614 lines
34 KiB
Plaintext
614 lines
34 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "The Penultimate Lamentation" ggg
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$$$ by -> Quarex $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #998 -- 12/25/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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During the course of the last seven years of my life, I have done
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an awful lot of really annoying whining about one subject, and one
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subject only. Women, and my inability to get them to date me. Some
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people complain about other things, like money, or school, or their
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parents. Not me. If I am doing any complaining, it is about women.
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You can look at about half of my other h0e articles and see this. Well,
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quite frankly, I have realized for quite a while that it is getting old
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for everyone else, but it is even starting to get old for me. Now that
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is bad, when I am getting sick of complaining about the one thing I
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complain about.
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So, in any case, dear readers, what does this mean for you?
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First of all, it means that, though you hopefully enjoy reading about the
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horrible luck I have, there is a chance that this file might not interest
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you at all. To any of you who feel this way, I would like to personally
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apologize to you, and I will do better next time. But I will do my best
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to make it interesting. Please at least try to read a few of these,
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anyway.
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*!*!*!*!*!*
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SECOND INTRO:
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BY: A MUCH LESS FUCKING STUPID QUAREX
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Okay, uh, I have no idea what I was on when I wrote this. Well,
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yeah I do, since I am never on anything. But still, that intro was way
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friggin' lame. This is a much better intro: I AM THE FUCKIN' MAN! I
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would feel bad for leaving so many women incomplete, but considering how
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retarded this entire thing is, I really do not at all.
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*!*!*!*!*!*
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CASE NUMBER ONE: LAURA LYNN KURTENBACH [Redhead/Green Eyes/Five Arms]
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OCTOBER 1993-MAY 1996 [~5'6" 120 pounds]
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Once upon a time, in . . . 8th grade, the Nerd Known As Quarex Only To
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Himself At The Time was strolling merrily about the halls of his junior
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high. Well, about as merrily as a fucking fat ugly sweaty kid can be, in
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any case. God damn, I think I showered/bathed like once or twice a week
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back then. What the hell was I thinking? Oh yeah, right, I only cared
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about my computer. Anyway, so there I am, strolling. Suddenly, for the
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first time in my life, I actually noticed a girl in the hallway, and gave
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her more than a second thought.
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Having never felt at all attracted to a female before then, I did not
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really know what was happening. I just knew that I kept looking at this
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girl whenever she was around, and I felt strangely jealous of the guy she
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kissed in the hallways sometimes. Hmm, I wonder what this feeling is? I
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know, it must be hunger. I obviously have not stuffed my fucking face
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with enough meat today. I merely wish to devour this girl for her flesh.
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However, as it turned out, that was not at all what I wanted. I had a
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crush on a girl, and I had to admit that my days of only caring about my
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computer were over.
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Fortunately, I went to South Korea shortly after that, and did not see
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her for the remainder of the year, and mostly forgot about the concept of
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girls. Once 9th grade started [I believe I discovered masturbation
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around this time, for those of you keeping track], I had all but forgot
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about her, as well. Then, a bit into my 10th grade year, one of my
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friends, who we will call Brett Cottone [alias Hitchcock] was
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inexplicably dating her. This girl who had just been the first girl I
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was ever attracted to was suddenly dating a guy I knew! Oh wow! So, I
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ended up talking to her, and we became pretty good friends through an
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awful lot of time spent together in P.E. and other miscellaneous
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school-day functions.
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By the summer of my sophomore year, I was pretty well beyond infatuated
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with her, as I, in fact, called a song I wrote "Laura Kurtenbach." Later
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that year, we actually went out on a date, when she was no longer seeing
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anyone, and the movie we saw [Stargate] became mysteriously my favorite
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film, and I saw it 14 times in the theater. Around this time, she began
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dating a 6'6" guy with a bad teenage mustache who wore a confederate flag
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jacket to school, then a tiny guy who never said a word, then a fat guy
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who barely knew how to speak, then a guy whose life seemed to revolve
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around the military, then. . . well, then, everyone she pretty much saw,
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other than, of course, me. So, one night, I figured that since women on
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TV like it when guys tell them they love them, that if I told Laura I
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loved her, surely she would go out with me. So, I called her one night
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after play practice, and told her I loved her. After she was silent for
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a really long time, she naturally started crying, since that is what
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girls do when I tell them I love them, or at least I would discover that.
