202 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
202 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #684
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "The Voice Of My Conscience"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Ashtray Heart
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 6/14/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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You ever have voices that talk to you in the middle of the night?
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Course you do. What do they tell you? My middle-of-the-night voice says
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"It's 3 AM. Fucking go back to sleep, will you? You have work in the
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morning, you know."
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To which I say "No. I gotta pee."
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It then says "OK, go fucking pee already. I had a really great dream
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going on and now you're fucking the whole thing up. Hurry up."
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Anyway, my mocking condemning voices never come to me in my sleep.
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My sleep is always blissful and profound. It's the waking hours that
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present difficulty, because they never wind up nearly as damn cool as my
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dreams. Then my voices say, "Why can't something cool happen, like Fonzie
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showing up or Magma playing a concert with Roger Waters? Why don't you
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write something interesting, or get laid, or something? Your dreams are so
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cool--why do you have to act so fucking BORING? Shit. Just forget it. Go
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back to sleep. Or daydream and forget what you're doing. You're really bad
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at trying to make your dreams real, you know that?"
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And then I say "Fuck off. Here are the batting average scores for
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the entire 1928 Chicago Cubs." And that shuts it up for a while. But then
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it says "No, look, you got a great idea for a book here. An update to
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"Psychopathia Sexualis". Look, here's a justification of it:
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Krafft-Ebbing's seminal "Psychopathia Sexualis" has been a bible of
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sexual deviations for generations. But no similarly exhaustive work has
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come out since then. Why is this? Is there a shortage of deviations
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nowadays? No! Certainly this is unlikely, as the rise of the Internet has
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allowed us to view a range of sexual deviations broader than we could ever
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have thought possible previously. Has everything in the realm of sex been
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depathologized? If so, for shame! The men and women today see quirks as
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something to accept as they are; they are taught blind unreasoning embrace
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of a partial self. Introspection? Strictly verboten; you might discover
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things about yourself you don't like. No, the only way for a person to be
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"mentally healthy" in the eyes of some people is to be ignorant of their
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true selves. There are plenty of examples of people doing strange things,
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and while those strange things might not exactly be pathological, they are
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nonetheless often indicative on some difficulty on the part of the
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"sufferer" (strictly speaking, this term is most applicable to masochistic
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perversions, as most of the perverts discussed here thoroughly enjoy their
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behavior on some level), and understanding what causes them to do the things
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they do might help them understand their priorities and their capacity for
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human enjoyment.
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So, then. We are not saying that the cases outlined below are
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examples of things "wrong" or "bad". They might even give you ideas of fun
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things to try in your own bedroom. They are, instead, examples of the
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extremes sexual behavior can go to, and how sexual behavior can reflect on
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other areas of life. The authors hope you shall take it as such.
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Some preliminary sample entries:
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1. Leonard W. Leonard lived a fairly normal life, developmentally
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and sexually, up until his 37th birthday, with the exception of
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his profession. Leonard was a heterosexual male nurse at a time
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when male nurses were almost universally homosexual. He could
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hardly have been ignorant of this fact, but never mentioned it,
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and took great pains in later life to avoid the subject of his
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former career altogether. Indeed, he could be said to have been
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scrupulously moral--married, two kids, the whole lot. On his
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37th birthday, however, an unknown acquaintance took him to see
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a porno movie. Then and there, Leonard decided he had a new
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career.
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Leonard decided to embark on a career as a porn producer. When
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he announced this to his wife, she reacted by leaving with the
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children and filing for divorce. This only strengthened
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Leonard's resolve, and despite his lack of background in film, in
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no time he had built up a reputation as a producer of quality
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porn, full of the "slick" production values popular at the time.
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Leonard seldom appeared in these himself--he knew that as a
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balding, paunchy, long-haired 40-year-old with a five-inch penis,
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he could not possibly make it as a "porno star". The few times
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he did appear (which is how we have knowledge of his unadorned
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penis length) it was as a groveling slave in a "female
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domination" video. (Note that Leonard was not, as far as anyone
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knows, a sadomasochist.) He envied his male stars, despite their
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protests of the drawbacks to having a monster schlong, and
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eventually decided to have penis enlargement surgery.
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This by itself would not be notable. But over the course of the
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next few years, he would have a total of EIGHT surgeries,
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bringing his penis to a total length of twenty-two inches. And
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this by itself would be sordid, but the fact that truly puts this
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case over the top is the discoloration.
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Leonard did not get his "enhancements" from reputable penis-
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enlargement surgeons (if such a thing, indeed, exists). Though
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the penis enhancements were functional in every way, and Leonard
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was said to enjoy the sensation they provided, the coloration was
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invariably decidedly not in keeping with the color of the rest of
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his skin. The effect was described in one industry porno
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reviewer as "moldy polystyrene". The phrase stuck, and from then
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on in Leonard would be indeliably associated "moldy polystyrene".
