147 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
147 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #876
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Memo To Phairgirl"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by AIDS
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 10/16/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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To: Phairgirl @ HOE H.Q.
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From: AIDS
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Subject: Status report: Gweeds conceptual file
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Date: 9/9/99 20:03:42
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The first step in the writing of this file is to locate various
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TOOTSIE ROLL and/or TOOTSIE (ROLL?) POPS nostalgia websites. Hopefully
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they'll contain real video of the old television advertisements. Of
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particular interest is the "HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT GET TO THE CENTER OF A
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TOOTSIE (ROLL?) POP?" campaign. Must study the intricaate nature of the
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characters in the advertisements. I remember something about an Owl sitting
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in a tree, but I can't remember much else... perhaps some crudely drawn
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Hanna-Barbara-esque children trying to lick the pops to find out as the
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overlord Owl urges them to do so?
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Second step, verify that both gweeds and teletype have in fact had
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unprotected sex with meenk. Gweeds has essentially admitted as such, as has
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teletype, but neither have directly said so. In the event that one (or
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neither, however unlikely) ever dogged her raw, must make the value
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judgement of whether or not to go through with the file. Most likely will,
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as most people would not need a stretch of the imagination to believe that
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meenk would have had unprotected sex with either.
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Third step, decide on best possible execution of the conceptual file.
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Should it be a parody of the commercials entirely, with teletype and meenk
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and gweeds serving as the (supposed) crudely drawn children and the
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overlord owl? Should it be an ASCII passion play in five acts, or should
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it be a straight text file? Decisions decisions, as of the writing I'm
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leaning mostly towards a straight up parody a la TELETYPE'S FIRST LAY and
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Plato's ION, or a series of crudely drawn ASCII depictions of the entire
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thing.
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Fourth step, find the best possible execution of the central joke.
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Please find included below a rough sketch of what the ASCII passion
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play might look like, and please be advised that these are just storyboards:
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SCENE ONE
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___________
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/ \
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____/ \
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0 ((*) ) |
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-|- ---- ----------------
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/ \ | | | |
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____ ___
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(STUPID BOY) (FUCKED UP TURTLE)
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STUPID BOY: GEE MISTER TURTLE HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO STRIP
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GWEEDS'S BODY TOTALLY OF ALL FLESH, SINEW, AND BONE UNTIL YOU
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GET TO THE SMALL AMOUNT OF TELETYPE'S BODILY FLUID HE CARRIES
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WITH HIM AS A RESULT OF HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX WITH MEENK
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AFTER TELETYPE HAD UNPROTECTED SEX WITH MEENK?
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FUCKED UP TURTLE: WHY I DON'T KNOW LITTLE FUCKED UP BOY. PERHAPS YOU
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SHOULD GO ASK THAT OL' NAZI WITCH DOCTOR, MEENK THE OWL.
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STUPID BOY: OK MISTER TURLE, I SURE WILL GO ASK THE OWL.
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SCENE TWO
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/ \
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/___\
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|() ()|
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| . |
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0 |_____|
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-|- / \
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/ \ _/ \_
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------------------
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(STUPID BOY) (FUCKED UP NAZI MEENK OWL)
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STUPID BOY: HEY MEENK OWL, THE FUCKED UP TURTLE TOLD ME TO COME ASK YOU
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SOMETHING.
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MEENK OWL: SHOOT, STUPID BOY. I HAVE GRADUATED AT LEAST HIGH SCHOOL.
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STUPID BOY: HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO STRIP GWEEDS'S BODY OF ALL
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FLESH, SINEW, AND BONE UNTIL YOU GET TO THE TINY AMOUNT OF
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TELETYPE'S BODILY FLUID THAT HE'S BEEN CARRYING AROUND SINCE
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HE HAD UNPROTECTED SEX WITH YOU AFTER YOU HAD UNPROTECTED SEX
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WITH TELETYPE?
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MEENK OWL: ORDINARILY, LITTLE BOY, I WOULD TAKE GWEEDS UP AND LICK HIM
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CLEAN MY OWN SELF, BUT HE DUMPED MY ASS FOR WWW.BADKITTYCAM.COM
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AND I AM STILL BITTER AT HIM. I DID NOT NEED ANOTHER SOUR
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MEMORY OF MASCULINITY, AND YET THERE IT IS. YOU'LL HAVE TO
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LICK HIM YOURSELF.
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STUPID BOY: I AM NOT A FAG.
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MEENK OWL: I SUGGEST YOU RECONSIDER THAT OPINION.
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SCENE THREE
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/\/\
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| ( )|
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|0 \
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| /--------\ ( )
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| \ _________\ ||
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| \ ))___((
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------ | |
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\ /
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\ /
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/ / \ \
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/ / \ \
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(STUPID BOY'S HEAD) (GWEEDS)
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STUPID BOY: 1... 2... 3.... AHHHHHH I HAVE CAUGHT SYPHILIS MY TONGUE DOES
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NOT WORK ANYMORE AHHHH HE RUBBED HIS DICK IN MY EYES I AM
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BLIND AHHHHHHh
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Like I said, Phairgirl, these are just storyboards, but you get the
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gist.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #876 - WRITTEN BY: AIDS - 10/16/99 ]
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