam with story ideas. This is just a bunch of Ren&Stimpy-ized
nursery tales, recycled characters, and lame jokes. Not very good and
not original at all. Marvel Comics
*** Ren & Stimpy #24 - Stimpy goes nut trying to gather enough Gritty Kitty
boxtops to get a new litter box, and makes Ren miserable in the process.
Plus, Stimpy tries to get into the world records book, fails at every event,
but wins the most stupidest thing alive award. Marvel Comics.
*** Ren & Stimpy #25 - When Stimpy rips up all the furniture, Ren sends
him to obedience school, but he comes back as a sophisticated but boring
snob. Mr. Horse turns him back into his stupid self. Plus, Ren is mutated
into a Godzilla-like giant. Marvel Comics.
** Ren & Stimpy #26 - There might be a story buried somewhere in here among
all the superhero product endorsement ads. Whenever they have writer's
block, they start using old cliches as subjects; this one is irritating
things that kids do on car trips, like asking "Are We There Yet" incessantly.
Things barely get going after that. More unimaginative stuff from Marvel Comics.
*** Ren & Stimpy Show Special #3 - This is a Commander Hoek and Stimpy
story that contains not only their usual antics, but time travel and a
story line that the reader determines, by going back and forth to different
sections depending on your choice. Nicely done, and fun. Marvel Comics.
*** Savage Henry Vol. 1 No. 2 - Henry meets up with the techno musician Moby
in a dream. They have lots of fun times, before they figure out that they
are both in a single dream, and that someone is manipulating them. By doing
so, they spoil a Dream Merchant's plans. Iconografix.
*** The Tick - Karma Tornado #5 - The Tick joins the Leage of Justly
Compensated Super Heroes, who demand payments for doing Good, and they plan
on using the Tick to extort money for them. When they almost beat up Arthur,
the Tick wipes them out. New England Comics Press.
*** The Tick - Karma Tornado #6 - The Tick becomes the target of self-righteous
windbag politicians who blame superheroes for all of the countries problems.
Actually is the supervillian, the Spin Doctor who is controlling the media
for his own purposes. The Tick fights, and wins. New England Comics Press.
*** Underwater #1 - This new series by Chester Brown starts off with a pair
of twin girls being born and taken home. Whats odd is the whole thing is
from one of the babies point of view, with all of the dialog being
complete gibberish, with a word understood here and there. Plus
Chester's panel-to-page ratio is getting better. It'll be interesting to
see where this one goes. Drawn and Quarterly.
*** Whot Not #4 - More stories running the gamut between cynical, biting satire
and puerile silliness. This history of the development (and impact) of TV,
another strange installment of "Americaville", and more. A healthy dose of
disturbing strangeness throughout. Fantagraphics Books.
**** Peter Kuper's Wild Life #2 - Where the first issue dealt with the
angst of teenage sex (or lack thereof), this one is about his drug
experiences while growing up. Its a real honest look at adolescent drug
use which is, overall, a fun and enlightening experience, unlike DARE
bullshit nightmare propganda. Of course, there's the tense times with
the law, and the bad trips, but overall its bong-a-thons that lots of people
can identify with. A fun, and different, way of looking at growing up.
Plus, a couple of other neat, smaller cartoons. Fantagraphics Books
*** XXXenophile presents #3: Utopia Unlimited 1 - Definitely not short of
orgies and kinky sex, but very little story to hold it together. An undersexed
spaceship officer who must report on unauthorized sexual encounters among the
crew is turned on by a crew that is into nearly everything. Palliard Press.
v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
ZINES and THINGS
from the depths of the SACRED PO BOX:
Anticryptographa 797 - This is a collection of very dense chaotic artwork
of the Whores of Goddess Scientists (WOGSS), which is an "anarcho-gnostic-
Thelemic-Psychick-Scientists". This "alien art anticodebook" is a collection
of more wild clip-art from various and sundry mystical traditions than I've
ever seen together in one place, intersperced among various codewords and
strange texts. Every bit as chaotic and engaging as the random artwork
surround pages in the Book of the SubGenius, it is designed to destroy the
current stupid & corrupt cults- which is perhaps the most worthy goal of all.
(sample page & ad follows) Available in 7 sets of 3 double-sided pages for
$2.31/set or all for $13.31. Not for the weak-willed.
Rev. Adtrian Cain, 1800 Market St. #47, San Francisco, CA 94102
Asi-9 Comics - black and white comic books, with a story or two of text in
each of them. Strange and silly, but not too far over the edge. Artwork is
actually quite good for such small books (25-30 pages). No price listed.
ASI-9, 960 Taft Ave. #3, Atlanta, GA 30309
Barefoot and Pregnant - #2 and #3 - a BIG THANKS to Dave Mitchell for turning
me on to his comics at DragonCon - This comic is about two backwoods girls,
Barefoot and Pregant (who is knocked up, but that doesn't stop her from
partying as hard as she can) who like fast cars, hard drinking, bad country
music, and other redneck trash culture. Eerily authentic depiction of some
*real* people I've seen. About as politically incorrect as you can get, it
takes southern-bashing to its probably deserved and fun conclusion. $1 each
from Kill City Graphics, PO Box 5094, Winter Park, FL 32793-5094
Battle Cry Sounding - and other various titles from Aggressive Christianity
Missions Training Corp - Although this sounds like a military organization, and
the people in it call themselves "generals", they do at least disclaim the use
of force. These are all newsprint-style papers full of various and somewhat
predictable fundamentalist rants, but they are one HELLUVA GREAT source of
the best clip-art I've seen in quite a while. They're into the whole fire
and brimstone routine, and some of their material against the evil rock-n-roll,
backward masking, porno, etc., matches the hysterical best of other groups.
