91 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "Q-tips Are Preventing Human Evolution!" ggg
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$$$ by -> Clyde $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #926 -- 12/01/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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my friends! let me share with you an interesting conversation my
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friends and i had at a rave! now, i know what you're thinking! clyde
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isn't rave-material! but yes! i do occasionally go to raves! but this
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time it was an accident! i was simply trying to enjoy the fine dj work
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of alex paterson, of the orb! if i had known it was a rave, i would have
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told everyone to fuck off, instead of going like the lame-ass i was! i
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mean, i forgot my glow-sticks, my back-pack, my meth, and my pacifier!
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how does one rave without these essentials! (if you figure it out, let
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me know!)
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now, on to the subject matter!
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while at this rave, my friends and i rather quickly decided that
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the volume was unreasonably loud! this was not a surprise, given the
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environment! unfortunately, the first two of the three acts were just
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terrible! but the experience led us to realize that humans, as they
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exist today, are inadequate! in order to take the human body to the next
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level, it is necessary for humans to develop ear-flaps, such that the
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human ear can be opened and closed at will, just like eyes!
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imagine that! shutting someone out would no longer require
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elaborate, self-developed defense mechanisms such as self-oppression and
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tuning-out! in the future, it would only require a flap-o-skin with
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muscles!
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therefore, maybe my descendents who go to raves a thousand years
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from now (that is, if the dipshit human race is able to sustain planet
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earth as a viable ecosystem) can shut both their eyes and ears upon
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submission to extreme sights and sounds which today's raves are known
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for!
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getting more to the point, it is my contention that the insertion
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of various probing objects into the ear (such as q-tips) has put excess
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and unnecessary pressure on the particular areas of the human body, out
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of which, in an ideal evolutionary situation, would sprout up and develop
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into ear-flaps! so, as much as i love cotton, these little dual-ended
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cotton balls on a stick must cease to exist!
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i ask you, dear friends who support human evolution, to please
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stop inserting q-tips in your ears!
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over time, as the ear is continually exposed to loud noises such
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as the subway, the jet airplane, the garbage truck, the heavy machinery,
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the jack-hammer, the coffee bean grinder, the loud-speaker, the rock
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concert, the techno-rave, the incessant conversationalist, the
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tractor-pull, the telephone, the crying baby, the sound of breaking
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glass, the political protest, the holiday parade, rush-hour traffic, and
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global thermonuclear war, the human ear will naturally develop an
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ear-flap to protect itself! animals (such as humans (yes humans are
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actually animals)) have a natural tendency .. an instinct, if you will!
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...to develop these proper defense mechanisms over time, given the
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correct circumstances! but our rampant consumerism and our demand for
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products that make our lives easier has resulted in the q-tip, a bona
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fide evolution-killer!
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my friends! if you are one of those online-internet-gaga-dot-com
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investor types, you better sell all your stock in companies that sell ear
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plugs! nobody makes money from eye-plugs these days, now, do they!
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well, i'm showing you the future! and smart investors understand the
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future!
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by the way, while i'm complaining, who the fuck is the genius that
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invented the "low-fat latte"! i mean, what the hell is going on there!
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is this another award-winning corporate contribution from the pathetic
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metropolitan region of seattle!
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i am fed up with seattle!
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i hope you have enjoyed this knowledge-sharing! please do what
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you can on a regular basis to further the evolution of the human race!
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that which does not evolve, does not survive!
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love, clyde
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #926 - WRITTEN BY: CLYDE - 12/01/99 ]
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