64 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
64 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #677
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Drink the Pepsi, Luke"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Jammer 427
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 6/9/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Okay, so I find myself just sitting around doing nothing more than
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watching TV and screwing around online. I turn and notice the can of Diet
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Pepsi sitting next to me and take a drink. While I put down the can I see
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a logo on the side of the can:
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"For Best Taste Drink by Date on Bottom of Can"
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I lift the can and the bottom reports that I should be drinking this
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can before "Aug 16 99". Lucky me. Shit tastes like it went bad on "Aug 16
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79".
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The question of "How do you know when Diet Pepsi has gone bad?"
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drifts through my head. Mind you that I am only drinking this six-pack of
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turd water because I'm a slave to collecting all of the Star Wars Pepsi cans
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this summer. So there are more cans of this phenylketonuricly-enhanced zoo
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cage run-off in my future.
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I can't wait until I have to endure Pepsi One just so I can see if I
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think that Cuba Gooding Jr. and those other idiots on TV are insane enough
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to drink anything that they are paid to.
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Sadly, I'm the loser here. Not those who are profiting on my
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unfortunate choice to buy Pepsi products for pop cans and eating at Tricon
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restaurants just to get a lame cup topper that I can stick in the window of
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my car. Yes, Darth Maul is happily waving to all of those who are blessed
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to drive behind me. That is the way of things. The way of the force behind
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marketing.
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Granted all of this is just for the summer. Pepsi and Taco Bell will
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be seeing less of me this fall and Hasbro will once again start getting all
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of my attention when more "classic" action figures come out. You can
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*never* own too many Greedos or Darth Vaders. Never.
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Don't let me seem like I'm an unwilling participant, I am willing.
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I'm just your basic Lucasfilm whore. Is it just reliving my childhood? It
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isn't like I'm trying to replace those SW toys from years past. I still
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have those to this day along with my Transformers and other stupid things.
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It just seems to easy to gain access to Pepsi cans. I don't go a
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week without drinking one. That's how I lose. It began to slowly work into
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my head that I really could get all of the cans and it wouldn't be a big
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deal. I didn't take into account that I would have to drink Diet Pepsi.
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I've always hated it. Right back to that day as a kid when I discovered
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that just because it says "pepsi" on the bottle, it doesn't mean it's going
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to taste nice and sweet.
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Oh, well. Time to finish off this can and get ready to buy some more of
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this canned sewage later. Only 19 more cans to go.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #677 - WRITTEN BY: JAMMER 427 - 6/9/99 ]
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