97 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
_____________________________________________________________
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//~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\\
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|| PURE ANARCHY!!!!!! /| SATAN |\ BOMBZ HARDCORE!! ||
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|| ___ ___ | | IS LORD | | _______________ ||
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|| |$$$| HOE 1014 |$$$| \`\ !!!!! /'/' |$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$| ||
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|| |$$$| 01/30/00 |$$$| \ `---------' / |$$$|~~~~~~~~~~~ ||
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|| |$$$|__________|$$$| / /\ /\ \ |$$$| LOTSA BOOM ||
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|| |$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$| | '' `` | |$$$|___ 2 FUCK ||
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|| |$$$$/~~~~~~~~\$$$$| \ ` ' / |$$$$$$$| YA SHT ||
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|| |$$$| TRUE |$$$| `\ <o> /' |$$$|~~~ UP!!!! ||
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|| |$$$| TERORISM |$$$| 666 `\ /' 666 |$$$|___________ ||
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|| |$$$| INSIDE!! |$$$| ___/'`---'`\___ |$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$| ||
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\\ ~~~ ~~~ HOGZA DA ENTROPY! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ //
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\\ YEAH BOYEE@#! H/P/A/V/C IN DA MOTHAFUCKIN HAUSZ#@!@$ //
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\\--------------------------------------------------//
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\\ "HOW TO FUCK UP SOME SHiT AND //
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\\ GET HiGH AS SHiT WiTH WiTCHCRAFT" //
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\\ by Killer Kreid //
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\\__________________________________//
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Greetings, dark souls! Killer Kreid welcomes you again to another
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issue of "HOW TO FUCK UP SOME SHIT AND GET HIGH AS SHIT Magazine." In
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this issue (#3!!!), entitled "How to Fuck Up Some Shit and Get High as
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Shit with WitchCraft," I will reveal to you, in my soulless way, How YOU
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(yes, you!) can fuck up some shit and get high as a motherfucker...
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...with witchcratf!
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Now, hardcore "witchcraft-artists" rarely use the word
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"witchcraft". Instead, they say something like "WICCA" or "NYGGAH" or
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like a "WYCCAN" is someone who's like a witch. But forget that shit,
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because it doesn't matter to you and me. All the people who say that are
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a bunch of black-makeup wearing faggots. They don't do jack shit except
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frown a lot and light gay-ass bonfires in the woods and get their skinny
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asses kicked in the woods by me.
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No, I'm not talking about being a faggot witch. I'm talking about
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being a cool-ass scary witch like the Blair Witch. Remember how she
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scared the shit out of those kids and then totally fucked with their
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shit! Hahahaha. Anyway this anarchy file is all about how to fuck shit
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up like the Blair Witch, and also how to get high as shit!
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ARTICLE NUMBER ONE: Tent Box Plans
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Okay the "tent box" is a very simple box, actually it's more like
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an outdoor scene than a box, but whatever. What you do is, you go find
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some "kiddie kamperz" (I fuckin hate little kiddiez) and wait for them to
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pitch their tent and go to sleep. Then, while they're sleeping, you put
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a bunch of piles of rocks around their tent. I would say put 13 there,
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but usually there are about enough rocks around for 4. But think,
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1 + 3 = 4! Evil works in mysterious ways, my friend.
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Don't forget to run around real fast in the leaves so the kiddiez
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get scared! And if they come out of their tent, and here's the important
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part, you JUMP UP FROM BEHIND THEM AND DRIVE A SAWED-OFF BROOMSTICK
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THROUGH THEIR LITTLE HEARTS!
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If your kiddiez are too frightened to come out of their tent,
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don't worry. This just means you have a bunch of fuckin pussy-assed
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kiddiez on your hands. If this happens, just fuck with them a lot and
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then steal one of their friends and take them to that old shack in the
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woods that you've been living in. Eventually, the little pussy's friends
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will come to rescue them, and that's when you paralyze them with fear and
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execute them one by one.
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If you want to freak them out, don't let them ever see you. Like
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this one time I had this big giant zit on my nose and I didn't want the
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kids to see me because they might recognize me from school or something,
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so I just kept screaming "I CAN FEEL YOUR EYES!!! THE BOY WHO LOOKS AT
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ME SHALL DIE!!!" Holy shit, those kids were pissing in their pants.
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Also, a ski mask can be really scary-looking unless you have a tiny head
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or no neck or something.
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ARTICLE NUMBER TWO: Witchy Shroom Party Planz
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Ever try eating mushrooms and then walking around in the woods and
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slaughtering children? Holy shit, every time I do that, I feel like I'm
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gonna turn into the devil or something. Ever get that voice in your head
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that keeps saying "SLAY ALL CHILDREN IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD SATAN SLAY
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ALL CHILDREN IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD SATAN..." and on and on? Well, if
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you're on shrooms, it gets even louder!
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Sometimes I like to have my friends over and have a "Witch's Brew
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Party" in the old shack in the woods. I make a tea with shrooms and acid
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and 160-proof vodka and tang, and all my friends and I go crazy and paint
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witch stuff and swastikas all over the house or wherever we're hanging
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out. I usually can't remember what I've done after a couple of pints of
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witch's brew in the early evening.
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THAT'S IT MOTHERFUCKERS
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Well, that about covers it. You got mad anarchy planz and you
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KNOW you're getting high as shit next Friday night. Killer Kreid is
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OUTIE 666. Until next time... mwahahahahah!
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) HOE EZINE! WWW.HOE.NU! A-BEWM-BEWM! #1014 -> BY KREID - 1/30/00 ]
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