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After we talked for a good while longer, I said something like "So you
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can never feel that way about me?" and she said "I don't see why not,"
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and naturally I assumed it was in the bag.
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So, what happened the next day? She cried the whole day, probably the
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day after that, too, then started dating this dude she pretty much dated
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for a year, by which time my obsession with her was out of hand anyway,
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so the less said about that the better. Though, I did just see her for
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the first time in three years a few months ago, and we got along great.
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I swear, the rest of these will be shorter.
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CASE NUMBER TWO: SARAH SOMETHING KELLY [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Pregnant]
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MARCH-APRIL 1995 [5'4" 115 pounds]
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A much simpler case than the others. Sarah was this incredibly fucking
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gorgeous girl who, like almost every girl I meet, really liked touching
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me, probably because my natural body temperature, or at least the heat I
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give off, is far higher than anyone else's I know. Anyway, she was
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awesome, and I think she was actually like a month or two pregnant when I
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asked her out on our first date, since she had expressed interest in
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going out with me. We were going to go see Twelve Monkeys. In order to
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give you an idea of how well this worked, I still have not seen Twelve
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Monkeys. We were going out on a Thursday, and I called her the day
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before to make sure we were still on, and she asked if we could
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reschedule. So, we agreed to go the next week, and when I called the
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next week, nobody answered, and when I mentioned it to her next time, she
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acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. Well, then again,
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she WAS fucking gorgeous. No real surprise there. No guy I knew really
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had a chance with her, aside from, of course, Hitchcock.
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CASE NUMBER THREE: BARBARA MARIE EMBRY [Brunette/Grey Eyes/Waterbed]
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SEPTEMBER 1995-PRESENT [~5'6" 120 pounds]
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Since Barb will probably read this at some point, I naturally have to be
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careful what I say. Well, not really. Beginning of my senior year of
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high school, in my Computer Applications class, there was this really
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pretty girl who ended up sitting basically behind me, and a seat over. We
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were typing something up at random for our first-week-of-class-random
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task, and since I type ~130 WPM, I do things like type out "And stuff
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like that" then quickly erase it when I have nothing else to do. She was
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watching me, and said, "Stuff? Is that really a good word?" so, I
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replaced "stuff" with "gimcrackery," which I think sufficiently amused
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her.
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A while later, I found out that she was the daughter of the scary racist
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man who worked at the gas station we always bought Hostess(r) cakes from
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during lunchtime. That, alone, made her instantly the most amazing girl
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we knew, as I could go to anyone I hung out with and say "DUDE! BARB IS
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PETE'S DAUGHTER!" and they would say "NO FUCKING WAY!"
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So anyway, I got to know Barb really well quite quickly, as I think she
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was desperate for a friend who was a little more interesting than the one
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real friend she had at the time. By the last day of school, we were
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sitting on the floor of our Computer Applications class, she in my lap
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while I gave her a backrub. Again, you would think this would surely
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lead to something more than a friendship. However, I confessed my
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feelings to her in a Christmas card a few weeks later, and shortly
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thereafter she started dating Jon Thompson [RottenZ]. Needless to say,
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that pretty much sucked. Soon after he dumped her, she started dating
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this really quiet dude who she pretty much dated for way too long. I
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found out much later [years later, like a year ago or so] that she
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apparently would have gone out with me if I had been more forward and not
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let Jon beat me to the punch. I, however, will never believe that, as
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clearly it is a function of my curse, not of how forward I was.
