125 lines
7.3 KiB
Plaintext
125 lines
7.3 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #846
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Monkeys and Midgets"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by LAWS
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 9/24/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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there are lots of similarities when it comes to monkeys and midgets.
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one for instance is they both share about the same height, and size.
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But nobody respects a midget, and people just love the monkey. why you ask,
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it's because the mass majority of the midget folk are ungrateful of their
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size, they never stop to think HEY!!! I'm small for a reason. To be a
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midget is an honor because they have the oppurtunity to do things that even
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small children don't get the chance to do. See if I was a midget I'd be a
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pick pocket, it's a good way to earn some extra "pocket" change, and it's an
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art. you people must be thinking, "god that kid is fucking stupid", but
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midgets are a taboo because they aren't prideful of their nature.
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Now lets talk a little about monkeys, they're the most sophisticated
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animal on the planet; but I disagree there, if they're so smart then why're
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they in captivity??? if they use tools then why didn't they just beat up
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their captors with rocks and large sticks?!?! Monkeys and midgets, they are
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equal their brain capacities are about the same even though a midget is
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still a human they tend to be depressed.
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now not all midgets are this way, neither are small people really.
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but what about wastes of life like the angry drunken dwarf??? sure he looks
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real cute in a pink bunny suit but that only goes so far.
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Perhaps I am being sterotypical about Monkeys and Midgets. Who is to
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say that all monkeys don't attempt to subdue their captors with large rocks
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but just have bad aim, or that all midgets aren't prideful of their nature.
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Heck if I was a midget I would be damm happy because then I could do things
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like participate in dwarf tossing and get paid for it. Instead of having to
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pay to toss the dwarf, and then I could like claim disability pay and stuff.
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Now I don't know about being a monkey cause then by nature I would
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like to eat nits and lice off of other peoples backs and to me thats just
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not good unless the person is really hot and well mabye it would be Ok since
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I would be a monkey and the other monkeys would seem damm nice to me. Mabye
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I am rambling. Any ways also see people would pay money to look at me in
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the zoo and little kids would throw stuff at me like rocks and lollipops and
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I think that would be most determental to my health.
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Now if I was a midget and stuck in a zoo I would be most unhappy too
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and yell things like "HEY YOU DAMM KIDS IF I WEREN'T STUCK IN THIS PIT I
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WOULD COME OUT THERE AND HIT YOU WITH THIS HERE STICK I WOULD!" even though
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I bet it would be more comical then menacing I could at least try right?
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Midget'z are the shit, I mean to view the world at the level of a
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four year old, thatd be bitching. Not to mention the fact, that a direct
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forward punch would bring a 6 foot man to his knees. As well as the fact
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that you could go on all the kiddy slides and such at mcDonald's. Being a
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monkey, now that's another story, How odd it would be to be sitting at work
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then just toss handfulls of poop at some innocent by stander, Or the only
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word you know is banana.
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Now an odd thought... Think... Midget monkeys... you could fit in a
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pocket AND throw poop at people, that would be the absolute bomb, You could
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eat mini banana's from those candies "mini fruits" or whatever. What an odd
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feeling it would be to drive a full sized Chevy truck, Using three pheonix
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telephone books as a booster seat, or to have someone lift you into the
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vehicle and tie your new coffee can boots to you, so you can reach the
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pedals...
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all in all, id want to be a midget, i hear they pay well at the freak
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carnivals.
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maybe the midgets of the world should unite and make, SUPER TALL
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MIDGET MAN!!! yup see then they could over take all us tall people.. hmmmm
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come to think of it maybe they get like one midget and then another gets on
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another midgets shoulder, then like another two do it then they FIGHT!!!
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yeah, see they FIGHT!!! and who ever loses gets their ear cut off, and the
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winner keeps it like some sorta prize then they sell em' to witches for
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potions or something. and maybe just maybe there are monkey gangs and
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they've got land marked by territorial pissings, and there's like west lake
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gray backs. and south pond ass bangers. Maybe i'm all wrong, maybe it's
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the midgets that like to bang ass. they're like little alive blow up dolls
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they can't weigh much.
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hey now!!! if midgets like to go through the doggie door now that's
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just their preferance, more power to em'..
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I think monkey's are actually communist industrial spies... they come
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to canada and america in search of better technology, yet, they end up
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laughing at us. Then on late dark nights, when the fog is out, and the moon
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is full... they hunt humans, looking for the smartest ones. They snatch
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this so called "smart human" and take him/her back to the planet of the
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apes, They then lock him/her in cage, and give them anal probes till they
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scream "beach boys"... after this invigorating proceedure, they tie them to
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trees and beat them with licorice, meanwhile back at the cave, they have
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midgets performing crude expeiriments with apples and egg nog...
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See thats the whole nich right there, the monkey's and midgets are
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working together on the master plan... heh... the master plan is what it is
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all about, yet... we dont have a master plan, maybe the midgets and monkeys
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are smarter then we thought .
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Of course this whole master plan would need to be headed up by some
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mastermind... We call him "The Big little One". See the Big Little Ones
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plan is to shrink all the people in the world with his "Mak-em-litle" Ray.
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Its really just a big squirt gun but if you tried to tell him that he would
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have you mobbed by large midgets that he commands. No one is quite sure if
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The Little Big One is really a monkey or a midget, some even go so far as to
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say that he is a cross of the two. Of course there happens to be very few
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documented pictures of the Little Big One. Some say he is the bigfoot but
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those people are usualy drunk and need money at the moment of questioning.
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You should, I should, Hell even the little fat furry cats should fear
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this short menace. They could rip through our society like a grown man rips
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through the backdoor of a ducktaped hamster (Let us all savor this mental
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picture... Mmm... Mmm... Ahem). We need to be more vigilant! All people
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should have guns and knifes and such! Really that is just for fun. Don't
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you wanna shoot someone? Mabye we should cage up the midgets in zoos as
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well as monkies to end this evil anti socail plotting... Perhaps we are too
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late.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #846 - WRITTEN BY: LAWS - 9/24/99 ]
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