For a big package of several newspapers, write a convincing note to:
ACMTC, PO Box 90, Berino, NM 88024
Boredom Inc - Merlin and Thanatos have put out another sort-of-newsletterish
kind of single-sheet publication, folded in impossible ways. For a single,
big sheet, there's a lot on it. Both sides are covered with art, short
stories, articles with varying degrees of meaning, etc. Plus, what's been
happening lately with Bordom Inc. Issue #5 has articles on Ninja
techniques for breaking auto glass, Elvis, long-distance relationships,
and the creation of the universe. Free, send a stamp or sase to
help them out: Boredom Inc., 3479 West 7480 South, West Jordan, UT 84084
Brinke Stevens Newsletter - Summer 1994 - Look for her in Femme Fatales or
Scream Queen Illustrated magazine. In addition to crossing the country for
comic stores and conventions, she will be doing an Elvira-like show for
Showtime. Laser disc versions of The Haunting Fear, Acting on Impulse, and
Teenage Exorcist are now available. Plus, of course, her comic book,
Brinke of Eternity. Plus, lots of posters, pictures, and videos are
available from the newsletter. Brinke Stevens Fan Club, 8033 Sunset Blvd
#556, Hollywood, CA 90046
Central Carolina Naturists Newsletter - This is an organization of people who
hold a variety of clothing-optional parties and beach events in and around the
NC area. They are discreet, don't have a lot of rules, and are very tolerant
and courteous. One of the biggest things is that they can comfortably
separate nudity from sexual intent, something that few people can easily do
in this culture. Membership is $15/year- Central Carolina Naturists, PO
Box 98102, Raleigh, NC 27624-8012 ccnat@nando.net
Dream Scene Magazine - Spring 1994 - This is a collection of short descriptions
of people's dreams, with submissions encouraged. There's lots of the sorts
of stream-of-consciousness stories, with ever-mutating circumstances, plus
lots of drawings and images. I'm going to start keeping a notepad by my bed-
I've had some dreams to match some of these, and these are fun to read also.
$3/issue, four for $11; contributors get the next issue free with 3 stamps to
cover postage. 38 Rossi Ave., Suite Number One, San Francisco, CA 94118-4218
DystOpinion #18 by Wangifesto Press - They do lots of reviews of the latest
independently-produced music, much of it on 7" vinyl. They aren't afraid to
tell you when a band is good or not, clones, copycats, or original. Most of
their musical tastes seem to run toward the grunge/heavier rock with a
bit of alternative, although they do seem to be fair to bands they aren't
into. Plus, they also review zines, demos, books, comics, or other things
that they find interesting. This makes a nice complement to the music
listings in FS5. No price listed in this issue, but at least send some stamps
to: Wangifesto Press, PO Box 45622, Seattle, WA 98145-0622
Eat Or Die #5 - Slack-filled collages of cultural, social, and technical icons
and assorted interesting and/or confusing flotsam. Plus, some neat cartoons
on The Museum Murders and Birdie the Cat, and occasional articles. Overall,
lots of fun, crazy stuff, and definitely recommended. Send $2 to:
Eat or Die, 230 Avenue B, Apartment 4, Bayonne, NJ 07002
*Enter Title Here* vol 3 #4 - Newsletter by Greg Jarvela with short stories,
an interview with a vampyre *before the movie*, 50 tasteless things to do
on an elevator, reviews of strange and offbeat, but worthy movies, music
and zine reviews. Very similar to HToMC in terms of content and style.
$1 from Greg Jarvela, PO Box 14, Vienna, OH 44473.
Ephemera Buttons - There's lots of people out there who make buttons, but few
who make such a large, funny and hard-hitting collection as this. Tons of
attitude oozes out in buttons like "Please take a number and go fuck yourself."
"Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection", "Nothing Political is
Correct", "I voted for the Dead Elvis stamp". There's something here to piss
off nearly any proponent of any sort of status quo, and there's lots of great
ones. Most of these are also available as round or rectangular refrigerator
magnets. The catalog alone is great reading, and can be had for 4 29 cent
stamps from: PO Box 490, Phoenix, OR 97535 (503) 535-4195
FACTSHEET 5 issue #53 - Absolutely required reading. Over 1400 reviews of
everything from zines of all descriptions, to music, comics, etc. If its
self-published, its probably listed here, and there's something to interest
absolutely any social, political, religious, etc. mindset. Enough listings
to keep the hardcore veterans interesting, with lots of instructions and
articles on how to produce your own, plus how zines are being noticed by the
"mainstream" culture. Look for it in the better bookstores for $3.95, or 6
issue subscription for $20.00. SEND THEM YOUR ZINES!!
Factsheet Five, PO Box 170099, San Francisco, CA 94117-0099.
Fandom vol. 10 #2 - the official newspaper of the Magnum Opus Con, an infamous
and rather intense gaming and party convention. The last one's guests included
Mojo, the computer graphics animator for Babylon 5, Patricia Tallman, Spice
Williams, Bruce Campbell, Gunnar Hansen, Kane Hodder, Brinke Stevens, and more.
This copy is primarily an update on the next MOC, which is being moved from
Greenville, SC to a resort motel about an hour south of Atlanta. The bad part
is that the only time they could get this motel is July 13-16th, which puts it
in direct conflict with DragonCon in Atlanta, which is a damn shame because
both of them are worthy events. We'll see how this works out. For info,
write to Magnum Opus Con 10, PO Box 6585, Athens, GA 30604
Formulations: A Publication of the Free Nation Foundation. Autumn 1994. The
Free Nation Foundation was founded to determine what institutions are needed
for a free society. Formulations is their quarterly publication. This issue
marks the beginning of their second year of publications, so they reprinted
their original plan. Among the articles in this issue are an expanded
definition of their goals, solutions for the funding of public goods, an
argument that modern nations do not need a standing military, examples of
private protection services in historical England, plus several articles on the
status and activities of the Free Nation Foundation. If you are tired of
reading about all the things we should get rid of, and want to know what
institutions we *should* have, get this copy. Free sample, sub. $10/year,
published quarterly. Membership in FNF is $30/year. Free Nation Foundation,
111 West Corbin St., Hillsborough, NC 27278 [reviewed by Gene Paczelt]
Funny Pages #58 - Lots of the current jokes making the rounds, the more
tasteless the better. OJ Simpson is the butt of a large number of them,
since thats whats in the news nowadays. There is also various other
cartoons, office humor, sick jokes, and pranks. Not for the politically
correct- no subject matter is exempt. The very latest and best of
contemporary outrageous humor. $2 or 10 issues/year for $15.
