83 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
83 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "Things Better Left Unsaid" ggg
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$$$ by -> Zaff $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #990 -- 12/25/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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i was seeing a university counselor today. my last shrink and i
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parted ways a couple of months when we had a disagreement as to the
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medicinal value of alcohol and cocaine. the university counselor
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informed me that i was highly erratic in my moods, unusually vindictive,
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and had issues with women. if she had told me i had dark hair and green
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eyes and that my favourite band was pavement, she would have succeeded in
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telling me *all* the things i already knew about myself. and it occurred
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to me how terribly uninteresting it is to be told things you already
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know. that is why i am offering this list of things that are already
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widely know and uncontroversial that should not be addressed again in
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another lame file.
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1) SCOOBY DOO IS ABOUT DRUGS TEE HEE HEE. yeah, no shit. bunch of kids
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in the '70s in a van always hungry eating 'scooby snacks' blah blah
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blah. that isn't a controversial view. don't bother arguing. it's
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like arguing a circle is round. it just isn't interesting--it's
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dull. writing about it makes YOU a dull, bad person. when the
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revolution comes, those who write about this shall surely be rounded
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up and tortured.
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2) BOYS SUCK. yes, we sure do. most boys will just fuck you over and
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leave you. yup. it's natural selection, our ascent from the apes
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failed to remove some instincts. call it survival--girls you fail to
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fuck over make you regret it later, at the first real opportunity.
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everybody knows that if you liked NICE guys, you wouldn't get fucked
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over so much. but you don't. which is fine-like who you like.
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just don't come crying later. it's a given--boys suck.
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3) GIRLS SUCK. yup. how do you know a girl is lying? she is
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communicating with you. read the old testament, one of the creatures
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(sarah, ruth, one of them) lied to GOD and got away with it. you
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think your girl won't pull a few fast ones on you? girls always
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*say* they want a nice guy. guess what? it's another lie. everybody
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knows this by now. sometimes everybody forgets this though, and they
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suffer. then, too often, they make OTHERS suffer by writing about
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it. if you are with a girl right now, odds are good you will be
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bitter and defeated within 6 months, unless you make her bitter and
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defeated first. if you succeed in being happy, now there's a topic
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for a file. man bites dog....
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4) PEOPLE ARE DUMB. yes, they sure are. morons. they like the wrong
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things. they wear dumb clothes. they say dumb things, and make dumb
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judgments. but on the other hand, you still have a pathetic,
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sniveling need to be liked by them if you take their stupidity so
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personally. this isn't to say that specific acts of stupidity
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shouldn't be documented or mocked--just that to argue that people, on
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the whole, are dumb is, again, like arguing that a dog is a mammal.
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5) YOU HATE YOUR ROOMMATE. again, duh. everybody does. roommates are
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people and therefore morons. if you're a girl, you hate your
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roommate because she is prettier than you and people pay attention to
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her instead of you thus defeating your juvenile need to always be the
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centre of attention. if you are a boy, your roommate is a cock,
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defined as somebody who gets more pussy than you. in either case,
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their taste in music will suck and they will exude an odd odor.
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i've been lucky i have to admit in having murmur, mogel and neko as
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roommates at points when we had similar tastes in music and were
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getting comparable amounts of pussy. finding a roommate like that,
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with whom you get along, again, is notable and worthy of being
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chronicled.
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files about not getting enough sex are probably still okay, since
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that is a serious and universal problem for everybody except your most
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recent ex, who is invariably getting it every day of the week and twice
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on most days.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #990, BY ZAFF - 12/25/99 ]
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