85 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
85 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
,...
|
|
$$$$
|
|
$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
|
|
gggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
|
|
"""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
|
|
$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
|
|
$$$""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """""$$$
|
|
""" """""" """
|
|
ggg "Meditations On a Schoolgirl Crush" ggg
|
|
$$$ by -> Rhea $$$
|
|
$$$ $$$
|
|
$$$ (* HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #907 -- 11/29/99 *) .,$$$
|
|
`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""`
|
|
|
|
There is a thing called genius, and sometimes I think about
|
|
cabbages and kings and wonder just what exactly it is that I see when I
|
|
look through the tiny holes in my Ritz cracker. My salty, buttery, rich
|
|
Ritz cracker. Well. Who knows. I just had an urge to spew out a
|
|
pointless, meaningless paragraph. I get those sometimes, you know?
|
|
|
|
For a tiny second, his eyelid was completely and utterly reserved
|
|
for me. Down, then up, then a smile. No, the smile was there all along
|
|
-- that blissfully patronizing smile. If only he knew that I would turn
|
|
that little wink into something "poetically abstract" -- or absurd...
|
|
yes... absurd -- and think about it with a sigh or two. Or three.
|
|
Really, I realize that me, myself, I, and the world are entirely too
|
|
large to tackle on this silly fancy of mine. But at least when I walk by
|
|
his classroom and steal a glance at his unkempt hair and tight -- nicely
|
|
tight, not nauseatingly tight -- jeans, I feel somewhat passionate. Will
|
|
he see me? Does he know? He must. It must be the most obvious thing in
|
|
the world. I'm sure he thinks it's cute. It is cute.
|
|
|
|
No, I can't use the word passionate. I'm not worthy of it. Is he?
|
|
I hope so. I hope so.
|
|
|
|
I decided that taking the time to write in a sensical, efficient
|
|
manner is completely unnecessary. It's much more interesting this way --
|
|
if it were clear and concise, we might discover that there's nothing
|
|
behind the words after all, and wouldn't that be traumatizing? And then
|
|
we'd all fall down and break our crowns. And Jill? She'd come tumbling
|
|
after, of course. I was thinking; they should have reversed that nursery
|
|
rhyme and have made Jill tumble first. Then it would become a marvelous
|
|
allegory for that dreadful bite into that dreadful apple. A girl at
|
|
lunch the other day found a worm in her apple, the poor thing. That was
|
|
the same day as the good morning day, wasn't it? Yes, the day when he
|
|
said, "Good morning!" and the morning suddenly became good. Yes, it was
|
|
that same day. I ate an apple that day, too.
|
|
|
|
The only problem is that Lolita is so young... And he is so old...
|
|
is this corruption? What is wrong with me? I think it's just so I have
|
|
something to think about amidst the revoltingly apathetic high school boys
|
|
and girls who will never change -- the waters around them haven't grown,
|
|
no, they're shallow shallow shallow! -- because I feel so out of place.
|
|
"Dorothy Parker must have worn glasses," said one of them. I laughed - it
|
|
was funny! Wasn't it?
|
|
|
|
I don't wear glasses. Instead, I pollute my eyes with cruel, cruel
|
|
bits of plastic, tinted lightly blue. Lightly, lightly blue, but my
|
|
plastic-less eyes are already lightly, lightly blue, so are they now,
|
|
with my strange pollution, a heavier blue? I don't feel them in my eyes
|
|
at all when I wear them, isn't that nice? I think it's nice. Has he ever
|
|
noticed that my eyes are blue? Actually, I've never noticed if his are.
|
|
Yes! That's good! That's good that I haven't noticed! Maybe there is
|
|
hope for me! Maybe I've just been exaggerating this infatuation! But
|
|
now I can't help wondering... are they?
|
|
|
|
I would be much more pleased with myself if these paragraphs
|
|
weren't just another vain attempt of a schoolgirl to find her "place in
|
|
the world," but, you know, it gives me something to do. And there's only
|
|
so many times a girl can listen to the Police's "Don't Stand So Close To
|
|
Me." It was inevitable that I would write about it. It was inevitable
|
|
that I would seek out and be thrilled by Nabokov's fascinating prose. And
|
|
here I am now. Yes, here I am, thinking about his sunglasses and his
|
|
exciting world travel and his wink. Here I am.
|
|
|
|
So teacher teacher, here's an apple for you. A shiny, wormless,
|
|
beautiful apple. But don't take it, please, no matter how much I want
|
|
you to bite into it. Don't take it, and maybe this sweet corruption will
|
|
slowly fade away...
|
|
|
|
Or will it stay?
|
|
|
|
[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
|
|
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #907 - WRITTEN BY: RHEA - 11/29/99 ]
|