Funny Pages, PO Box 317025, Dayton, OH 45437. Fax jokes to: (513) 253-4087
Good Clean Fun: The Elvis of Comic Strips, published by Gene Mahoney. Summer
1994. Gene Mahoney couldn't sell his comic strip to commercial outlets, so
he publishes his own zine. The humor is bitter and ironic, similar to "Calvin
and Hobbes", Outland, or The Far Side. In his column, "Notes from a Bitter
Old Man", Gene argues that it is better to cheat on your spouse than get a
divorce and cause more problems. There are additional guest columns, letters,
and zine reviews. Not inherently political, but it has a strong individualistic
attitude of the type "quit your whining and get on with your life". the next
issue will be out Nov. 1, 1994. Quarterly, $1 for a sample, $5 for 5 issues.
Gene Mahoney, PO Box 843, Redwood City, CA 94064 [review by Gene Paczelt]
Ho! #1 and #2, plus Pug #0, by the No (Know) Information Network
Black-and-white hardcore comics, articles, and commentary- but mostly comics.
Absolutely anything is fair game, and range from silly to serious commentary
to outrageously bizarre and disgusting, with influenced by hefty portions of
punk and the dark side of California culture. Definitely not for the squeamish
or prudish, I had one helluva fun time reading them. Definitely good stuff,
and well worth it. Some of the comics, except for the intensity achievable
only in self-published works, are good enough to be in more commercial works.
$2.50 each for Ho!, $2 for Pug, to: No (Know) Information Network
PO Box 291516, Los Angeles, CA 90029
Imprimis - A monthly newsletter, published by the small, private, and
religiously-based Hillsdale College. Every month they publish an article by
a conservative or libertarian. The Sept. 1994 edition has "A New Century and
a New Optimism" by Robert Bartley, editor of the Wall Street Journal. This
was his commencement address to the 1994 class of Hillsdale College. He
discusses the problems caused by social engineers during the 20th century,
and the problems and opportunities of the 21st century. Finally, he explains
how technology and worldwide telecommunications can be liberating. FREE from
Hillsdale College, Hillsdale MI 49242 [rev. by Eugene Paczelt]
Interesting! - issue 3 - Produced by Richard Sagall, this is a collection of
assorted things he find interesting, ranging from quotes, strange but true
news items, assorted trivia, and more. This one also includes reviews of some
zines he finds interesting, Richard's ongoing crusade to correct medical
inaccuracies and factual errors in popular TV shows. Also, the soapbox section
has opinions on people using "addiction" as an excuse for their behavior, a
volunteer-oriented Priceless Economic System (promising paradise...now where
have we seen *that* before?...), popular coverage of medical information, and
sports-related violence by fans. The zine lives up to its name- I found it
to be quite interesting, and learned a few new things I hadn't heard before.
$3/issue from: Interesting! PO Box 1069, Bangor, ME 04402-1069
Living Free - Nov. 1994 - published by Jim Stumm. A friendly zine providing
practical tips for independent living and making the most of limited resources.
It is sort of a libertarian zine version of "The Mother Earth News". This
issue's lead article is on the Spratley Islands, a collection of islands in the
South China Sea claimed by five nations. Other articles include the advantages
of plural marriages, the governors' demand for more power to the states, and
a commentary on the essay "Ethics of an Atheist." Finally, a book review of
"Saving Seeds: The Gardener's guide to growing and saving vegetable and flower
seeds." by Marc Rogers. Sample issue $1, subscription $9/year published
bi-monthly from Jim Strumm, Box 29, Hiler Branch, Buffalo, NY 14223 [GP]
Lost Armadillos in Heat #10 - More silliness from the party crowd in Austin,
Texas, which is a cultural oasis in the middle of the stereotypical cowboy
country. (yes, its actually a separate *country*) This issue has a great
interview with General Cosmic, who is either an alien life form in control of
the government, or just a local crackpot. Austin has lots of them too.
Plus, lots of various articles on bad and good music, mis-labeling of GenXers,
armadillos, local Austin trivia and in-jokes, abusive advice columnists, and
lots more. $2 per issue to Lost Armadillos, 1113 W. 31st St. Austin, TX 78705
Mail Order Central - One-stop shopping for all sorts of counter-culture
magazines including Last Gasp, Loompanis, Blue Blood, High Times, The Nose,
Gauntlet, Factsheet 5, Film Threat, and a wide variety of other erotic,
subversive, gay, psychotronic, and strange publications. Ask for mail-order
catalog from: Mail Order Central, PO Box 31353, San Francisco, CA 94131
ManPower vol 1 #2 - Summer 1994 - This issue exposes how all of the new
domestic abuse bills are intended more to garner political favor among female
voters than address the real problems of domestic violence. Literally billions
of dollars are spent to help female victims of such violence, yet absolutely
nothing is done nor even said about the large numbers of *men* who are on the
receiving end of violence by females. Even worse, the law as it is set up now
is more likely to arrest men for such violence at the slightest accusation,
which is being more and more abused by women seeking revenge- yet little or
nothing is done when crimes are reported against the men. Plus, tons and tons
of actual cases explode the myth that women never commit heinous crimes. This
is a bold call for *true* equality under the law, as opposed to the PC myths
and gender favoritism now in effect. Membership in the Men's Action Council
is $25/year; the newsletter is available for $15/year, and its thick.
