104 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
104 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
s$
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$$ .d""b. .d""b. HOE E'ZINE #1036
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[-- $$""b. $$ $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
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$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ss$$ "I HOPE THIS FILE OFFENDS YOU"
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$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ by, Quarex
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$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ 03/16/00
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[-- $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------- --]
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$$ $$ "TssT" "TssT"
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AHHHHH
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FUCK M2M
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I was actually going to go to bed tonight without writing a text
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file, but instead, just after seeing the new No Doubt song (which is,
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incidentally, pretty good, just like all No Doubt. They really are an
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example of what pop music should sound like), this goddamn fucking
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steaming pile of dog shit called "Mirror Mirror" by M2M came on my
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fucking TV.
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Now, before you ask yourself, "Who is M2M?" Stop. You already
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know who they are. With a song name like "Mirror Mirror," they can only
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be one of three band archetypes:
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1> European (German/Dutch) Power/Heavy Metal.
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2> One or more underage girls.
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3> One or more underage boys.
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And, due to the relative scarcity of German Power Metal on MTV,
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you can pretty much assume it is one of the shitty types. And, indeed,
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it is two underage girls. I realize many of you may already be aware of
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this, but it seems entirely TOO SHITTY to BE ON TV.
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Okay, where am I going with this? Sadly, it appears this is
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headed the route of the Quarex Woman Rant, except this is an alternate
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form, called the "Quarex Reality Check Rant."
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The M2M video, as well as the No Doubt video before it, featured
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women being in situations wherein they were either being dumped by their
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boyfriends, having trouble with their ex-boyfriends, or in some other way
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having to deal with men fucking them over.
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Okay, now, let Quarex bring you back to the real world--this never
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happens. Men never screw women over. Anything you hear, anything any
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woman tells you, about a man screwing a woman over, is complete and utter
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bullshit. At NO POINT during the ENTIRE COURSE OF HUMAN HISTORY has a
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MAN WILLINGLY FUCKED OVER A WOMAN. AND HERE IS WHY:
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A> MEN NEED WOMEN.
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IT IS A FACT. UNLESS THEY ARE GAY, MEN NEED WOMEN AT ALL TIMES.
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Why do you think I am so venomous all the time? I interact with men
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about 50 times more frequently than I interact with women, at least in
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real life. Thanks to ICQ, I can talk to "women" all day long, but they
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are always far away, and always getting married. No man is going to
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willingly undertake a course of action which will cause a woman to stop
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touching him.
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B> WOMEN LIE.
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IT IS A FACT. UNLESS THEY ARE BABIES, WOMEN LIE AT ALL TIMES. If
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a woman claims a fucking-over from a man, she is lying. Women like to
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fuck with guys, then lie, claiming that the guy had somehow done
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something to wrong the woman, when we all know this is untrue. We do not
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even need to know the details.
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C> THERE IS NO REALISTIC TELEVISION PROGRAM, AND NEVER HAS BEEN
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IT IS A FACT. UNLESS I AM WRONG, THIS HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH
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WOMEN. But, I wanted to throw it in anyway, because it is vaguely
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on-topic. Have any of you ever seen any television programs that, in any
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way, shape, or form, resemble your life? No. You know why that is?
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Because they do not exist. I always thought art was supposed to be a
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reflection of life, but apparently television is the one medium that does
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not pay any heed to that guideline.
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Think about it. Let me make it easier for the dumb people --
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MATCH UP THE QUALITIES THAT GO WITH THE PERSONALITY TYPE ON T.V.
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A> UNPLEASANT, RUDE, 1> NEVER GETS DATES
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HORRIBLE, WORTHLESS
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B> PLEASANT, NICE, 2> GETS LOTS OF DATES
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FUN, LIKABLE
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If you placed A with 1 and B with 2, well, congratulations, you
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have successfully identified Television, and thus successfully identified
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complete bullshit.
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Think about all the people you know -- give some qualities of
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people who get dates frequently. Did you find yourself using mostly
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words from "A?" Yes, you sure as fuck did. Do you know WHY? BECAUSE
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TELEVISION IS A MOCKERY OF REALITY, NOT A REPRESENTATION OF IT.
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SO, THE NEXT FUCKING TIME SOME BITCH TELLS ME THAT SOME SHOW IS
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REALISTIC, AND THEN STARTS CRYING WHEN I DICE HER VALUE SYSTEM TO PIECES
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AND SHOVE IT UP HER ASS, AT LEAST SHE WILL UNDERSTAND.
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Goddamn fucking M2M.
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[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu HOE #1036, BY QUAREX - 3/16/00 ]
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