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Regardless, Barb became probably the best female friend I ever had, and
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ever will have, even though she had to go and move to Ohio. :( :( :(
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CASE NUMBER FOUR: CARRIE ANN AMES [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Snuggles]
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DECEMBER 1995-JANUARY 1996 [5'4" 130 pounds]
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Carrie, too, is a simple case. For one Drama warmup during a play, we
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all picked names out of a hat of other cast members, and we had to kiss
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that person. Carrie, fortunately for me, as she is also really hot,
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pulled my name, and thus my first kiss (other than from Laura, who gave
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me a kiss out of pity of me never being kissed before) happened. How
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could I possibly not be interested in her? So, I got to know her better,
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but naturally every time I talked to her about maybe going out to do
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something, she seemed to be busy. Oh well, another girl to add to my
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pile of girls who like to jump into my arms, but would never want to kiss
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me [again.]
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CASE NUMBER FIVE: JESSICA ELIZABETH WHITE [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Corgan]
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FEBRUARY 1996-JANUARY 1997 [~5'7" 120 pounds]
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In case you have not noticed, and furthermore are still reading, I almost
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never go for girls who at all resemble someone that would make sense to
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be with me, as I am 6'4" and always around 240-250 pounds. However, it
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is also pretty fucking hard to find 6'4" girls, so you understand.
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I met Jessica in my chemistry class. I was in a class with all
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sophomores, my senior year [second semester] because I had almost failed
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Algebra in 9th grade, and thus was not allowed to take it until I had to
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to graduate. Anyway, one day, I was sitting at my desk, fucking around,
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and heard a FEMALE VOICE DISTINCTLY SAY "I.R.C." I instantly darted
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towards the source, and found a guy I knew somewhat well talking to a
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girl about irc, web pages, and other things. You have to realize--this
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is almost 1995 I am talking about here, it is not like today when girls
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who do NOT talk about their web pages are fucked up. I completely forced
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myself into this girl's life, but since she was a sophomore and easily
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impressionable at the time, she went along with it, and we had some fun
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hanging out. I actually did not like her all that much, at least not in
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a relationship way, and quite frankly considered her someone I could date
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if Barb would never date me [as Jessica adores Billy Corgan, and always t
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old me I looked & sounded like him, which I assumed meant she wanted me.]
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So, she was my backup plan for a long time, and in the summer, when it
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seemed pretty sure I was not going to get Barb, I started hanging out
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with Jessica more, until the point when naturally I fucked up and told
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her how I felt about her. She told me she did not feel the same way, yet
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we still kept hanging out, and she kept flirting with me, as all girls
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do. Anyway, later that summer, when Case number 6 (see below, obviously)
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did what she did with me, Jessica actually provided me with my first link
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on the sex chart [which was later repealed, as I did not yet know how to
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use tongue], and as the months wore on, it even seemed like she might go
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out with me. We had gotten to the point where we would hold hands while
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watching movies, and cuddle on the couch even when other people were
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around.
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However, there was a minor problem going on behind the scenes. At some
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point, I mentioned to SwissPope that I knew Jessica's best friend's shell
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account password. He heavily encouraged me to break into it, and read
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the mail from Jessica to her, and forward him copies. So, I did that,
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and never really thought too hard about what I was doing. Then, around
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the time when Jessica seemed about ready to finally start officially
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dating me, SwissPope politely informed them that Mean, Vicious, Brutal
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Quarex had been Mercilessly reading their e-mail for months. That,
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needless to say, pretty much put a quick end to anything I had going
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there. Though, ironically, after a couple months of recovering, she and
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I were hanging out again, and the attraction was apparently still there
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for her, as she still cuddled with me and let me kiss her, though she
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also eventually came to her senses, again. Oh well. And, ironically,
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she is much cooler now than she ever was then. Fuck.
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CASE NUMBER SIX: ANGELA LATHEM [Blonde/Blue Eyes/Culture]
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JUNE 1996-PRESENT [5'7", ~160 pounds]
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Angela had a crush on me from the time we were in ninth grade to, well,
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just about the end of my senior year. During the summer after my senior
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year, I ended up hanging out with Angela a few times, and getting into
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mildly steamy situations with her, including an infamous tryst in a
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bathroom [since she will hopefully never read this, I can tell everyone
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shamelessly that she is a 36DD and I had a lot of fun that night, and I
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will never be this much of a male pig again, I swear], which ended with
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me asking her out and her saying "I'm not sure if I like you that way
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anymore." Oh man, talk about fucking awful timing, huh? After that
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encounter, I did not see her for six months, and pretty much by the time
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I got back in touch with her, she was dating the guy who she is going to
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marry someday. Fuck. I have such awful timing, sometimes. At least
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Jessica kissed me thanks to Angela. What would I have done without that?