Men's Action Council, PO Box 27365, Golden Valley, MN 55427
Methodical Soup #1 - Large format comics; the panels are *big*. It isn't
quite as well drawn as other comics either, but there are some interesting
ideas in it. A character explores comic balloons and effects as literals,
a story on the ultimate comic-writing computer, and the adventures of
Flower Skull. $1 from 3863 S. Spring Apt, 8, St. Louis, MO 63116
Mickey Z. Says: A newsletter of Dissent. A personal rantzine published by
Mickey Z., with lots of attacks on big government, big corporations, the
mainstream media, and most of all, us. It occasionally includes information
from and about other zines. He attacks us for messing ourselves up with poor
diets, cigarettes, lack of exercise, and for believing so much of the
propoganda the media feeds us. He usually includes statistics to back up his
opinions, so it is more than just a collection of rants. By no means libertarian,
and is in fact socialistic; if you have heard of Noam Chomsky, you should like
this. Mickey Z. Says, PO Box 9103, L.I.C., NY 11103-0904 [Gene Pazcelt]
Millenium Pop - Looking back over the 20th century, with the rise of popular
consumer culture, the editor, Tim Riley, notes that there is a corresponding
decrease of intelligent criticism of popular culture in the mainstream media.
This issue has thought-provoking articles on how rock-n-roll artists "sell out"
and how thats been part of it from the beginning, the demise of Eddie Murphy,
popularized paranoia on "The X Files", and the comeback of Johnny Cash. They
aren't afraid to be honest, even though it may be painful at times, and they
give serious attention to how popular culture is changing. Quarterly, $24.95
per year to: Millenium Pop, 173 Morrison Ave. #1, Somerville MA 02144-9983
Mongoloid Moose - July 1994 - Scott was too busy to do a regular issue, so
Brian takes over. This one includes the story "Further Adventures of the Duck",
adventures in the audience of the Richard Bey show, adventures in food shopping,
zine reviews, and cartoons. Extra points for a *truly* gross short story.
$1 from Scott Wilson, PO Box 642, Bloomfield, NJ 07003
Mongoloid Moose - Sept. 1994 -This issue features 101 interesting "alternative"
lawn decorations, adventures of working as a production assistant (and gopher)
for the Miss America pageant in Atlantic City, and going back to college.
Plus, stories, cartoons, artwork, and the Checkered Hat Boy and the Moose.
The next issue will continue the Miss America experience and other adventures.
$1 from Scott Wilson, PO Box 642, Bloomfield, NJ 07003
National Center for Science Education REPORTS - Fall 1994 - This is the
official newsletter of a watchdog group that fights against the take-over of
science curriculums by creationists. As it turns out, there really is, as
Pat Buchanan said, a "cultural war" going on, with pseudo-scientific and
thinly disguised fundamentalist morons taking over city councils and school
boards all over the country. Its all documented here with all the gory
details. Despite the best efforts by these courageous folks to stem the tide,
the Dark Ages may be coming back. $25 for a one-year membership that gets
you 4 issues of this report, plus 2 issues of the more scholarly journal.
NCSE, PO Box 94777, Berkeley, CA 94709
No High Energy Particle Beam Research In The Nursery Area During Visiting Hours
This is the latest Marks on Paper production by David Fischer (dave@cca.org).
Like earlier publications, it involves lots of complex and eye-popping computer
graphics, woven together by a complex and esoteric narrative. This one deals
with a possible future where a computerized tyranny has become the next step
in human evolution, with absurdities of apolcalypse contrasted with wild and
outrageous advances in (human?) events. Thoughtful and dark, but sometimes
humorous, sci-fi theme. With many possible levels of reading its, perfect for
mind-altered states*, and at only $3, its a fun bargain in any mental state.
Marks on Paper, 306 Thayer St. #82, Providence, RI 02906
Ogyr Network - Series 3 issue 3 - The SubGenius/Discordian/Alternative music
zine continues. This one features posthumous interviews with Nicole Brown
Simpson and John Wayne Gacy, articles by various critics, popes, Janor
Hypercleets. Great stuff that you won't find anywhere else. Plus, one of
the most complete alternative record review sections anywhere, band interviews,
zines, cartoons, art by Gak, contacts for weird people. Tons of great stuff-
one of my favorites. Ogyr Network, PO Box 53, Plainfield, IL 60544
Ogyr Network - Series 3 issue 4 - This issue returns with more strange stories,
poetry, zines, and TONS of alternative music reviews, covering the best of
the newest releases. Plus, interviews with David Wills of Negativland and
Valor of Christian Death. Also, an interview with Pastor Buck Naked, on why
he left the Church of the SugGenius, and his new "Logo Culture" theory.
Ogyr Network, PO Box 53, Plainfield, IL 60544
Out of Bounds #2 - Nice mix of alternative to "alternative" opinions, reviews,
and lots more. Nice professionally printed format, similar to FS5, with a
far-ranging mix of opinions and analysis, much by the noted critic Mickey Z.
They don't stop with the usual degenerate "mainstream" culture -there's plenty
to be said about the "alternatives" too. Articles in this one include the
commercialization of the "alternative" music scene, government death squads,
a tribute to Frank Zappa, asset forfeiture by greedy police departments, the
hypocrisy of greeting cards, and lots more. A good, healthy, think-for-
yourself attitude pervades the whole thing, and its a long, fun read at
75 pages. Sample copy $4, 4 issues/year for $14 to: Out of Bounds
PO Box 4809, Alexandria, VA 22303 or (703) 765-7495
Poppin' Zits! #9 - Jerod Pore's own personal zine, above and beyond FS5, is
back again. This particular issue is stapled on the right, and reads right
to left, just like Japanese magazines, which fits the theme of this issue,
which centers around all the details of a trip to Japan a couple of years ago.
