115 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
115 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
,...
|
|
$$$$
|
|
$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
|
|
ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
|
|
""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
|
|
$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
|
|
$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
|
|
""" """""" """
|
|
ggg "Won't You Be My Shitty-Ass Neighbor?" ggg
|
|
$$$ by -> Basehead $$$
|
|
$$$ $$$
|
|
$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #929 -- 12/01/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
|
|
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
|
|
|
|
My neighborhood in Boston is very affluent, and if I am to believe
|
|
trendy local zines, hip. However it's come to my attention slowly over
|
|
time that it's also a pile of dogshit. This is because of the people who
|
|
live here, and I do not exclude myself from that group. We basically
|
|
suck. There's always room for more total assholes though, so for you
|
|
dear reader, I provide a quiz: Are you enough of a fuckhead to live near
|
|
me?
|
|
|
|
You have no time limit. Pick up your pencils now and begin.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q1. You see a homeless man searching through your trash. You:
|
|
|
|
a) Let him take whatever. He needs all the help he can get.
|
|
b) Kindly ask him to move along.
|
|
c) Test out the elephant gun you bought for your upcoming safari.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q2. You and your spouse meet and befriend another couple. Over the
|
|
course of a few hours, it becomes apparent that they are newcomers
|
|
from the midwest and struggle to pay for their one-bedroom
|
|
apartment. You:
|
|
|
|
a) Decide to invite them to your next house party.
|
|
b) Suggest that a less expensive neighborhood might suit them.
|
|
c) Dial 911 on your cell phone.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q3. Two Lexus SUV's parked out back. Gratuitous?
|
|
|
|
a) Yes.
|
|
b) No.
|
|
c) Just two?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q4. Your child brings home a black playmate from South Boston. You:
|
|
|
|
a) Welcome him into your home like your own child.
|
|
b) Keep an eye out to make sure the kid is a good influence.
|
|
c) Prepare the stun baton.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q5. The most exotic locale you've traveled to is:
|
|
|
|
a) Schenectady, New York.
|
|
b) Paris, France.
|
|
c) Equatorial Guinea.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q6. On warm sultry summer nights you:
|
|
|
|
a) Throw some Tony Bennett on the 8-track player.
|
|
b) Go see Tony Bennett live.
|
|
c) Have dinner with Tony Bennett.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q7. McDonalds purchases a building in a quiet section of your
|
|
neighborhood and commences the building of a new restaurant. You:
|
|
|
|
a) Support the choice wholeheartedly; Fast food is good food.
|
|
b) Think McDonald's is a bit pedestrian, and take your concerns
|
|
to the neighborhood preservation society.
|
|
c) Strategically plant C4 clusters inside and watch the fucker
|
|
burn.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q8. The family is hungry. You will cook dinner at home if:
|
|
|
|
a) There's enough in the cabinets or fridge to whip something up.
|
|
b) Your favorite restaurant is ready to close.
|
|
c) Your life depends on it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q9. Pet of choice:
|
|
|
|
a) Black Labrador.
|
|
b) Speckled Cockatoo.
|
|
c) Juana, belly-dancer and Mexican housekeeper extraordinnaire.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q10. Your marriage vows are as sacred to you as:
|
|
|
|
a) Life itself.
|
|
b) Your partner.
|
|
c) A big phlegmy loogie.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Score yourself:
|
|
|
|
For each answer 'a', give yourself 1 point.
|
|
For each answer 'b', give yourself 2 points.
|
|
For each answer 'c', give yourself 3 points.
|
|
|
|
|
|
10-17 points - You are pathetic white trash. Go away.
|
|
18-24 points - Peh. One year initiation period.
|
|
25-30 points - Welcome! Give me a call, we'll compare net worth.
|
|
|
|
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
|
|
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #929 - WRITTEN BY: BASEHEAD - 12/02/99 ]
|