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Gee. I still really dig Angela, as she is one of the only girls I have
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ever considered to be my intellectual and cultural equals, if not a
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superior.
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CASE NUMBER SEVEN: REBECCA LEE PHILLIPS [Blonde/Blue Eyes/Sublime]
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SEPTEMBER-NOVEMBER 1996 [5'8" ~130 pounds]
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Jessica's best friend, the girl whose shell account I unfortunately broke
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into. I started liking her right about in the middle of the time when
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Jessica kissed me and when they both started hating me. The two of us
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had a lot of fun together, and like all girls, she really liked hugging
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me, which eventually led to the two of us under the covers on her
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waterbed, entwined around each other while listening to Enya. I always
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wondered if something could have happened there if I had not been so
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stupidly into Jessica, and so stupidly reading her e-mail anyway. But
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she did not seem very receptive when I kissed her on the cheek once, she
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actually recoiled in terror, so I pretty much interpreted that as a sign
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that said "stay away."
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CASE NUMBER NINE: KAILEE SOMETHING MATHIA [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Stupid]
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SEPTEMBER 1996-MAY 1997 [5'9" ~140 pounds]
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I am not afraid to admit that Kailee was the first girl I was ever
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attracted to who was really quite obviously not all that bright.
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Naturally, since I said that, she will somehow read this, even before I
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release it. Anyway, I got along with her pretty well, and at one point,
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she had just broken up with her boyfriend, and invited me to come see her
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dorm room. Now, I realize that to some of you, this may have been some
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kind of open invitation to fuck her brains out, but since I am about as
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experienced in the ways of properly taking advantage of women as Pee-Wee
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Herman, we just hung out and talked for an hour or two. Shortly
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thereafter, the semester ended, and I pretty much only saw her again
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once. Too bad. She was really sexy, too.
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CASE NUMBER TEN: MOLLY SOMETHING YOUNG [Blonde/Blue Eyes/Looks like Barb]
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SEPTEMBER 1996-NOVEMBER 1996 [5'8" 120 pounds]
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Yes, I realize every girl weighs a factor of 10 pounds to me. But that
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is just how I interpret things. Molly had hair which looked eerily like
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mine, and a face that looked just like Barb's. What more could I want?
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She was really probably never a feasible girl for me to go after, but I
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kinda did anyway, but she showed little interest in going out on a date
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with me, so I naturally abandoned that cause rather quickly.
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CASE NUMBER ELEVEN: CHRISTINA ANN DELZENERO [Brunette/Green Eyes/Kitty]
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NOVEMBER 1996-PRESENT (well, not really) [~5'7" ~130 pounds]
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One night, while just randomly sitting at a ksh prompt, I suddenly got a
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write from someone named "cadelze," who I naturally assumed to be a guy,
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as [s]he said "I just checked out your .plan--Type O Negative rules!" So,
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naturally, I wrote back, saying, "Hey, hell yeah, dude!" She responded
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quite simply, "I am not a dude." So, I freaked out, thinking, OH MY GOD,
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I HAVE FINALLY MET MY DREAM WOMAN! I then spent about three hours in
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talk with her, and not only did she pretty much seem to be the coolest
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girl I had ever talked to, but she had actually been trying to get my
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attention every day when I left my English class, as she had seen my Type
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O Negative shirts and had thought I would be awesome to talk to.
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Well, we got together the next day, and hung out for a few hours, and
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then went shopping for CDs and bras [for me, of course] a few days later,
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at which time I jokingly mentioned her to RottenZ. "Hey Jon," I said, "I
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just met this awesome girl, and she loves Weird Al and Type O Negative
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and is really pretty and rules!"