I think I learned more about the Japanese culture and mindset from this than
any other single source, plus there's tons of great info on how to search for
wild mushrooms. Plus, there's a brief story on the transfer of Factsheet
Five, and why it took so long. Its a fun read, and a good way to get to
understand the modern perspective that Jerod and so many others bring to the
scene. $3 and an age statement to Jerod Pore, 1800 Market St., Suite 141,
San Francisco, CA, 94102-6297
Pretentious Shit #3 - Easily wins the Most Hardcore Zine received by HToMC in
quite a while. This issue includes fun tricks to play on the police, shaved
pussies, the disgusting funeral/party for G.G. Allin and the gross things they
did with his corpse, Ed Gein's taxidermy tips, Mexican gore tabloids, a
montage of GAK-art, and more. Nothing is too disgusting, weird, or tasteless
to be printed here. Highly recommended- send an age statement because of vile
content. Tremendous amount of sleaze for only $1 from Eclectic Enterprises,
PO Box 22351, Indianapolis, IN 46222-0351
Probosco #2 - the funny pipe-creatures with horizontally-extending noses are
back! The comic book is a collection of short strips or panels exploring
some of the more silly and bizarre aspects of such an anatomy. Very different
and original, so much so that not everybody "gets" it. Plus, letters, reviews
and even Probosco parodies. Has tremendous potential for reading under the
influence. $1 from Probosco, PO Box 1041, Berkeley, CA 94701. Send a SASE
for Jim Richardson's 5-page manifesto "On Ridiculism"; also available for $1
are copies of "3 Magazine", done with Joel Brouwer.
Sink Full of Dishes - Fall 1994 - 20 pages of mixed stories, poetry, zine and
comic reviews, dreams, artwork, and several comics. Covers a pretty wide
variety of topics from sexual leering to travel reviews and tips. Lots of
stuff, and the mixed-up format makes for a fairly long and intersting read.
$2 sampel or 4 issues for $6: Sink Full of Dishes, PO Box 160122,
St. Louis, MO 63116
Skeptical Inquirer - Fall 1994 - The foremost journal devoted to the
investigation of extrordinary claims. No one else even approaches the work
they do, and this is a valuable information to plug into your bullshit
detector. This issue looks at empirical evidence for reincarnation,
environmentalist paranois over the ozone hole, bigfoot evidence, and various
other UFO/miracles/satanic cult/media hoaxes. When put to the test, the
mystics don't fare very well at all. $25/year from the Committee for the
Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal (CSICOP), 3965 Rensch Rd.
Amherst, NY 14228-2713
Slack - This is a small magazine-format paper put by the Zenger people.
Although Dobbs is featured prominently, the material isn't so much Dobbsian
as it is conspiracy articles. This one tells the gory details behind FEMA,
the government agency designed to be a tyrannical emergency "government",
how to deal with federal agents, NSA employee security procedures, and more.
NOTE: I've heard that the "flying footwear", sneakers tied together over
power cables, is a code indicating that a crack house is nearby.
Distributed free around Madison, WI, or 12 issues for $13 to:
slack magazine, PO Box 2243, Madison, WI 53701-2243
Smite #5 - It hasn't died! O.J. Simpson gives a guest editorial, a tale about
attempting to work at McDonald's, serial killers, a jaundiced view of Star
Trek, reviews of obscure badfilm, with an extra section on the extra-cheesy
film "Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park", the incredibly bad Kiss movie.
I particularly like spite because its funny, and the personal first-person
point of view of everything. Send $1 to R.L. Porter, PO Box 1064,
Lufkin, TX 75902
Sniper's Nest - issue 2 Fall 94 - A subversive zine which questions a lot of
the premises of society, which I can certainly identify with. This issue looks
at authoritarian undertones inherent in "safety" films and other children's
programming, a look at some historical pirates who formed egalitarian
communes, a cross-country trip, which speaks volumes about the way this
society is turning out, plus ominous real news. I agree completely about the
joke of a "Crime Bill"- its nothing more than a feeding frenzy for the police,
and won't do a damn thing to effect real crime. Plus, reviews and more.
$2 to Sniper's Next, PO Box 2351, Galveston, TX 77553-2351
Snuff It #2 - Quarterly publication of The Church of Euthanasia (also see the
interview with Rev. Korda) - With the Earth's resources being already strained
in so many ways, and future projections of explosive population growth
foreboding Malthusian tragedy, this group advocates *voluntary* means to
slow down and reverse the human tide. This issue includes articles on Big
Brother, urine therapy, COE infiltration of a Population Awareness rally,
which upset other more "politically correct" groups (too fucking bad!), an
interview with Sebastian, and COE on the Internet. Sample issue $2, only
$10 for 6 issues. The Church of Euthanasia, PO Box 261, Somerville, Ma 02143
<Also see the interview with Rev. Korda of the Church of Euthanasia
in this issue.>
So What? - Vol. 1 #23 - Free to all mutants. Shopping for Slack, Wacky
Christian of the month: Harold Camping who predicted the Rapture in Sept. 1994.
TV Rants and Raves, fellow freaks, slack music, and movie reviews. Small, but
there's a lot in it. Write to: Rev. Groovy G,, PO Box 378, Richmond VA 23203
Spare R.I.B.S. #8 - Sketches of Humanity, published by David Kennerly.
A perzine of art, poetry, letters, fiction, reviews and philosophical articles.
One article by David describes his recent three days at a Buddhist monastery
outside of San Francisco. Two articles of libertarian interest are "liberty
and the Judeo-christian heritage" by Bob Bass, and "Income Tax Returns: the
Hidden Social Contract." Finally, reviews of the magazine "Extropy" and the
Loompanics Unlimited catalog. Published irregularly when David gets adequate
material and funds together. [review by Gene Paczelt] **NOTE** Spare R.I.B.S.
is on indefinite hiatus, and we all wish David well in Basic Training. Copies
of issue #8 are available from HToMC for $1 or stamps, PO Box 30904, Raleigh
NC 27622
Survivor Newsletter - Aug. 1994 - Originally started as a fund raiser for a
Scout troop in Queens NY, this newsletter has expanded to include info on
self-reliance, survival, civil defense, and the general corruption of our
"government" with lots of political cartoons. They have lots of ads and
contact addresses for survivalist, self defense, and scouting/outdoors
organizations, and encourage a network among freedom-oriented folk.