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The enlargements were, in fact, partially intended to correct the
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color. But every time he went in for a surgery, the penis got
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larger and the colors got more lurid. Otherwise a canny
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businessman, Leonard did not even consider going to another
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surgeon, even after it became clear that the surgeons in question
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were bilking him for all he had and playing a rather grotesque
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prank on him in the process. Leonard would hear none of it. He
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pointed out how the surgeries had deformed his penis so badly
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that he was at hardly any risk for AIDS, while all his
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contemporaries were dying. He pointed out how good his cock
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felt. In the end, the surgeons were the only people he trusted.
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No one is certain whether his mysterious death in 1995 had
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anything to do with his many penile surgeries (one is loath to
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call surgery on this scale "enhancement"), but it appears the
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surgeons were not taking any chances. They disappeared without
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trace the day BEFORE Leonard's death.
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2. The Engorgement Fetishists. This is not an example of an
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extraordinary perversion belonging to a single person, but rather
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an odd collective perversion, one of many that have thrived with
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the rise of the Internet. In this case, a rather sizable fan
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base has grown up around the concept of a man being completely
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encased in a woman's body. It has spawned several "fan" websites
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and a Usenet newsgroup, but no commercial pornography as of yet.
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The basic theme is of a woman, whose body may or may not be
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proportionately swelled, with a man having entered, feet first,
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through her uterus. This is mostly presented through artistic
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representations of all varieties. Sometimes the woman is
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slender, and sometimes every telltale lump of the male body is
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present, except, notably, the penis. Perhaps it is prudery or
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perhaps something entirely different, but no hint of a penis can
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be seen in any of these drawings. Often a male head can be seen
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sticking out from the woman's vagina. Attention is also drawn to
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the woman's breasts and legs; the latter are often awkwardly
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akimbo, while the former often seem as if they are about to slide
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off her body on the sides, as if they were made of conical heaps
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of mercury. Facial expressions vary greatly, from total
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confidence and mastery on the woman's half to total humiliation;
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from embarassment to oddly serene composure on the man's part.
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Prose fiction exists on this topic, as well, mostly centering
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around a man's efforts to consensually insert his entire body
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into a woman's vagina--either a woman he knows and loves dearly,
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or a complete stranger who strikes his fancy. Obviously,
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misogynistic overtones can be drawn from this, as well as
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infantilism overtones. Still, one wonders how such a thing can
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spread so widely and with such obvious compassion.
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3. Sven M. Sven, a single European immigrant in his mid-20s, is
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well within the range of normalcy sexually in every way but one.
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Every month he goes out to the woods and hunts for a squat branch
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section with exactly the same circumference as his penis. He
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then inserts the stick in his rectum every time he wishes to
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obtain an erection, and claims this is the only way he can
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achieve an erection. Once inserted, Sven can maintain an
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erection for lengthy periods of time with no apparent effort
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until he reaches orgasm or the stick is removed. Sven regards
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this as perfectly normal, and was not recommended to our office
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for sexual difficulties, but from a rash that resulted from the
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sticks used. When questioned, Sven told us that part of his
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penis was removed without his permission by the mad doctor who
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birthed him. The mad doctor then bequeathed the missing penis
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section to the spirits of the woodland. Every month he has to go
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out into the woods and find the missing section of his penis in
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order to be able to use it, because the magic the doctor employed
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on him transfers the penis to a different branch every month.
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When asked how he chooses, Sven responded "You'd know your own
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dick if you saw it, wouldn't you, doc?" Additionally, Sven is
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afraid that putting the wrong branch in his rectum would change
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the size and shape of his penis. He claims that he has lost a
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quarter inch in penis girth in this manner. That these two
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statements do not reconcile does not register with him. Sven's
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explanation of the origin of his difficulties obviously has some
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likeness to the circumcision story, except that, being a European
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gentile by birth, Sven is not circumcised.
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Investigation of the incidents surrounding his birth turned up no
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apparent medical anomalies. The origin of his delusions in this
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case remain a mystery. After evaluation, it was determined that
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Sven's actions in all other matters were eminently rational and,
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since his delusions posed no imminent danger to himself or others,
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he was released from custody with an intensive program of sexual
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counseling recommended. We have not seen him since.
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And then I say "No, look, I don't want to write all that shit down!
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That would take HOURS! I want to download some more porno, or something!"
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"Wake up. There are 26 pictures in alt.binaries.pictures.victoria-
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secret. Get off IRC. Stop checking your email. WRITE SOMETHING."
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Finally I do, but it takes me several months, the result is
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hopelessly self-referential, and I'm not very satisfied with the results.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #684-WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART-6/14/99 ]
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