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At which point, RottenZ decided unequivocally that she would be his.
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Within about a month, over Christmas break, we went to northern Illinois
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to visit her at home (we being RottenZ, Spirit, and myself), and that was
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pretty much it. They have been dating essentially ever since then,
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though there was a very brief period in which she apparently very briefly
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[again] considered making out with me, though this is all speculation and
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heresay anyway. So, another potential girlfriend gone.
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CASE NUMBER TWELVE: HILLARY REAGAN PEPPERS [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Biafra]
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JULY 1997-AUGUST 1998 [August 1999-?] [5'6" 120 pounds]
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Hillary became the first of the girls who made me come to realize that a
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girl can flirt with you until you both explode from utter flirtation
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exhaustion without meaning a goddamn thing by it. Hillary and I had
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always talked a bit when we were around each other, and one night, she
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randomly came over, and asked if I wanted to go to Denny's with her. Me,
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now, not everyone we were with, me. So, I did. We hung out for a while
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there, then went back to her house, and I spent about five hours there,
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talking to her, flirting with her, etc. At one point, she even threw a
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coat over our heads and started giggling, which I am pretty sure is the
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universal sign for "Make out with me." However, she then started dating
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some worthless guy soon thereafter, and when I talked to her about this
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whole thing a few months ago, she insisted repeatedly that not only was
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she not leading me on, but I was an idiot for thinking she had at all
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been interested in me. Good god, how much women just do not get it. They
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almost all agree that I am one of the most incredibly fun people to be
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around, yet would gladly date anyone but me.
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Of course, as luck would have it, about a month after I wrote this file,
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things changed. She and Mike had broken up in early July, and it was now
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mid-August, a couple days before my birthday. She and I had talked for a
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long time the week before, and then one night she called me up and asked
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if she could come over. So, I gladly let her, since she is cool and all.
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We talked for a really long time, and even when Andy came over, we just
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sat on the couch and talked anyway while I gave her a backrub. The next
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night, she called me up and asked if I would help her move, which I
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gladly agreed to do. She also asked that I help her alone, since she had
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lots of fun hanging out with me the night before.
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To anyone else, we know what that would mean. But I naturally
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interepreted it as her just not wanting me to bring Mike.
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So she came over at 1:30 in the morning so we could start moving, and so
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we just went to my basement and talked for hours anyway, and we ended up
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kissing. Now that was pretty damn cool. Of course, she said she was
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still not fully over Mike, and that she did not want to date at all. Even
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if it is an excuse, I could care less, she proved that she did not suck.
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And, naturally, the bitch was lying about everything, and apparently just
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wanted to "protect my feelings." Suck my fucking dick, whore.
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CASE NUMBER THIRTEEN: MANDY SOMETHING CASE [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Yello]
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NOVEMBER-DECEMBER 1997 [5'11" 130 pounds]
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Mmm, a girl almost my height. I salivate just thinking about it. I had
|
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always thought Mandy was really pretty, even if she looked much better to
|
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me before she cut all of her hair off. In fact, you can imagine my shock
|
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when a girl I knew for a fact was very pretty asked me out to dinner. I
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mean, we had been talking a lot before that, and catching up on the good
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ole' days of junior high. This was halfway through my sophomore year of
|
|
college. So we went out to a happy little chinese place, ate and talked
|
|
for hours, and had a really great time. In fact, you might well say it
|
|
was the best date I was ever on [out of the, what, three?]. However,
|
|
just before we were going to leave, she picked up a little kid and
|
|
started playing with it and doing all kinds of motherly things. Now, to
|
|
me, there is no bigger turn-off than motherly behavior. I mean, christ,
|
|
how the fuck are you supposed to find someone acting like a mother
|
|
attractive? Is that possible?
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Anyway, so, we leave the restaurant, and she asks, direct quote, "Do you
|
|
want to come back to [my place] and see my room?" Now, I think in
|
|
hindsight, not just putting my inordinate fear of mothers aside and going
|
|
with her was one of the worst ideas I have ever had. But, not only did I
|
|
turn her down, but I turned her down, saying, "I have to go play Ultima
|
|
Online."
