121 lines
6.6 KiB
Plaintext
121 lines
6.6 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #582
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Styx Debunks Marijuana Myths"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Styx
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/21/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Marijuana has been the victim of countless myths used to either demean
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or embellish the plant. I've compiled a list of several of the most common
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myths surrounding marijuana and marijuana use and have disassembled and
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explained both the origins of the myth and the facts within it to the best
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of my ability. This file is for informational purposes only, and I urge
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every single one of you to read it. The powers that be don't want you to
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know anything. The more you know, the more power you have. Nobody in
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power wants you to have power. You could become a threat to their ugly
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agendas. This file is power.
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MYTH #1: Marijuana use causes short-term memory loss
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Partly untrue. Marijuana not only causes short-term memory loss, but
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it also causes long-term memory loss. Sometimes you'll forget
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everything, period, and you'll find yourself in the middle of a Pink
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Floyd laser show in the city with a wet spot on your crotch wondering
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why you're so hungry.
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MYTH #2: Marijuana is a stepping stone for other "harder" drugs
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Partly untrue. In the beginning stages of marijuana use, this is a
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possibility for those of weak will or fat cash. In the mid-to-latter
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stages of marijuana use, you become far too stupid to ponder using
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other drugs. Your only concerns are pot, bad music, food, and
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shelter, in that order.
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MYTH #3: Marijuana use causes apathy and/or lack of motivation
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Untrue. Recent studies have shown that most marijuana users are
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actually very excited and energized at the thought of getting better
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pot. This is one of the most important facets you must understand
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about marijuana users; they are driven on a daily basis to find
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*better pot*. Their lanky knees will tremble at the mere thought of
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getting their hands on "Kindbud," "Redhair," "Jamaican Gold," and
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other made-up forms of marijuana. The best way for a dealer to sell
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his/her stash is by making up an exotic name for it. The people
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listening will believe them, buy it, smoke it, and think their high is
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better than ever before. Then they will brag to their friends, watch
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TV, and get fat.
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MYTH #4: Marijuana use is a leading factor in annual car accidents
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Absolutely untrue. Marijuana users do not have jobs and therefore
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could not possibly afford a car. In the rare case that a marijuana
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user obtains a car from an unsuspecting friend, they will typically
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drive it at an average speed of fifteen miles per hour and drool on
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their shirt, fumbling with a joint and the ashtray. The sober drivers
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on the road will proceed to avoid the high driver by taking back-roads
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or accelerating past the car on the way to their jobs.
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MYTH #5: Marijuana weakens the body's immune system
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Untrue. It is likely that this myth was born as a result of marijuana
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users looking like they're sickly because their metabolism is in
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overdrive and all they eat is pot and crackers. Infact, their immune
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system is just as strong as yours or mine - they just look like shit
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and we don't. This is also why marijuana users regularly wear several
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layers of clothes that were stolen from the thrift store - because
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they have no money and they are emaciated.
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MYTH #6: Marijuana use results in bad grades in school
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This is untrue. Marijuana users do not go to school, so they aren't
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getting any grades at all. They prefer to sit in the school parking
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lot, smoke pot, and eat the lunch their mothers made for them. If
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they are feeling especially spunky, they may walk to the closest 7-11
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and make collect-calls via the pay phone to their friends asking them
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if they want to "chill" or "hang." In marijuana-user-etiquette,
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"chill" and "hang" means "smoke pot and annoy the dog." If somebody
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wants to chill or hang, they will walk from 7-11 to that person's
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house. Distance is not an issue. Marijuana users are very adept at
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walking and prefer it over other forms of transportation because it
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does not make them dizzy. If none of their friends want to chill or
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hang, they will bug the cashier at 7-11 for a free Slurpee. In most
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cases, they will eventually get one, sit on the curb, and drink it.
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Then they will get another one. This process repeats until school is
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over and then they walk home. Obtaining free Slurpees is a talent
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exclusive to the marijuana user.
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MYTH #7: Marijuana use causes paranoia
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Untrue. Infact, it is the complete opposite. Marijuana users are
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oblivious to their surroundings unless it has to do with pot, bad
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music, food, and shelter, in that order. Hundreds of marijuana users
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get run over by skateboards, bicycles, cars, buses, trucks, and
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construction vehicles on a daily basis because they aren't paying
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attention to the street lights while they wander around looking for
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pot. Paranoia isn't even in a marijuana user's vocabulary because it
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has too many vowels. It is usually the marijuana user's confusion
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that is mistaken for paranoia. For example, a recent medical report
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quoted the mother of a marijuana user who claimed that one afternoon
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she was standing by her bedroom window getting ready for work when she
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saw her son standing in the middle of the driveway staring at the
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house. After roughly three minutes, she grew concerned and brought
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him inside. She said that he must have been paranoid about coming
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home because he had been kicked out a few days beforehand and wasn't
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sure if he'd be allowed back in. I highly doubt that he was paranoid
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or even remembered being thrown out of the house in the first place.
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In all likelihood, he was trying to decide whether to go in the house
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through the front door or the kitchen door.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #582 - WRITTEN BY: STYX - 4/21/99 ]
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