$1 from Evans, Apartment 2E, 11-15 45th Ave., LIC, NY 11101
The Book Your Church Doesn't Want You to Read - This goes into things that
the church leadership doesn't want its followers to know- pagan origins of
all "modern" religions, false prophecies, end times, mind control, pedophilia,
fundamentalism, and more. Over 40 authors contributed sections on abortion,
the Dead Sea Scrolls, separation of church and state, and more. Blows the
lid off modern-day practices, the notion of which may not be new to a lot of
people, but this help you to understand *why*. $19.95, Manoa Valley Publish.
PO Box 5009, Balboa Island, CA 92662
The Red A - vol. 1 #5 May 1994 - I picked this one up in the streets of Atlanta
during the last DragonCon. This is a a collection of essays, poems, personal
experiences, and quotes, dealing with various aspects of anarchy. As I've
said to other capitalism-bashers: be very careful that what you're protesting
isn't capitalism as such, but *statism*. There's a big difference. No cost,
but you might want to include a stamp or two. Anthony Harris,
206 College St. Apt. 3, Macon, GA 31210
Ticket to Hades #1 - A short booklet, hastily put together in 15 minutes.
The Ten Things the Baby Jesus Taught Me, some assorted silliness, and a
rather dark and gruesome poem. Not much here, but they're asking for
material. 29 cent stamp from Mad Dog, PO Box 60213, Savannah, GA 31420
Yellow Submarine #10 - Collection of stories and offbeat news articles that
look at the darker side of American culture. This issue includes a tribute
to Frank Zappa, a comprehensive organizational chart of the CFR/Trilateral/
New World Order, Asshole of the Month: Jesse Helms, Howard Stern's book.
Plus, other bits of cartoons, contacts, ads, and other subversive commentary
and opinion. $2 from Yellow Submarine, PO Box 81, Elmira, NY 14902
Your Freedom #9 - This issue explores the uconstitutional slave-making
powers of the Selective Service, an in-depth exploration of the roots of
concensual (victimless) crimes, from Peter McWilliam's excellent book on
the subject, alternate and much fairer tax systems, and treating "dangerous"
knowledge as contraband. These are great articles on the notion of being
left alone by government, with the greatest amount of personal freedom as
possible, without regard to specific doctrine or politics. Sample issue $2,
1 year for $18 to: PO Box 54562, Oklahoma City, OK 73154-1562
Your Freedom #10 - A recommended reading list for freedom-oriented ideas,
reviews of other anarchist/independent zines, an inside look at the British
police state in Ireland, the explosive cancer-like growth of unnecessary laws
in this country, and a personal look at what freedom means from perhaps the
last truly free spirits in the country today: bikers. Find out just how far
away we are now from the ideals that *suppose* to govern this country. Sample
issue $2, sub $18 from PO Box 54562, Oklahoma City, OK 73154-1562
Zenger - This is a mini-newspaper, in newsprint, that I thought I'd never see
again. But, its here. I don't see Ben Masel listed anywhere in it, but the
people who have taken it over have done a good job of providing a GREAT source
of alternate news that the "establishment" either can't or won't print. Lots
of articles exposing the malignant policies of our corrupt government, plus
coverage of propoganda, mind-control, corruption, and greed happening all
over the country. $10 for 6 issues, PO Box 3323, Madison WI, 53704 or
call (608) 238-9404
&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&
The Church of Euthanasia
has one commandment:
"Thou shalt not procreate."
This means NO BREEDING! Some related guidelines for
good living follow:
1. Suicide is optional, but encouraged.
2. Abortion may be required to avoid
violation of the commandment.
3. Cannibalism is mandatory if you insist
on eating flesh.
4. Sodomy is optional, but strongly
encouraged.
Note that in most states, sodomy is legally defined as any
sexual act not intended for procreation.
For a catalog and free gift, send a SASE to:
C.O.E., BOX 261, SOMERVILLE, MA 02143
SAVE THE PLANET! KILL YOURSELF!
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this is a blatant advertisement. read carefully for full mind-numbing effect!
print copies and spread to your family and loved ones...
O G Y R N E T W O R K
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Features: * Exclusive interviews with Nicole Simpson and John Wayne Gacy
* Janor Hypercleets interviews Jesus Christ!
* Music Reviews of gothic / inudstrial / alternative
including the heretical 'Bob's Media Ecology'
* artwork from GAK and Rev. Nenslo and Dr. Onan Cannobite
* SubGenius comix from Nenslo, Frappy, and Palmer Vreedeez
* fiction and poetry from other SubGenii around the USA
* Scene reports from Chicago Il. and Milwaukee Wi.
* a contest where *you* can win 2 -=FREE=- CDs and a T-shirt!
* 'Zine Reviews of other SubGenii magazines
* contact information for other SubGenii and SubGenii affiliates!
This wealth of information, a bi-monthly dosage of -=SLACK=-, comes directly
to *you* in the mail in 30 (count 'em) chock-full-o'-yuks pages!
by gum! how do I get this thing?
Send $2 cash to: OGYR NETWORK PO BOX 53 PLAINFIELD, IL. 60544 USA
your "tide me over" magazine to the _Stark Fist of Removal_...
{[$aint @ndrew]} (saint_andrew@anl.gov)
*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*
AN INTERVIEW WITH REV. KORDA
Reprinted from Up Magazine
Up: The platform of the Church of Euthanasia includes suicide, abortion,
cannibalism and sodomy. Why did you choose those four things?
Korda: Well, first of all we have to establish what they all have in common,
and that is of course that they all reduce the human population, which is
the primary goal of the church.
Up: And you approve of these four methods?
Korda: Well, these are the four that really stand out as being the most useful
for the moment.
Up: But you approve of all methods?