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I could not have come up with a lamer reason for leaving if I had tried.
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|
Quite frankly. Man, that one just went so totally wrong.
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CASE NUMBER FOURTEEN: NANCY SOMETHING MILLER [Blonde/Blue Eyes/Rattlesnake]
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JANUARY-OCTOBER 1998 [5'7" 130 pounds]
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|
Around this time, Nancy [Pixy] had just broken up with SwissPope, and
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|
suddenly one night, while very drunk on irc, told me she had always
|
|
thought I was cute, and always liked me, and really wished I were there
|
|
with her. Far be it from me to pass up on something like this. However,
|
|
SwissPope was right there, and from that day until months later, he was
|
|
informing me daily that I would forever regret dating Nancy, that she was
|
|
horrible in every way, that she would destroy me, etc. Normally, I think
|
|
my drive to have legitimate female affection would have overriden Pope's
|
|
warnings, especially since he kept me from getting a date in the past.
|
|
However, I chose to listen to him for whatever reason, and that was
|
|
pretty much that. She started dating Mogel a few months later.
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CASE NUMBER FIFTEEN: KATIE ESCHBACHER [m/f, oral, cons, pedo, animal]
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JANUARY-OCTOBER 1998 [Blonde/Blue Eyes/Wonderful]
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|
[5'5" ~150 pounds]
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|
|
Ah, Katie. The exception to the rule that everyone needs once in a
|
|
while. I had a vague kind of crush on her when we first talked in
|
|
December 1997, but not enough to warrant inclusion really, it was only
|
|
when we really started talking all the time in January and February that
|
|
something started to develop. Then, when we met in March, and after
|
|
several hours of nothing going on at all, suddenly ended up making out
|
|
for hours, I had a feeling that perhaps something was finally going to go
|
|
my way.
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|
Unfortunately, Katie was killed in a tragic car crash later that day.
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|
|
|
Wait, no, she was fine, and we dated from March 15th [Beware the ides of
|
|
March, indeed] until May something or other. I have decided I will never
|
|
remember the date I break up with anyone, ever. We pretty much broke up
|
|
on mutual terms, we never really had anything to talk about anymore, and
|
|
that whole us living six hours apart thing was not helping much. And,
|
|
since after a brief affair with some dude, her next [and current]
|
|
boyfriend had so much hate for me that he could barely stand to speak my
|
|
name, I have not seen her since Dummercon '98. Yes, it has been almost a
|
|
year since I saw the only girl who was ever willing to really get close
|
|
to me. Fuck that.
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CASE NUMBER SIXTEEN: MARCIA YOCKEY [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Plastic]
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|
JULY 1998-APRIL 1999 [5'10" 140 pounds]
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|
|
Marcia and I knew of each other for years, since my senior year [her
|
|
freshman year. I like 'em young, apparently] of drama, when we both were
|
|
in the same shows. We vaguely got to know each other during a show we
|
|
put on last summer, and when I was saying goodbye to her at one of the
|
|
cast parties, I actually felt like she wanted me to kiss her, but far be
|
|
it from me to risk the wrath of me mis-reading a girl, so I naturally did
|
|
nothing. I saw her once in a while and flirted with her here and there
|
|
for the months afterward, until I finally accidentally had Hillary ask
|
|
Marcia if she thought anything more of me than just a friend, and she
|
|
told Hillary she would not want to "ruin our friendship." Considering I
|
|
was barely friends with her, that was pretty damn funny. But I can
|
|
accept that. It always happens, after all.
|
|
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|
CASE NUMBER SEVENTEEN: ANNE FERGUSON [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Cultist]
|
|
AUGUST 1998-MAY 1999 [5'5" 130 pounds]
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|
|
Anne always struck me as someone I would want to date because she
|
|
possessed all of my important qualifications [even the ones I do not
|
|
necessarily need!]. She was attractive, funny, loud, and seemed smart.
