68 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
68 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #599
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "The Gojira Theorem"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Quarex
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/24/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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The Gojira Theorem: The Length and Width of your Penis does affect
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reactions towards you.
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You might not notice a whole lot of things while you plod about
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mindlessly throughout your daily routines. I, additionally, do not notice
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a whole lot, either. However, I have noticed a certain trend recently, and
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I feel I have finally discerned the cause behind it.
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Tiny men (below average height. . . 5'8" and below or so?) are much
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grumpier and harder to deal with than average sized men, or especially
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colossal men (6'3" and over, weighing an appropriate amount). The thinking
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behind this is really quite simple. Penises are almost always proportional
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to the rest of the body, regardless of how many men would love to claim
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otherwise. After all, if you asked every man in America how long his penis
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was, you would probably get less than 1% answering that it was shorter than
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six inches. This is too bad, considering the sources I have looked at
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indicate the average length of the male penis is five inches, and the
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average width is one inch.
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For those of you who "really did not need to know that," fuck you.
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Now, let us do some further calculations. If we use a standard bell
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curve, it would tend to place roughly 60% of American males in the 5"/1"
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area, with 20 percent being from 2"/.5" (or whatever the smallest penis is)
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to the median and 20 percent being from the median to 1000'/310" (or
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whatever the largest penis is). So, from these calculations, we can see
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that 100% of males lie about their penis length. Well, anyway, a whole
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lot of them do.
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So, who has the small penises here? Gee, this is a hard one. Oh
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yeah, small men. Who has the large penises here? Oh yeah, large men.
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Boy, this is sure hard to figure out. I wonder what sort of genitalia the
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average sized man might have?
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Think about that. Think about (assuming you are not a tiny man)
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being a tiny man, and your whole life from adolescence on up, feeling
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completely inferior to all other men in the sexual prowess department.
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That CANNOT POSSIBLY be good for your self-esteem. A tiny man could wake
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up, completely refreshed, and ready to go tear into all the tasks he needed
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to do that day. Then, suddenly catching a glimpse of himself in the
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mirror, he realizes he is hung like a tadpole, and the horrible rush of
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inferiority smashes his dreams and turns his reality as black as the
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coffee he stares into over a nice phallocentric breakfast of a banana and
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a corn dog. Oh, to have a large penis.
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Meanwhile, the colossal man wakes up, feeling a little under the
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weather, and goes to take a shower. He happens to glance down while
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lathering himself up with soap, and suddenly thinks, "God damn, I am so
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totally packing heat." With a smile, he continues his shower, gets to his
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class on time, and has another in an enormous string of happy days.
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Everyone knows that big guys are almost always the soft-spoken,
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easy-going ones, and little guys are the spiteful little bastards. After
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reading this, I believe we all know a little better exactly why that is.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #599 - WRITTEN BY: QUAREX - 4/24/99 ]
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