96 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
96 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
s$
|
|
$$ .d""b. .d""b. HOE E'ZINE #1056
|
|
[-- $$""b. $$ $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
|
|
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ss$$ "A Tale of Two Shitheads"
|
|
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ by Caitlin
|
|
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ 04/07/00
|
|
[-- $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
|
|
$$ $$ "TssT" "TssT"
|
|
|
|
PURSE SNATCHERS VICTIMIZE WAYNE WOMAN, 81
|
|
|
|
An 81-year-old Wayne woman's purse was snatched from a shopping cart
|
|
Monday afternoon while she walked out of the grocery store, police said.
|
|
The incident occurred at 1:25 p.m. outside the Farmer Jack store on
|
|
Michigan Avenue near Elizabeth street.
|
|
|
|
The victim told police that while her back was turned, two young men
|
|
approached on foot and grabbed the purse, which contained about $200 in
|
|
cash and credit cards. The purse bandits ran off around the corner before
|
|
the woman could even call for help, police said. The men who seized the
|
|
purse were described as 15-18 years old and wearing jeans.
|
|
|
|
Police urge anyone with information to call the Wayne Police Department
|
|
at (XXX) XXX-XXXX.
|
|
|
|
A TALE OF TWO SHITHEADS
|
|
|
|
"Hey maaan, thisss Slipknot album is bommmmb," Sean slurred.
|
|
"Yeah duuude," his friend Mark replied, "I can't believe these
|
|
guys are so doooope."
|
|
They both paused for a second while Mark lit marijuana in the bowl
|
|
of the corncob pipe he bought at the dollar store an hour previous.
|
|
"Wasn't Ozzfest awwwesome?" Sean offered, lacking anything to say.
|
|
"Yeah, man," Mark chimed in after a second, "... Here, take this."
|
|
Sean took the small pipe they had been sharing and stared at it
|
|
for a second, "Bro, can I see your lighter?"
|
|
"Yeah, man," Mark replied.
|
|
"Thanks, dude."
|
|
Sean held the end of the pipe firmly between his dry lips while
|
|
lighting the bowl, sucking, and inhaling the pungent smoke.
|
|
"Damn, dude," Mark said, "We should get some 'cid."
|
|
Sean nodded at Mark and then exhaled, "Yeah man, that would be the
|
|
shiiiiit."
|
|
"You know," Mark started, "I'm all out of..."
|
|
"DON'T SAY IT!" Sean yelled playfully, "... CIGARETTES."
|
|
Mark exhaled the smoke he had been holding in his lungs for a few
|
|
seconds, "Shit man... I don't have any money either."
|
|
"Me neither," Sean said.
|
|
"Dude... shit, this sucks hardcore," Mark said.
|
|
"Yeah man, we never have money," Sean replied.
|
|
They sat not talking for a minute, finishing that bowl and
|
|
refilling it and began on the last of the marijuana. Finally, Sean broke
|
|
the vocal silence, and interrupted the loud guitar and raspy lyrics on his
|
|
stereo.
|
|
"Man... I have an idea."
|
|
"What, dude?" Mark questioned.
|
|
"Let's go pick pocketing! I heard it's easy as shit, man. My fat
|
|
sister was telling me about how people get away with it all the time at
|
|
that casino in Windsor. Like... ALL the time, man."
|
|
"No shit? Do you think we'd get in big trouble if we got caught?"
|
|
Mark asked.
|
|
"Nah, dude... we won't get caught! We're smooooth." Sean said and
|
|
then got up from his mattress on the floor. Mark followed his cue, dropped
|
|
the pipe on the ground near the mattress, and stood up to follow Sean.
|
|
After Sean stole a menthol cigarette from his mother's case, Mark
|
|
and Sean walked out the side door.
|
|
They walked in silence until they got to the Farmer Jack's on
|
|
Michigan Avenue near his house. They both stood near the door, passing the
|
|
rest of the cigarette back and forth to each other until they finished it.
|
|
They stood conspicuously near the entrance of the door for approximately
|
|
22 minutes. Then, the perfect target came out of the door: a Little old
|
|
lady, short, pushing a heavy cart full of bags, with her purse set on top
|
|
of all the groceries. Mark and Sean knew that this was the one. Sean
|
|
grabbed her purse and they both took off running. They ran as fast as they
|
|
could around the corner of the store, across Elizabeth Street, and stopped
|
|
behind the new bar that was on the corner of Elizabeth and Michigan
|
|
Avenue.
|
|
"Awwwwwwwwww shit, man," Mark said breathlessly.
|
|
"We need to get the hell back to my house, dude," Sean said,
|
|
choking and gasping for air.
|
|
Mark and Sean started to walk back to Sean's house, which was just
|
|
down the street. They both kept checking over their shoulders, but made it
|
|
there quickly.
|
|
They ran down the stairs to Sean's room quickly. They both
|
|
collapsed on the mattress, as they were still sort of out of breath. They
|
|
sat there for ten minutes. Finally, Sean spoke up.
|
|
"SHIT, MAN! SHIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DID THAT! OMIGOD! OMIGOD! WE
|
|
ARE THE SHIT!"
|
|
"Check the purse, dude. Check the purse!" Mark said, proudly.
|
|
Sean remembered quickly that they did, indeed, have a prize.
|
|
Sean opened the wallet; "HOLY SHIT, MAN! TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS! HOLY
|
|
SHIT! A WHOLE MESS OF CREDIT CARDS TOO! THIS IS GREAT! AWWW YEAH!"
|
|
|
|
[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]
|
|
[ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu HOE #1056, BY CAITLIN - 4/07/00 ]
|