|
|
Of course, then, she ended up dating one of my friends, but that was
|
|
cool, because it was his first real girlfriend. Of course, there was no
|
|
good reason for that, because this guy is an actual legitimate stud, it
|
|
is just that since he was fat in high school nobody really thought about
|
|
it until recently. So, they dated for a while, and after he broke up
|
|
with her a few months ago, it started to become very obvious indeed that
|
|
I would never want to date Anne. As cool as it was that she would just
|
|
randomly show me her breasts every couple days, I realized that dating a
|
|
girl who was not afraid to scream and talk loudly was one thing, but
|
|
dating a completely fucked up former cultist [Jehovah's Witness] who only
|
|
ever talked about sex and how much she wanted to kill her ex-boyfriend
|
|
would be really, really horrible. Fortunately for me, she also said she
|
|
was never interested in me anyway, when I did vaguely ask her out.
|
|
|
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|
CASE NUMBER EIGHTEEN: VANESSA PASSINI [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Limp Bizkit]
|
|
AUGUST 1998-PRESENT [5'4" 130 pounds]
|
|
|
|
Vanessa's name alone made me interested in her. Granted, the fact that
|
|
she was sexy as all hell also did not hurt. I freely admit that I was
|
|
really only attracted to her face & body when I first got to know her,
|
|
since after all, that was all I had to go on. Then, out of the blue, she
|
|
asked me to her school's homecoming, and needless to say, I jumped at the
|
|
chance to go to a dance with a hot chick. We had lots of fun, and then a
|
|
week later she was dating some random guy who she freely admitted was
|
|
really boring. Then, she got back together with her other ex-boyfriend
|
|
for a long time. By the time that was over with, in February 1999, we
|
|
were really starting to talk, and I was getting to know her much better
|
|
(remember, there is nothing to know about me that I do not always greatly
|
|
elaborate on anyway). Hillary (see above) was telling me pretty much
|
|
non-stop the entire time I liked Vanessa that Vanessa not only did not
|
|
like me in "that way," but furthermore was just using me for status
|
|
anyway. Since I had a tendency to kinda believe Hillary, I did not go
|
|
hang out with Vanessa a few times when she wanted me to, and I agreed to
|
|
go to Prom with Marcia instead of Vanessa.
|
|
|
|
Well, as time progressed, I asked Vanessa out a few times [in June] and
|
|
was always met with more stern "No, I am not going to go out with you"s.
|
|
Then, just a few days ago, she admitted to me that she actually did want
|
|
to go out with me in the March-April 1999 period, right around the same
|
|
time when Hillary was going out of her way to make sure I stayed away
|
|
from her, and made sure I did not go to prom with her. To add insult to
|
|
injury, Marcia, my prom date, ditched me, and I did not go to prom at
|
|
all. Mother fucker. I swear to fucking Satan that I have an evil
|
|
spirit following me around, creating horrible coincidences that keep me
|
|
from total happiness.
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|
|
|
And, ironically, after the aforementioned Hillary Peppers incident, I
|
|
told Vanessa about it the next day [my birthday] and she said she was
|
|
very happy for me. Then, the next night, she confessed that she was not
|
|
actually very happy for me, since she had within the last week or so
|
|
realized that I really was the ideal boyfriend for her. So, here I was,
|
|
thinking I had two girls to pick from. Man, that was crazy. Of course,
|
|
once Hillary did not pan out, I gave in and dated Vanessa. I say "gave
|
|
in" because Hillary had singlehandedly gotten me completely over Vanessa
|
|
in a two-day span, but I was certainly willing to try to rekindle the
|
|
interest I had in her. Our relationship was great for the first two
|
|
days, and I really felt we would date for a long time. Then, suddenly,
|
|
Evil Bad Vanessa(tm) showed up, just as she warned it always does in her
|
|
relationships, and I realized I really could not deal with it, so I broke
|
|
up with her, five days after we started dating. At least it was
|
|
completely mutual, and we started having fun again as soon as it
|
|
happened. Then, of course, she stopped t
|
|
|
|
|
|
CASE NUMBER NINETEEN: SARAH SOMETHING WEISS [Brunette/Brown Eyes/Belial]
|
|
JUNE 1999-PRESENT [5'4" 120 pounds]
|
|
|
|
I always kinda liked Sarah, but it was not until I started seeing her
|
|
more often [as she is friends with one of my roommates] and talked to her
|
|
for a long time at this party that I really realized I liked her THAT
|
|
WAY. Unfortunately, I am fairly certain that since my roommate is
|
|
ultra-christian and loathes my lifestyle, that she would do everything in
|
|
her power to keep me away from Sarah. She also refused to hug me at
|
|
Denny's, which speaks volumes in itself as to whether she would go on a
|
|
date with me or not.