Korda: We prefer methods that are voluntary. The population is going to get
reduced one way or the other. We have a choice between allowing things
to continue the way they are, in which case natural forces will reduce
the population for us, with the maximum amount of violence and
unpleasantness, or we can take steps to try and reduce our population
voluntarily, through the four pillars of the church.
Up: You're opposed to involuntary population reduction?
Korda: We don't believe in mass murder. We would prefer to see things done
in an orderly and sensible manner, to the extent that that's still
possible. The longer we delay, the more likely it becomes that will be
no sensible solution. Already we see chaos in our society, spreading out
from the cities, and from the United States to the rest of the world.
There's not much time left. If there's going to be an orderly solution
it needs to be started immediately.
Up: And you're not just talking about zero population growth, you're talking
about population reduction.
Korda: Absolutely. It's been well known for some time now that zero
population growth just isn't enough, and we haven't even achieved that.
It's a common belief that the United States has already achieved zero
population growth, when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth.
Our population continues to grow, and not just from immigration. In the
rest of the world, the population is growing at an incredible rate. As
things become more and more uncertain, due in large part to the tremendous
strain placed on the ecosystem by the industrial nations, people have less
and less confidence that their children will survive, so they have more
of them. The numbers speak for themselves. At the current rate, the human
population will reach eight billion by 2020, which is well within our
lifetimes. It's just common sense that the Earth's ecosystem is not going
to sustain that population, and that the side effects are going to be
famine, disease, war, and chaos on a scale that we can't even imagine yet.
Up: The apocalypse.
Korda: Right.
Up: But wouldn't the apocalypse accomplish your goal?
Korda: Actually, no. The apocalypse would involve the destruction of the
ecosystem, and that's what we're trying to prevent. There are many groups
out there who support war, particularly nuclear war, as a way of
drastically reducing or eliminating the human species. There is no doubt
that the process would be effective, but it would also make vast areas of
the Earth unsuitable for any form of life. What we're trying to do is put
the human species back in balance with the other species on the planet.
We're trying to prevent the apocalypse.
Up: Abortion and suicide are obvious. These are responsible decisions that
people can make. Can you be more specific about how sodomy will directly
affect the population?
Korda: Well, no one ever got pregnant from sodomy.
Up: (laughs)
Korda: Seriously, why do you think it's still illegal in most states? We are
living in a society that is almost entirely dominated by hetrosexual males.
Our government is a patriarchy. Our god is a father figure. There's been
no check, no restraint, on male power for hundreds of years, and the
results are horrifying.
Up: Why do males behave this way?
Korda: It all comes down to biology. The male has approximately six hundred
million sperm in his body at any given time, and these little guys are
jumping up and down in there yelling "let me out, let me out!" By
contrast, the female has one egg. There's a well known saying that when
the dick gets hard, the brain gets soft, and it's actually very close to
the truth. Men will say anything to get laid. Their sperm makes them
crazy.
Up: The dreaded sperm buildup!
Korda: It's not just that. Males also lose an enormous amount of energy when
they ejaculate, unlike females, who lose their energy through menstruation.
Women can have orgasms all day long without any problem. This is the
principle reason females live longer than males. All of this was well
understood in traditional Asian cultures, where boys were taught sexual
yoga to help them retain their semen. In our society, men are encouraged
to ejaculate as often as possible, so of course they become weak, and
gradually develop deep resentment towards women. This makes them extremely
dangerous, and causes sadism and violence. Industrial society is really
the male's attempt to get revenge for his natural sexual inadequacy by
raping the Earth.
Up: So you're opposed to ejaculation?
Korda: Yes, but we're also pragmatic. What we're saying is, since we have all
these angry men trying to get rid of their sperm, why don't they get rid of
it in each other?
Up: But what if they don't want to be queer?
Korda: Women can oblige just as easily. Grease it up. If more guys were
fucking asses instead of pussies, the population would drop. That's the
bottom line.
Up: (more laughs) Should they wear condoms?
Korda: Of course! We're opposed to all needless suffering, including AIDS.
Up: Okay, cannibalism. Are there any restrictions?
Korda: Look, we have fifty thousand automobile fatalities per year, and we're
lucky if we recycle a few organs. Perfectly good meat is being buried in
the ground, or incinerated. That meat should go to straight to McDonald's.
The United States wastes vast amounts of energy so that its citizens can
eat as much meat as they want. It's just plain dumb. It takes more than
seven pounds of grain to create one pound of meat. Read Diet for a Small
Planet if you want the exact figures. There's no sensible reason why the
rest of the world should starve so that we can eat meat. It's just another
form of cultural decadence. But the church is realistic. We're not
expecting Americans to stop eating meat, any more than we're expecting them
to stop ejaculating. If they have to eat meat, let's make sure it's human
meat.
Up: Have you researched the nutritional value of human flesh?
Korda: There's nothing wrong with it. It's good for you, and tasty too. My
understanding is it tastes rather like pork.
Up: Is it true that you'll be publishing a church cookbook?
Korda: There have been rumors to that effect. We're working on it. The main
problem is testing the recipes.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Baboon Shoes by Ben Ohmart (BenO28891@aol.com)
Gerald lit a match with his cig and mused from the glareproof windows.
The office had no walls, just windows, and the boss loved the way the bubbling
images looked. The pregnant women all seemed to huddle in groups, with clear
pimple-heads and somehow they all seemed fatter. Except Jeanuh. It was
always except Jeanuh with him, but somehow it'd slipped his notice that she
was in her 19th month and her breasts were sagging and almost gone. It was
the flatness that first infuriated his sex peak. Marrrrrtha entered to be
excused for labor pains and she was given notice from a speech that didn't
take any thought. He was thinking of hot nights on cool beaches, and being
with a woman who perhaps wouldn't need a legal top - the way she was. A
shudder passed through Gerald's body and he found the cream for his iced
coffee. He was sorry to let Marrrrrtha go, she was a good mother and well...
the business was not chartered to be temp run, he had to refill her huge
position, but the fire drowned out all pangs of remorse, echoes of hunted
friendship in this machine-run enterprise of baboon shoes. That's what he
got, he thought, for running up a Breakout score on his Packard Bell that
honestly hadn't been topped before. The hot computer had caught to the
curtains and in 20 minutes, there was only a scorch mark on the square
footage of real estate. Gerald looked through the milling firemen, looked
through the hippos in blankets eating various cups of yogurt or Heath bars
and he saw the woman sweating. He saw the woman raising the red cotton thing
above her head for extra warmth, but to tease, yes, just to tease. Since
there was no longer a business, the ex-everything didn't find himself bound.
