129 lines
7.3 KiB
Plaintext
129 lines
7.3 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "DAY TRIPPING WITH THE LORD DUNSANY" ggg
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$$$ by -> AIDS $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #952 -- 12/14/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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heave! ho!
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to and fro
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OK, so you gotta picture it, we needed (we being me, Jarett, and
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my pal Andrew) to get out of Dublin, and FAST. Andrew'd been babbling
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about going to Castle Dunsany for a long time, years really, and it was
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part of his itinerary. I figured I'd tag along for the ride. Ok, cool.
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The first thing you need to do is find where the local commuter
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buses in Dublin leave from. I no longer remember where this was, but we
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found the bus station fairly easy. Next we needed to locate our bus. Fair
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enough. Easy enough. OK, we get our tickets and our backpacks and all our
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shit and we get on the bus.
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Now, somehow or other, Andrew knew the bus wouldn't stop at
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Dunsany, maybe he read it in a tour book or something, but anyway, we had
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to ask the bus driver to specifically stop at the town of Dunsany. Well,
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he told us that he didn't know where it was. OK, we figure, fine, he'll
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just see it on the way and stop there.
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As the bus rides along, suddenly an entire chorus of Dubliners
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grows angry and starts screaming, "ISN'T IT DUNSANY YOU BE WANTING?" "YOU
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JUST MISSED DUNSANY!" So the bus driver screeches the bus to a lumbering
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halt. We got to the front of the bus and he informs us, "This is as far
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as you'll be going to Dunsany on this bus. That signs points the way and
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you'll have to walk the rest." Fair enough, we say, and I tell the bus
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driver to wait before he pulls out, because we've stashed our backpacks
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in the back of the bus. So we pull our backpacks (translation: our entire
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lives) out of the back and I wave to the driver and he pulls off, and
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we're left there in the middle of nowhere.
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The first thing we need to do is piss. We find some overgrown
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fence area, and take turns pissing behind it. Me first, then Andrew. OK,
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woo hoo! Our bladders are drained. So we looked up at the sign and the
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sign is pointing down a lonely and empty road, and that road leads to
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DUNSANY.
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We start walking down it, heave and ho! We're excited! We're gonna
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go to Castle Dunsany, home of the BARON LORD DUNSANY, that amazing
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fantasy writer who inspired Lovecraft so deeply. How could we want
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anything else? Yes, god, yes, We love the LORD DUNSANY and we love his
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castle!
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Walking down that wacky road, we suddenly hear a car pull up aside
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us. I look over into the car and there's some crazy old Irish man, and he
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says, "You need a ride?" I hop in the back seat and Andrew grabs the
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front.
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He asks Andrew where we're going and Andrew says, "Castle
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Dunsany!"
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"Do you know anyone at the castle?"
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"No," says Andrew.
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"Why are you going to the Castle?"
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"Well," sez Andrew, "I'm really interested in the Lord Baron
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Dunsany, the writer."
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The Irish freak! A burst of laughter erupts from him! "Hahahah!
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You're just going to go knock on the door of the Castle and say 'I'm very
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interested in the Lord Baron Dunsany, the writer!'? Hahahahah! They'll be
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like 'FUG OFF!' hahahahahah! FUG OFF! hahahahaha! FUG OFF! hahahah!"
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This literally continues for ten minutes until he gets us to the
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gates of the castle. I have to say, that man was one of the best people
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I've ever met in my entire life. No question. No question at all. So we
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get to the Castle Dunsany, we're at the castle gates, and we just walk
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in. Andrew's really excited.
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The estate is pretty large and palatial. We see the castle in the
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far distance, and it's /hideously/ modern. Castles like this are
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scattered all over the UK & Ireland. They apparently were very vogue at
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some point after the common conception of THE CASTLE was formed, (i.e.,
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sometime after feudalism.) I'm not sure, but I think I was expecting
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more.
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Through a bunch of overgrown trees and we bushes we catch the
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glimpse of some old ruin, and we decide (without any evidence) that THIS
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must be the old Castle Dunsany. Which is entirely possible, to be honest.
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But it's also possible it isn't! Whatever! Who cares!? We decide to storm
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the castle and go running around in the ruins! That's the way men are
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made GODS!
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Pushed through all the overgrown hedges! Pushed through trees and
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bramble! Almost get assaulted (not the first nor the last time) by a cow!
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We get into the ruins! It's totally stark barren! There's nothing here
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except a bunch of tombs! One of which, btw, was an amazingly interesting
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stone from /quite/ a while ago, which held both a Lord and his Lady.
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Bas-reliefs of the two were carved on their sarcophogus. How weird! We
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find the grave of one of The LOrd Baron Dunsany Edward Draxton Plunkett
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Something something ARgyll Fantasy writer's son! We feel bad for a minute
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or two and then we're done witht his place! We've climbed every possible
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staircase and examined all the graves! Now we must go conquer those
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miserable wretches in the REAL CASTLE DUNSANY! WE climb out of the ruins,
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we climb out of the overgrown foliage and past that awful cow.
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Now we trek towards the REAL CASTLE DUNSANY! It's an amazingly
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huge building! Jesus fucking Christ, it's big! The Lord Baron Dunsany
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must have had some good times here. We get to the door, and Andrew takes
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over, smooth talker that he is. HE rings the doorbell. An old Irish
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harridan answers the door and says, "YES?"
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Andrew says, "Well, we're here for a tour of the castle!"
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Her little wiener dog runs up to the door and starts barking.
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"Tours? Tours are at 11am to 3pm. It's 5pm now."
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"Oh, tomorrow then?"
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"Yes, tomorrow. May I ask why you're interested in the castle?"
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"We're interested in the Lord Baron Dunsany! The writer! Do you
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have much of him here?"
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"We have a portrait. That's it."
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"Nothing else?"
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"No."
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The dog's going crazy, he's smashing himself against the door. He
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wants out.
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"Oh well then," says Andrew, "see you tomorrow."
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The woman lets the dog out! It's a little wiener dog! It's coming
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at me! It's trying to bite my heels! I take a picture! Then I pick it up
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in my arms and pet its stomach and let it down. It runs with us for a
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while and then runs back to the Castle Dunsany.
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"Well," I say to Andrew, "that sucks. What do you want to do now?"
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"I dunno," he replies.
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"Well, according to the map, the Hill of Tara is real close by. We
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could just go there and sleep on it."
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So we did. We went to the Hill of Tara and slept on that
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neo-lithic pagan burial mound.
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and that's how I went to the castle dunsany.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #952, BY AIDS - 12/14/99 ]
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[ Dedicated to Nyarlathotep! Because I love that crazy HPL motherfucker! ]
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