|
|
|
|
|
|
CASE NUMBER TWENTY: JEANNE SOMETHING HERTZ [Blonde/Blue Eyes/Wow]
|
|
JUNE 1999-PRESENT [5'10" 130 pounds]
|
|
|
|
Nothing quite like meeting a girl at a cast party, then seeing her again
|
|
at another party two years later, and having her be so incredibly drunk
|
|
that she instantly stumbles into you, looks up at you with big eyes, and
|
|
says "Hi." I swear, that is the least time it has ever taken me to
|
|
instantly get a crush on someone. I spent the entire night pretty much
|
|
just hanging out with her, talking, and making sure she did not fall over
|
|
or throw up or anything. Everyone also kept telling me what a good thing
|
|
I was doing by watching over her. I kept thinking "What, hitting on a
|
|
really fucking beautiful girl is doing a good deed?"
|
|
|
|
Regardless, she came over to our place the next day, and we still got
|
|
along great, and I actually was feeling pretty good about my chances,
|
|
which was strange enough in itself. However, my female roommate
|
|
repeatedly insisted that Jeanne is like that with everyone, and she had
|
|
no interest in me whatsoever. That actually seemed to be reaffirmed when
|
|
she did not show up to the party we threw a few days later, and then
|
|
pretty much ignored me when she came over again a week later to hang out.
|
|
Oh well. Fuck dat shit.
|
|
|
|
|
|
INCOMPLETE:
|
|
|
|
Bond Tiffany Lammey
|
|
Jessica Something Wiman
|
|
Elizabeth Something Bergner
|
|
Emily Something Beauden
|
|
Sarah Joy Fleming
|
|
Kara Something Lee
|
|
Barbara Something Something
|
|
Julie Something Something
|
|
Mollie Louise Monroe
|
|
Mollie Something Lovell
|
|
Laura Something Goeckner
|
|
Stephanie Something Kiesewetter
|
|
Larissa Something Armstrong
|
|
Annastasia Something Milliman
|
|
Amber Something Something
|
|
Tara Something Kratzner
|
|
Kate Something Thompson
|
|
Jacquie Something Semmler
|
|
Rachelle Something Street
|
|
Heather Something Skaggs
|
|
Rachel Something Sanders
|
|
Lisa Something Klickiewsnewskilaierlkanlkrhaelrh
|
|
Kay Something Bracy
|
|
Tracy Something Hanks
|
|
Mandy Something Grizzle
|
|
Erica Something Dicker
|
|
Stacy Something Menard
|
|
Cheryl Something Ohlin (<-- Even said she'd go on a date with me
|
|
. . . then backed out!)
|
|
|
|
All in all, 42 women who have successfully given me the idea that
|
|
they had no interest in dating me, 4 who probably should have gone out
|
|
with me, and 2 who politely did go out with me. Not really so bad, when
|
|
you start looking at it this way. After all, I had Angela Lathem and
|
|
Mandy Case in the bag at one point, and just completely dropped the ball.
|
|
And Nancy probably really did want me, since she, you know, told me she
|
|
did and all. To say nothing of the fact that Mandy Grizzle said she did
|
|
not want me to get a girlfriend, because she loved flirting with me.
|
|
Good enough in my book. Whatever. Die.
|
|
|
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
|
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #998, BY QUAREX - 12/25/99 ]
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