He walked over and asked swiftly for the date he'd longed for.
"I can appreciate that," she said.
He couldn't understand it. "Then I'm going to just have to follow you home."
She smiled and Gerald thought she'd have to be death not to hear his insides
beating like they were. Drowning out the dying winds and sputters of CBs and
radio sets. He pressed her, so she said, "l'll be looking at other
situations," then she went off, wrapping her head tighter, and a pillow with
harness came down upon the white sidewalk.
He thought she looked thinner.
The ex-everything went to the zoo. He'd called her. Long ago he memorized
the number among numbers. The machine was kind. He stared at the things in
cages, and had an idea. But suddenly a child kicked him in the butt crack
and was gone screaming before he could knife the creature. Gerald removed his
slacks to wash his hands, dried himself, then removed the coat and vest. For
three minutes he tried to decide if life was worth living or something else.
He'd had the thing insured for thousands, but still the value in human
understanding was a little vague on paper. He'd call his friend, a broker,
and think what practical could he get for it. Gerald opened the stall's door
and there the woman was. The woman his ideals had always been in like to
love with, the object of a kind of beauty that had usually thrown his body up
against a no dimensional wall.
She laughed and said, "Calgon take me away."
His eyes used to be blue, but then, just then they changed to her face. "What
are you doing in here?" It was a difficult thing required to say, it needed
words. "I'm trying to dump, do you mind?"
So he closed the door and waiting outside the men's room until near zoo
closing, when she emerged with ten paper bags and a KFC bucket of
suppositories. Gerald chewed one on the silent walk to the gate, he tried a
kind of friendliness she was obstinate to give. They reached her car, the bus
sign, and he said, "Look. Give me a simple reason, and won't have to worry.
You won't ever have to worry about me. " Jeanuh looked shallow into his eyes.
He wished she'd look deep. She saw herself, and it gave her the seriousness of
attitude that just made the man shrink.
"Want to hitch to the islands?" he mumbled.
"What"" she asked. It was healthy interest.
Gerald was cleared, since the first time since the initial rejection. Cleared
of a worry, cleared of all self-trauma, open to pleasures he'd wanted as a
professional footman.
"I want to take you away! Name the chain! Name it!", He was yelling by now,
but the woman made it to his neck. The arms were around, and the two spent
hours by plane getting to a clearing of palm plants and busy sand, busy with
red ants and the pelicans that packed their lunches for just the place. The
woman was bundled up on the sand, head to lovely foot, but Gerald was dreaming
of a time later, later in the relationship, when he could put a hand to the
breast, and everything else could or didn't have to come naturally or at all,
he was just pleased with himself He was freezing, but pleased, and he knew now
how to keep a treasure. It was lucky Jeanuh didn't care. She didn't care
about where, or other questions, but loved the soaking of the South African
sky. Gerald knew what to do. He knew what she wanted, and what she wanted
could be him, if his system was compatible to what she'd expect. What rich
atmosphere she expected to thrive in. He thought of the woman bogged down by
jewels and how that would suit her, and thought of that call he made to his
stock broker friend. Of the pitiful price of his life. But the dates - five
there were - between that bus line and now. They kept his mind on nightlife
pleasures, memories that would hold him back only by the merest whims of
later credit card bills.
He knew she wouldn't miss him. Gerald managed to slip out for a minute. He
heard the rustling in the trees. The grunts of the green, and he took the
sample case with him. There was something behind a deep rock, cut into a
hillside, Gerald saw, and like a fully funded and urgent explorer, the re-
everything withdrew a shoesize-measurer with the stealth of lovers. The
baboon scratched his huge head while the man sought to fulfill himself.
@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@+@
<cartoons and graphics on the last page available
only in the printed version....>
THE AMERICAN SHUFFLE
Well, its the next day after the country wide political
elections and a whole bunch of Republicans posing as Jesus
Christ got into office and in control of the House and Senate.
Its an old time political dance which has been going on inside
of America for many years now. Its called the American Shuffle.
You shuffle to the left then you shuffle to the right, then you
shuffle to the left and you shuffle to the right, then you
shuffle to the left and you shuffle to the right, ad infinitum.
The Power Brokers have the American population doing the make
believe political Jesus Christ shuffle all the time.
You put the Republicans in then you put the Democrats in, then
you put the Republicans back in and then you put the Democrats
back in, then you put the Republicans back in and then you put
the Democrats back in, ad infinitum.
Its called the American political shuffle folks. The American
population in voting sure enjoys dancing to this tune and it
has excellent rhythm since we have been trained in doing it
for so long.
Move to the right and put all the Republican Jesus Christs in,
then kick the devils out and move to the left and put all the
Democrat Jesus Christs in, then kick the devils out and move
to the right and put all the Republican Jesus Christs in, ad
infinitum.
This might be called instead the Fools Dance but then again
what do I know, I might be all wrong so pardon me.
<dazedtoo@delphi.com>
<Convention listings for 1995 will resume next issue>
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
HToMC
PO Box 30904
Raleigh, NC 27622-0904
slack@ncsu.edu
Holy Temple of Mass $ >>> slack@ncsu.edu <<< $ "My used underwear
Consumption! $ $ is legal tender in
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Raleigh, NC 27622 $ Warning: I hoard pennies. $ --"Bob"
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